Feeling Very Lonely

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naomanos6

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Ever since the divorce which was only last week, I have been feeling very lonely. I had 10 months to grieve the end of marriage because of the separation, but I am just so lonely.

I have made a couple profiles on dating sites, just to see if I can start a friendship and maybe down the road something more, but once they find out that I live with my parents and that I have two younger children, they bail. I have spoken to one girl who said she understands that people fall on hard times, and things were going great, until we discussed my two younger children. Then she told me she doesn’t want to raise anymore kids.

I have no friends here in Florida. I made my wife my everything. Plus, it’s hard for me to make friends because I don’t go to bars (unless it was with my wife to shoot pool), I don’t dance, so clubs are out. I don’t do what people my age do I guess. Even at work I have people that I know, but they go to work and then afterwards go their separate ways.

I hate this feeling of loneliness.
 
I’m sorry about your divorce and its fallout.

I think the best thing for you to do is to start going out and meeting new people. If you can, take up a new hobby and meet people through that. If you start going out more, you’re going to find more waiting for you. Maybe you could develop friendships with the people you work with as well?

Lou
 
It sounds like you need friends, not romance, at this point. Dating sites generally aren’t very good for making friends. If you do find romance, you still need some friends so that you aren’t depending on one person to meet all your emotional and social needs. And friends don’t have to be particularly close to you in age if the common interests are there.

Can you do some volunteer work on a fairly regular basis? Join a group or take a class related to a hobby or interest? Invite a small group of coworkers out to a local event, or for coffee/dessert, or a drink (doesn’t have to be at a bar, a restaurant is usually better) after work every so often?

Will pray for you. :gopray2:
 
Thank you for your responses!

Maybe that’s part of my problem. I really don’t have any hobbies other than fishing, computers and radio controlled cars. Oh and reptiles.

As for my coworkers, I have tried. They’re not really interested as it’s a part-time job, we’re there for four or five hours and then they just want to go home. They have their own lives I guess and don’t want to be bothered.
 
naomanos6 said:
Thank you for your responses!

Maybe that’s part of my problem. I really don’t have any hobbies other than fishing, computers and radio controlled cars. Oh and reptiles.

As for my coworkers, I have tried. They’re not really interested as it’s a part-time job, we’re there for four or five hours and then they just want to go home. They have their own lives I guess and don’t want to be bothered.
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So now’s a good time to branch into something else, something you need a group for to meet lots of people.

CatholicRaven made some very good points - dating sites aren’t generally places to find friends, and it isn’t good for you to depend on one person for social support. I think the best thing for you is to look for friendships first before a romantic relationship. You never know - the more people you meet, the more chance you have to meet someone special.

Lou
 
Naomanos,

I understand your feelings – all of them. I was married for what would have been 17 years. We divorced, I went through the Annulment process – helped a lot in healing also. While waiting for the divorce then annulment to complete I did not date or socialize also. So yes it can be lonely and hard at times, but remember to remain strong for your kids.

Have you checked with the Church to see if there is volunteering that you could do?

Also taking the kids – if old enough – to a local park and socialize with other parents; while still keeping an eye on your kids.

Going to a gym is also good – not only to socialize but to get into shape and work out the stress.

This is a great thing to do also:

Rescue a dog from your local shelter and take the kids with you around the neighborhood while walking a life that needs to be rescued from a life of loneliness (before their life is ended).

The thing is – remain strong and trust in God. I know that things look rough, but He will help you get through this. He helped me and I am much happier now – and so will you and sooner than you think.

Winter
 
Lou2U said:
Maybe something physical, or musical?

Lou
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Musical would be out. Don’t have a lick of musical talent in my body. Physical, I don’t like to work out and I do take my dog to the dog park. Bowling might work, but I am not that great, so I’m not sure anyone would be happy to have me on their team in a league.
 
Hi naomanos6,
I feel for you. Things will get better. 🙂
You know Who to trust. Ask Him for help and it will surely come.
It’s ‘early days’ and naturally things still seem raw.
I know it’s small consolation but there are certainly many many other people in the same situation as you - wanting/needing a new start.
And although some may be dissuaded by your having children from a prior marriage, it’s very likely that your children will be the ones who (indirectly) help you find and form new friendships. #soccer_moms/dads
 
Winter_Warlock said:
Naomanos,

Going to a gym is also good – not only to socialize but to get into shape and work out the stress.

This is a great thing to do also:

Rescue a dog from your local shelter and take the kids with you around the neighborhood while walking a life that needs to be rescued from a life of loneliness (before their life is ended).

Winter
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I’m not a gym person. I do not like to work out. So that wouldn’t work. Taking the kids to the park would be fine. I have done that with my three year old. My one year old doesn’t walk on his own yet, so I tend no to take him since the three year old tends to be all over the place.

Rescuing a dog would be out since I live with my parents and we already have three dogs in the house. Their two and my one. There’s also not any sidewalks around here to walk a dog around the neighborhood. So I do go to a dog park.
 
naomanos6 said:
Ever since the divorce which was only last week, I have been feeling very lonely. I had 10 months to grieve the end of marriage because of the separation, but I am just so lonely.

