Feeling sad

[bottola]

Hi. This is really my first post on here. I am married to a wonderful man for the last 9 years and I have 3 beautiful children. All of my deliveries were difficult with the last one almost making me believe I may die. My ob strongly suggested a tubal at my last c-section and I agreed with many reservations. Now I cannot stop feeling the guilt about it. I would have LOVED more children but my ob and my husband were scared for my life. I have been carrying this guily around for 16 months now. I dont know where to turn.

 

[Trishie]

Dear Bottola,
Please, instead of feeling guilty, go to your priest in Confession, please find the courage to make an appointment if your parish or a nearby parish doesn’t have regular Confession times. You are tormenting yourself which isn’t good for you or for your family.

Explain to the priest that you believed, and your doctor believed you might die in another pregnancy…I know my mother died after a doctor warned her the next pregnancy might kill her. It did, leaving several young children without a mother and impacted greatly on their lives.

Tell your situation to the priest in Confession, please don’t put yourself through any more of this self-torture. Trust him to advise you.

With love, Trishie

 

[Sillara]

Hi. This is really my first post on here. I am married to a wonderful man for the last 9 years and I have 3 beautiful children. All of my deliveries were difficult with the last one almost making me believe I may die. My ob strongly suggested a tubal at my last c-section and I agreed with many reservations. Now I cannot stop feeling the guilt about it. I would have LOVED more children but my ob and my husband were scared for my life. I have been carrying this guily around for 16 months now. I dont know where to turn.

I agree with the suggestion to see your priest and to go to Confession. The reason you feel so guilty is that you fell victim to the idea that one’s life is more important than doing what is right.

And, more anecdotal evidence to counter-balance the above, I was warned after my second baby (in which labor I nearly died), and I have gone on to have three more, perfectly safely.

 

[Rose71]

Please don’t feel sad. You have been through such a traumatic experience. Please talk to your priest.

 

[puzzleannie]

guilt is natural and the solution of course is confession and return to the sacraments, but do remember that quite often there is an element of force in such decisions especially in life-death situations. You did not act entirely w/o pressure, so that is a factor too. Simply tell your story to the priest. you deserve this healing in this sacrament.

but you also must be allowed to experience the natural grief from this event, because the end of ability to conceive is usually or almost always a crisis in a woman’s life, no matter what the reason. and grief takes time and moves through various stages. Don’t be alone in this, talk honestly with your husband as well and acknowledge his feelings and conflicts over this. If this conversation seems impossible, even consider professional help in moving through it, because the events surrounding your decision were a crisis and it is quite natural to need help in moving past it, w/o denying that it happened.

 

[kevinsgirl]

guilt is natural and the solution of course is confession and return to the sacraments, but do remember that quite often there is an element of force in such decisions especially in life-death situations. You did not act entirely w/o pressure, so that is a factor too. Simply tell your story to the priest. you deserve this healing in this sacrament.

but you also must be allowed to experience the natural grief from this event, because the end of ability to conceive is usually or almost always a crisis in a woman’s life, no matter what the reason. and grief takes time and moves through various stages. Don’t be alone in this, talk honestly with your husband as well and acknowledge his feelings and conflicts over this. If this conversation seems impossible, even consider professional help in moving through it, because the events surrounding your decision were a crisis and it is quite natural to need help in moving past it, w/o denying that it happened.

What she said beautifully…:hug1: : hug1: :hug1:

 

[mommymichelle]

It’s a real loss. I know, it’s heartbreaking. I know. I’ll pray for you.

 

[Trishie]

Puzzleannie, that was a wonderful and insightful post. I’m in awe.