Feeling "thirsty," dejected, depressed, empty

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Soniczelda_514

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I’ve given up my homosexual relationship, I have partaken of the Eucharist, I’m praying the Rosary daily; yet it seems as if God is not coming through.

I feel thirsty, dejected, empty, and depressed.

I’ve come back to God, dedicated my life to Him in ways I’d never thought I could. I’ve given Him the most intimate aspects of my life so that I could commune with Him…

I’m feeling down, depressed, empty, and thirsty. I know there’s so much more that God has for me. Yet I cannot feel Him near…

“My Lord and my God, why does it feel like you have forsaken me?”
 
Your “dryness” is a sign of your love for God. Read “Dark Night of the Soul” by Saint John of the Cross. God is drawing you closer to him by faith and is purging you. The road is dark but God is with you.
 
As I posted in the forums below, a year and a half ago I gave up satanism and to this very day I am still suffering with the very same issues. What you are going through is accurately labeled as “The boomerang” effect of sin. It takes a very long time to heal and I still am sometimes so devoid of emotion that even seeing death before my very eyes probably would not strike me. One problem I have however is I don’t open myself up to people, this is a mistake that I know I am making. You need to have a people whom support you, be it friends, family or even the priest of the church you go to. Then you need to try and develop a personal relationship with god, but doing that is very difficult an I only knew how because I did so with Satan (Not that I am comparing such a awful thing to the beauty that is the lord.)

One thing I will say for your sake however, is I have come close to suicide many, many times. But something always manages to hold me back despite being alone, unable to share and devoid at times. By now, I assume you have found your emotions to be very spontaneous, sometimes you feel good, then in what seems like a matter of moments things take a turn for the worse. This is the effect of sin in our society, thou that’s a very broad statement. Doubt, fear, panic all things are created by Lucifer and a lack of trust. God has not abandoned you, not even when you were in this homosexual relationship. You have to train yourself to trust him. But right now, your best bet is trying to live a godly life, be kind, be forgiving, be repentant when you do wrong, smile at people an talk to them, be honest about who you are and stay away from those in darkness who would lead you astray. Just be warned, until you are fully with Christ, these things may be something you do not want to do but you MUST do them for the sake of growth, start small.

Until you offer more detailed information about your current predicament, this is all I can offer you.

Edit- Nate is also correct, being purged of sin is a slow painful process, just hang in there and you’ll be alright.
 
Diamond_Dust said:
As I posted in the forums below, a year and a half ago I gave up satanism and to this very day I am still suffering with the very same issues. What you are going through is accurately labeled as “The boomerang” effect of sin. It takes a very long time to heal and I still am sometimes so devoid of emotion that even seeing death before my very eyes probably would not strike me. One problem I have however is I don’t open myself up to people, this is a mistake that I know I am making. You need to have a people whom support you, be it friends, family or even the priest of the church you go to. Or you need to develop a personal relationship with god, but doing that is very difficult and I only knew how because I did so with Satan (Not that I am comparing such a awful thing to the beauty that is the lord.)

One thing I will say for your sake however, is I have come close to suicide many, many times. But something always manages to hold me back despite being alone, unable to share and devoid at times. By now, I assume you have found your emotions to be very spontaneous, sometimes you feel good, then in what seems like a matter of moments things take a turn for the worse. This is the effect of sin in our society, thou that’s a very broad statement. Doubt, fear, panic all things are created by Lucifer and a lack of trust. God has not abandoned you, not even when you were in this homosexual relationship. You have to train yourself to trust him. But right now, your best bet is trying to live a godly life, be kind, be forgiving, be repentant when you do wrong, smile at people an talk to them, be honest about who you are and stay away from those in darkness who would lead you astray. Just be warned, until you are fully with Christ, these things may be something you do not want to do but you MUST do them for the sake of growth.

Until you offer more information about your current predicament, this is all I can offer you.
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I am currently taking a mood stabilizer, an anti-anxiety pill, an antipsychotic, and an antidepressant.

In receiving the Eucharist, my soul leaps, if momentarily, with a longing to partake of God more fully.

