Feeling Nervous

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Anglewannabe

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Lately, I have been feeling really nervous. I have a friend that is a nun who I pray a lot with over the phone. She is extremely helpful. The thing is, she is on holidays for almost a month and will not be able to help me. I respect her space because she does so much for me, I want to be grateful, not expect it from her.

It has only been a week since I talked to her and I am panicking. She has recommended some books for me to read about PTSD. These books are really good at explain what child abuse is, (I grew up in an emotionally abusive family) and the books do a good job at explaining the consequences of the abuse. It is triggering a lot of pain, and it is just making me feel on pins and needles.

The problem I have with the books is the only thing they do (so far and I am 1/3 of the way through them) is talking about what abuse is. Well, that might be fine and dandy, but I am looking for the solution. I want to start implementing solutions in my life. And I am at a loss of how to go about this. Also, these books are not Christian so needless to say, some of the concepts or suggestions in them are not very Catholic.

To top it all off, a head hunter has contacted me and ask to submit my resume to an organization for a job that would be awesome for me. I said yes, but we all know my issues with work. I would love to have this job, but it is reliving all the times I was unemployed and needing the job (as oppose to wanting a promotion). Then after this head hunter contact me, it kind of motivated to apply for a couple of positions on my own.

To top it off, I am taking a course to further my career and it is not exactly my favourite subject. All degrees have that one course you don’t like but you take it anyways. Well this course is the one. What kills me is the tutor will put comments in my essay answers such as ‘That is not accurate’, and ‘There are much better ways to word this’ and then at the end of the question she gives me 20/20 :rolleyes: How am I suppose to learn if when I am obviously doing well enough to get full marks, she criticizes everything I did 🤷 It is just like the confusing message of childhood that I am always being criticized for nothing.

I am really having trouble just being at peace right now.

That was my vent. Thanks for reading 🙂

Angie
 
Well, Angie, I think you have become overly dependendent on the Sister and it is almost as if she has become a mother figure for you or a crutch. That is not necessarily a bad thing, but it seems as if you do not function well without her to lean on.

Not really privy to your accounts of abuse I can only ask; were you beaten, starved, deprived of care and shelter, or verbally abused? You can rise above all or any of these conditions and many have done so.

You need to “vacate” your mind and let the power of Christ move in. With all the reading the Sister has suggested, it seems that she may be trying to get you to move out of the direction of “Oh, poor me,” and get your GPS to point you down the road to a God Centered life.

We can not change the past, but we can learn from it, direct the future according to God’s will and desire for us. I would encourage you to take the job, occupy your “self” and spirit with a “better and better every day” attitude and jump feet first into your tommarow.

Isn’t that what God wants for all of us…to encounter Him with joy, trust and love.? Go for the gold. You won’t be sorry. In the meantime you have my prayers. Peace.

P. S. Don’t forget to pray for the Sister. It isn’t an easy work for her to do in this chaotic world.
 
It took me a long time to deal with some childhood difficulties, but overall, there were good times, too. That is what I had to learn to focus on. I am sure the nun does not want you to become co-dependent on her. There comes a point when we have to make our own decisions and think things through and work them out ourselves. Do not relive the past disappointments. Move ahead and make a better person of you. Don’t let the past ruin your future. You have it in you to do that. Build your confidence. Find a circle of good friends, starting with one friend first. You have a lot to offer the world and you deserve to be happy. It’s what God wants for you. Things look promising with a job you will enjoy. Think positive, remove the negativity. I will be praying for you. God bless you always.
 
I suggest you look into cognitive behavioral therapy and see if you think it could help you. Rather than focusing on past sources of current dysfunctional defenses, it just explains how to think in the present about things.

*Feeling Good *by Dr David Burns (available in libraries, thrift shops, etc) is the first book but there are now so many that it would be worth looking into one more tailored for your situation.

Mixed messages can be very difficult. I would suggest you either ignore the tutor’s comments, or ask how you can improve, since the comments are a bit vague. Either way, be grateful for the 20/20s 🙂
 
Anglewannabe said:
For the record, my resume has been submitted. At this stage I am not even guaranteed an interview so it is too early to decide to take the job
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You haven’t even been at your current job a year. What on earth are you doing applying for new jobs?

I also suggest getting a counselor, career and personal.
 
1ke said:
You haven’t even been at your current job a year. What on earth are you doing applying for new jobs?
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The head hunter had my resume on file from before I started my new job and it would be an awesome opportunity.
 
Sometimes a good opportunity appears when you are in your current job for less than a year. Take it. Don’t miss out on a dream job opportunity.👍
 
Anglewannabe said:
The head hunter had my resume on file from before I started my new job and it would be an awesome opportunity.
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Um, the “headhunter” does not have your best interest at heart. He/she has his/her OWN interest at heart.

The headhunter gets paid to place people. Of course the HH will tell you that it’s an “awesome opportunity” because it’s $$$ in THEIR pocket if you job hop.

The HH is not your friend.

Use caution. You’ve had serious interpersonal issues at each job you’ve taken. Get some counseling before you continue to hop around from job to job.
 
You know, after reading IKE’s response, I agree with the observation, esp. as I have never heard of the term “headhunter” before or their agendas. Do listen to IKE. I learn something new every day. Peace.
 
1ke said:
Um, the “headhunter” does not have your best interest at heart. He/she has his/her OWN interest at heart
The headhunter gets paid to place people. Of course the HH will tell you that it’s an “awesome opportunity” because it’s $$$ in THEIR pocket if you job hop…
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True, but if the HH suggests my resume, at some point she thinks it is because the company would like my resume over others and I can go on the interview and form my own opinion
 
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