Feeling guilty abount not being happy

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Blessed_is_He

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Today at Mass the Sherman was about being joyous and happy. The priest talked about how if your joyous and peaceful you will attract others wanting that and therefore to Christ. What a big responsibility, Thoughts of suicide pass through my mind a lot lately. The increase of my meds haven’t kicked in yet.
 
Emotions are what they are. You really cannot control how something makes you feel. However, you can control how you act on that feeling. You may not feel joy, but you can try to put a positive spin on things wherever appropriate anyway. Sometimes the “fake it 'til you make it” approach works.

That being said, if you are having suicidal thoughts and you mentioned your dose change hasn’t kicked in, are you staying in regular communication with your doctor? If you think you may actually act on any of these thoughts you need to seek immediate medical attention. Please do not delay it.
 
Joy is a compulsory feeling of being Christian. Pope Francis told that a ‘Church without joy is unthinkable’. He remarked how even in serious things Jesus was joyful.

Our mind has though the powerful ability to take away this peaceful state at the first sign of adversity. I personally sometimes think to my self I am having my personal apocalypse realization. But that is our mind tricking us. Using our doubt against ourselves.

One solution is you to look at the Big Picture. Meditate at the God’s plan. Remember how Jesus asked how was Peter afraid in the midst of the storm. Go outside your mind and see how many different things and people there are in the world. Have these pictures and sounds in your mind. Recall what is God’s plan for all these things, though prayer or read the Bible.

It will be hard you not to find that there is a Joy inside you, and that you must carry this Joy to other people and transform their lives.
 
Seriously? Uh…no. Joy is not ‘compulsory’. Esp if you have clinical depression you will find Joy is quite impossible. Or if you are in the dark night. Or if you are victim soul. There is always the knowledge that Jesus is with you, or there can be that, but joy is not always there emotionally or psychologically. Perhaps spiritually in some way that cannot be seen by others. Not even sure about that tho.
 
Oren said:
Seriously? Uh…no. Joy is not ‘compulsory’. Esp if you have clinical depression you will find Joy is quite impossible. Or if you are in the dark night. Or if you are victim soul. There is always the knowledge that Jesus is with you, or there can be that, but joy is not always there emotionally or psychologically. Perhaps spiritually in some way that cannot be seen by others. Not even sure about that tho.
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That’s a quite an interesting point.

Some people indeed are going through dark nights and facing such demons that would be tempting us to admit that Joy is unattainable for their hearts.

But if we look into the type of Joy the OP’s priest and the Pope are referring anyone may and should feel this Joy.

This Joy goes hand in hand with peace, the peace that Christ gave us. Remember when the women found the empty tomb? Yes, they were afraid but strangely also feeling Joy. This Joy is about the presence of Christ and the peace that he brought. Aren’t you genuinely happy on hearing the Gospel (Good news?) on Sundays? It is this Joy that the OP’s priest and Pope Francis are asking us to not lose and convey it to others.

I am not in any way advocating any cure to clinical depression. I am telling that I am also facing terrible internal demons almost everyday, but that I am stronger because of the peace that Christ left and that is the face that I show when I am evangelizing.
 
If you are in the dark night you don’t ‘feel’ anything about God. People who go through it are in quite a confused and upset state because they don’t feel anything about God anymore. Not joy either. They don’t feel Jesus’ presence. This is what the dark night means. Depression is similar in that the mind is confused and unable to feel anything except sadness, anxiety, worry, negativity etc. I have clinical depression so I should know. I did not feel joy, I felt depressed, tho I did not lose my faith. Faith is there, but there is no feeling that goes with it. It is of the will. I have not been through a dark night as far as I know but I have read about it.
 
Most of us have dark nights. And the darkness may not the same for all of us, but we all Christians reach for the same light. In the Bible Jesus presents himself as the Good Shepherd, meaning that he guides us, and rescue us when we get lost, we can’t find the way on our own.