When I first began to pray the Rosary, God related the role of Our Lady to me.

I’m more or less reciting the Rosary daily. I can’t feel God near to me. It was only recently, over these past few hours, that I began to feel this dejection.

Maybe I’m over-spiritualizing this. Maybe it will pass in the morning.
 
Soniczelda_514 said:
I am currently taking a mood stabilizer, an anti-anxiety pill, an antipsychotic, and an antidepressant.

In receiving the Eucharist, my soul leaps, if momentarily, with a longing to partake of God more fully.

When I first began to pray the Rosary, God related the role of Our Lady to me.

I’m more or less reciting the Rosary daily. I can’t feel God near to me. It was only recently, over these past few hours, that I began to feel this dejection.

Maybe I’m over-spiritualizing this. Maybe it will pass in the morning.
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Yes, I know that feeling as I said, emotions sway back and forth like a wind, in one moment you are fine, the next on the brink of despair. What you are not seeing however, is even in these devoid motions god is present. You have already proven it by your actions, you came to this website to ask for help, you are praying, you went to church, you turned your life around, without god this is not possible.

Now as to the dryness, I put in the edit that Nate is correct, I burn nearly every week, but many times it’s my own fault for indulging my past. If you have confessed your activity and are truly repentant, you now need to evaluate yourself. Homosexuality is like satanism, a lingering sin, not in the sense that the sin remains, but in the sense Satan will try to tempt you back & hold it over your head. You sound as thou you are having and identity crisis as well in terms of gender. I myself am asexual so in my opinion I do not believe I am the right person to give you guidance about this. Confusion and earthly fears can make us feel separated from god, so the question becomes what is causing this fear in you? Are you still struggling with homosexual desire? Do you trust that the lord is there or do you think he’s not listening? Do you find yourself questioning if you are forgiven? Are you burning with passion & desire to find a mate, this life-changing decision you’ve made would cause a lot of inner turmoil if so. Evaluate yourself and find out what is pricking at you, then you can begin to pull yourself out of the tar.

Also, thou I assume you already are, study the bible, look up specific things that might help you grow in the lord to satisfy this thirst. Just don’t forget, you should also study the evil one (From a purely godly standpoint). You must learn about him as well in order to recognize and defend yourself against his spiritual attacks.
 
Diamond_Dust said:
Yes, I know that feeling as I said, emotions sway back and forth like a wind, in one moment you are fine, the next on the brink of despair. What you are not seeing however, is even in these devoid motions god is present. You have already proven it by your actions, you came to this website to ask for help, you are praying, you went to church, you turned your life around, without god this is not possible.

Now as to the dryness, I put in the edit that Nate is correct, I burn nearly every week, but many times it’s my own fault for indulging my past. If you have confessed your activity and are truly repentant, you now need to evaluate yourself. Homosexuality is like satanism, a lingering sin, not in the sense that the sin remains, but in the sense Satan will try to tempt you back & hold it over your head. You sound as thou you are having and identity crisis as well in terms of gender. I myself am asexual so in my opinion I do not believe I am the right person to give you guidance about this. Confusion and earthly fears can make us feel separated from god, so the question becomes what is causing this fear in you? Are you still struggling with homosexual desire? Do you trust that the lord is there or do you think he’s not listening? Do you find yourself questioning if you are forgiven? Are you burning with passion & desire to find a mate, this life-changing decision you’ve made would cause a lot of inner turmoil if so. Evaluate yourself and find out what is pricking at you, then you can begin to pull yourself out of the tar.

Also, thou I assume you already are, study the bible, look up specific things that might help you grow in the lord to satisfy this thirst. Just don’t forget, you should also study the evil one (From a purely godly standpoint). You must learn about him as well in order to recognize and defend yourself against his spiritual attacks.
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I feel this might be primarily characterized by sin (whether Mortal or Venial is in dispute).

I’m regularly picking fights with my parents, today I basically told my mother off in anger.

I feel as though I’ve committed Mortal Sin; but in talking to my confessor, it would seem this could be Venial instead.

I don’t know how to differentiate between Mortal and Venial. Yes, I understand that for sin to be Mortal, that it must be a Grave Matter.

