Feeling guilty about thoughts from years ago

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Just_wondering

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I can’t stop feeling guilty about a decision I made, but never had to act on. Was it a sin, or am I being scrupulous? I’m not Catholic yet, so I can’t confess it, and it’s eating at me.

10 years ago, when I was back in college, I was in a sexually active relationship, and we were using condoms. We discussed what would happen if I got pregnant, and we agreed that we would terminate any pregnancy that came along. The relationship continued for about 18 months, and I was having trouble sleeping. I came to the realization that I spent more time worrying about the possibility of becoming pregnant and killing a baby than I spent enjoying the relationship. I realized that I wasn’t ready to raise a child, wasn’t willing to kill one, and certainly didn’t want that man to be the father of any child of mine. I ended the relationship and stopped having sex. I decided that I would live celibately until I was ready for marriage and children, and had found the man I wanted to marry. (At that point, I still figured that I’d have sex outside of marriage, just only once I’d figured out whether he was “the one.”)

Well, now I’m ready for marriage, I want children, I’ve found the one, we’re getting engaged, and I can’t stop feeling guilty about having made the decision to have a hypothetical abortion. I feel as if I deserve to be infertile, because I would have killed a baby ten years ago. It sounds like a sin to me, but I don’t know what to do about it. Should I tell a priest about it and choose to do some penance, even though I know it wouldn’t be a valid confession? Just pray about it? Other ideas?
 
Thoughts can be sins, I suppose, but as for whether that was a mortal sin…I’ll leave it to someone else.

The issue is: can you forgive yourself? We have to throw ourselves at the foot of the cross. When I have scruples, that’s what I do: I stop thinking, picture myself throwing myself at Jesus’ feet at the foot of the cross and say “Jesus, I’m throwing myself on your mercy.” That’s it. You have to stop thinking, and simply rest in the child-like faith that you’re forgiven when you know you’ve satisfied all the moral conditions to obtain forgiveness. We have to stop trying to out-think God and be more clever and more “Just” than him, if you know what I mean. When God, through the Church, says you’re forgiven, you’re forgiven, that’s it, no more questions.

You just do the best you can with what you have. If you can’t confess to a priest, confess to God. When you get to confessing to a priest, tell him what you told us.
 
You say that you are “not Catholic yet”. Are you in RCIA? Planning on becoming a Catholic? If so… that is wonderful! I know that Our Lord is waiting for you, with open arms… as is the rest of His Church (us!). WELCOME! 🙂

As for the past… I think the important thing to remember here… is that you DID NOT do it. And further… you said that you felt bad about it. You knew that it was wrong. This was surely God, speaking to you. But, only God knows our “hearts”. I think you can certainly go and talk to a Catholic priest about your feelings… even if you are not yet Catholic. A good priest can surely counsel you.

God bless you on your journey into the Church. It will be a joyful one. You are in my prayers.:gopray2:
 
I take it that your relationship and understanding of your faith was not as strong or as important and more ‘worldly’ than it is now. If you made the decision now, God would look at it differently than he did the ten years before, simply because he does not hold us responcible for what we do not understand - the most important part, is you never acted on the hypothetical situation - your actions may have been very different than your thoughts if a pregancy had actually occured. That is a very simplifed way of saying it - but it is more complicated than that.

But, it is important that when we have these struggles we get to a priest for confession is possible. Since you are not Catholic ‘yet’ - that is to say you have yet to enter the Church - I would make an appointment with the priest at the parish you are attending, and share this struggle with him. One of the favorite ploys of the darkness is to try to tell someone constantly that they are not worthy and it is impossible for God to love them because of the past sins in their lives. Satan is a lier and a theif, he comes quickly to rob, kill, and destroy our joy. So go to your Church sit before the Eucharist, read your Bible, pray, and go talk with your pastor. God knows your heart and he will heal all your iniquities.
 
Just_wondering said:
I can’t stop feeling guilty about a decision I made, but never had to act on. Was it a sin, or am I being scrupulous? I’m not Catholic yet, so I can’t confess it, and it’s eating at me.

