Feeling guilty

[Artc]

(I apologize if this is the wrong forum, but I don’t know where else to put this)

This evening, I had a little boy (maybe 7 or 8) knock on my door. He told me, “My friend has a gun…he’s trying to shoot me”. He pointed across the street at 3 others boys (maybe ages 9 or 10) who were sitting and talking each other. The little boy was looking at me in earnest, but he didn’t look really afraid or anything. I told him “Thank you for telling me”, closed the soor, and ended up calling the police.

But now, I don’t feel anything but guilt. Why didnt I have the little boy come inside to stay safe? I just remember being so flabergasted at the whole situation, I didn’t even know what to do. But what if he had gotten hurt? I would never have forgiven myself.

I don’t know. I just feel so rotten. I feel a little like there’s something inherently wrong with me that my first reaction wasn’t to keep him safe. What kind of person does that make me?

 

[SuperLuigi]

(I apologize if this is the wrong forum, but I don’t know where else to put this)

This evening, I had a little boy (maybe 7 or 8) knock on my door. He told me, “My friend has a gun…he’s trying to shoot me”. He pointed across the street at 3 others boys (maybe ages 9 or 10) who were sitting and talking each other. The little boy was looking at me in earnest, but he didn’t look really afraid or anything. I told him “Thank you for telling me”, closed the soor, and ended up calling the police.

But now, I don’t feel anything but guilt. Why didnt I have the little boy come inside to stay safe? I just remember being so flabergasted at the whole situation, I didn’t even know what to do. But what if he had gotten hurt? I would never have forgiven myself.

I don’t know. I just feel so rotten. I feel a little like there’s something inherently wrong with me that my first reaction wasn’t to keep him safe. What kind of person does that make me?

In situations like these, it’s important to realize that when you don’t expect something as bizarre as this, and it is bizarre, feelings can be mixed and confused.

 

[oldgraymare2]

Hi Artc,

Sometimes I think that we just react with a sense of panic, and aren’t quite sure what to do. I think that this was one of those times. When we have a chance to be more calm and to think about it, then we start second-guessing ourselves, and then we think about what we “should have done, could have done, etc.”

Please don’t be hard on yourself. You did what you thought was right at the time, which was to call the police.

 

[Cricket2]

This makes you human, and under such strange and unexpected circumstances a good many of us might react the same way. You called the police and that is good.

One time my sister and I had a little girl come to us for help because she was locked outside and it was freezing out. We hesitated for a second because we feared being accused of harming her in some way. It was just a second or two but it was there.

We did let her in and her father finally arrived one half hour later. (Long horrid tale)

Don’t beat yourself up. You did fine really, and your reaction is not strange.

 

[LongingSoul]

(I apologize if this is the wrong forum, but I don’t know where else to put this)

This evening, I had a little boy (maybe 7 or 8) knock on my door. He told me, “My friend has a gun…he’s trying to shoot me”. He pointed across the street at 3 others boys (maybe ages 9 or 10) who were sitting and talking each other. The little boy was looking at me in earnest, but he didn’t look really afraid or anything. I told him “Thank you for telling me”, closed the soor, and ended up calling the police.

But now, I don’t feel anything but guilt. Why didnt I have the little boy come inside to stay safe? I just remember being so flabergasted at the whole situation, I didn’t even know what to do. But what if he had gotten hurt? I would never have forgiven myself.

I don’t know. I just feel so rotten. I feel a little like there’s something inherently wrong with me that my first reaction wasn’t to keep him safe. What kind of person does that make me?

Did you discover the true story after the police had been? I’m a big fan of being attentive to gut feelings and you were aware of a few things that didn’t add up like the boy not seeming distressed. Calling the police is what I would have done as well and monitored the situation from a distance. I think I would have felt that I was being set up in some way by the group, as very young children these days can be conniving.

Don’t be too hard on yourself but perhaps there is something that you’ve learned by the experience that will help you in some other strange event you might encounter.

 

[Lasting_faith]

The first reaction is usually the right one, then our brains do the work we need to do. So really, don’t feel sorry, think about this, what if that kid also had a gun and you would have let him in? Things are not always what they seem to be.

 

[Phil_Marinus]

Well…I have never had that exact situation… But iv had times when I should have acted responsible … But didn’t , , and had felt extremely guilty because I did nothing…
Maybe I did right by not becoming involved … Iv never found out…
So I guess I felt the same as you… Maybe it’s just a lesson for how to conduct ourselves next time… To look better, to judge a situation better… Best not to become obsessed with our own shortcomings …

 

[dedo]

The first reaction is usually the right one, then our brains do the work we need to do. So really, don’t feel sorry, think about this, what if that kid also had a gun and you would have let him in? Things are not always what they seem to be.

Or the kid could have had a grenade. I saw that happen in an old Vietnam war movie. However, I am not sure how often it happens in the suburbs.

Seriously though. No one acts perfectly all the time especially when you don’t have time to think. A natural caution about letting anyone you don’t know into your house is healthy.

Don’t beat yourself up.

Your reaction was normal.

Your wanting to be of better service is also remarkable. I think a healthy reaction is that when we fall short as we all do, then we should think of how we can proactively be more charitable – as opposed to dwelling on something that occurs less than once in a lifetime.

Thanks for the reminder.