Feeling sad lately (a little long)

[whatevergirl]

Sigh I hate feeling whiny, weepy…but lately, I just feel down about moving to Florida. Not entirely, it’s been a good move financially…I got a promotion, and hubby got a great job with Disney…kids are doing good in school (I really like the public schools they are attending)…we live in a nice neighborhood, met some nice people here…oh, my sister lives only a few hours away now, so that’s cool too…bla bla bla.

But, I don’t know what it is, I just like all of a sudden, over the past month…feel EXTREMELY nostalgic and ‘home sick’ for Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh is not my hometown, but it’s my husband’s and just had soooo many good honest friends over the years, that we met there. I loved our parish, and I can’t seem to find a parish that I am in love with, like that one, here in Florida. We have one that we have been attending for about a year, but still…nothing like the one in Pittsburgh. I think what I miss is the closeness of the parish we belonged to. The parishes here are so large…you feel like you have no identity, like the priest is just shaking your hand at the end of mass with no feeling. BUT…Confession is here with these priests is awesome. I know, they are just busy…but these overwhelmingly large parishes just aren’t my ‘thing,’ perhaps. I miss the one in Pittsburgh.

Not only that, I miss the women I had become SO close with at work. I have made friends here, but where I work is not for the faint of heart. It is high pressure, which doesn’t bother me, but there seems to be an element of closeness missing. I moved here and am virtually doing the same thing I did back in PA, with an increase in my territory (I’m in sales) and the money has been quite good, but I just feel unattached here, or something.

I miss my MIL, the female coworkers I became friends with, and sometimes, the snow. (not often on that last one ) Is this normal, to feel sad about missing people? I wish I could say the feelings have been fleeting, but they are bogging me down. I ask God to lift them from me, but they just keep getting heavier. I ask God…do you want us here in Florida, and it seems like He does. Before moving, we reflected much…and from a financial standpoint, we are doing well. There’s more to life than money, though, certainly. I know this. But, my husband hated the snow, the shoveling of it (bad back) and so forth, and really was miserable after the holidays, up there. So, my company put things into motion for us, and we moved here in 07. And you know, I hadn’t thought of it really, but it’s like all of a sudden, I just miss everything and everyone up there.

I’m not pms-ing, so it’s not that. I wish I was, then that would be an excuse…but no, I just feel weepy so much over missing people up there. We are planning a trip there in the summer…and really can’t wait to see everyone. I namely miss my MIL. We are very close. I talk to her weekly…but not the same.

Some great things that happened since moving here include my son being active in football, (there was too much in the way of politics up north, and he didn’t have a fair shake, we think), my daughter is doing great in guitar, and we love her guitar teacher, and we like our neighbors. And we found a new cat. lol Let’s not forget that!

So…am I abnormal, or is this normal? I ask God for forgiveness over this daily…do you think God is looking at me as I’m an ungrateful person? I am very grateful for what He has blessed us with…I keep thinking of the passage where Jesus talks about not turning back when you’re hand is on the plow facing forward (that is such a butchering of the passage, but you know the one I mean?) Looking back, God paved the way for us to move here…not a doubt in my mind. On many days, I don’t think about this, but lately, I can’t shake it.

Your thoughts, advice, support, prayers would be greatly appreciated.

 

[whatevergirl]

Oh, I do like my hair stylist very much–couldn’t find a good one in Pittsburgh, that really could be creative with me. (THAT’S IMPORTANT YOU KNOW!)

I also like Publix better than Giant Eagle, and I like to shop where people know my by name. And they take the time to get to know their shoppers at this one Publix we shop at…

lol Lots of good things here in Florida, so why do I miss so much back in Pittsburgh, lately? :bighanky:

 

[Belgarion]

Its absolutely normal for you to feel this way.

A similar situation would be where a child moves away from the school, neighborhood, and the friends he or she has known for so long.

I won’t pull a Yoda and say: “mourn them do not, miss them do not.” Because there is NOTHING wrong with missing your friends and former surroundings.

I was born here in Eugene, moved to New Jersey and New York when I was 2 or 3, lived there for a year, moved to California, lived ther for 4 years, then moved back up here to Oregon. Not only that, but I moved many times within this very city! I had to leave friends behind more than once.

Now, I had missed my friends in California, and the other schools. But that went away. I was a child, so maybe it was easier for me.

I know that I would miss my friends and family here if I moved away. I imagine I would feel much like you do.
(Though don’t use me as a measure of normality, I’m VERY odd )
However, I’ll tell you that my parents missed this town very much when they had to move.

But God brought them back here. Not only that, but their relatives who lived out-of-state moved back here, too!..Well, the ones that were REALLY far away did.
God has a way of working through these things. I know that the promise of “it’ll be fine” doesn’t help much…

But I will tell you that there’s a reason for everything.

