Feeling intense despair and envy

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starchick21

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Hey, everyone! Lately, I’ve just been feeling so upset and envious, and I don’t know what to do. I try to pray, but it doesn’t seem to help that much. I went through a breakup two months ago, and I’m still struggling with feelings of sadness and worthlessness. I’m not as devastated as I was back then, but I still miss my ex boyfriend. So very much. This entire experience has reinforced a deep fear I’ve always had of ending up alone. I know that I’m called to marriage, and I want that kind of deep, romantic love more than anything. The funny thing is, I’m only 20, so I shouldn’t even be feeling this way. I know I’m young, and I have plenty of time to find the right guy, so why am I so upset all the time?

I don’t want to feel sad and envious, but I do, and I can’t stand it. I see happily married couples with children, as well as other people my age in loving relationships, and I just want to cry. They have what I so desperately want: the love of a good man and children. I see all of my pregnant relatives, and I’m nearly in tears while trying to keep a happy face on. I guess I just want to know how to feel okay again. I know my time will come, but I’m so impatient. I have a lot of hard, albeit fulfilling, work ahead of me (going into my junior year of college and trying to get into medical school) and I have a wonderful family and awesome friends, but it just feels like something is missing. I have a lot of love to give, but I don’t have a great guy to give it to. Sorry for rambling on and on, but I’m just in a really tough place right now, emotionally. I guess some prayers and kind words would help. Again, I get that I’m really young. I know you all must think I’m being irrational and making a mountain out of a molehill. What’s wrong with me? 😦
 
starchick21 said:
Hey, everyone! Lately, I’ve just been feeling so upset and envious, and I don’t know what to do. I try to pray, but it doesn’t seem to help that much. I went through a breakup two months ago, and I’m still struggling with feelings of sadness and worthlessness. I’m not as devastated as I was back then, but I still miss my ex boyfriend. So very much. This entire experience has reinforced a deep fear I’ve always had of ending up alone. I know that I’m called to marriage, and I want that kind of deep, romantic love more than anything. The funny thing is, I’m only 20, so I shouldn’t even be feeling this way. I know I’m young, and I have plenty of time to find the right guy, so why am I so upset all the time?

I don’t want to feel sad and envious, but I do, and I can’t stand it. I see happily married couples with children, as well as other people my age in loving relationships, and I just want to cry. They have what I so desperately want: the love of a good man and children. I see all of my pregnant relatives, and I’m nearly in tears while trying to keep a happy face on. I guess I just want to know how to feel okay again. I know my time will come, but I’m so impatient. I have a lot of hard, albeit fulfilling, work ahead of me (going into my junior year of college and trying to get into medical school) and I have a wonderful family and awesome friends, but it just feels like something is missing. I have a lot of love to give, but I don’t have a great guy to give it to. Sorry for rambling on and on, but I’m just in a really tough place right now, emotionally. I guess some prayers and kind words would help. Again, I get that I’m really young. I know you all must think I’m being irrational and making a mountain out of a molehill. What’s wrong with me? 😦
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I completely understand. I miss an ex I broke up with when I was about your age. I’ll say a prayer for you
 
:hug1:

I’m sorry for what you’ve been going through. It’s not easy breaking up. If one says it is, he’s forgotten!

With time, it will fade and heal, but in the meantime, I know it’s rough.

I’m praying for you.
 
I’m sorry you are feeling this way. I’ve been where you are. I understand the pain of a break up and the longing in your heart for a romantic relationship. I used to feel despair about finding the right man, but here I am, going on 4 wonderful years of marriage with my incredible husband. Everything will happen in God’s time. It did for me.

When I was around your age, I would pray for my future husband, even though I didn’t know who he was. God knew who he was, so I asked God to keep him safe and bless him and bring us together when the time was right. It was a beautiful and comforting experience to pray for my future husband, especially on the days when I most strongly felt the longing for that relationship. It was even more beautiful to see God answer my prayers in His own time.

As St. Teresa of Avila said, “Patience obtains all things.” and “Nothing is lacking to him who possesses God. God alone suffices.” Trust God and be patient. He will send you the right man when the time is right. Blessings!
 
kptrs said:
I’m sorry you are feeling this way. I’ve been where you are. I understand the pain of a break up and the longing in your heart for a romantic relationship. I used to feel despair about finding the right man, but here I am, going on 4 wonderful years of marriage with my incredible husband. Everything will happen in God’s time. It did for me.