But I do not know what constitutes a grave matter.
 
Grave sins are often done with complete foreknowledge that it’s wrong, one reason they are considered grave is because they separate us from god. Venial sins are things that every person on the planet is going to be guilty of at some point. Getting mad, yelling, hitting ones pet, making fun of people, saying something one shouldn’t, masturbation (Depending on how IMO) etc. You should try to repent from these things and make up from them if possible, provided the person is receptive and willing to let you try. People make mistakes, especially those of us who are recovering. It’s not easy to live for Christ because we are naturally inclined not to do so, sin is our very nature and sin is evil.

For a sin to be grave it must first be a serious matter, like theft, murder, sexual immortality, wrath etc, it must be done with full knowledge that it is grave and it must be willful. What matters however is you do not let yourself become content. Try, try try, never shrug off any sin you commit even small as meaningless. If you do, you are setting up a dangerous precedent for the future and giving Satan a foothold. Try your best to follow Christ’s example, but also recognize that you will make mistakes and when you do he is there to forgive you. But remember, thou you shouldn’t become lax, don’t go to the other extreme and obsess over it either. Remember we don’t “earn” our way into heaven, that is given to us by Christ.
 
Dear Soniczelda:

The Mother of God has said:
“I as your Mother ask you to feel free. Do you know what feeling free is? Just to put your life in my hands.”
 
Dear SZ, If you look at my profile, you will see a story not unlike yours.

God loves you and for reasons He alone knows, He is keeping His distance if you’re experiencing His absence.

I have been experiencing His absence, although I have had miracles in which His Presence has been undeniable. A couple of weeks ago, I went to Mass and the priest was giving a homily on times God “shows up”, and momentarily, in my mind’s eye, I saw the Divine Mercy Jesus with his rays of water and blood flowing directly at me. I felt His love right then and there. Right now, I’m at peace but don’t feel Him as I did that day. He has helped me through a rough time with doctor/lease renewal last week – I know – but sometimes He’s more present than others and I feel like it could be my fault because I seem to be going through a dry spell with prayer, although I am saying them if not completely.

Hang in there and go to Confession. Telling your mother off is something you need to talk to a priest about. I love going to confession and hope you’re not afraid of it. It takes such a huge weight off oneself.

I’m here for you if you, for instance, want to write me back publicly or privately.

Don’t despair. You have taken the less traveled road and it’s not as difficult as it seems. I have been on it without straying – not even once – for fourteen years. And I hope to remain faithful to the end.
 
Soniczelda_514 said:
I’ve given up my homosexual relationship, I have partaken of the Eucharist, I’m praying the Rosary daily; yet it seems as if God is not coming through.

I feel thirsty, dejected, empty, and depressed.

I’ve come back to God, dedicated my life to Him in ways I’d never thought I could. I’ve given Him the most intimate aspects of my life so that I could commune with Him…

I’m feeling down, depressed, empty, and thirsty. I know there’s so much more that God has for me. Yet I cannot feel Him near…

“My Lord and my God, why does it feel like you have forsaken me?”
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Soniczelda_514 said:
I’ve given up my homosexual relationship, I have partaken of the Eucharist, I’m praying the Rosary daily; yet it seems as if God is not coming through.

I feel thirsty, dejected, empty, and depressed.

I’ve come back to God, dedicated my life to Him in ways I’d never thought I could. I’ve given Him the most intimate aspects of my life so that I could commune with Him…

I’m feeling down, depressed, empty, and thirsty. I know there’s so much more that God has for me. Yet I cannot feel Him near…

“My Lord and my God, why does it feel like you have forsaken me?”
Click to expand...
Dear brother or sister.

Hugs to you.

I think first thing to realize is that active faith is hard at times. Praying is hard, it is tough work. In the beginning of faith, there is much sweetness and comfort, but everyone must learn the hard work of discipline in dry times. I am no master of that myself, God knows, like you I am in a very dry season.

I have found when I pray I get more joy, more hope, more the feeling that life is an adventure, and more inspiration to serve others and share the Gospel.
When I don’t pray (spend time with Jesus ) I do things in my own strength and am more easily feeling down, confused and deserted.

