Feeling discouraged

[MadetoLove]

I’m up early this morning because I’m feeling restless. Three weeks ago I was informed that there are lesions in my respiratory system which are most likely bone cancer metastases (I was diagnosed initially with osteosarcoma in Jan 2012). I’m pretty sure I’ve been feeling the effects of these lesions lately. I’ve been fatigued ever since I finished a 10 month chemo regimen Jan 2013 but I’ve been feeling it worse lately. I’m starting to experience restless leg syndrome among other things.

These problems to me are only the tip of the iceberg though. I’m a single mother of two young children living at home with my parents. I’ve been working toward my bachelor’s degree online since I finished chemo but I’ve been desperately wanting to get a job. I’ve postponed getting a job for a while at the advice of my parents (“just focus on your kids and school”) but I’ve realized how detrimental this situation has been for me. I feel so isolated from the world at times, so incredibly stressed out. I’ve often taken this stress out on my kids (not abuse, but I’ve yelled at them, been very impatient with them at times). Living at my parents house contributes to the stress too, not because I just want to live on my own but for other, more significant reasons. I would be a better parent if I could at least get a part time job but this stupid cancer keeps getting in the way. I’m concerned I might have to send my children away at some point (temporarily, unless I die of course) because I barely have the energy to care for them.

I’m not sure if I came here just to vent or for prayer or what. Any response would be greatly appreciated though. God bless.

 

[JSSD]

Thoughts and prayers.

Having gone through cancer myself I sat here nodding as I read your post and simply thought, “Yeah” to many of your struggles. Definitely vent away.

 

[EmeraldOak]

MadetoLove I cannot imagine what you are going through. I am so sorry for all you have been through and are continuing to go through. I pray that God would miraculously heal you of everything that is wrong. I pray that every cancer cell in your body would die. I pray God would surround you with His love in a tangible way. I pray that He would give you strength and endurance. I pray that your children feel your love for them. Amen.

You are a strong woman. I look up to you. You want to get a job, you are furthering your education, you want to be the best mother you can be. You are doing all the right things.

 

[ClearWater]

I’m up early this morning because I’m feeling restless. Three weeks ago I was informed that there are lesions in my respiratory system which are most likely bone cancer metastases (I was diagnosed initially with osteosarcoma in Jan 2012). I’m pretty sure I’ve been feeling the effects of these lesions lately. I’ve been fatigued ever since I finished a 10 month chemo regimen Jan 2013 but I’ve been feeling it worse lately. I’m starting to experience restless leg syndrome among other things.

These problems to me are only the tip of the iceberg though. I’m a single mother of two young children living at home with my parents. I’ve been working toward my bachelor’s degree online since I finished chemo but I’ve been desperately wanting to get a job. I’ve postponed getting a job for a while at the advice of my parents (“just focus on your kids and school”) but I’ve realized how detrimental this situation has been for me. I feel so isolated from the world at times, so incredibly stressed out. I’ve often taken this stress out on my kids (not abuse, but I’ve yelled at them, been very impatient with them at times). Living at my parents house contributes to the stress too, not because I just want to live on my own but for other, more significant reasons. I would be a better parent if I could at least get a part time job but this stupid cancer keeps getting in the way. I’m concerned I might have to send my children away at some point (temporarily, unless I die of course) because I barely have the energy to care for them.

I’m not sure if I came here just to vent or for prayer or what. Any response would be greatly appreciated though. God bless.

Had you tried counseling as a way to vent, get additional emotional support, and to have someone who knows community resources and can more objectively present you with possibly more options to choose from?

Perhaps sitting down with someone neutral might help you make plans and with difficult decisions.

Your health insurance may even cover a few visits.

 

[MadetoLove]

Thank you all for your kind responses. My spirits have been lifted thanks to you all

Thank you for taking the time to come here and share your story.

Your post simply took my breath away. I just said a prayer for you and will continue to keep you in my prayers. I am so sorry for what you are going through. Do you have plans to see the doctor soon so you know exactly what you are dealing with? I know you said you were told that the lesions in your lungs were “most likely” bone cancer metastases, but my knowledge is very limited. Is there a treatment plan for you?

I met with a chest surgeon last week. My oncologist was hoping I would be able to have surgery but the surgeon said it wouldn’t be the most effective strategy. It would take a long time to heal because she would have to make several little holes in each lung and she might miss some because they’re much too small right now (I suppose that’s a good thing ). There could also be cancer cells lurking somewhere else that we just don’t know about yet. But anyhow, I’m supposed to meet with my oncologist soon to discuss chemotherapy and/or radiation options. It’s been several days and such an appointment has yet to even be ordered by the doctor. I know he cares about my well-being but I don’t know why he’s waiting this long it’s possible he’s consulting with other doctors to determine how to deal with this problem. Sarcomas are notorious for migrating to the lungs so the chances of these lesions being anything else is slim.

Clearwater:

Had you tried counseling as a way to vent, get additional emotional support, and to have someone who knows community resources and can more objectively present you with possibly more options to choose from?

Perhaps sitting down with someone neutral might help you make plans and with difficult decisions.

Your health insurance may even cover a few visits.

You know, this is probably what I need to do. I feel like a basket case reaching out for counseling because I’ve already seen a counselor two other times in my life, but I suppose I ought to just get over it

There is a Franciscan center about 20 minutes away that provides counseling as well as spiritual direction. I think I might contact them and set up an appointment. The copay with my insurance might cost more than going to the center so I’ll start there.

 

[AussieTrish]

I feel like a basket case reaching out for counseling because I’ve already seen a counselor two other times in my life, but I suppose I ought to just get over it
.

That’s being tough on yourself! Your predicament brought tears to my eyes. :grouphug:
Prayers for you and for your children.