Feeling so Guilty

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johto760

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I honestly feel so guilty, so guilty and ashamed to confess my sins in fact, that I don’t go to church anymore, I know that I have sinned, and the only way to remove these sin/s is to confess and repent, “REPENT”, this is my biggest problem, I can’t find it within me to “REPENT”, to “TURN-AWAY COMPLETELY FROM SIN”, I still pray, and I still am convinced and a believer that I will somehow, some day, would really “REPENT”, but now I feel like going to mass every sunday is just a waste of time, because I cannot RECEIVE Christ’s Body, I see that going to mass is not merely a sacrifice, but also a “GET-TOGETHER”, a “CELEBRATION OF CHRIST’S SELFLESS LOVE”, but I still feel so guilty, because I keep on doing the same sin, the Priests in our area are somehow used to seeing me confess, so used that one of them told me that I am NOT serious in my confession, because I confess the same sin, every week, until one day I did “THE SAME SIN” only just 4 days after confessing, I feel terrible, and I now feel “DISTANT” From the Catholic Church because of this, I cannot get the full extent of the sermons without feeling TOTALLY DISGUSTED with myself,

I Really don’t know where to turn to, I’m trying to just DEAL WITH THIS ISSUE WITH “CHRIST AND MYSELF”, But I feel like it’s not working, on second thought, IT NEVER WORKS, I still get this feeling that God wants me to communicate/interact with someone/anyone who is willing to give me advices, or something, or maybe I just don’t want to do it alone, Or maybe I just want to think that God wills me to do something, Or maybe He really is willing me to do this, or that, I want to try the Church, but because of my position, I feel like I would just be condemned by the priests or something, I’m NOT saying that ALL Priest are condemners, and that anyone is, maybe it’s just me who condemns myself, but FOR REAL? I REALLY DON’T KNOW, I’ve always asked myself, but I get so so many different answers, I’m confused, convinced at time, and partiallyy unsatisfied with every answer I get out of me and my prayers,

Maybe it’s just me,

I hope and pray that no one in this forum will condemn or mock me, because,
…

I don’t know, why shouldn’t you?, Please help. I feel like this topic is self-centered, but…

I don’t know, really

P.S.
Help. Please.

GOD LOVES YOU>
 
Number one don’t let guilt keep you from receiving the sacrament of reconciliation. God loves you no matter what. You don’t earn it from being good. Go back he is waiting for you with open arms. Be patient with yourself…healing takes time. Keep going to church with an open heart…ask the Holy Spirit to convert you…He’s the only one who can. Guilt is a tool of the Devil to keep you away from communion with God. Don’t let the liar keep you away from the Truth
 
I sympathise with you so much - there are few of us, I imagine, who have not had some experience of the terrible place you find yourself in now. This is not said lightly, but comes from one who left the Church 3 times during periods of distress similar to yours, and who did not receive Holy Communion (despite attending daily Mass) for over 20 years.

Here are a few things that helped me through, and eventually out of, that wilderness.

First: some texts to meditate on, chew on, just for 5 or 10 minutes a day:

“The Lord found him in a desert, in fearful desolate wastes.”
“I have plans for you … plans of peace and not disaster.”
“I have loved you with an everlasting love.”
“My soul clings to You; Your right hand holds me fast.”
“It is not the healthy who need the physician, but the sick.”
“Come to me, all you who labour and are burdened, and I will give you rest.”

And that great passage from St. Paul’s letter to the Romans (8.35ff):
“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord”

Secondly, tell the Father repeatedly, daily, how desperately much you want to love Him, how desperately much you want to do His will, and avoid all that offends His goodness. Beg Him to show you your own helplessness to do anything of and by yourself, to show you fully and clearly your poverty and nothingness and utter, utter dependence on Him. Beg Him for the humility to accept this dependence, to embrace it, to relish it. Also, take time to thank Him for His many, indeed countless, gifts - each evening try to call a few to mind, just little things eg that cup of coffee that tasted so good this morning. Ponder on His relationship with you - how He chose to create you, you in particular, that special combination of genes and soul: and how He did this knowing fully how your life would unfold. How He chooses at this moment to hold you in being: if He turned His mind from us for the merest nanosecond, we would blink out of existence. Consider how you owe Him everything - literally everything: this beat of your heart, this breath you are taking now. All of it is His gift. Think about how He has willed us human beings to be more than simple creatures: unimaginably, He desires our pathetic attempts at love. Be sure that He rewards each smallest effort on our part with a generosity beyond our understanding. Be assured that He, Who has made us His children, will never stop loving us, cannot stop loving us because, as St Paul says, He cannot be untrue to His own nature.

