Feeling Lost

[tj5421]

I am Catholic but I have never been an overly religious person. I always felt like I was sort of going through the motions. However, for a good part of my life I went to church on a regular basis. Although I am not overly religious, spending an hour every week going to church always felt good. I felt refreshed and ready to start my week. I don’t know if it was just an hour to forget about all the craziness in the world but it was something I enjoyed.

Fast forward to today, I just graduated from law school. Going to law school required me to make a lot of sacrifices (friends, family, my health) including going to church. I just didn’t have the time, I was working 7 days a week 12 hours a day. Before going to law school I thought it was something that I wanted to do but I found that I absolutely HATE it. As a result, I just feel completely lost because I gave up so much to do something which I absolutely despise. In addition, law school has turned me into a person that I don’t want to be (typical lawyer stereotype, yes it is a true stereotype unfortunately). One of the things that made me really dislike the law was the fact that a lot of the time you have to make arguments for things that you don’t believe in or that aren’t morally right although legal.

I guess I was wondering if a priest would be willing to speak with me to give me some guidance/advice? I just feel like I have a void from being so focused on law/making money/greed and would like to refocus towards helping others. Anyways, I apologize if this was a bit of a rant, I am just looking to get some direction back in my life and feel like my distance from the church has definitely hurt me.

 

[GRATEFULONEjim]

You answered your own question with excellent advice… Talk with a Priest and get yourself to Mass. You will find your path within your profession. Spend some time in Adoration too.

 

[HoosMommie]

Having a law degree doesn’t necessarily dictate that you must practice law. The opportunities outside of the law for you are limitless.

Please do see a priest right away and go back to Mass. I would also recommend going to Adoration if it’s available to you. Just sit there qietly and let Jesus lovingly gaze on you.

I’ll be praying for you.

 

[1ke]

Yes, of course. Contact your local parish and make an appointment with the pastor.

 

[PJH_74]

I’m sorry to hear that you went through the trouble (and expense!) of law school to find out things about yourself. While it may be disheartening to have put out so much effort to find this out, I think what the experience taught you may end up being a real turning point in your life. I hope and pray this whole experience helps you find a more fulfilling life that aligns with your passions and callings.

 

[Xantippe]

“One of the things that made me really dislike the law was the fact that a lot of the time you have to make arguments for things that you don’t believe in or that aren’t morally right although legal.”

I think you may need to think carefully about what branch of law to pursue. I don’t know the area well, but real estate law and estate planning come to mind as areas with fewer moral problems. Estate planning, in particular, is so important and you could do a lot of good in helping families make sensible, workable arrangements that will protect vulnerable people and preserve family relationships. People make such a mess sometimes when they die without proper estate planning.

Would it help you to read a life of Thomas More? Also, bear in mind how many good Catholic lawyers there are. There’s even a special Red Mass just for Catholics in the legal profession.

 

[Sonia_Elizondo]

I am Catholic but I have never been an overly religious person. I always felt like I was sort of going through the motions. However, for a good part of my life I went to church on a regular basis. Although I am not overly religious, spending an hour every week going to church always felt good. I felt refreshed and ready to start my week. I don’t know if it was just an hour to forget about all the craziness in the world but it was something I enjoyed.

Fast forward to today, I just graduated from law school. Going to law school required me to make a lot of sacrifices (friends, family, my health) including going to church. I just didn’t have the time, I was working 7 days a week 12 hours a day. Before going to law school I thought it was something that I wanted to do but I found that I absolutely HATE it. As a result, I just feel completely lost because I gave up so much to do something which I absolutely despise. In addition, law school has turned me into a person that I don’t want to be (typical lawyer stereotype, yes it is a true stereotype unfortunately). One of the things that made me really dislike the law was the fact that a lot of the time you have to make arguments for things that you don’t believe in or that aren’t morally right although legal.

I guess I was wondering if a priest would be willing to speak with me to give me some guidance/advice? I just feel like I have a void from being so focused on law/making money/greed and would like to refocus towards helping others. Anyways, I apologize if this was a bit of a rant, I am just looking to get some direction back in my life and feel like my distance from the church has definitely hurt me.