Focusing too much on own sins really makes people exhausted. We need to focus on Jesus, praise him, talk about him, instead of all the things we need to do to deserve his kindness.
He loves us and desires to be with us as we are. This realization is the beginning of joy and hope!

He enjoys the process with us. Try to meditate on the story of the samaritan woman at the well, in the Gospel of John. Jesus is desiring the company of precisely this one woman whose life is not in order, and he likes to sit and talk to her and bring her closer to himself, even as she is.

I pray is using the Bible a lot. Especially the psalms and the Gospels. NOTHING compares to the Gospels. They will let you get to know what Jesus is really like, and you will have energy and joy when you read them. I talk to the Lord about what I read about him, I confess my feelings and thoughts to him, and what I perceive that I have done wrong. Sometimes I get a good cry.

The Gospels are the first and foremost thing Jesus has given to us to read when we want his opinion and his words into our situation.

I have a question for you. How is your congregational fellowship? I hope a lot of people there are making you feel welcome and accepted. Otherwise I hope you find a group that does. Hard times call for strong church family ties. The thought that dryness and isolation and pain are signs of great progress in the spiritual life, is not a thought I follow.

Also I do not like when people pull out the words: “You are doing great. This is the dark night. Look at St. John at the Cross”. Honestly no one can tell you that on an internet forum. Only a very wise spiritual director can say anything like that with authority. Normally I do not believe it is the intention of God that his disciples suffer like you do right now. Depression and emptiness should not be called good. Let us live in the truth just as Jesus is the truth. The pain is real and honest. Jesus can help us and carry us through these very real difficult times although we suffer in them, if we keep our eyes on him, hold on to praising and worshipping him even in bad circumstances. And time is a great healer of wounds.

Learn to rest. He is the one that pulls you through.

Hugs Daisy
 
+JMJ+

youtube.com/watch?v=oBzV7gecMx0

In the dusty corners of my mind
I was surprised to see
Somebody waiting there
I’ve gotta find the truth and face this fight
Alone no longer
The only one who can save me now
Is by my side

"Get ready to fight
Now be prepared
They’re tryin’ to break your heart
But souls who unite
Can’t be torn apart

“Don’t lose your way in the night
We’ve got to fight as one
Don’t be afraid of the light
You’ve got to stand up and be strong
All of your secret pain
Makes you braver
We’re gonna end the game
And make it right”

In the dusty corners of my mind
I was surprised to see
Somebody waiting there
I’ve gotta find the truth and face this fight
Alone no longer
The only one who can save me now
Is by my side

I gotta fight, but it hurts so bad
I hear your voice ringin’ in my head
I gotta fight, but it hurts so bad
I hear your voice ringin’ in my head, oh

Can’t see my feet in the dark
Don’t wanna be all alone
Can’t feel the heat in my heart
But I remember where to go

“Don’t lose your way in the night
We’ve got to fight as one
Don’t be afraid of the light
You’ve got to stand up and be strong
All of your secret pain
Makes you braver
We’re gonna end the game
And make it right”
 
Dear Soniczelda,

You’ve gotten excellent advice from the other posters. May I add my :twocents: ?
  1. Deepen your prayer life. St Francis de Sales says:
Every one of us needs half an hour of prayer a day, except when we are busy-then we need an hour.
Click to expand...
  1. Lectio Divina, meditating on the word of God. When you google, you’ll find numerous books on this.
  2. Examination of Conscience-this little booklet separates/explains mortal and venial sins. One of the best, I’ve ever used:
    Code: 
             [  Examination of Conscience](http://www.leafletonline.com/Examination-of-Conscience/productinfo/13315/)
  3. Spiritual dryness happens to most all of us. Please don’t give up.
God bless you.
 
I will continue the thot of the song that
the poster typed out:
“In the dusty Corners of my mind”

YOU did not choose me, Jesus said,
but I CHOSE you, and appointed you
to GO and BEAR FRUIT.
No tree bears fruit unless it is FULL OF SAP,
so unless we are full of love , joy, peace we CANNOT
expect that we can be productive in our Christian life!

