Feeling extremely conflicted

[anonymous123456]

Hello all,

I am hoping to get some sound advice from my fellow Catholics. I am in a relationship with a Catholic woman who is divorced, but no annulment has taken place. We are involved sexually. It is a moral mess for me, while she seems to have no problem with it. We’ve tried to talk about it before and set some boundaries, but we always seem to end up back in this same situation. Then there is the issue of ABC…Uggghhh! I am well aware of the abortifacient effects.

The thing is…I KNOW THE SCOOP! I completely understand what I am doing is Mortal Sin. I am NOT in a state of grace. There is full knowledge, full consent, and serious matter. As long as I am involved in this relationship I cannot receive the Eucharist. As long as I am in this relationship I cannot even go to confession. I don’t understand how I can ask for absolution when I am not planning on ending the relationship.

My question is do I end the relationship? Do I hang out in the relationship and wait for an annulment, while putting my own soul at risk? I feel so stressed I could cry.

Please help.

 

[lovemyboys]

First of all, I’d say that going to talk to a priest could really help you. My opiinion is that you have the option of ending the sexual part of the relationship without completely ending the relationship. If she loves you, she will deal with it. If you think you cannot, just think of priests… If you remove the sexual component of the relationship, you can go to confession and feel free. Has she started the annulment process?

I hope you find God’s peace soon-- you sound really stressed. Blessings to you.

 

[crenfro]

My question is do I end the relationship? Do I hang out in the relationship and wait for an annulment, while putting my own soul at risk? I feel so stressed I could cry.

Hello.

God wants you to be with Him in eternal bliss in Heaven. What kind of love is this where you feel so stressed you could cry?

Yes, end the relationship, block the email, block the phone number, get someone to run interference for you if this person tries to contact you and place you in the near occasion of sin, and yes go IMMEDIATELY to confession.

When I was in my 20’s a friend of mine STRONGLY suggested that I join Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. I’ve been in similarly described relationships such as yours - at times back then concurrent relationships, and I had no peace.

If necessary I think moving away is a good idea.

It was awful, just awful at first when I went through withdrawal from these bad relationships - I felt like I lost a part of my soul - but over time things got much, much better.

There are some websites like the 12 Step Review and Pure Love linked to this forum with lots of help. Please visit them.

And God will help you through this if you let Him.

my two cents… and bless you…and please pray for me…

 

[Godfollower]

I second the opinion that you should talk to a priest. Even if you can’t be absolved yet, you can still be guided spiritually. In the meantime, I have a question for you:

If you said to her, “I love you, you mean the world to me, and I want to be with you for the rest of my life, but my religious beliefs require that we abstain from sex until marriage, and I need to wait for your annulment before we can get married,” how would she respond?

 

[kage_ar]

There is NO GUARANTEE that the existing marriage will be found null. Why would one date when they married? Add extramarital sex and it is a real mess.

Walk away. Pray for her but walk away. Change your phone number and email if you need to. Do not put your immortal soul at risk.

 

[beckycmarie]

My question is do I end the relationship? Do I hang out in the relationship and wait for an annulment, while putting my own soul at risk? I feel so stressed I could cry.Please help.

Imagine if tonight your life is demanded of you. Would you be thinking at your judgment, “I sure am glad I was involved in adultery and fornication with ________” or would you deeply regret having essentially sold your soul for sex? I think you know the answer to this one. Walk away.

This would not be an appropriate relationship even without sex before an annulment is possibly granted. This woman is still married. And even if an annulment goes through, then what you have left is a woman who is a non-practicing Catholic who believes birth control and adultery are okay. Our primary job as spouses is to help each other get to heaven. It is highly unlikely that you will change her, or that she will be supportive of your faith.

End the relationship, get to Confession, and once you get yourself straightened out, then look for a potential spouse who practices her Catholic faith and will support yours.

 

[1ke]

My question is do I end the relationship?

Yes.

Do I hang out in the relationship and wait for an annulment, while putting my own soul at risk?

A decree of nullity will not change this woman’s moral character and make her magically start embracing Church teaching. She uses contraception, doesn’t see any need for a decree of nullity, and isn’t committed to chastity.

What will change if there is a decree of nullity? You will be dating a woman who does not embrace Church teaching.

Get your own house in order. Get some moral backbone and work on your own spiritual maturity. THEN find a woman who embraces these things in the same way you do.

Go to confession and seek advice from your priest.

 

[lovemyboys]

I believe you could have a conversation with her and determine whether she is willing to become a practicing Catholic. You could tell her what you guys need to do to “get right with the Church” and see how she responds. You two could go to a priest together. If she is unable to do that, then I agree that you should let her go. Maybe she’s guilt-ridden and ready to come back to the Church and do things right. You could give her that one chance. After all, Jesus forgave immoral women instantaneously when they came to Him.