Thirdly, as to confessors: perhaps you could go to a large centre eg a cathedral which tends to be more anonymous to meet Christ in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Perhaps you might want to ask God to point you to a compassionate, wise and holy priest whom you could ask to be your spiritual director.

In time of temptation, seek help from St Michael the Archangel: Holy Michael, defend me in this, my hour of battle.

Do you know the prayer, Soul of Christ (Anima Christi)?
Soul of Christ, sanctify me
Body of Christ, save me
Blood of Christ, inebriate me
Water flowing from the side of Christ, wash me
Passion of Christ, strengthen me
O good Jesus, hear me
With Thy wounds hide me
Permit me not to be separated from Thee
From the wicked foe defend me
At the hour of my death, call me
And bid me come to Thee
That with Thy saints I may praise Thee
Forever and ever. Amen

You will be in my prayers that you may see as clearly as I do the great love of God that already flourishes in your soul, else you could not feel as you do, or desire to seek help. Remember the story of the Prodigal Son: “The father saw his son when he was still far off, and ran to meet him.”
 
johto760 said:
I honestly feel so guilty, so guilty and ashamed to confess my sins in fact, that I don’t go to church anymore, I know that I have sinned, and the only way to remove these sin/s is to confess and repent, “REPENT”, this is my biggest problem, I can’t find it within me to “REPENT”, to “TURN-AWAY COMPLETELY FROM SIN”, I still pray, and I still am convinced and a believer that I will somehow, some day, would really “REPENT”, but now I feel like going to mass every sunday is just a waste of time, because I cannot RECEIVE Christ’s Body, I see that going to mass is not merely a sacrifice, but also a “GET-TOGETHER”, a “CELEBRATION OF CHRIST’S SELFLESS LOVE”, but I still feel so guilty, because I keep on doing the same sin, the Priests in our area are somehow used to seeing me confess, so used that one of them told me that I am NOT serious in my confession, because I confess the same sin, every week, until one day I did “THE SAME SIN” only just 4 days after confessing, I feel terrible, and I now feel “DISTANT” From the Catholic Church because of this, I cannot get the full extent of the sermons without feeling TOTALLY DISGUSTED with myself,

I Really don’t know where to turn to, I’m trying to just DEAL WITH THIS ISSUE WITH “CHRIST AND MYSELF”, But I feel like it’s not working, on second thought, IT NEVER WORKS, I still get this feeling that God wants me to communicate/interact with someone/anyone who is willing to give me advices, or something, or maybe I just don’t want to do it alone, Or maybe I just want to think that God wills me to do something, Or maybe He really is willing me to do this, or that, I want to try the Church, but because of my position, I feel like I would just be condemned by the priests or something, I’m NOT saying that ALL Priest are condemners, and that anyone is, maybe it’s just me who condemns myself, but FOR REAL? I REALLY DON’T KNOW, I’ve always asked myself, but I get so so many different answers, I’m confused, convinced at time, and partiallyy unsatisfied with every answer I get out of me and my prayers,

Maybe it’s just me,

I hope and pray that no one in this forum will condemn or mock me, because,
…

I don’t know, why shouldn’t you?, Please help. I feel like this topic is self-centered, but…

I don’t know, really

P.S.
Help. Please.

GOD LOVES YOU>
Click to expand...
Hey man…
I am not going to say to you to keep confessing even if you are not repentant. Thats a joke and its good you realise it.
I was the same way once… I felt soooo miserable in Church because Christ was there standing for everything else than I was doing and I couldn’t be in sin and self-hatred and at the same time in Church. I walked out of some masses because of this state of mind. I wanted Christ to say it was okay what I was doing but I knew He would never relent. he wanted to give me the REAL PEACE. I would be saved on His terms or not at all, which meant I would have to turn from my sins. I struggled for a while… and then I left the bad situation: I skinned out of the country and out of the sinful relationship. I wish I had done it sooner, because a soul cant stand to live in sin very long before it gets hardened, and has to spend that much more time in the hospital of Christ afterwards.

I’d say; get rid of the computer or the bad friendships or the relationship that you cannot currently handle in your life. If you are a criminal then turn your self in.
Pre-occupy your self with the good and get rid of the bad. My guess is out into the blue air since you don’t mention your sin, but as you can see I sense that it might be sexual in nature since you talk about shame to that extent. When I therefore say preoccupy yourself and fill your self with the good, I mean spending time studying the POSITIVE reasons for purity on such pages as this one: chastity.com/ and others. Often our very human motives - such as our own happiness - have to be considered in order to change behaviour patterns. Eg. thinking about the good that you gain and the evil you avoid if you stay on the right path. That could be eg. protecting your future bride, because if you do commit impure acts she is being hurt every time you indulge in these behaviours etc. Telling a serious gf or bf about a sinful past regarding sexuality is extremely painfu for both parties, okay…

It might be time to see a Christian psychologist if your behaviour carries traits of compulsion or abuse. You may be sick and in need of some help in that area.
You say you are disgusted with your self. If that is really so, I believe you have also the intention to stop sinning.
At any rate you have come to the right place to get support. This is a great page for people who are recovering from/ fighting sin…

Jesus says to take your cross up daily and follow Him. For you that means accepting that He also says He doesn’t give us more than we can carry - in other words; there is no excuse for sin but if a bad situation comes He will always provide a way out - In other words: Do not be proud. Come back to the Church.