If you miss your MIL (Wow, that’s odd ) then tell her! Talk to her more often! Email her every day! That’s what I would do if I were you!

Well…that and buy a snow-machine…To remind you of the old winter weather

My point is, its REALLY OK to miss everything.
Try praying about it, maybe you’re missing them for a reason.
But I’ll be praying for you!
I hope you feel better soon!

 

[whatevergirl]

Belgarion–thank you…this has helped. Yeah, maybe I’m missing them for a reason, but what reason? I lost my parents as a child, and you know, you learn to cope with loss pretty well, and while I don’t liken moving from Pgh, to FL, as anything close to losing my parents, I don’t ‘like’ missing people. It feels very strange to me…almost like a pain in my stomach. I work hard to be tough at not showing emotions much, when it comes to things like this, but lately, I have been closing the bathroom door and just crying over this. I don’t want my kids to see this, because they do miss Pgh (but love it here they tell me) and I don’t want them to get the sense that I’m unraveling, or something.

sigh I don’t like mourning. It could be that I put off mourning my parents’ deaths for so long, that I just don’t deal well with situations that present some type of loss.

But, still. I just miss the priests back in Pittsburgh, too. My dd was an altar server and she just doesn’t feel that calling here in Florida, she is only 12 and misses our traditional parish from up north. (There are no kneelers in many of the parishes here in Tampa…that’s a story for another thread)

Thanks for listening. Your Yoda comment helped me to smile.

 

[Chovy]

Hi Whatevergirl,
I have been in your exact spot, quite recently in fact. We moved to Philly for a year (never got adjusted), then to Cincinnati for a year (got adjusted) and my husband lost his job. Without question, I gave him three choices. We could stay in Cincinnati, move to St. Louis (where he is from and we have CAF friends and his family), or move back to Omaha (where I’m from and we used to live.)

It’s funny because reading your comments about what you like about Florida or miss about Pittsburgh reminds me of all of the challenges and pleasant surprises I had with Ohio. I found a fantastic hairstylist, liked the Kroger better than the Baker’s (Baker’s is owned by Kroger grocery store), missed my home parish (but made friends at the new one), missed all of my close friends (but made new ones as well).

Sorry for all of the ()'s by the way.

Anyway, I think home is just home. For you, Pittsburgh is home because it is. You made it your home. And just like a comfortable sweater that isn’t in style anymore, you left it for good reasons but that doesn’t mean you might not want to try it on once in a while.

It will probably always feel that way but based on what you’ve said here before, moving to Florida sounds like it was a good decision. I also think in your case, the fact that things have settled more into a routine in Florida has probably given you more time to think. Oh, what we women can do with extra time to think!

 

[whatevergirl]

Hi Whatevergirl,
I have been in your exact spot, quite recently in fact. We moved to Philly for a year (never got adjusted), then to Cincinnati for a year (got adjusted) and my husband lost his job. Without question, I gave him three choices. We could stay in Cincinnati, move to St. Louis (where he is from and we have CAF friends and his family), or move back to Omaha (where I’m from and we used to live.)

It’s funny because reading your comments about what you like about Florida or miss about Pittsburgh reminds me of all of the challenges and pleasant surprises I had with Ohio. I found a fantastic hairstylist, liked the Kroger better than the Baker’s (Baker’s is owned by Kroger grocery store), missed my home parish (but made friends at the new one), missed all of my close friends (but made new ones as well).

Sorry for all of the ()'s by the way.

Anyway, I think home is just home. For you, Pittsburgh is home because it is. You made it your home. And just like a comfortable sweater that isn’t in style anymore, you left it for good reasons but that doesn’t mean you might not want to try it on once in a while.

It will probably always feel that way but based on what you’ve said here before, moving to Florida sounds like it was a good decision. I also think in your case, the fact that things have settled more into a routine in Florida has probably given you more time to think. Oh, what we women can do with extra time to think!

Hi Chovy–oh wow, your post really hit home and helped me feel…normal. lol

I guess Pittsburgh was ‘home’ for us. I never liked Orlando, although, I have good friends from when dh and I lived there for a short time, when I graduated college. I just really didn’t like Orlando, other than Disney, and some nice restaurants, I’m not a fan of crowds, and traffic.

Tampa – we live 15 miles north, is a more hometown place than closer to the city. It is a bit rural, and the nature trails, trees etc caught my eye because they remind me of up north. I don’t like to see palm trees at every turn. But, yes, the move was destiny, God’s destiny for us…we believe this. It keeps me stronger knowing that. I can put the missing people feelings at bay…knowing that. But, it has been tough.

What makes matters a little worse, is that although I share everything with my dh, I don’t with this, lately. It’s hard to share negative feelings about all this, with someone who is so enamored with Florida. I really like it here, but…I’m not enamored. He will take a deep breath and say…‘look sharon, at all this great sunshine, and beautiful weather…not like Pittsburgh.’ I just nod. lol I did tell him lately, come to think of it, ‘some’ of my feelings, and he said…‘how can you miss Pittsburgh? It was always dreary, cloudy, boring, everyone was always complaining about the weather…remember, you were afraid to drive in the snow?’ I was. That’s true.

What I miss are the friends that we had and our church. I will never duplicate those friendships. I will never find a parish that I love like I did back in Greentree. I just know I won’t. :nope: And these two areas, I am struggling with. But in it all, we believe that God wanted us to come here…in part, my sister thinks I came here to lead her closer to Christ (she told me this recently) Ok…
I also love what I do, so does hubby, and in the economy we’re in…I feel our jobs are pretty stable. Nothing is bullet proof, but we have both really soared here…that wasn’t happening in Pgh. Not for my husband anyways, as much as me. Maybe my husband was so depressed in the weather in Pittsburgh, that he just couldn’t get that into work…I dunno. He just loves sunshine, and the beach…I told him to go be a lifeguard parttime

I like sunshine, but it’s a bit much sometimes. lol Never thought I’d yearn for some cloudy days, but I do!

Please pray for me…that I stop crying over this, at least. I just don’t want God to think I’m ungrateful.

 

[1ke]

It’s totally normal.

It’s hard to move away from everyone and everything.

I moved here when DH and I married in 05. I left family, friends, and a parish I loved-- opposite of you, I went from a huge parish where I was super involved to a tiny parish with NO activities. And, I moved from the warm and wonderful to the cold and snowy. So, basically the opposite of you!

Yes, it’s hard. The only thing that has helped me is that I kept my job and go back “home” for work frequently. In fact, I’ve been there more than here since the first of the year! I get to see my mom and my friends.

It actually gets better with time. My friends have moved on without me and I’m not so entwined in the goings on down there.

There are days when I really miss shopping and book stores-- since I now live in the sticks. There are days I miss my friends. And, days I miss my family.

Then there are other days when I am so glad to be out of a big city, relish working from home instead of a traffic-filled commute, love the small town living, etc.

So, it’s all cyclic.

I can only offer these suggestions:

(1) It’s been too long since you visited if you feel this down about it. Perhaps find a way (since those credit cards are all paid off now, right?) to put it in your budget for you to have a girls-getaway where just you go for a 3 day weekend or something and get together with girlfriends, MIL, etc. Maybe budget 2 a year. The whole family going in the summer is great, but if you could squeak in something just for you that would be awesome.

(2) Have you considered getting a web-cam and Skype on both ends so you can visit with MIL and friends whenever you want real-time?

(3) Don’t beat yourself up about it. It’s totally normal to miss your friends and family, and NO God does not think you are ungrateful.

(4) Be glad you weren’t on a wagon train in the 1800s… just think how lonely those women must have been!!!

 

[1ke]

You know, you probably got very nostalgic for Pittsburgh with the rise of the Steelers to the Super Bowl. I know you were posting about that back in January.

You know, you live there for years, they aren’t shining stars, and then you leave and they make it to the big time.

There were probably lots of parties and such and you likely felt left out of all that. It’s not the same rooting for your team in FL as it would have been rooting for them back home with everyone.

 

[whatevergirl]

I say quit your day job 1ke, and become a counselor. That is so weird. Looking back, that is exactly when I started feeling all this. We were so excited…dressing in Steelers garb…throwing a party ourselves at home…and I felt this sense of attachment because sooo many Pittsburgh residences were filling the streets here in Tampa. We taped the parade in Pittsburgh, and it took place right in front of where I worked Since then, I have had this weird weighted feeling about it all. I don’t want to move back, we made the ‘right’ move, for a variety of reasons. But, I don’t envision us retiring in Florida. Florida is not how it was 20 years ago. It seems to be a place where people try to portray something they are not…I can’t believe all the foreclosed homes that we have seen, yet the residents are driving bmw’s and mercedes. Uh, Ok. I’m not saying all…there are many great people here. I work with a lot of good hearted people. But, there is something overall phony about the place. Especially south florida…ugh. My sister lives there, and I love her, but gosh, she is so into designer this and that…and judging everyone by what they drive. Give me a break. I like nice things, but at some point in life, you realize that that is not the sum total of life.

But, I haven’t met many Catholics, either. Even the ones at the parishes we have attended, clap and raise their hands in the air, during mass…I’m like…what on earth is this? I just feel such a yearning for our old parish. Traditional masses, priests, and really a more reverent way of worshipping. I believe we should be happy and rejoicing at mass…but not clapping and swaying in the pews…it’s as though traditional worship services don’t exist here. I have one more church we are going to try…I called and asked the priest…‘do you have bongo drums and tambourines at your mass?’ (I think he thought I wanted this, lol) He said…"Uh, no. We do NOT have bongos and tambourines at our masses.’ I said. Good. He probably thought I was crazy. lol

Now, this has upset my husband too…he said, we really need to find a traditional parish…I’m on the hunt…hasn’t been easy.