When I was around your age, I would pray for my future husband, even though I didn’t know who he was. God knew who he was, so I asked God to keep him safe and bless him and bring us together when the time was right. It was a beautiful and comforting experience to pray for my future husband, especially on the days when I most strongly felt the longing for that relationship. It was even more beautiful to see God answer my prayers in His own time.

As St. Teresa of Avila said, “Patience obtains all things.” and “Nothing is lacking to him who possesses God. God alone suffices.” Trust God and be patient. He will send you the right man when the time is right. Blessings!
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This is right. I used to feel a lot like you describe as well. You need to learn to be ok with being single. I know it’s rough after a breakup, but try to make peace with your current state in life. Pray for your future husband. In time, God will reveal His plan for you.

I remember feeling very similar to this before I met my future wife. Once we met I realised that she was the woman my heart had been longing for. Trust in God and let Him work in your life and you’ll be amazed at what can happen.
 
AdamPeter said:
This is right. I used to feel a lot like you describe as well. You need to learn to be ok with being single. I know it’s rough after a breakup, but try to make peace with your current state in life. Pray for your future husband. In time, God will reveal His plan for you.

I remember feeling very similar to this before I met my future wife. Once we met I realised that she was the woman my heart had been longing for. Trust in God and let Him work in your life and you’ll be amazed at what can happen.
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Thank you so much! I remember you posted on my actual breakup thread two months ago, and you gave some wonderful advice back then as well. God bless!
 
I am sorry you are feeling so sad and most certainly will pray for you. I know this will sound like something that is opposite of how you “feel” but I suggest you to each day in pray( yes do it regardless- especially in front of the tabernacle or at Adoration) to thank God for loving you and say " I thank you Lord for loving me. I place my trust in you". Continually do this and also go to the Sacrament of reconciliation and confess your envy. In doing all these things you will receive sanctifying grace to give you the strength to carry on:blush: Our Lord desires you best more than you and is faithful! But… His ways are not always ours and His timing is better than ours. Perhaps He wants you to use this time to grow in your relationship with Him before marriage. Only He knows what is best for you. Some day you will be able to look back and see more clearly His plan but for now you must be patient and use this precious time wisely. I will pray for you my dear- you are not alone!:pray:t2:
In His love,
mlz
 
I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this. You are mistaken that we think you’re making a mountain out of a molehill. Many of us have been in places similar to where you are. It would be callous to just tell you to “get over it,” and not because you don’t need to get over what you are going through eventually. It is because we know that recovering from emotional loss does not work like that.

I suppose if you want to find help with your feelings, I would suggest literature concerning how to cope with grief. Grief is not just something we go through when someone dies. Any deeply-felt loss can bring it on: loss of a relationship, loss of professional standing, loss of a home, loss of a goal in life, loss of a regular source of consolation. Find some help with your grieving, and perhaps things will come along as quickly as it is healthy for them to go.

The good news is that there are triggers that can make recovery take off after what seems to be an awfully long time in the doldrums. Be careful, however, because an infatuation, whether with a person or a new life direction, can seem to do that. You are very vulnerable right now. Take it easy, expect some two-steps-forward-one-step-back could happen. The goal is normal most of the time, then upwards from there. Hang in there, you can get through it. You will. It just takes some time and patience with yourself.
 
EasterJoy said:
I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this. You are mistaken that we think you’re making a mountain out of a molehill. Many of us have been in places similar to where you are. It would be callous to just tell you to “get over it,” and not because you don’t need to get over what you are going through eventually. It is because we know that recovering from emotional loss does not work like that.

I suppose if you want to find help with your feelings, I would suggest literature concerning how to cope with grief. Grief is not just something we go through when someone dies. Any deeply-felt loss can bring it on: loss of a relationship, loss of professional standing, loss of a home, loss of a goal in life, loss of a regular source of consolation. Find some help with your grieving, and perhaps things will come along as quickly as it is healthy for them to go.

The good news is that there are triggers that can make recovery take off after what seems to be an awfully long time in the doldrums. Be careful, however, because an infatuation, whether with a person or a new life direction, can seem to do that. You are very vulnerable right now. Take it easy, expect some two-steps-forward-one-step-back could happen. The goal is normal most of the time, then upwards from there. Hang in there, you can get through it. You will. It just takes some time and patience with yourself.
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I wish someone had said this to me many years ago. I’m dealing today with ‘unresolved grief’ over a relationship I had a long time ago. When I was 20 years old. People at the time did not encourage me to feel the sadness and grieve. I was expected to shake it off and move on.

