Feeling stuck on Catholic School decision

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MrsK0224

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This is a topic that I continue to pray for discernment on. I’m wondering if there might be anyone that can give me another perspective to consider that might help me navigate this decision.

We are a family with 3 young kids (and hoping for one more). There is a catholic school attached to our (very small) parish. We live in a very liberal and secular area of the country (Northern California), and this secular culture has overtaken the local catholic school to some degree. Current and past teachers and families have referred to the school as “Catholic lite.” There is daily prayer, and some interaction between the students and the church, but easily 60-70% of the students are not Catholic. The school is ok academically, but the public school option has stronger academics. The cost of the school is $10,000 a year for one child, with minimal tuition breaks for each subsequent child.

That being said, even if the school is “Catholic lite,” is that better than attending a very secular (maybe even borderline anti-religious) public school? The principal of the Catholic school is new, and I think he’s trying to strengthen the Catholic identity of the school but at the same time they are understandably trying not to make non-Catholic families (that have been at the school for years) feel excluded or uncomfortable.

Or would “Catholic lite” be a significant disservice to my kids and leave them with an inaccurate understanding of the fullness and truth of their faith?

This all may be moot because we may not be able to swing the tuition, but it’ll be quite a while before all of the kids are school age together and maybe we can apply for financial aid etc. I don’t want to rule it out based on cost alone, but I will say I’m jealous of the people that get on here and talk about their local Catholic school only costing $1,000 in tuition annually!

I keep going in circles with this because I really want the Catholic school to work and to be the best choice for our kids, but then I’m not actually sure that this is the reality. Has anyone ever dealt with this same dilemma? How did you work through it?
 
For what it’s worth, the Second Vatican Council and the current code of canon law asks Catholic parents to send their kids to Catholic school. I believe it should be the default choice if tuition isn’t an issue.
I wish I had your dilemma. I tried to get my son into my local parish school… no space. He’s also on the waiting list at two or three other parish schools in the city… also no space.
 
My son went through 12 years of Catholic school, maybe not quite as lite as what you are describing but not hard-core either. If I were to do it over, I would find a good orthodox Catholic school and move to the area. My job and everything else would come second. It’s not easy to find a really good Catholic school these days but they exist. Examples here: Catholic Education Honor Roll - Cardinal Newman Society

This sounds extreme, but in retrospect I regret not doing it.

If this option is impossible, I would look for schools in a larger radius than just your parish to have more options. I think even a mediocre Catholic school is better than public unless it’s so secular and liberal that it’s Catholic in name only. At minimum they should take the kids to weekly Mass and have daily religion class.

Also important is to develop your children’s friend circle around other Catholics, especially if the school doesn’t do this. Look into children’s groups in your parish so they have a community of Catholics to belong to.
 
Do you work full-time? If you work part-time or are a stay-at-home mom, you could A) send them to the Catholic school and get involved - i.e. volunteer in the classroom or sit on the PTA or B) homeschool using a Catholic curriculum and the network of homeschoolers in your area for co-ops/social time.
 
I’ve taught in both public and private (religious) schools. I have a lot of concerns about public schools for three reasons:
  • The things they’re promoting (explicit sex ed, transgenderism, etc.)
  • Their policies (e.g. pride month celebrations, boys in the girls’ bathrooms / locker room)
  • The student culture (sexting, hook-up culture, irreligiosity - “we are the company we keep”)
These are problems everywhere - parents have to be very careful now about where they send their children and the culture they’re exposed to. Compared to that, a “Catholic Lite” school isn’t a disservice at all, and could easily become “Catholic strong”.
 
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Hello @MrsK0224

My siblings and I study at a Catholic school. We’ve experienced that also until mom and dad came up with an idea to borrow from our uncle, so we’re able to study at that school this year. I think that it’s okay to enroll the kids in public schools, especially in this striving times. Both of you, mom and dad, was chosen by GOD to educate your children with the Catechism. You’re teaching your own kids about our faith, you’ll have a great time together. But do you think of homeschooling them? Because I’ve heard that they are promoting some ideologies that we’re not acceptable to our teachings.
 
Just a couple of things I noticed in your OP. First, I’m not Catholic.
If this school is Catholic lite and also 60-70% non Catholic students, the secular world is probably alive and well at the Catholic school as much as any secular school. This can be true in even a 100% Catholic school.

You mentioned that the secular schools are stronger academically. If there is a large difference in the academics between the Catholic school and the secular school, that can be very important. Many parents place their children in private schools because they are stronger academically, not when they are weaker.

Your children will face the issues of the secular world no matter where they go to school. Catholic schools can only shield them a little and often not successfully at that. What you want is your children to know how to deal with secular ideas that cross the catholic faith. Here is where the parents really come in…
No matter which system you go with, much is going to be depending on you to make sure your children have a strong base in your faith. You could spend a fortune sending your child to a Catholic school but if you don’t supplement their Catholic teaching at home, it’s money thrown out the window. Catholic lite plus home education will give your children a much better foundation in the faith than any other combination. No matter which you choose, you will have to make sure they get a full Catholic education.
 