 

[Seatuck]

Well, if you are going to be in a relationship with this woman you need to change it drastically. It can only be the chastest of friendships until she is free to marry. Probably only limit it to phone calls twice a month or something.Unless that is too much of a temptation for you then end it completely. You need to be clear about why this is so to your woman friend. Explain to her that you want to follow Christ’s teaching. Then leave it up to her to take care of what needs to be done. It’s possible this will never happen. This is vital for you to know. There is no future for you in this relationship then. Perhaps she will make some changes in her life. Perhaps God has put you together for you to teach her the right way to live. Even if she takes care of having her marital status investigated and would be willing to not use abc should you two be able to get married, for your sake that would a step in the right direction.You have to stand up and ask for it though.

Your salvation is very important. You should get yourself to a priest and get some advice.

 

[Kasey1]

Yes.

A decree of nullity will not change this woman’s moral character and make her magically start embracing Church teaching. She uses contraception, doesn’t see any need for a decree of nullity, and isn’t committed to chastity.

What will change if there is a decree of nullity? You will be dating a woman who does not embrace Church teaching.

Get your own house in order. Get some moral backbone and work on your own spiritual maturity. THEN find a woman who embraces these things in the same way you do.

Go to confession and seek advice from your priest.

thanks for sharing.it is great and useful for me

http://www.photosnag.com/img/4673/n09x0302vnsn/clear.gif

 

[HNA444]

Hello.

God wants you to be with Him in eternal bliss in Heaven. What kind of love is this where you feel so stressed you could cry?

Yes, end the relationship, block the email, block the phone number, get someone to run interference for you if this person tries to contact you and place you in the near occasion of sin, and yes go IMMEDIATELY to confession.

When I was in my 20’s a friend of mine STRONGLY suggested that I join Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. I’ve been in similarly described relationships such as yours - at times back then concurrent relationships, and I had no peace.

If necessary I think moving away is a good idea.

It was awful, just awful at first when I went through withdrawal from these bad relationships - I felt like I lost a part of my soul - but over time things got much, much better.

There are some websites like the 12 Step Review and Pure Love linked to this forum with lots of help. Please visit them.

And God will help you through this if you let Him.

my two cents… and bless you…and please pray for me…

:thumbsup:I agree. God is more important than this woman. By dating her, you are committing adultery. It is not worth it. You can find love again…and time does help!!! Go and talk to a priest about it also.

 

[MarchOfThePigs]

Hello all,

I am hoping to get some sound advice from my fellow Catholics. I am in a relationship with a Catholic woman who is divorced, but no annulment has taken place. We are involved sexually. It is a moral mess for me, while she seems to have no problem with it. We’ve tried to talk about it before and set some boundaries, but we always seem to end up back in this same situation. Then there is the issue of ABC…Uggghhh! I am well aware of the abortifacient effects.

The thing is…I KNOW THE SCOOP! I completely understand what I am doing is Mortal Sin. I am NOT in a state of grace. There is full knowledge, full consent, and serious matter. As long as I am involved in this relationship I cannot receive the Eucharist. As long as I am in this relationship I cannot even go to confession. I don’t understand how I can ask for absolution when I am not planning on ending the relationship.

My question is do I end the relationship? Do I hang out in the relationship and wait for an annulment, while putting my own soul at risk? I feel so stressed I could cry.

Please help.

Oh oh oh, this is quit a mess you’ve got yourself in, your enjoying sex with a woman who the church still considers married, so your not only an adulterer according to the Church, but your messing with contraceptives, and you have no plans on ending the relationship, can I ask you something: Are you Mel Gibson?

I have to commend you, you show strength and balls telling something so intimate to total strangers who most likely were virgins till they got married and run away when they see condoms or change the channel when they see commercials for the pill. But your asking about your soul about absolution, you claim you want God’s love and forgiveness but the sex is just too good to make you end the relationship, there is your problem.

This relationship is causing you to sin very badly and on one side is the girl and the other God. The girl offers physical pleasure and company, God offers you a piece of real estate in the sky you haven’t seen and piece of mind by authorizing a guy in a box to tell you it’s ok, your forgiven.

So it boils down to this, physical pleasure (the girl) or mental peace of mind (God’ forgiveness). What do you value most?

When I was a Catholic I would tell you make amends with God, put your will in His hands, he will guide you to the right answer, but now I don’t believe God, whoever it or he maybe does get involved in earthly affairs.

Ask yourself, who is getting hurt out of what your doing? Besides the stress your imagining and creating, what harm is being done?

Don’t get me wrong, abortion is murder and so are ABCs, so if your doing that, stop it, not because men who wear gowns who have never had sex told you to, but because its sick and does harm to society.

This is what I recommend you do, don’t make sex your priority, that is not love. Stop the ABCs and the sex, if you love her tell her to get an annulment, if she loves you back she will do it. Then after you have taken the correct steps, your loving and merciful God will see that you are doing right. Then go to confession and let it all out. You will get something more precious than divine forgiveness, you will have piece of mind, and you can sleep at night.

Good luck, then again you can be like me.