Grace 🙂
 
LodT said:
I sympathise with you so much - there are few of us, I imagine, who have not had some experience of the terrible place you find yourself in now. This is not said lightly, but comes from one who left the Church 3 times during periods of distress similar to yours, and who did not receive Holy Communion (despite attending daily Mass) for over 20 years.

Here are a few things that helped me through, and eventually out of, that wilderness.

First: some texts to meditate on, chew on, just for 5 or 10 minutes a day:

“The Lord found him in a desert, in fearful desolate wastes.”
“I have plans for you … plans of peace and not disaster.”
“I have loved you with an everlasting love.”
“My soul clings to You; Your right hand holds me fast.”
“It is not the healthy who need the physician, but the sick.”
“Come to me, all you who labour and are burdened, and I will give you rest.”

And that great passage from St. Paul’s letter to the Romans (8.35ff):
“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord”

Secondly, tell the Father repeatedly, daily, how desperately much you want to love Him, how desperately much you want to do His will, and avoid all that offends His goodness. Beg Him to show you your own helplessness to do anything of and by yourself, to show you fully and clearly your poverty and nothingness and utter, utter dependence on Him. Beg Him for the humility to accept this dependence, to embrace it, to relish it. Also, take time to thank Him for His many, indeed countless, gifts - each evening try to call a few to mind, just little things eg that cup of coffee that tasted so good this morning. Ponder on His relationship with you - how He chose to create you, you in particular, that special combination of genes and soul: and how He did this knowing fully how your life would unfold. How He chooses at this moment to hold you in being: if He turned His mind from us for the merest nanosecond, we would blink out of existence. Consider how you owe Him everything - literally everything: this beat of your heart, this breath you are taking now. All of it is His gift. Think about how He has willed us human beings to be more than simple creatures: unimaginably, He desires our pathetic attempts at love. Be sure that He rewards each smallest effort on our part with a generosity beyond our understanding. Be assured that He, Who has made us His children, will never stop loving us, cannot stop loving us because, as St Paul says, He cannot be untrue to His own nature.

Thirdly, as to confessors: perhaps you could go to a large centre eg a cathedral which tends to be more anonymous to meet Christ in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Perhaps you might want to ask God to point you to a compassionate, wise and holy priest whom you could ask to be your spiritual director.

In time of temptation, seek help from St Michael the Archangel: Holy Michael, defend me in this, my hour of battle.

Do you know the prayer, Soul of Christ (Anima Christi)?
Soul of Christ, sanctify me
Body of Christ, save me
Blood of Christ, inebriate me
Water flowing from the side of Christ, wash me
Passion of Christ, strengthen me
O good Jesus, hear me
With Thy wounds hide me
Permit me not to be separated from Thee
From the wicked foe defend me
At the hour of my death, call me
And bid me come to Thee
That with Thy saints I may praise Thee
Forever and ever. Amen

You will be in my prayers that you may see as clearly as I do the great love of God that already flourishes in your soul, else you could not feel as you do, or desire to seek help. Remember the story of the Prodigal Son: “The father saw his son when he was still far off, and ran to meet him.”
Click to expand...
… Thank you, so much, this post is really heart-warming, You REALLY are, TRULy are led by the Holy Spirit, and know that I will always Thank God for letting you reply in this post, Thank you for your words, this is the first time I read/heard the prayer Anima Christi, But the meaning is so endearing that it easily became my favorite prayer, it brings out the true helpless guy inside me and just let him feel, simply happy,

know that my thanks and prayers will be with you, also.
THANK YOU>

GOD LOVES YOU>
 
GraceDK said:
Hey man…
I am not going to say to you to keep confessing even if you are not repentant. Thats a joke and its good you realise it.
I was the same way once… I felt soooo miserable in Church because Christ was there standing for everything else than I was doing and I couldn’t be in sin and self-hatred and at the same time in Church. I walked out of some masses because of this state of mind. I wanted Christ to say it was okay what I was doing but I knew He would never relent. he wanted to give me the REAL PEACE. I would be saved on His terms or not at all, which meant I would have to turn from my sins. I struggled for a while… and then I left the bad situation: I skinned out of the country and out of the sinful relationship. I wish I had done it sooner, because a soul cant stand to live in sin very long before it gets hardened, and has to spend that much more time in the hospital of Christ afterwards.

