Feeling like I'm missing mass with LO

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ellam25

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My daughter is five months old, very active and pretty much every Sunday without fail, she starts crying and she isn’t happy until we get out and walk out with her. We bring bottles, toys, etc. I end sitting out in the vestibule and even though they have speakers for us sitting out there even hardly pay attention with her. Does mass still count for me? Anyone else have this issue??
 
ellam25 said:
My daughter is five months old, very active and pretty much every Sunday without fail, she starts crying and she isn’t happy until we get out and walk out with her. We bring bottles, toys, etc. I end sitting out in the vestibule and even though they have speakers for us sitting out there even hardly pay attention with her. Does mass still count for me? Anyone else have this issue??
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Yes, for 4 years I spent every Sunday (or Saturday) in the cry room. It’s hard to pay attention for sure. Just do what you can. this applies to Mass as well as life in general with little ones! It gets easier as time goes on. Well, mine arent teenagers yet, so I may retract that in a few years.
 
That is par for the course. Basically, don’t expect a 5 month old to magically behave differently during Mass. If they cry at home, they will cry in a church. As my wife says, “that’s how babies pray.” But it will pass. Our parish is very understanding and wants families to attend Mass even if that means crying babies and spending half the Mass outside. The important part is making the effort even if you don’t get the same spiritual experience you got before having kids.

My tip, bring a rosary and pray it as you calm your daughter down. You may not be in the pews, but at least you’re still reserving the time for prayer.
 
Dacinom said:
God bless you for saying this, with all Christian charity I am going to disagree with you 100% because I think that moms with small children need to believe this: when the baby is crying, when you can’t hear the homily, when there is spit up on your skirt and when you have a headache and are longing for a “spiritual experience” to hear the Mass readings, please trust in the Holy Spirit!

The God that created the Universe, The Almighty God that Created the Heavens and the Earth sees your efforts. God sees your obedience and that your are trying and struggling to attend Mass. God’s rewards are rich indeed, trust in God! It is easy to attend Mass when it is quiet and you can hear the readings and the candles are calming and the music is peaceful, but when you are struggling and attend Mass anyway, I think those are the Masses when the spiritual experiences are actually the strongest, even though it might not feel like it at the time. I think parents who struggle with small children at Mass don’t think they get anything out of it but in reality they really do! God is good, hope this helps.
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I don’t think you are actually disagreeing with the PP at all. It really isn’t the same spiritual experience - no matter how you slice it. I think your point is a good one though. Having a different spiritual experience isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

To the OP, Mass does still count for you and you are absolutely not alone. My youngest are about to turn g 4 yo and just in the last 6 months have I felt like I get to hear the majority of Masses. Don’t let that scare you though. We had some extenuating circumstances that dragged it out.

Keep going to Mass, listen when you can, and look for the ways that you are still engaged as much as you can. You might be surprised. Oh and one thing that really helped for a while was reading the readings before Mass when possible so that even if I was in and out, I had an idea of what was going on.
 
Our good (now deceased) beloved Monsignor used to say
"There’s a special place in heaven for mothers of babies and toddlers. "
Be at peace. Our Lord was an infant once.
 
pianistclare said:
Our good (now deceased) beloved Monsignor used to say
"There’s a special place in heaven for mothers of babies and toddlers. "
Be at peace. Our Lord was an infant once.
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True. Any mother who can keep her calm and remain loving in the face of toddler meltdowns and tantrums is a candidate for sainthood.
 
I was drawn to the Church because we didn’t have a cry room in my parish. Any church that respects human life at all stages–even the more difficult ones after birth–seems to be more in tune with God’s plan.
I admire the faith of the pre-mass rosary crowd, but none of them are are parents of young children in my parish. I have a large family and I act as a Eucharistic Minister so we often arrive early. Sometimes our two youngest draw the ire of the older folks–as did our older kids years ago. Out of respect, we always try to keep them quiet, but kids will sometimes be loud before you can stop them. I know many of these people personally through various ministries (Knights of Columbus, Eucharistic Ministry, various parish projects, and my wife does Bread of Life and worksee with our diocesan pregnancy resource outreach). Most of the old timers know our special needs kid. Most of them are happy to see me with the Knights showing up to conduct cleans and repairs at their houses when they need help. In all, we all live together and share the parish.
As a new mother, the OP is providing a vital role in her parish, it’s future. My guess is that the majority of other people in the Parish don’the mind that baby as much as we suspect. Even the few who do are often easily won over by sincere and frequent kindness from the parents. I once brow beat an old lady with smiles until she got okay with my kids 🙂
 
I used to worry about that a lot too, but I knew that growing up attending Mass was good for them, and they would grow out of being young 😉 I tried to make going out of Mass 1. boring, and 2. for babies–obviously this was when they were older!

One thing I ended up doing was offering up my prayers for parents of the handicapped. This happened because as I was out in the foyer with my baby, I saw an older man bring out his son, but his son was in his 30s; he had a spastic form of CP, I think. These parents would always be bringing their son out, he would never grow out of it. So that’s why I offered up my temporary cross of going out for them.
 