You are right when mentioning that is conflicting that depression says that life is unworthy and trigger internal violent wars, while Jesus says that he brings us peace. My stand on this, again not as cure to depression, but as a Christian, is that we should mute the depression, most of the time tricking us, and reach for the Peace of Christ which for itself will bring the Joy. I am afraid that such can’t be possible if you are only using your mind, which is where the depression resides.

For instance, it is interesting that you mention faith. Speaking for myself, there was a time when I was exploring my faith. For me, this meant to be in contact with God through my mind, reasoning, demonstrating. Make no mistake, this was a very important time in my growth. But could I go further than being believer?

Yes, there was a time that I felt I had to surrender. And I knew I had to know God through my heart, I wanted to feel loved. St. Paul says that among faith, hope and charity, the greatest is the charity or love.

So my challenge for you, even though I don’t have authority to know your true feelings, is to turn off your mind. Reach out for your heart. Love God and then you will love others and convey this Joy. The truth is, often this means put yourself in a vulnerable position, and probably considered “inferior” or “passive” to the standards of the society. People will say you are content with little. Others label you happy-go-lucky. That’s Okay. Jesus said that the little ones will be the greatest. You see how many contrasts Jesus presents?

One last, maybe more practical advice, is that to feel this love, you better live it daily. So, in case you don’t, read the daily readings and/or reflections easily found on-line. Also you could read summaries on the lives of the saints of the day. Don’t wait until Sunday, this will ignite a small fire in your heart that will only grow each day.
 
Clinical depression is not overcome by anything except medication. If God so wills he can cure it of course, but this is not common. There is nothing that can make it better. Turning off the mind is not a Christian concept anyway. It is more like some eastern meditation. I just went through a very serious period of depression and I prayed all the time. I read the readings, I went to Mass and confession. It is not something that just goes away even if you do every Catholic thing you can daily. It is a medical condition that is very debilitating. If someone had cancer you wouldn’t tell them to just have joy and they’d get over the feelings of pain they were having would you? Of course not because the feelings of pain are real and no matter they will stay with the patient except from medication etc. This pain is in the mind and it cannot be ‘gotten over’ except perhaps by medications, therapy etc.
 
Oren said:
Clinical depression is not overcome by anything except medication. If God so wills he can cure it of course, but this is not common. There is nothing that can make it better. Turning off the mind is not a Christian concept anyway. It is more like some eastern meditation. I just went through a very serious period of depression and I prayed all the time. I read the readings, I went to Mass and confession. It is not something that just goes away even if you do every Catholic thing you can daily. It is a medical condition that is very debilitating. If someone had cancer you wouldn’t tell them to just have joy and they’d get over the feelings of pain they were having would you? Of course not because the feelings of pain are real and no matter they will stay with the patient except from medication etc. This pain is in the mind and it cannot be ‘gotten over’ except perhaps by medications, therapy etc.
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One more time. Sighs. You are getting me totally wrong. I am not telling you that this is the cure clinical depression, I am explicit about that in my text. You will still be clinically depressed. However, to tell that whoever has clinical depression can’t feel Joy is an understatement. And I am not telling you that you will be the life of the party either. I am talking about finding Peace, maybe will be just silent but in Peace.

It is also unfortunate to discard everything related to meditation because it is Eastern. There is a lot of meditation in Catholic Church, look for Ignatius Spirituality Exercises. Look Contemplate and Meditation in Lectio Divina.

Anyway, no words of me will convince you, maybe my English to blame also. But, please give a reading by this article on Pope’s homily last week:

news.va/en/news/pope-francis-a-church-without-joy-is-unthinkable-s
 
Oren said:
If someone had cancer you wouldn’t tell them to just have joy and they’d get over the feelings of pain they were having would you?
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Look into the Happiness Project (I am sorry it is in Portuguese but you can look the pictures). hypeness.com.br/2013/08/organizacao-realiza-sonhos-a-criancas-portadores-de-doencas-graves/

The children are gravelly ill, some terminal. People is crowdfunding to realize their dreams (for e.g.: for one to meet Pope Benedict, other his favourite team, Disney, etc). They are still ill, the illness is still there, but you can see the Joy in their faces for some instant. If they can feel Joy with this kind of things, why not with Peace that Jesus brings?
 