Take this time for yourself, feel the feelings, and grieve the loss. Time doesn’t always heal wounds. You need to grieve losses. And the loss of a relationship, friendship, pet, death of a person, is going to require something of you to heal.

You are 20, and that means you have a responsibility to care for yourself. Take ahold of this opportunity to grieve and get better eventually. It isn’t easy, but it will be beneficial.

At that time of my big break up, I too had cousins and friends getting married and having babies. I remember rolling my eyes at my guardian angel. I had tried to do the right things in my life. Even though I was struggling I was trying to finish my education and helping my mother and grandmother instead of partying like so many of my friends. My cousin was 18 and pregant and getting rewarded with a big fabulous wedding and a baby! I know that sounds immature, but it was how I felt. Yes eventually you will feel happy for people no matter your own circumstances.

God bless you and your will be in my prayers tonight.
 
When I was 20 I used to have unsteady emotions and cling on persons so as not to miss good things in life. Today am older, single and more emotionally stable than I thought possible.
My friend, just do not go into another relationship looking for consolation. Also, do not get back with your ex hoping things be better as you may end up feeling much worse.

I pray for you. Believe me, spend more time with Jesus before the Holy Eucharist. Even if you do not have the energy for prayers, Jesus will heal you.

I used to spend time in adoration chapel just sitting and sleeping. Well, Jesus healed me through the intercession of our Blessed Mother. Our lord tamed my sexuality and am free indeed.

Jesus will heal you my sister
 
starchick21 said:
but I still miss my ex boyfriend. So very much. (
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Be very careful while you still have feelings for your ex, you may need more time before looking for someone new.

Another word of caution, in the UK, about half of fifteen year old children are not living with both their biological parents. Marriage can be very easy to get into, but making it last requires a huge amount of effort.

Somehow God makes all these things work. Maybe do some voluntary work helping people in need, this will help you find another meaningful purpose in the meantime.

Blessings,

Eric
 
egretps said:
I wish someone had said this to me many years ago. I’m dealing today with ‘unresolved grief’ over a relationship I had a long time ago. When I was 20 years old. People at the time did not encourage me to feel the sadness and grieve. I was expected to shake it off and move on.

Take this time for yourself, feel the feelings, and grieve the loss. Time doesn’t always heal wounds. You need to grieve losses. And the loss of a relationship, friendship, pet, death of a person, is going to require something of you to heal.

You are 20, and that means you have a responsibility to care for yourself. Take ahold of this opportunity to grieve and get better eventually. It isn’t easy, but it will be beneficial.

At that time of my big break up, I too had cousins and friends getting married and having babies. I remember rolling my eyes at my guardian angel. I had tried to do the right things in my life. Even though I was struggling I was trying to finish my education and helping my mother and grandmother instead of partying like so many of my friends. My cousin was 18 and pregant and getting rewarded with a big fabulous wedding and a baby! I know that sounds immature, but it was how I felt. Yes eventually you will feel happy for people no matter your own circumstances.

God bless you and your will be in my prayers tonight.
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The most common misfortunes to come of not grieving an emotional loss are a) that it becomes formative in a bad way when it might have become formative in a good way and b) that the victim of the misfortune rushes into a poor decision in the hopes of getting out from under the difficult feelings.

By (a), I mean that people become cynical about emotional commitment, making the decision to hold back from ever becoming that vulnerable again. Well, if you plant a seed, it can’t sprout without becoming vulnerable. If you work your way through the real emotional pain of a breakup, the experience can leave you optimistic about your capability to weather emotional storms. You are willing to go out onto the playing field and sustain some bruises, because you don’t believe the injuries you are likely to sustain will be too much for you to recover from. The alternative is to go through life resenting that you can’t win if you won’t get out and play and risk bad umpires, bad bounces, and an occasional loss. The goal in grieving the loss of a love interest is to be willing to experience loss again if that is the price of having a real mutually-giving relationship.