Dear Feeling Lost,

I, too, sacraficed a lot to obtain a master’s degree in education. I veered away from having myself and my family attend mass regularly. No doubt that I hurt our family by doing this. I thought I was working towards being a better wife, mother, and member of society. I recently graduated and completed my internship. I should be happy but instead I find myself devastated by my marriage falling apart and learning that I absolutely HATE the administration of education. I am lost too. I am losing my husband/marriage and I find it difficult to even want to work because I feel so lost and sad.

With that being said, I worked for attorneys for many years. I understand the conflict you have sworn to undertake. It is my opinion that you can continue with your profession in an area that helps you stay true to your morals by helping people not being taken advantage of and always encouraging others to take a higher road and do the right thing. You may not think you are a “religious” person but I think the fact that you recognize the conflict between what is right and wrong, morally and legally, makes you religious.

I am not the type to reherse the bible to anyone at anytime but I pray silently every day. I talk to God silently every day. I also try my best to be a good person in every way possible, encourage others to do the same, and stay away from bad temptations.

I pray you will find your way to a place that will help you feel fulfilled, happy, and always helping others.

 

[tj5421]

Having a law degree doesn’t necessarily dictate that you must practice law. The opportunities outside of the law for you are limitless.

Please do see a priest right away and go back to Mass. I would also recommend going to Adoration if it’s available to you. Just sit there qietly and let Jesus lovingly gaze on you.

I’ll be praying for you.

Thanks for the advice and the prayers! Right now the legal market is flooded with lawyers. I have tried looking for jobs in other areas but in this economy it seems like employers want very specific skills. A lot of times when I go to an interview they question my motivation to work for them and think it is weird that I am not using my law degree. I realize life goes on and I will just have to figure it out. I guess what is meant to be is meant to be.

 

[tj5421]

I’m sorry to hear that you went through the trouble (and expense!) of law school to find out things about yourself. While it may be disheartening to have put out so much effort to find this out, I think what the experience taught you may end up being a real turning point in your life. I hope and pray this whole experience helps you find a more fulfilling life that aligns with your passions and callings.

Thank you for the advice and prayers! I definitely think this is a big turning point in my life. I know that I was to be successful and make a meaningful contribution to society but just not in what context.

I know they say that everyone has a unique skill and talent but I just feel like I really haven’t found mine yet. I truly envy those who knew from a young age that they wanted to be X. Hopefully some prayer and reflection can get me on the right path.

 

[tj5421]

“One of the things that made me really dislike the law was the fact that a lot of the time you have to make arguments for things that you don’t believe in or that aren’t morally right although legal.”

I think you may need to think carefully about what branch of law to pursue. I don’t know the area well, but real estate law and estate planning come to mind as areas with fewer moral problems. Estate planning, in particular, is so important and you could do a lot of good in helping families make sensible, workable arrangements that will protect vulnerable people and preserve family relationships. People make such a mess sometimes when they die without proper estate planning.

Would it help you to read a life of Thomas More? Also, bear in mind how many good Catholic lawyers there are. There’s even a special Red Mass just for Catholics in the legal profession.

Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it!

I think I have an issue with the structure of the legal profession as a whole as opposed to specific types of law (you are definitely right though, some types of law are a lot more “moral” than others). One of my main issues with the law is the adversarial nature of it. As a lawyer you have a duty to defend your clients position to your greatest ability short of lying. Thus, as I mentioned earlier this leads to stretching of the truth and having to take positions that are “legal” while not “morally” right. To use your estate plan example, say a person comes to you and wants you to rewrite there will so there child who has always taken care of them gets nothing and the money is given instead to someone else. As another example, under the rules of professional conduct (rules that govern the conduct of attorneys) if a client comes to you and says I killed a person and there body is buried in this field. Legally you cannot disclose the location of the body to the police. This type of stuff just doesn’t agree with me. Additionally, it is very tiring to fight against someone every day of your life in work. I have spent months fighting with other attorneys to just get one sheet of paper.

