Feeling hopeless

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HeidiS33

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I am a Catholic mother of 7 children: 6 living and 1 in heaven. My kids ages are 10, 7, 5, 3, 2 and 6 months. The older children attend a public school. I am already seeing negative influences creeping in and I deeply desire to homeschool. My husband doran not want me too. I am very conservative, he is more of a “progressive” Catholic. I am really having a difficult time with this. The situation goes much deeper: My oldest two are from a different marriage. They were 2 and 3 weeks when my first husband left us. That marriage was annulled. I met my second (current) husband on Catholic Match. I am ashamed to admit that I let my loneliness take over and I began dating him before my annulment was final. We got married a year after meeting. I love him very much, but I am afraid that perhaps I was not supposed to be with him in the first place, and now I am on the wrong path, not what God intended. Don’t get me wrong, I know our marriage is valid and I want to be with him. It is just that this is not what I wanted my life to be like. I wanted to homeschool and live a really Catholic life. He is not so into his faith as I am, and is quite liberal, as is his family. I feel so isolated because my family is not Catholic and I have no Catholic friends. I feel so alone. I feel like it is impossible to raise my kids to be good Catholics in this situation. Sometimes I just feel like giving up.

Heidi
 
Bless you for having so many children! I would say that is one big indication you are not on the wrong track. Sounds like, since you met your husband on Catholic Match, you were trying to do what you thought was right. Also in wanting to hhomeschool your kids. Are you a stay at home mom? That might contribute to feeling alone since most of us gals either want to have a job or have to.

That last statement sounded really bad…im thing to say women seem to be more isolated from each other than in our grandmothers’ day.

Have you contacted a homeschooling place, like Seton, to maybe help your husband see the benefit?

I am not a stay at home mother of many, but I hear what you’re saying and understand that you feel frustrated. I think its a wonderful thing you’re trying to do!
 
I’m in a hurry I need to get all my little ones to bed so I could have made this sound better but here it is.

you have 6 kids and 4 of them are his. in your wedding vows you vowed for better or worse etc. you can’t give up on your husband just because he isn’t 'Catholic enough" for you. compromising isn’t always a bad thing and pushing extremes isn’t helping. your sounds like he thinks Homeschool is extrem… if you get too pushy you’ll create more problems for your marriage. sorry I know it could have been said nicer in a hurry but I want to say it and don’t know if I’ll back it back to CAF tonight.
 
No, don’t give up! You are doing a wonderful job! I kind of know how you feel. I had to pull my children from Catholic Schools (husbands unemployment) and I wanted to homeschool them. I research and even had all the classes and books picked out! I presented him with all this and was devastated when he said no. You both really need to be in agreement with this. I have come across some people doing a trial run. Maybe he will agree to that?

My children have been in the public schools for 4 years now. I pray everyday for their protection and that they will make the right decisions. So far I’ve only had a few bumps with one of my children.

God Bless and I’ll be praying for you and your family.
 
HeidiS33 said:
I am a Catholic mother of 7 children: 6 living and 1 in heaven. My kids ages are 10, 7, 5, 3, 2 and 6 months. The older children attend a public school. I am already seeing negative influences creeping in and I deeply desire to homeschool. My husband doran not want me too. I am very conservative, he is more of a “progressive” Catholic. I am really having a difficult time with this. The situation goes much deeper: My oldest two are from a different marriage. They were 2 and 3 weeks when my first husband left us. That marriage was annulled. I met my second (current) husband on Catholic Match. I am ashamed to admit that I let my loneliness take over and I began dating him before my annulment was final. We got married a year after meeting. I love him very much, but I am afraid that perhaps I was not supposed to be with him in the first place, and now I am on the wrong path, not what God intended. Don’t get me wrong, I know our marriage is valid and I want to be with him. It is just that this is not what I wanted my life to be like. I wanted to homeschool and live a really Catholic life. He is not so into his faith as I am, and is quite liberal, as is his family. I feel so isolated because my family is not Catholic and I have no Catholic friends. I feel so alone. I feel like it is impossible to raise my kids to be good Catholics in this situation. Sometimes I just feel like giving up.

Heidi
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I would certainly think that having a loving, stable, two parent home is much more important to the development of a child than whether they get on the bus every day or do their learning at the kitchen table…
 
First, I would try and find one or two families you can get to know- moms you can identify with! You might try a mom’s group, or simply asking the parish priest if he would mind suggesting you to anyone. Are there any other large families you see at parish activities? CCD classes? How about suggesting to one you meet at the park after Mass or something one day. That way, you have a chance to see if you “click.” If you are not so interested in something with the kids, then try a bible study, rosary group, other other social outlet.

WHY is your DH against HS? Would be be willing to let you try it for a year? How about with just the youngest or oldest, or whatever he thinks is “less risky” to see how it goes?
 
Just because your husband isn’t on board with you homeschooling doesn’t mean you are on the wrong path! And not suppose to be with him.

I know how you feel about homeschooling. I have many extremely conservatively Catholic homeschooling friends, no offence the them, but they make all none homeschooling parents feel bad about sending there kids off all day and they make us feel “not Catholic enough” its gotton so bad that I can’t talk to some of them, because its all they talk about. Not all homeschoolers are like this, but some are. they do have there own social groups and activist excluding none homeschoolers and for good reason they have common interest of homeschooling. Being pushy isn’t going to make your husband a better Catholic.

Find “like friends” friends that have common situation or values etc as you. Catholic Public school moms would be a good choice but don’t spend all your time bashing your husbands for not letting you home school. I know it can be harder said then done.