By (b), of course I mean the unfortunate “rebound” relationship where the emotionally bruised person attempts far too much and does so far too quickly. In a sports analogy, it would be like rushing back from an injury. At the very least, the athlete can expect to perform poorly, letting down their teammates, and at worst the re-injury can preclude taking better opportunities that would have come along later, had a more patience been used. If you are not ready for a relationship or a decision to once again work out poorly, if you don’t have it in you to ask yourself if what you are doing maybe has a “down” side rather than all “up” sides, stay out of the arena for a little while longer. Do not rush into anything that seems too good to be true and do not pin your hopes on making a hole-in-one that will make everything all better.

No matter who you are, someone else is going to seem to have it better than you do. Someone else is going to seem to get more with less effort. Someone else is going to seem to breeze through with fewer obstacles. It is better to accept that life is not fair, that it is enough that life is good. Don’t punish yourself for wishing that the goodness of life was “unfairly” favoring you this time. Of course you wish that! Who wouldn’t?

Finding non-romantic avenues for good solid human friendship and interaction, whether that is spending time with family and friends or through volunteering, are good “rehab.” Taking good care of yourself physically helps to support positive emotions, as well: get enough sleep, eat right, get the kind of exercise that makes you feel fit and positive, whether that is long reflective walks or working up a sweat at a gym or going golfing, skiing, or swimming. Expect to need to be patient, expect patience to be difficult, expect the temptation to resent having to go through this not-fun rehabilitation. Let yourself say, “I know this is necessary, but it stinks. I do not like it” from time to time. Then say, “Well, the only way out is forward. A little every day, and I will get out of this. Send me help, Lord, because this is a work that needs an infusion of hope.”

Most of all, realize that you are going through a common thing that you will experience in your own very individual way. No one tells a new widow, “hey, buck up, the world is full of widows.” (OK, I know someone who did that, but she wasn’t anyone’s idea of a great support system, LOL!)

You’'ll get through this, but realize that all of us who got through this took some time to do it. We didn’t enjoy it then, and we wouldn’t enjoy it if we knew then what we knew now. We wouldn’t trade the profit we got from getting through it, but we wouldn’t exactly rush to have that time back again, either. We might get through it better, but it wouldn’t automatically be easy because we learned how to do it the first time through. We can tell you, though, that getting through it well really, really beats the alternatives. There is profit to be had, and no way to escape that it is difficult. Go for the best way out of a bad situation; you won’t be sorry you did.
 
onyuka said:
Believe me, spend more time with Jesus before the Holy Eucharist. Even if you do not have the energy for prayers, Jesus will heal you.

I used to spend time in adoration chapel just sitting and sleeping. Well, Jesus healed me through the intercession of our Blessed Mother. Our lord tamed my sexuality and am free indeed.

Jesus will heal you my sister
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This is what I have been doing as much as I have been able and I added the rosary. I can tell you this is very good direction. Just sitting in Our Lord’s Presence will heal. And maybe your part will be easier.

God Bless you!
 
egretps said:
This is what I have been doing as much as I have been able and I added the rosary. I can tell you this is very good direction. Just sitting in Our Lord’s Presence will heal. And maybe your part will be easier.

God Bless you!
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There is a reason that the poor have easier access to God than the rich. We are very tempted to make our own way when we’re feeling competent and self-sufficient.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

Absolutely, a time of grief is a rich opportunity to turn to God, to remember what is really important, to remember the goals we ought to make a priority while we are in this vale of tears. That is the most “productive” thing we can ever do, but grief makes us more willing.
 
I’m sorry you are hurting. Know that God has big plans for you! It may not always feel that way - believe me, I had some rough times where I doubted His plans - but in His time, he will bring everything together for you. I wish I could go back and tell myself to not have spent so much time (years) worrying about it. I should have trusted more! I am about to marry an amazing man, and if things had gone differently in my life, I wouldn’t have met him!

Embrace where you are in life right now and use it as a time to serve others and work on yourself, being the best version of YOU you can be. When the time is right, the man God has planned for you will be there and it will all fall into place. God bless you!
 
Nothing hurts so much as a broken heart, so we can empathize with your hurt.

Being on the other side of a (not-so-distant) broken heart, I look around at the blessings that God gave me without the person I wanted to marry at age 20, and His idea for my life was very different than my idea. Guess whose idea was a better one?

The Lord has a plan for you, and it is a shock when it doesn’t line up with what you wanted, and that causes justifiable grief.

God is probably working on you. Who knows what lessons He is teaching you (far be it from me to project my lessons onto you) or what you need to go through first to be better suited for your future.

God bless!
 
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