Feeling Very Alone in Marriage

  • Thread starter Thread starter Lorraine1
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
L

Lorraine1

Guest
My husband is Southern Baptist. We have been married over 20 years. I am Catholic and we have a handicapped little girl. My husband has stated in many ways that he married only because he felt that at the age of 37 he should. We have had good times in our marriage but most has been lonely with a lack of affection. I have prayed for years which has helped and I have devoted my life to our daughters needs.

What may I do to help the loneliness?

Thanks,
Lorraine
 
While I am not married (I’m just a senior in high school), I suppose I could offer you my simple-minded advice. I’m sure that you understand that marriage is meant to be for unity between the man and woman, and that maybe you have been disappointed by your husband because of his lack of love. I don’t know if you’ve tried this, but maybe seeing if you can arrange for some more quality-time together, maybe just watching a movie as a family, going for a walk together, and things like that. Maybe the two of you could take your daughter to the doctor’s office when she goes for appointments; more time to spend together. You need to talk to him about your feelings, just let him know how you are feeling (don’t make yourself sound accusatory…I’m just saying this because many people tend to do that, but I’m not saying that you will) concerning the relationship between the two of you; how you feel alone.I, for my part have experienced deep, empty loneliness first-hand, so I know hard it must be, but I can offer this advice, which helped me so much through the tough times: You probably already do some of the things I am about to suggest, but even so, I suggest you continue to do whatever you are doing, and maybe more, with ever more fervency and faith. Pray to God everyday, ask him to help you with your sufferings, and ask his mother Mary to intercede for you. Pray that Jesus will help your marriage gain strength, and who knows, he may not even do just that, but maybe help your husband become Catholic! Everything is possible with God, after all. 🙂

I HIGHLY recommend you look up the short prayer to “The Infant of Prague”. its a short, very powerful prayer that you can say every day with the petition that your marriage be strengthened. It’s an excellent prayer - I recommend it highly.

And last, but not least, ALWAYS remember that GOD LOVES YOU INFINITELY MORE than your husband, or any man on this earth, could ever love you. Keeping that in mind, keep faith in God, trust in Him, receive Communion frequently (remember, one small, tiny particle of the Body of Christ is enough to save the whole world - imagine what it can do for your marriage!!) and, be at peace.

My next communion will be taken with your intention in mind. 🙂

Sincerely,

your fellow Catholic.
 
Lorraine, my heart goes out to you and I will definitely keep you and your family in my prayers! I am afraid that I do not have wisdom or years of experience to offer. However, in moments when I feel lonely in my marriage (we’ve been married for three years now), I remind myself that the Lord is my strength. I give my heart to the Lord and ask Him to show me how I can love my husband better. I also pray for my husband, that he may know the love of God and find the courage to face his own feelings of inadequacy, fear, and loneliness - which are at the heart of where his struggles lies.

Praying for you and your intentions!
 
“We have had good times in our marriage but most has been lonely with a lack of affection.”

What were the good times like? Are there things you used to enjoy together that you could do again?

Do you have friends with special needs children who can offer support or join you for outings? (I personally enjoy walking and talking at the zoo.) Do you have relatives who can help you? Is there an old friend or dear relative that you haven’t visited for a while? Is there respite care available?

Is there a chance that your husband feels so exhausted by age, the need to support his family, and by your daughter’s needs that he feels worn-out, too? He probably needs a break, too, and he probably feels like this wasn’t what he expected from married life, either.

You don’t need to answer those questions–a lot of them may not be relevant to your situation.
 
catholic.net/index.php?option=dedestaca&id=3531

Dear Lorraine I have only just seen this thread. I am sorry I have not seen this before.
My heart goes out to you. It is awful for you being so lonely in your marriage. I have been in a very similar position in my life.
You are a truly wonderful lady and I shall keep you in my prayers. Your beautiful daughter and husband will also be in my prayers.