Speaking as someone who recently returned to the main part of the church during Mass, I will also add this - the volume of the baby crying is amplified 10 fold to the baby’s parents. The rest of the people at Mass barely notice.
 
Oh yes. I have an almost-three year old who is very active and won’t stay in the pew no matter what we bring to amuse her. I usually end up wandering the vestibule with her. It makes me sad that I don’t get as “into” the Mass as I do when on my own, but Our Lord knows what Mothers go through and appreciates us bringing children to Him.
 
I’m with you. I have a toddler and a 6mo and while we usually manage to stay in the pews, I’m often very distracted by trying to keep them from distracting other people. I often miss the days when Mass was a meditative and peaceful experience and I was actually able to hear and reflect on the homily and readings.
 
ellam25 said:
My daughter is five months old, very active and pretty much every Sunday without fail, she starts crying and she isn’t happy until we get out and walk out with her. We bring bottles, toys, etc. I end sitting out in the vestibule and even though they have speakers for us sitting out there even hardly pay attention with her. Does mass still count for me? Anyone else have this issue??
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  1. Yes, Mass definitely still counts for you! 🙂 Even if it didn’t, though, bear in mind that the care of small children is one of the reasons listed in the Catechism as an acceptable reason to miss Mass. (Not at all suggesting you do so, of course, but I wanted to put your mind at ease.)
  2. I really do understand. DD, who turned 2 last month, has been able of late to sit quietly during Mass inside the church, but up 'til late last year, that wasn’t an option due to the wiggliness and noise. I hated sitting out in the narthex! We do have speakers, but they aren’t very good, and between DD and the physical separation from the rest of the congregation, I felt isolated and alone and not really a part of the congregation anymore, even though our church is really quite good about small kids. We’ll have a newborn in a couple of months, so I suspect we’re going to be spending more time out there again soon, and I hope that remembering that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and kiddo will eventually learn to behave will help me keep sane this time 'round.
When DD was your kid’s age, I tried to time feedings so that we’d get into the pew, she’d be interested in the entrance hymn/Gloria (music! Singing! Standing!), I’d break out a bottle when we sat down for the readings, and then, once the Gospel (and bottle) was over, I’d walk to the back of the church and pace there with her for much of the rest of Mass. I’d bring just one or two toys to break out around the time of the Agnus Dei/distribution of Communion: a teething bead ring and a bunch of laminated holy cards on a ring would hold her attention for a few minutes, at least. There were plenty of times when I’d have to carry her out anyway, of course, but that routine worked more often than not…at least, until she learned how to crawl, and became all sorts of furious that I wouldn’t let her down to crawl all over the church during Mass. 😛
 
With my youngest, just holding her while standing up was enough to quiet her down so we would stand behind the last pews in the back. Depending on the church we were at, I could hold her on my shoulder and let her look behind me at the stained glass windows while I face forward and get to (mostly)focus on the Mass.
 
Mass still counts for you, but when our children were small and very active my husband and I would tag-team and leave them at home. Later, when they could be expected to do better, we sat in the front (provided that they were acting well enough to not be a distraction) so they could see everything, and they caught up. Now they’re in high school, and still altar serving at least twice a month.

We only had the two, so that worked for us. Do your best, and don’t beat yourself up. If you want to have your children and spouse there all together every weekend–a good situation, if you can get it to work!–you might also go to Mass an extra time once in awhile by yourself. It does do a soul good.
 
EasterJoy said:
Mass still counts for you, but when our children were small and very active my husband and I would tag-team and leave them at home. Later, when they could be expected to do better, we sat in the front (provided that they were acting well enough to not be a distraction) so they could see everything, and they caught up. Now they’re in high school, and still altar serving at least twice a month.

We only had the two, so that worked for us. Do your best, and don’t beat yourself up. If you want to have your children and spouse there all together every weekend–a good situation, if you can get it to work!–you might also go to Mass an extra time once in awhile by yourself. It does do a soul good.
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This is a really good idea, too. Every so often during our Mass-spent-in-the-narthex stage, DH would wrangle DD while I got to go into the main body of the church by myself. I could sit! (Radical, at the time.) I could hear and think about the readings and sermon, and I could focus on the Mass itself without being screamed at or worrying about keeping DD quiet. It was marvelous!
 
I had 5 children in 9 years, so I spent a lot of time in the cry room and in the narthex. I used to say that I never realized that having children meant I would never pray in church again. As the youngest of the 5 turned 3, my experience got dramatically better, but I still felt like I spent the entire liturgy managing people. At least I got to stay inside the church, though, so that was good. I’d finally gotten into a groove when I had another baby. She’s 14 months old now, and I’m finding myself once again spending more time out of the church than in it. This time, at least, I have some perspective and I know that it will pass - eventually. Some kids take longer than others, but someday you might be able to pray again. (Until the kids start fighting in church, but that’s a new challenge.) Hang in there.
 
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