Feeling used and feeling sad

[embertx3]

Just wanting to vent. My daughter does not attempt to help pay for the car insurance going on 5yrs now. The loan is not paid off yet. I know that it was and is an expensive lesson to be learned from the thread post “I was a fool to beleive…” She’s had a steady job for a year now and has graduated since last post/thread. Her husband has a job now. Her reasoning is because she wants to pay all her other bills first. My heart is saddened to think that she knows that I can’t work right now due to an illness. I sometimes get upset with her and call it to her attention only for her to tell me to quit feeling sorry for myself.

Thanks for listening.

 

[BrokenFortress]

If I understand this correctly, you’re paying for her insurance? Are you paying for other things as well?

In either case, if she’s not making a point to help out financially, then you stop paying. Period. And besides, she’s married? She’s a grown woman now, with a husband to help support her. They should be on their way to paying for their own bills, not relying on the parents.

I don’t mean to be harsh or anything, but if you continue to help her out, when you yourself don’t have a job, you’re just enabling her selfish behavior.

 

[emma411]

Just wanting to vent. My daughter does not attempt to help pay for the car insurance going on 5yrs now. The loan is not paid off yet. I know that it was and is an expensive lesson to be learned from the thread post “I was a fool to beleive…” She’s had a steady job for a year now and has graduated since last post/thread. Her husband has a job now. Her reasoning is because she wants to pay all her other bills first. My heart is saddened to think that she knows that I can’t work right now due to an illness. I sometimes get upset with her and call it to her attention only for her to tell me to quit feeling sorry for myself.

Thanks for listening.

Just exactly are these other bills that need to be paid first? I am so sorry that you are in this situation. For me, it’s always to easy think about what I would really like to say to a person, but don’t have the backbone to say it with force. I coward because I am tired of conflicts. However she needs to know that I am guessing she made a promise to you to fulfill an obligation to you. It’s hard when it’s your child. But in some way she needs to know that this needs attention, and the fact that she is disrespecting you in regards to your illness, well I pray that God will soften her heart. Perhaps you can come up with a plan. I have a question, is this a car you drive also? Or was it solely for her purpose? While I am not entirely educated on affairs on this, is this a loan that requires you make payments on? Or was it for her to make payments on? If that’s the case, then stop paying. Let her understand that she needs to do her part. Even if that puts pressure on her because she doesn’t want to lose the car. I hope that makes sense. And feel free to correct anything I may have missed or misunderstood.

May God give you the strength and courage to endure.

 

[emma411]

Don’t feel sad, I know it’s not easy but you have support!:grouphug::console:

God Bless you!

 

[DOShea]

I don’t understand why or how it is up to your daughter whether or not you pay for her insurance. Whether or not you are working has nothing to do with the basic issue, which is, who is driving the bus (in control of your finances), you or your daughter?

I can give you a way to fix this problem, but it won’t fix “the” problem. The problem is that you are letting her walk all over you for some reason, we know not why. What happens when you suggest she kick in a few dollars? Does she give you the guilt trip, about how things are starting to turn around for her and how your “selfishness” is going to mess everything up? If that is the case, you are being played like a fiddle, and I think you know that to some extent or you wouldn’t have posted. Perhaps you posted just to kind of get a second opinion that you are NOT selfish in making her pay. If so, you have it. You aren’t selfish. Quite the contrary: she is.

If you are getting the guilt trip when you get on the phone with her, avoid it for a bit. Write her a letter and don’t put emotion in it, just simply say that with loss of your income you cannot afford to continue paying her insurance. Include the phone number of the company and the policy number and tell her that she is free to contact them and get the policy put in her & husband’s name by X date, if not you are going to cancel it that day. Being factual and honest doesn’t mean you are being mean. And do it if it comes to forcing your hand. Cancel the policy and let her know it’s canceled.

You should prepare yourself for quite an onslaught of meanness, lamenting, and trying to put the guilt on you. Ignore it. If you really love her, make her grow up and take responsibility.

 

[1ke]

If the car is in your name, reposess it. If the car is in her name, cancel the insurance policy.

She’s ungrateful.

 

[puzzleannie]

If the car is in your name, sell it and use the proceeds to pay off the loan. If it is in her name, drop the insurance and let her pay it.

 

[whatevergirl]

I agree with 1ke…it might sound harsh, but she’s married? Come on, she needs to take care of herself now. Time to grow up. If she is married, how is she listed on your policy, though? If you have* not **changed her ‘marital status’ on your policy, that is actually misrepresentation, in insurance-ese. If she has her own car and is listed on your policy to receive a cheaper rate, then really, that is not legal to do–because she is not living with you. (I’m assuming) So, do yourself a favor…and her…and if this is her car, she needs to get a policy with her husband and pay her own bill. Be strong…it’s time to put your foot down. *

 

[rpp]

If the car is in your name, reposess it. If the car is in her name, cancel the insurance policy.

She’s ungrateful.

If the car is in your name, sell it and use the proceeds to pay off the loan. If it is in her name, drop the insurance and let her pay it.

I agree with 1ke…it might sound harsh, but she’s married? Come on, she needs to take care of herself now. Time to grow up. If she is married, how is she listed on your policy, though? If you have* not ***changed her ‘marital status’ on your policy, that is actually misrepresentation, in insurance-ese. If she has her own car and is listed on your policy to receive a cheaper rate, then really, that is not legal to do–because she is not living with you. (I’m assuming) So, do yourself a favor…and her…and if this is her car, she needs to get a policy with her husband and pay her own bill. Be strong…it’s time to put your foot down.

I do not mean to sound heartless, but the advice of PuzzleAnnie and 1ke is good. And I will also add that the fact that Whatevergirl agrees with them, who is normally a very forgiving and long-suffering person, should reinforce that. WG also makes a good point about misrepresentation. Insurance companies take fraud VERY seriously.

One of the signs of getting older is that we stop borrowing money from our parents and start lending it to our children. It is time for your daughter and her husband to learn a hard lesson about living within their means.

 

[whatevergirl]

*Yes, rpp that so true…and I’m taking a leap assuming that the daughter is still listed as single, living at home with mom…on her mom’s policy. Unless her daughter has her own policy and the bill is getting sent to mom, which would be really be nervy of your daughter, OP. But if it’s the first case…and the insurance company finds out somehow that she is married, it would well within the company’s right to cancel the MOM’s policy. I doubt anything worse would happen, but to be safe…get your daughter off of the policy…and tell her to get her own with her husband.
Providing she married a MAN, he should be embarassed having you pay his bills, too.

It will be hard to tell your daughter this…but she doesn’t sound all that appreciative. They need to cut back on something else to pay this necessary bill…this is one of ‘those bills’ that needs to be a priority for her. I’m sorry you’re in the middle though with this, praying for you!*

 

[1ke]

I do not mean to sound heartless, but the advice of PuzzleAnnie and 1ke is good. And I will also add that the fact that Whatevergirl agrees with them, who is normally a very forgiving and long-suffering person, should reinforce that. WG also makes a good point about misrepresentation.

Yeah, I’m an old meanie. WEG is the soft touch.

Maybe we could star in a buddy movie and do the “good cop/bad cop” thing. Guess who would be “bad cop.”

 

[dashso40]

Stop paying any of her bills!!!..she is a grown woman…you should not be paying her bills!!!Take control of your life…you deserve happiness and peace…God bless you

 

[whatevergirl]

Yeah, I’m an old meanie. WEG is the soft touch.

Maybe we could star in a buddy movie and do the “good cop/bad cop” thing. Guess who would be “bad cop.”

Law & Order…the Remake…starring…lol

 

[apromisemade]

:hug1: