Feeling hopeless about anullment

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marymojo2002

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:(I am really upset and can’t keep the tears away. I have been trying to get an anullment for 2 years. I have been divorced since 2009. My 4 children and i left the state in the middle of the night and came up to Illinois. It was a really bad abusive situation. Anyway years later I am engaged to this wonderful guy who teaches religious ed. He is willing to take me and all my children on. He encouraged me and the children to get baptized which we did.
I called today to check the progress of my anullment ( because i feel like i am in a permanent engagement ) and found out it has been put in inactive status since last year because i only had 2 witnesses and apparently i need 4. They said that my anullment will get rejected if i dont have all the witnesses as proof. His family are wiccans and could care less about a Catholic anullment. So, therefore my anulllment will never go through and i feel like i will never be married. I want to just say screw it and the catholic church with it. I worked really hard to get to wear i am and they would rather me be with my abusive ex husband…feeling crushed:confused: I think God has something against me.
 
marymojo2002 said:
:(I am really upset and can’t keep the tears away. I have been trying to get an anullment for 2 years. I have been divorced since 2009. My 4 children and i left the state in the middle of the night and came up to Illinois. It was a really bad abusive situation. Anyway years later I am engaged to this wonderful guy who teaches religious ed. He is willing to take me and all my children on. He encouraged me and the children to get baptized which we did.
I called today to check the progress of my anullment ( because i feel like i am in a permanent engagement ) and found out it has been put in inactive status since last year because i only had 2 witnesses and apparently i need 4. They said that my anullment will get rejected if i dont have all the witnesses as proof. His family are wiccans and could care less about a Catholic anullment. So, therefore my anulllment will never go through and i feel like i will never be married. I want to just say screw it and the catholic church with it. I worked really hard to get to wear i am and they would rather me be with my abusive ex husband…feeling crushed:confused: I think God has something against me.
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Gosh! I’m so sorry!

Praying.
 
marymojo2002 said:
:(I am really upset and can’t keep the tears away. I have been trying to get an anullment for 2 years. I have been divorced since 2009. My 4 children and i left the state in the middle of the night and came up to Illinois. It was a really bad abusive situation. Anyway years later I am engaged to this wonderful guy who teaches religious ed. He is willing to take me and all my children on. He encouraged me and the children to get baptized which we did.
I called today to check the progress of my anullment ( because i feel like i am in a permanent engagement ) and found out it has been put in inactive status since last year because i only had 2 witnesses and apparently i need 4. They said that my anullment will get rejected if i dont have all the witnesses as proof. His family are wiccans and could care less about a Catholic anullment. So, therefore my anulllment will never go through and i feel like i will never be married. I want to just say screw it and the catholic church with it. I worked really hard to get to wear i am and they would rather me be with my abusive ex husband…feeling crushed:confused: I think God has something against me.
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Get those other two witnesses! You can use people for simple character witnesses if you can’t think of anyone who may have known you at your marriage, I did for one of my witnesses. It isn’t impossible at all!
 
I am sorry for your distress. I cannot imagine what you are going through.

I have read through many threads in which someone is terribly distraught because they desire to re-enter full communion with the Catholic Church, after “falling away”, but are frustrated by being a marriage that the Church cannot “approve” (convalidate?). Your situation sounds very sad, but leaving the Church seems equally sad to me. Please, please pray and continue to pray. Ask God to help you understand what He wants you to do in these matters and to give you the strength and humility to follow His will.

Not that they are a substitute for a knowledgeable priest that can guide you in person in these difficult times, regarding annulment, but there are many posters here who seem to have a very good understanding of the annulment process. Maybe if you share more information they can present you with some information you can discuss in person with relevant people in your diocese.

I will pray for you.
 
marymojo2002 said:
I called today to check the progress of my anullment ( because i feel like i am in a permanent engagement ) and found out it has been put in inactive status since last year because i only had 2 witnesses and apparently i need 4. They said that my anullment will get rejected if i dont have all the witnesses as proof.
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Four witnesses are preferred, but not absolutely necessary. I only had two witnesses willing to write affidavits that fit the very specific criteria the Church needed.

I recommend that you speak to the Bishop to resolve this matter.
He encouraged me and the children to get baptized which we did.
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This could changes things. You might not need an annulment, but rather can have the marriage dissolved. Your prior marriage was a natural marriage. If your ex was also unbaptized and remains unbaptized, the marriage is still a natural marriage and might be able to be dissolved. If he was baptized, your marriage became a sacramental marriage when you were baptized. However, if you did not have sex with him after you were baptized, the marriage is considered sacramental but not consummated as a sacramental marriage, which can also be dissolved.

Marriage dissolutions are not annulments. They are handled by the Pope or the appropriate person authorized by the Pope.

It should also be noted that your local advocate might not be familiar with such circumstances. Speak to the Bishop’s office if you get nowhere locally.
 
marymojo2002 said:
:(I am really upset and can’t keep the tears away. I have been trying to get an anullment for 2 years. I have been divorced since 2009. My 4 children and i left the state in the middle of the night and came up to Illinois. It was a really bad abusive situation. Anyway years later I am engaged to this wonderful guy who teaches religious ed. He is willing to take me and all my children on. He encouraged me and the children to get baptized which we did.
I called today to check the progress of my anullment ( because i feel like i am in a permanent engagement ) and found out it has been put in inactive status since last year because i only had 2 witnesses and apparently i need 4. They said that my anullment will get rejected if i dont have all the witnesses as proof. His family are wiccans and could care less about a Catholic anullment. So, therefore my anulllment will never go through and i feel like i will never be married. I want to just say screw it and the catholic church with it. I worked really hard to get to wear i am and they would rather me be with my abusive ex husband…feeling crushed:confused: I think God has something against me.
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In addition to the advice you have been given already, make sure you are utilizing the resources of the advocate(s) at your parish or diocese. It may be a good question to ask whether the diocese where you filed your annulment paperwork is the best choice. Annulments can be initiated either in your diocese, your ex’s diocese or the diocese where the marriage occurred. I am not suggesting you go “shopping” for a friendly tribunal but that there may be some technical differences in how the “paper trail” is handled.