I have found out why the three schooling choices (Catholic school, public, homeschoolers) don’t always mix friendships all two Catholic groups make someone else feel bad about their choices.

I’m not saying give up but respect your husband’s wishes. Compromising is necessary sometimes and make the best of it. go find some friends that make you feel good about being you for who you are and where you are in life. I know some great mom’s send their kids to public school.
 
HeidiS33 said:
I am a Catholic mother of 7 children: 6 living and 1 in heaven. My kids ages are 10, 7, 5, 3, 2 and 6 months. The older children attend a public school. I am already seeing negative influences creeping in and I deeply desire to homeschool. My husband doran not want me too. I am very conservative, he is more of a “progressive” Catholic. I am really having a difficult time with this. The situation goes much deeper: My oldest two are from a different marriage. They were 2 and 3 weeks when my first husband left us. That marriage was annulled. I met my second (current) husband on Catholic Match. I am ashamed to admit that I let my loneliness take over and I began dating him before my annulment was final. We got married a year after meeting. I love him very much, but I am afraid that perhaps I was not supposed to be with him in the first place, and now I am on the wrong path, not what God intended. Don’t get me wrong, I know our marriage is valid and I want to be with him. It is just that this is not what I wanted my life to be like. I wanted to homeschool and live a really Catholic life. He is not so into his faith as I am, and is quite liberal, as is his family. I feel so isolated because my family is not Catholic and I have no Catholic friends. I feel so alone. I feel like it is impossible to raise my kids to be good Catholics in this situation. Sometimes I just feel like giving up.

Heidi
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Gratitude check!
  1. You have 6 children! Yay! 👍
  2. You are married to another Catholic! Yay! 👍
  3. Your husband supports you and attends church with you! Yay! 👍 (I’m kind of assuming that he does at least attend church with you and the kids.)
These are really HUGE points to be grateful for. Now, as for homeschooling…You may think it is right for your children, and you may be right. But they are HIS children too (except for the oldest and even they may as well be) and he has his viewpoint which is valid too. You can still talk about this with him, and explain why you want to have them at home. You may get him to agree to try it for a year, and re evaluate after that year is up. What if you explain that the kids can get more done in a few hours at home than they can do all day at school? This is 100% true, and I know it because I also did substitute teaching and I saw it from the inside. So much time is wasted in a school day! And it’s all broken up into different periods so it’s impossible to really get a flow going.

But anyway, that’s kind of beside the point. Your husband may be a different kind of Catholic than you are, but the main thing is that the children see that you love each other and both believe in the Catholic Church. Try not to judge him and feel as if you don’t belong together.
 
Clarification: I didn’t mean that I feel like I don’t belong with him! I do! I just meant that the reason I met him at all is through my sin, and that maybe that wasn’t God’s plan because it was through sin? The reason I mentioned the homeschooling issue is because I was thinking that because we are so different in our beliefs, that is evidence that our son led us down the wrong path…and that we screwed up God’s plans. Anyway, I am very grateful for him and the kids. I am glad to see that there are other with kids in public school and it is working out well. Like I said, I have no perspective because I don’t know anyone who is Catholic.

Heidi
 
HeidiS33 said:
Clarification: I didn’t mean that I feel like I don’t belong with him! I do! I just meant that the reason I met him at all is through my sin, and that maybe that wasn’t God’s plan because it was through sin? The reason I mentioned the homeschooling issue is because I was thinking that because we are so different in our beliefs, that is evidence that our son led us down the wrong path…and that we screwed up God’s plans. Anyway, I am very grateful for him and the kids. I am glad to see that there are other with kids in public school and it is working out well. Like I said, I have no perspective because I don’t know anyone who is Catholic.

Heidi
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First of all, I think it is wonderful that you and your husband have been open to God’s gift of life. 👍

I don’t think you did anything wrong, personally. This is something that you need to spend time praying about, and ask our Lord to send His peace to you. If the church put it’s stamp of approval on it, then there is nothing to worry about.

Perhaps I missed it, but is there a Catholic school nearby? That might be a good compromise for both of you. You can keep your kids in a school atmosphere, but remove many of the negative influences that are causing your children to drift away.
 
Heidi,

My opinion is that you did not meet you husband through your sin, your first husband left you – not your fault for the selfishness of him. But God graced you with your current husband – If God chose for you to wait until later in time for you to meet someone then that would have happened.

As for having different views from your husband; that is not necessarily a bad thing. Not everyone will see things the same way – even faithful Catholics. The best thing you can do is just love and respect each other, be a living example to your children. Teach them that just because a teacher or a classmate says something does not mean that it is true, that with faith in God and following the example of his son Jesus they will be blessed.

Also welcome to the forum, post when ever you want other Catholics to “talk” to most here are very friendly and supportive.

May God bless and keep you and your family.

Winter
 
HeidiS33 said:
Clarification: I didn’t mean that I feel like I don’t belong with him! I do! I just meant that the reason I met him at all is through my sin, and that maybe that wasn’t God’s plan because it was through sin? The reason I mentioned the homeschooling issue is **because I was thinking that because we are so different in our beliefs, that is evidence that our son led us down the wrong path…and that we screwed up God’s plans. ** Anyway, I am very grateful for him and the kids. I am glad to see that there are other with kids in public school and it is working out well. Like I said, I have no perspective because I don’t know anyone who is Catholic.

Heidi
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What does this mean? “that is evidence that our son led us down the wrong path?” :confused:
 
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