My only advice would be to pray and talk to Our Blessed Lord. Ask Him to guide you and open the heart of your husband. I shall do the same for you all.
The only other thing is can you get him to open up and talk? I wonder if he would be open to counselling. It could be just the hting to help your marriage.
If not keep busy as you are and I hope you have good friends who are there for you/
I shall keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
God bless

Dear Jesus,
I humbly implore you to grant your special graces to this family. May their home be the shrine of peace, purity, love, labor and faith. I beg you, dear Jesus, to rpotect and bless all of them, absent and present, living and dead.
O Mary,
Loving Mother of Jesus, and our Mother, pray to Jesus for Lorraine and her family, for all the families of the world, to guard the cradle of the newborn, the schools of the young and their vocations.
Blessed Saint Joseph,
holy guardian of Jesus and Mary, assist Lorraine and her family by your prayers in all necessities of life. Ask of Jesus that special grace which he granted to you, to watch over their home at the pillow of the sick and the dying, so that with Mary and with you, Heaven may find our family unbroken in the sacred Heart of Jesus.
Amen.

O powerful St. Rita, rightly called Saint of the Impossible, I come to you with confidence in my great need. You know well my trials, for you yourself were many times burdened in this life. Come to my help, speak for me, pray with me, intercede on my behalf before the Father. I know that God has a most generous heart and that he is a most loving Father. Join your prayers to mine and obtain for me the grace I desire (For Lorraine). You who were so very pleasing to God on earth and are so much so now in heaven, I promise to use this favor, when granted, to better my life, to proclaim God’s mercy, and to make you more widely known and loved. Amen

NOVENA TO ST. RITA
O holy protectress of those who art in greatest need, thou who shineth as a star of hope in the midst of darkness, blessed Saint Rita, bright mirror of God’s grace, in patience and fortitude thou art a model of all the states in life. I unite my will with the will of God through the merits of my Savior Jesus Christ, and in particular through his patient wearing of the crown of thorns, which with tender devotion thou didst daily contemplate. Through the merits of the holy Virgin Mary and thine own graces and virtues, I ask thee to obtain my earnest petition, provided it be for the greater glory of God and my own sanctification. Guide and purify my intention, O holy protectress and advocate, so that I may obtain the pardon of all my sins and the grace to persevere daily, as thou didst in walking with courage, generosity, and fidelity down the path of life. [For Lorraine and her husband]
Saint Rita, advocate of the impossible, pray for us.
Saint Rita, advocate of the helpless, pray for us.

Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me.Amen
 
Lorraine -

I just saw your post. I have no advice because I’m in the same boat. I’ve tried to become hardened to the situation & not care, but it doesn’t work too well. Every so often I get depressed & go on crying jags - but not in front of my husband. He doesn’t like tears.

We are fortunate to both be Catholic - and that has been good. At least we’re on the same page with something as important as our faith!

I’ve heard that Retrouvaille can do wonders & you don’t have to be Catholic. Unfortunately for me, the closest one is over 400 miles away & we don’t have the money to get there. 😦

I’ll pray for you - will you remember me in your prayers?
 
The advice I give to anyone struggling in their marriage is to go to the website “Celebrating Men Satisfying Women.” Go to “Free Stuff” in the menu bar and indulge in all of the videos and reading material. You will more than likely want to buy her C.D.'s on “Women: Unlocking the mystery.” and the one she has on men.

My husband and I are very happy because of this material.
 
Sounds like it’s about the physical side of marriage. Wouldn’t do me any good - my husband had prostate cancer. But our problems started way before that.
 
Dr. James Dobson deals with the OP’s question in several of his books, and has talked about the situation on his radio show.

He advises that women who are lonely in their marriage build up a network of FEMALE friends. Since the OP is a Catholic, this should be possible, even if she just seeks these friends within her parish and no where else.

Women help each other deal with loneliness.

Godspeed to the OP.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top