The fact that your ex’s family won’t cooperate is not an issue. While your ex will be asked, the process can go forward if he and his whole family don’t participate at all.
 
Is your ex wiccan too? Was he un baptized? If so, you need a dissolution by Pauline Privilege. How difficult is it to prove he wan’t Christian? Something is strange that they didn’t contact you to ask for more information. I hope this gets resolved soon. Good luck.
 
sscott said:
How difficult is it to prove he wan’t Christian?
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If they were married in a Catholic Church, the baptismal status of the parties would be known at the time, and the Catholic Church would have a record of their status.
 
Ugh, I’d definitely contact the Bishop of your diocese, and, honestly, I’d be writing to Rome if I had to. It’s sad to me that your story is not unique; I’ve heard far too many like it. The process needs overhauled and I hope our new Pontiff is moving in that direction.

Praying for you!!
 
NFPWife said:
… The process needs overhauled and I hope our new Pontiff is moving in that direction. …
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Hello,

In the OP’s situation, established procedures seem to have been ignored. Changing the process will not help when those who are supposed to apply the process don’t or can’t.

Dan
 
Not being judgemental here but why did you start dating before you had an annualment and how can you be engaged if you were still married in the church. Just asking?
 
Luvz2travel said:
Not being judgemental here but why did you start dating before you had an annualment and how can you be engaged if you were still married in the church. Just asking?
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I did not read the original post carefully the first time. In re-reading, it seems she may only be baptized in the Catholic Church, after meeting her current fiancé. I would advise to tread carefully Luvz2travel. The collection of issues surrounding marriage, divorce, dating, annulment, remarriage, and etc needs to be addressed truthfully, but with charity.
 
In response, I initially got married in the courthouse with my ex husband. After we were married everything changed. I was not allowed to work, use the internet, and if a wrong number ever called the house i was cheating. He would whip the children constantly, yell, break the cabinets and everything else with his fists. Then he raped me more than once, with me crying and pleading for him to stop. That was the only way he liked it. I did not have any friends there in Alabama. I did not know anyone in that state except his family…If i was smarter and not 18 just getting out of the foster system I might have made a better choice. I screwed up and went to the first person who said they loved me and would take care of me…I would have a family, something i never had before. I was too scared to leave until my real sister from IL found me ( i had a sister and 3 brothers and we were all separated in the foster system when i was 7 that i hadn’t seen ) and wired money so that me and the children could escape. I got a job right away, worked constantly, went to school, got a degree, bought a house and God blessed me with my fiance. I am sorry I was so upset in my earlier post, but it seems like everything has to be a struggle. I didn’t know what an anullment was when i started dating after my divorce. My children have not seen their real father in 5 years. He does not call, text or financially support the children. He could care less. I really really want a sacramental marriage with my fiance. I want to do things right this time. I am so thankful that I found a place that can provide encouraging support especially when i am feeling at the bottom of the crab bucket.

Thanks 🙂
 
marymojo2002 said:
In response, I initially got married in the courthouse with my ex husband. After we were married everything changed…
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Hello,

The circumstances you recount are, sadly, not unique. I suggest you look for a canon lawyer in your area who can help you navigate the occasionally narrow and confusing waters of canonical procedure. It seems to me, based on what you have said here, that there should be a way to go forward with the process even if you do not have the “required” number of witnesses.

Dan
 
dans0622 said:
Hello,

In the OP’s situation, established procedures seem to have been ignored. Changing the process will not help when those who are supposed to apply the process don’t or can’t.

Dan
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While it’s true that the established procedures seem to have not been followed in the OP’s situation, I think the broader process needs overhauled. A better balance between establishing evidence of nullity and extending grace and charity.

To the OP’s situation, a call/ letter to the Bishop is long overdue.
 
I can’t say for sure but if you were married in a courthouse and not the church I would that wouldn’t be considerated a valid marriage and an annualment would be easy. I’d check with you advocate but that’s what I was always lead to believe.
 
Luvz2travel said:
I can’t say for sure but if you were married in a courthouse and not the church I would that wouldn’t be considerated a valid marriage and an annualment would be easy. I’d check with you advocate but that’s what I was always lead to believe.
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That would apply if one spouse was baptized Catholic, if neither were Catholic an annulment is necessary.

Marymojo, I’m so sorry for your experience. Based on your age at the time of your marriage and your childhood experiences, I’d think that nullity based on your not being ready for marriage should be pretty obvious and straightforward. Please do whatever it takes to move this forward and close that chapter of your life. Please keep us posted, I’ll be thinking about you and praying for you.
 
NFPWife said:
To the OP’s situation, a call/ letter to the Bishop is long overdue.
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Not only that, I would recommend being really pushy about the situation. Apparently the process was delayed and they never notified her; there is no excuse for that.
 
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