I’d say; get rid of the computer or the bad friendships or the relationship that you cannot currently handle in your life. If you are a criminal then turn your self in.
Pre-occupy your self with the good and get rid of the bad. My guess is out into the blue air since you don’t mention your sin, but as you can see I sense that it might be sexual in nature since you talk about shame to that extent. When I therefore say preoccupy yourself and fill your self with the good, I mean spending time studying the POSITIVE reasons for purity on such pages as this one: chastity.com/ and others. Often our very human motives - such as our own happiness - have to be considered in order to change behaviour patterns. Eg. thinking about the good that you gain and the evil you avoid if you stay on the right path. That could be eg. protecting your future bride, because if you do commit impure acts she is being hurt every time you indulge in these behaviours etc. Telling a serious gf or bf about a sinful past regarding sexuality is extremely painfu for both parties, okay…

It might be time to see a Christian psychologist if your behaviour carries traits of compulsion or abuse. You may be sick and in need of some help in that area.
You say you are disgusted with your self. If that is really so, I believe you have also the intention to stop sinning.
At any rate you have come to the right place to get support. This is a great page for people who are recovering from/ fighting sin…

Jesus says to take your cross up daily and follow Him. For you that means accepting that He also says He doesn’t give us more than we can carry - in other words; there is no excuse for sin but if a bad situation comes He will always provide a way out - In other words: Do not be proud. Come back to the Church.

Grace 🙂
Click to expand...
Thank you so so much for this Lovingly post, I LOVE that you mentioned that He doesn’t give us more than we can carry, I have been ensnared MY OWN PROBLEMS for awhile that I never gave time to see, or meditate in this case, that Jesus’ Love for us is remarkably Perfect, thank God for letting you empower my sense of “COMING BACK TO HIM”.

THANK YOU ONCE MORE>

GOD LOVES YOU>
 
BrokenPots said:
Number one don’t let guilt keep you from receiving the sacrament of reconciliation. God loves you no matter what. You don’t earn it from being good. Go back he is waiting for you with open arms. Be patient with yourself…healing takes time. Keep going to church with an open heart…ask the Holy Spirit to convert you…He’s the only one who can. Guilt is a tool of the Devil to keep you away from communion with God. Don’t let the liar keep you away from the Truth
Click to expand...
Man, Thanks for telling me that guilt is a devil’s tool, and also God LOVES US NO MATTER WHAT, Thanks for replying. You people in this FORUM are so Great and considerate, THANKS GOD FOR YOUR BEING.

GOD LOVES YOU>
 
I heartily disagree with whoever told you you shouldn’t confess just because you are repeating the same sins.

After all, JP2 and Mother Teresa went to confession more than once a week, do you really think they had a brand new list of different sins each time? Surely not - as one priest said to me when I was discussing the issue with him ‘there are only ten commandments, after all’ - there aren’t really that many new ways to break them!
 
Johto,
When I read LodT’s post, that is exactly what I thought also. It is so filled with love and compassion, and reflects God’s compassion to all of us.

I don’t know how old you are, but I think that in certain times of our lives we are tempted by certain sins. There was a time in my life. when I was in my teen years and young adulthood, that it seemed to me I always was confessing the same sins. In fact, I’d wish to be able to confess anything other than the sin I always had to confess!

I found a wonderful priest who counseled me to confess every week. I went to him every week for quite a few years! Just persevere, God will help you. I know that just one word from a priest in the confessional about “not being sincere” can just devastate you. Find another priest. Or better yet, like LodT said, find a really good, holy and compassionate priest. Going to confession at a larger parish, where you can remain anonymous is a fine idea! I personally recommend confessing behind the screen.
Remember, the words of Jesus, “Not 7 times but 70 times 7 time!” That is the God to whom you are confessing! This is the God who will forgive you every single time! The more difficult the struggle, the more you need the Sacraments, especially Eucharist and Penance. Remember a firm intent not to sin again is in the will, it is not a feeling! Resolve not to sin again, go to confession, and if you fall again, pick yourself up, resolve not to sin again and go to confession! Don’t let one Sunday pass without receiving Jesus! If you are able, attend some daily masses.

When, with the grace of Jesus, you overcome this sin, and if you persevere, you will, you will find an immense and deeply humble love for Jesus, which you may not have found had you not suffered and struggled so much!

Ask the help of the Blessed Virgin. She is the “Refuge of Sinners” and the “Help of all Christians.”

God Bless you!

To Jesus, Through Mary
 
Just an apology for a typo in my message:

The prayer Soul of Christ (Anima Christi)

Within Thy wounds hide me NOT With Thy wounds hide me.

Sorry about the poor proofreading!
 
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