Yep… I remember immediately noticing the “rainbow flag” the first time I stepped foot in the office at our neighborhood public school. Yet, as I said in my previous post, I have no choice as I tried applying at three local Catholic schools with no luck… the demand is just too high. And as my son was entering kindergarten, he got shoved aside in favour of the younger siblings of other students… that accounted for at least half the class at our local parish school.
 
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I’d not take the word of others. Volunteer at the school. Get to know the staff and the way the days flow.
 
What does the public school cost? I would go for the cheaper alternative, with the best academics, and put the difference into a private religion teacher. This could be a great help to a convent or a monastery because your donation could help them greatly. And your child would get individualized history lessons about the Church with some accountability placed on your child.
 
I am not a fan of parochial schools in my area. I found out that they also use common core; most teachers are not even Catholic and based on what my children told me about the behavior of their teammates who go to our parochial school when they’re in the locker room, I was not impressed.

However, the faithful Catholic schools are expensive and quite far from where we live. So I cyberschooled my children and fought to have their lessons and assignments changed when I see something problematic. I did that for 10 years until I started to feel tired of it and realized I cannot control/know until it’s too late what the teachers say during online classes.

So, about 2.5 years ago, I called the Catholic Classical School closest to our home and just told them that I am interested to send my children there but there’s no way my family can afford the full tuition. They invited us to visit and assured me that they will help me financially. And they did!

I have been driving my children back and forth to school for 30-45 (they are now in 2 different Classical schools, middle and high school) each way since last school year. With God’s help, next month we will be moving to a new home that is 5 minutes away from the farther school where the township provides busing for both children! We are excited and how I wish we have done this sooner.
 
mrs_katekista said:
However, the faithful Catholic schools are expensive and quite far from where we live.
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Over here the faithful school on the list I linked above is half the price of the Catholic lite high school my son went to, and admission is not very competitive. The cost of my son’s high school ($20k) reflects its reputation for top academics and athletics. The other school has very weak athletic programs, is k-12 so not a separate high school, and doesn’t draw many people- my son refused to go there by the time he was high school age. Yet it’s far superior when it comes to the faith, but apparently most people think academics and athletics are more important. If wish I started my son there in kindergarten, but I didn’t know about it at the time.
 
twf said:
For what it’s worth, the Second Vatican Council and the current code of canon law asks Catholic parents to send their kids to Catholic school.
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Well, it may not apply if the “Catholic school” is one by name only.

“I Fear Only Bad Catholics,” Saint Bernadette of Lourdes

The OP is wise to discern if there is a risk of such Catholics being charged with her children’s spiritual formation. Often times, the greatest damage comes not from the secular world but from within the faith. The thought of misrepresentation of the faith (academically) simply makes me cringe.

OP, I dont know how to advise you, in your difficult position… it sounds like a roll of the dice either way.
The way I see it, your options are such…
  1. Public school IF you are prepared to take the time to Chatecise your children yourself.
  2. Move
  3. Homeschooling
  4. Spend a ton of money on the Catholic school which doesnt sound very committed to the faith, with academics that are mediocre.
Personally, I find 2 and 3 most preferable. Unfortunately, they may be the least realistic.
 
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I think the best time to concentrate on teaching/learning the Faith is when the children are young, and this is the time also to have them in a situation which will also have the best social atmosphere in terms of instilling good behavior and making sire the children are reasonably well-behaved.

In a place a friend of mine used to live, they had a charter Montessori school, and the public high school teachers really noticed a difference in their behavior! So it might be worthwhile to broaden your search given the situation at your Catholic school.

So a Catholic school which teaches the Faith and has them go to Mass, etc., would be a good choice, but if the school is so “lite” as to not teach much of the Faith, or even as go so far as to teach things that are against the Faith, then maybe check out the public school, other non-public schools, charter schools, etc., knowing that you can teach them the faith at home.

If you can’t afford the lower grades and high school, I would suggest the best faith formation and socialization in the lower grades and public school for high school.

Some people recommend the other way around, but for me, by the time they get to high school they should already know a lot about Catholicism and in this way when they are exposed to new ideas, you and they can talk them over, arming them for the onslaught of college.

Another friend, a former teacher, is a big believer in checking out how things go in the cafeteria. She says if the students are not well-behaved there, then there are disciplinary problems in the school. They may not mind having you “volunteer” in the cafeteria for a day or two, and make sure you are there for the older students (4th grade and up), not just the little ones. The playground might also be helpful in this regard.

As a former homeschooling mother, I have met families who did all sorts of things, from sending them to small church schools for K through 2 or 3 to learn to read and basic arithmetic and then homeschooled, to those who homeschooled only the middle school/jr high years, to those who homeschooled only when they were little or only when they were older.

Just consider what is best for them at the age they are, and also what works best for your family. If the stress if paying a lot of tuition will cause tension for one or both parents, that is a problem!

But also consider that when all of them are in school, you would be able to work and pay off debt if any were accrued, or pay back to a school which gave you financial aid. So be creative when considering your options.
 
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