Is hell or destruction ever satisfied?
The Bible says NO, should WE ever be satisfied with
our spiritual progress… NO! I know it is against nature
to hunger for righteousness, but WE WILL BE RICHLY
rewarded, and we will gain a harvest of RIGHTEOUSNESS
and PEACE.

I will pray for you:
Our heavenly father,
Your name be held holy,
Your kingdom come,
Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us,
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
Amen.
 
Praise report:

I went to Adoration this afternoon; in the space of 5 minutes, Jesus ministered to me and brought refreshment to my dryness. I was frustrated prior because I felt that I was doing everything “right,” I was looking for peace and comfort, but I wasn’t following His will.

I was seeking the “fruits” of prayer, but not the “fruits of the Spirit.”

I realized that my priorities had been eschewed; which led to my desiring the fruits of the Spirit, and an ability to emulate and imitate Christ.

That is when The Lord filled me up and refreshed me. He needed to get me straight, only then could He pour out His mercy and Grace upon me.
 
The others here have given you great words of comfort and advice. I advise you to copy them, and re-read them, keep them handy, for when you are not on the computer.

Faith is more than a feeling; sometimes, it’s not even a feeling. It’s easy to praise God, to thank God, to feel God, when we are getting what we want, or what we think we need. We should still praise Him, thank Him during those times.

But faith is also about praising and thanking Him when you don’t have that ‘joyful’ or ‘thankful’ feeling. That’s a challenge we have. Praising Him in the storm. Thanking Him when we don’t feel like we have anything to be thankful for, when we are wondering where He is.

It isn’t easy. We ALL fall; some of us more often than others, and some of us quicker/easier than others. But measure not your journey by others’ steps. Their path is not yours. Your shoes are not theirs. God never fails; He never stops loving us, even for a moment. He wants us to be close to Him. Just keep going. Pray the Rosary even when you don’t ‘feel’ it. Praise Him even when things are rough and you can’t find Him; He has kept you, and never left. When these feelings of anger, or despair, or basically anything that is not from God, arise, remember that is what the darkness wants you to feel. It doesn’t want you to find and live in the light. Imagine that you might be in a long tunnel where the light isn’t visible to you, but you know it’s there. It’s there waiting for you at the end of the tunnel. It never left. HE never left.

God bless you, and don’t give up. It’s such a great joy and grace that you went to Adoration. You searched for Him, you honored Him by going.

Also, make sure to keep an eye on your meds. Work closely with your doctor.
 
Hi Sonic,
I know what it is to be in a close relationship with someone,
a relationship that is NOT right, you see the other person as
your “god” and your whole life revolves around him/her!
I read in Scriptures:
“Your husband is your Maker,
the Lord of Hosts is His name,
Your redeemer is the Holy One of Israel,
even the Most High over all the earth!”(Is 54:5)
Take comfort in this verse, I’m praying for your healing.
 
God has once more ministered to me in Adoration; however, things between my ex and I have escalated. He wants nothing to do with me, and is telling me that I deceived him from the very beginning. I have tried to be gentle and compassionate.

Yes I wronged him at times. Yes I did some very stupid things. But I never meant to deceive him. I wanted him by my side for all eternity. I had to make a choice. Maybe I should have approached it better, but I never meant to hurt anybody… 😦
 
Since I do not know your situation, nor the manner of which it unfolded, I cannot offer much of a comment. Just remember that your ex is thinking on strictly human terms, you on the other hand, through grace, have made a decision to follow Christ and that is nothing to be ashamed of. In my previous comment to you, I stated that each of us should try to atone for our sins, through both confession & action when possible. But If your EX is not willing to hear you out, be supportive, or accept your decision, then as difficult as it may be, it might be time for you to turn away from this relationship you have him. Each must bear there own cross & thou we can and should lean on each other for support, sometimes it’s best to leave it in gods hands. With all the progress you have in the lord, you should also consider the temptation, I would imagine the passion of your past is still simmering and that can be dangerous. I pray that the lord our father will deliver strength & encouragement to both of you.
 
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