10 years ago, when I was back in college, I was in a sexually active relationship, and we were using condoms. We discussed what would happen if I got pregnant, and we agreed that we would terminate any pregnancy that came along. The relationship continued for about 18 months, and I was having trouble sleeping. I came to the realization that I spent more time worrying about the possibility of becoming pregnant and killing a baby than I spent enjoying the relationship. I realized that I wasn’t ready to raise a child, wasn’t willing to kill one, and certainly didn’t want that man to be the father of any child of mine. I ended the relationship and stopped having sex. I decided that I would live celibately until I was ready for marriage and children, and had found the man I wanted to marry. (At that point, I still figured that I’d have sex outside of marriage, just only once I’d figured out whether he was “the one.”)

Well, now I’m ready for marriage, I want children, I’ve found the one, we’re getting engaged, and I can’t stop feeling guilty about having made the decision to have a hypothetical abortion. I feel as if I deserve to be infertile, because I would have killed a baby ten years ago. It sounds like a sin to me, but I don’t know what to do about it. Should I tell a priest about it and choose to do some penance, even though I know it wouldn’t be a valid confession? Just pray about it? Other ideas?
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If in an sort of doubt on an issue of morality it is always best to mention the matter to Father in Confession who will guide you. Certainly a sexual relationship outside of marriage for a Catholic does need to be mentioned in Confession…God bless…Blessings - Barb:)
 
Thanks for your answers. I still feel bad about it, but it’s nice to hear other people’s opinions. I’m still not in RCIA yet - just planning on becoming Catholic. It’s taking me a long time to make the journey.
One of the favorite ploys of the darkness is to try to tell someone constantly that they are not worthy and it is impossible for God to love them because of the past sins in their lives.
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You’re right, it is probably Satan telling me I’m not worthy, although I’m sure God would agree that thinking of killing a child is a grave and serious issue. This was back when I thought that I’d never consider becoming religious, so I wasn’t thinking about it too clearly at the time.
As for the past… I think the important thing to remember here… is that you DID NOT do it. And further… you said that you felt bad about it. You knew that it was wrong. This was surely God, speaking to you. But, only God knows our “hearts”.
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I didn’t do it, thank God! It never came up (and I have God to thank for that, too). It’s strange how, in retrospect, I can see God’s hand in my life, but at the time I had no idea.

I’ve noticed these doubts and worries always come at night, when I’m alone in the darkness. Maybe that should tell me something…
 
You could try and think about this a different way maybe. You are blessed because you did not become pregnant, maybe God protected you and your womb by not letting you become pregnant.
 
Even back in your earlier years, you somehow in some way, knew what was right because you ended the relationship and decided to wait for the right one - even though you also say you would have relations outside of marriage when “the one” came along.

I just wanted to acknowledge that you made a beautiful decision back then to change the situation. And as others have suggested, talk to a Priest about about reconciling the feelings your having and hold fast to waiting for marriage. Then you can start that beautiful family! Congratulations on your engagement.
 
I think a good way to help ease your mind about this is to offer up prayers for the women who actually did have abortions and are suffering terribly from the guilt of their actions. You will be abundantly blessed by this, as it will turn negative thinking into some positive action, and God will help someone through your prayers.
God bless you on your journey into the Church.
 
Pray the chaplet of Divine Mercy (see my signature for information). I pray you’ll enroll in RCIA soon, and that once you receive absolution in confession you’ll feel the grace and forgiveness only God can give. :crossrc:

When I start regretting and feeling guilty for sins from years ago, I remind myself that God has forgiven me through the sacrament of reconciliation, and that I need to let them go, just as He has. :bowdown: ❤️ God bless you on your journey. :hug1:
 
Just_wondering said:
I can’t stop feeling guilty about a decision I made, but never had to act on. Was it a sin, or am I being scrupulous? I’m not Catholic yet, so I can’t confess it, and it’s eating at me.
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Should I tell a priest about it and choose to do some penance, even though I know it wouldn’t be a valid confession? Just pray about it? Other ideas?
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**My advice is to seek out a priest as you suggested. Seek an older priest. .one that isn’t caught up in modern trends. Were you a Catholic I would recommend a General Confession. This is a confession that reflects on ALL the sins of your entire life back to your earliest youth in memory.

However, a good, traditional priest would soothe your conscience and you can then feel inwardly relieved of the mistakes of 10 years ago. Ask about the priests in your area of your Catholic friends. Then call the rectory and make an appointment. Never know, this could lead to the most wonderous time of your life. **
 
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