I have made a couple profiles on dating sites, just to see if I can start a friendship and maybe down the road something more, but once they find out that I live with my parents and that I have two younger children, they bail. I have spoken to one girl who said she understands that people fall on hard times, and things were going great, until we discussed my two younger children. Then she told me she doesn’t want to raise anymore kids.

I have no friends here in Florida. I made my wife my everything. Plus, it’s hard for me to make friends because I don’t go to bars (unless it was with my wife to shoot pool), I don’t dance, so clubs are out. I don’t do what people my age do I guess. Even at work I have people that I know, but they go to work and then afterwards go their separate ways.

I hate this feeling of loneliness.
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Do you have an annulment?
 
ClearWater said:
Do you have an annulment?
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It would be a lack of form. My marriage was not considered valid.

Waiting on the final divorce papers to come in the mail. I’m not looking to start a serious relationship, just friends and then after I get things squared away with the church and God, then see where things go.
 
My ex-husband told me ten years ago next month that he didn’t want to be married anymore. I still remember that feeling of loneliness you describe.

And when my divorce was final, some seven months later, I also immediately wanted to date – I wanted to prove I was still beautiful and desirable, and not going to spend the rest of my life alone. It’s a horribly painful time, and even with a group of good friends around me, my heart was aching… and who wants to go through that alone?

But trying to date was a disaster. First off, I didn’t have an annulment yet, so in the eyes of the Church I was still married – NOT OK for dating! :eek:

Second, I needed to get my feet back under me as a single person. I was not married anymore, and I had a young son (3 year old) to raise, and I had hundreds of students to teach. And my emotions were all over the place.

Seriously, it was absolutely not the right time to date. If I had started a relationship at that time, it most certainly would have gone down in flames, because I needed to heal from the pain of rejection and divorce and loss…

It took me eight years before I felt solid enough to date.

You may need less time. 🤷

But right now, your kids need your time and attention. And you need to take care of yourself. You need to feel your loneliness and deal with it as a single person. Until you do that, you won’t be worth spit to a new lady in your life.

You’ll need to go through this pain, dear, in order to get through it. You can’t go around it.

Check to see if your parish or diocese offers support for divorced people. I know my diocese has a program that some of the parishes offer on a fairly regular basis.

God bless you. I’ll keep you in my prayers!
 
I’m very sorry you are lonely. It can be so very hard. 😦
:console:

You must refrain from seeking friends of the opposite sex until AFTER an annulment is granted. Otherwise you wind up with the possibility of “friends” becoming “more than friends,” but still risk an annulment NOT being granted. Dating without an official annulment, is still committing adultery. Even if it is likely you would be given one, you still haven’t received one. Your former marriage is still presumed valid in the Church’s eyes.
 
Gertabelle said:
My ex-husband told me ten years ago next month that he didn’t want to be married anymore. I still remember that feeling of loneliness you describe.

And when my divorce was final, some seven months later, I also immediately wanted to date – I wanted to prove I was still beautiful and desirable, and not going to spend the rest of my life alone. It’s a horribly painful time, and even with a group of good friends around me, my heart was aching… and who wants to go through that alone?

But trying to date was a disaster. First off, I didn’t have an annulment yet, so in the eyes of the Church I was still married – NOT OK for dating! :eek:

Second, I needed to get my feet back under me as a single person. I was not married anymore, and I had a young son (3 year old) to raise, and I had hundreds of students to teach. And my emotions were all over the place.

Seriously, it was absolutely not the right time to date. If I had started a relationship at that time, it most certainly would have gone down in flames, because I needed to heal from the pain of rejection and divorce and loss…

It took me eight years before I felt solid enough to date.

You may need less time. 🤷

But right now, your kids need your time and attention. And you need to take care of yourself. You need to feel your loneliness and deal with it as a single person. Until you do that, you won’t be worth spit to a new lady in your life.

You’ll need to go through this pain, dear, in order to get through it. You can’t go around it.

Check to see if your parish or diocese offers support for divorced people. I know my diocese has a program that some of the parishes offer on a fairly regular basis.

God bless you. I’ll keep you in my prayers!
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This is very wise advice.

Praying for you too, OP.
 
naomanos6 said:
It would be a lack of form. My marriage was not considered valid.

Waiting on the final divorce papers to come in the mail. I’m not looking to start a serious relationship, just friends and then after I get things squared away with the church and God, then see where things go.
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I hate to say this, but you should not be dating at all without an actual annulment.

What happens if you or your friend become attached and then you find you cannot get an annulment? Don’t go there.
 
Irishmom2 said:
I hate to say this, but you should not be dating at all without an actual annulment.

What happens if you or your friend become attached and then you find you cannot get an annulment? Don’t go there.
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I will get approved for the lack of form as our marriage was not valid. We were two baptized Catholics who did not get married in the Catholic Church or receive dispensation. My priest has said that it will be approved because the marriage is it valid according to the church.
 
I did mention that I wouldn’t date till after I am cleared by the church?

If I can make a friend or two and then after I am cleared by the church I will pursue a dating relationship.

I have always made friends easier with women compared with men.
 
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