I think if I could find a traditional parish, I would be more apt to joining a women’a group or something. I was also so close to the ‘head nun’ at the religious school in Pittsburgh, and she was even our neighbor. We would email each other…I miss her too. Add her to the list!

I like your logical aproach, 1ke…ok, I will try to make two trips per year, and yes, we are doing well with our budget…and paying down debt. I get my bonus next month, and we are going to take some of it for the Pgh trip during the summer.

Maybe it’s as simple as that, plan to visit more often.

 

[Chovy]

Oh, I forgot to mention- I found it quite helpful to find a club where I felt I belonged. Since you are a Steelers fan, perhaps there is a Tampa Bay for the Steelers club. Don’t laugh, I found a Miami Valley Huskers (Univ. of Nebr. Football) club in Ohio! It was nice to get together with people who were from our area. Somehow they just seemed more like us.

I really like everyone else’s ideas too!

 

[1ke]

I hope you start feeling better soon. It sucks to be homesick.

 

[happymommy]

You know, some of us live not too far from Pittsburgh, I can send you some snow

 

[Belgarion]

You know, some of us live not too far from Pittsburgh, I can send you some snow

There we go!
I think that’s the most helpful piece of advice in this entire thread.

 

[happymommy]

There we go!
I think that’s the most helpful piece of advice in this entire thread.

 

[whatevergirl]

There we go!
I think that’s the most helpful piece of advice in this entire thread.

lol@happymommy…that would be good, and how about sending it on a plane with a few of the priests I miss so much, and that special nun, too. They wouldn’t mind, probably.

 

[happymommy]

lol@happymommy…that would be good, and how about sending it on a plane with a few of the priests I miss so much, and that special nun, too. They wouldn’t mind, probably.

No problem, let me call the Steelers and see if they are willing to fly them all down…I think we have about as much of a chance of that happening as a snow ball in Tampa

How about some water from the river? Which river do you want it from? You have three to choose from!!

I can have my hubby call you and speak Pittsburgh to you! Youn’s probably miss it an’at.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

Hi WG, sorry that you are feeling sad. :hug1:

sigh* I don’t like mourning. It could be that I put off mourning my parents’ deaths for so long, that I just don’t deal well with situations that present some type of loss

Oh, I definitely think that could be part of it. My dad passed away almost 11 years ago. I mourned for him, but I sometimes find myself glum and cranky and realize that some anniversary (birthday, the date of his death, etc) is coming up. It might be in my sub conscious and then I feel emotions that I don’t understand. And there’s so many emotions that go with mourning: sadness, fear, anger.

The move and missing your friends is somewhat hard to deal with. We moved last year to a new town, new parish, new school for the kids. Most people have been really nice…but I do feel “far away” And I didn’t move across the country…just another part of the state. So I sympathize.

 

[Eucharisted]

Maybe you can join a prayer group?

 

[happymommy]

Hi WG, sorry that you are feeling sad. :hug1:

Oh, I definitely think that could be part of it. My dad passed away almost 11 years ago. I mourned for him, but I sometimes find myself glum and cranky and realize that some anniversary (birthday, the date of his death, etc) is coming up. It might be in my sub conscious and then I feel emotions that I don’t understand. And there’s so many emotions that go with mourning: sadness, fear, anger.

The move and missing your friends is somewhat hard to deal with. We moved last year to a new town, new parish, new school for the kids. Most people have been really nice…but I do feel “far away” And I didn’t move across the country…just another part of the state. So I sympathize.

You are right. It will be three years next week that my mother passed away and I’ve been feeling down for the last week or two. No energy and really don’t feel like getting anything done. I know it will pass. We haven’t moved so I don’t have those emotions, but since we are still in the same town, I see a lot of people and places that remind me of my mom, somedays that’s a good thing, sometimes it just hurts!
It helps to remember to laugh…I hide a lot of emotions that way But I have noticed that I have been a little snippy with people on CAF this week…some of them have it coming…like that Belgarion kid…gee, what a trouble maker he can be

 

[whatevergirl]

Maybe you can join a prayer group?

In Pittsburgh? Oh, you mean in Tampa

Yeah, that is not a bad idea…I have been thinking of joining the women’s group here, and something always stops me…not sure what.

happymommy–yes, I miss the Pittsburgh accent n’ nat. ha
I don’t have one mind you, but my husband every now and again, slips into it Thanks for cheering me up everyone. Just talking about this, has made me feel a little better.