The other issue I have with the legal profession is greed. Lawyers will literally charge you just to speak to them for 1 minute. A lawyer can spend all of an hour settling a case with an insurance company and they get 20% of the settlement. I once spoke to an attorney who gave up doing something he loved just so he could work in a high priced law firm where he could make a ton of money. That just doesn’t sit well with me. Also, in the law, money is everything. If you have money you can basically get away with anything.

Also related to the greed and money issue is the inequality in the legal system. As an African American you basically have no chance in the criminal justice system.

While I am sure there are many good Catholic Lawyers. Law school just turns you into a different person. It is very hard to explain. It is almost like going through a military boot camp, it changes you forever. The movie the Devil’s Advocate definitely paints a good picture of what I am trying to describe.

 

[Cruciferi]

What does it profit a man to gain the world but lose his soul?

Savor that saying…

Go back to church and find a priest that is a good one. Someone who is authentic and motivated by his faith. Also, no career is worth working seven hours a day. Rest one day a week. Preferably Sunday.

 

[tj5421]

Dear Feeling Lost,

I, too, sacraficed a lot to obtain a master’s degree in education. I veered away from having myself and my family attend mass regularly. No doubt that I hurt our family by doing this. I thought I was working towards being a better wife, mother, and member of society. I recently graduated and completed my internship. I should be happy but instead I find myself devastated by my marriage falling apart and learning that I absolutely HATE the administration of education. I am lost too. I am losing my husband/marriage and I find it difficult to even want to work because I feel so lost and sad.

With that being said, I worked for attorneys for many years. I understand the conflict you have sworn to undertake. It is my opinion that you can continue with your profession in an area that helps you stay true to your morals by helping people not being taken advantage of and always encouraging others to take a higher road and do the right thing. You may not think you are a “religious” person but I think the fact that you recognize the conflict between what is right and wrong, morally and legally, makes you religious.

I am not the type to reherse the bible to anyone at anytime but I pray silently every day. I talk to God silently every day. I also try my best to be a good person in every way possible, encourage others to do the same, and stay away from bad temptations.

I pray you will find your way to a place that will help you feel fulfilled, happy, and always helping others.

Thank you Sonia Elizondo for sharing your story. I can definitely relate to what you are feeling and going through. I have also lost my connection with my gf, friends, and family. It seems like this world is so competitive any more that you have to give up everything to get somewhere. I hope you are able to find something that you like and rebuild the relationships with your family. I have tried to stay positive and keep in mind that life has its ups and downs but I definitely understand how tough it can be once you have family and financial obligations to switch professions. I wish you luck and will say a prayer for you.

 

[tj5421]

What does it profit a man to gain the world but lose his soul?

Savor that saying…

Go back to church and find a priest that is a good one. Someone who is authentic and motivated by his faith. Also, no career is worth working seven hours a day. Rest one day a week. Preferably Sunday.

Thank you for that saying. That basically embodies what I was trying to express.

The church that I used to go to has a much older priest. While he is a nice person I think I would feel more comfortable talking to someone who is a little younger and who could better relate to me. How would I go about doing this?

 

[Cruciferi]

Hmmm…finding a good priest is hard. Personally, I find diocesan priests to be more difficult to deal with. Try to find priests who have joined orders such as the Franciscans, Dominicans, and Benedictines. There may be a monastery right near you!

Otherwise, go church shopping. I know it sounds crude but in a sense, it’s true. Not all priests or churches are created equal. Therefore, look until you find a priest you like and then get to know him.

In conclusion, follow your gut and look around a bit. A younger priest may not be better than the older priest. It depends on the man and your personal preference.

 

[rebeccanew]

Thank you for that saying. That basically embodies what I was trying to express.

The church that I used to go to has a much older priest. While he is a nice person I think I would feel more comfortable talking to someone who is a little younger and who could better relate to me. How would I go about doing this?

What makes you think that age has anything to do with relativity? Don’t let ageism get in your heart-ohh yeah, that’s not cool.