I read everything you said. I don’t think you understand clinical depression at all. There is no peace or joy or anything positive in it.
 
We have one priest who focuses on happiness. He can mention happiness frequently, do homily after homily on being happy. It can almost seem like it is mentioned weekly, but that is probably an exaggeration. I had gone to a pastoral group, and they have picked up on his philosophy, as well, talk again and again about how it’s necessary to smile a lot. They also, don’t seem to understand that sometimes people could be depressed for genetic, menopause, and other reasons, just think if you plaster a smile on your face, force yourself, it’ll do it, and that strategy doesn’t always work.

I have been going through menopause, and it wasn’t under control before, but now I think I’m finally getting somewhere. So, I think I know what you mean.

A lot of people have been on the forum with suicidal ideations of late. I think it’s more lately due to the combination of holidays…where it seems to emphasize all. People feel even worse watching everyone else seemingly happy around them.

Then, there’s also the lack of light which often makes people down, plus sometimes “cabin fever” where if it’s cold out, we stay inside, don’t go out and about.

If you have yet other factors, it only makes that worse.

If you are on medication, you are doing what you can. Counseling would be the other main thing, and then to look at your life, see if there’s anything else you can do to improve your life to make you happier.

Some people also have genetic factors, very strong, which give them a natural tendency towards depression. Depression can run in families. It’s chemical.

It’s good to get out of the house, have hobbies, activities, interests, not isolate yourself, get some friends.

Anyway, I hope things work out for you, and realize you’re not alone. Try to hang in there. Hopefully, when your medication kicks in, you should feel relief. Believe I’ll end with a prayer.

Hail Mary, Full of Grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blest is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. :angel1:
 
Blessed_is_He said:
… The priest talked about how if your joyous and peaceful you will attract others wanting that and therefore to Christ…
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Don’t feel guilty about that. Jesus said “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35). Love attracts. Happiness, while important, may be overrated.
 
Blessed_is_He said:
Today at Mass the Sherman was about being joyous and happy. The priest talked about how if your joyous and peaceful you will attract others wanting that and therefore to Christ. What a big responsibility, Thoughts of suicide pass through my mind a lot lately. The increase of my meds haven’t kicked in yet.
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do you realise you are getting into a cycle? you are sad, and the worry about not being happy is making you sad.

emotions are jus that, we can’t be happy if we are truly sad, the most we can do is to do our best to get out of sadness, but if we can’t it’s not your fault, just pray with faith and try to see life on a new light, continue to go to the doctor, and well, do your best and worry not, if you are working your best to be happy, then there is no sin, remember no one is obliged to the impossible.

oh, and yes, i agree with iheartcofee, it is pretty much how you react to your feelings, and keep in close contact with your doctor, also i suggest you have the suicide lines on the phone at hand, they could help, actually i suggest you look for those and call them as soon as possible, they might even have some prevention programs and stuff.

and i know this might be obvious but try to stay away from depressing stuff, there are people who feel depressed but still go back to things that made them depressed (like songs, movies etc.), there are depressing stuff we can’t avoid but some other stuff is totally avoidable so do not fuel your toughts.
 
Blessed_is_He said:
Today at Mass the Sherman was about being joyous and happy. The priest talked about how if your joyous and peaceful you will attract others wanting that and therefore to Christ. What a big responsibility, Thoughts of suicide pass through my mind a lot lately. The increase of my meds haven’t kicked in yet.
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Pleasure is a pale shadow of happiness, just as happiness is a pale shadow of joy. I wish people would stop confusing them, as it seems this priest has.

I’m capable of feeling only pleasure. Happiness is only a fading memory. Joy is completely unknown to me.
 
FINALLY, My meds kicked in today…no thoughts of suicide or depression. I feel soon much better! Thanks for the advice.
 
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