Feeling Worthless

[lovedance4ever]

Hello everyone. I don’t know where else to turn, so I thought I would ask for prayers on here.

I’m an eighteen year old sophomore (soon to be junior) in college. This may seem silly, and it probably is, but I have just been feeling so worthless lately; like I’m not good at anything.

When I was five, I was signed up for ballet and tap, and almost instantly fell in love with it. It was my passion; by the time I was thirteen, I was taking approximately fifteen hours of lessons per week, eventually going on to take jazz, ballroom, modern, and many other forms of dance. I was smitten. One of my dance teachers offered to help me choreograph a dance to audition into one of our local colleges that had a program for dance majors when I was fifteen. My dream was to be a professional dancer.

But that all went down the tubes for me. I injured my back terribly and the pain, which radiated to my neck and feet, became so bad that I had no choice but to quit. I seriously felt as though a part of me had died. I felt empty and alone. And I still do.

I have nothing else that I’m good at. I’m in our church choir; my voice isn’t perfect, but good enough to sing every Sunday. But our director always makes comments about my singing not being very good and people laugh. I feel horrible. We are there every week to please the Lord, not to perform. Nevertheless, I feel awful about myself. I can’t sing; I’ve played the guitar a bit, but quit because I feel like I’m not very good. I’m not artistic at all.

There was a point where I would attempt to do things and would start crying, because I felt like I would never be good at anything other than dance. It still happens sometimes.

I just feel so worthless and depressed. If anyone has any advice for me, I would greatly appreciate it. But if not, your prayers are more than welcome and helpful.

Love and God bless

 

[Veronica97]

Honey, you are not worthless because you can no longer dance! God gave you the gift of dance, but He wouldn’t let it be taken away from you without GOOD reason. You may not know what those reasons are yet, but God sees your whole life ahead of you, while you can’t. Please do not say you have no talents! I have a sister who says that, but I simply cannot believe it–she just hasn’t found it yet! Perhaps it would be best if you did not sing in the choir under the circumstances. But that doesn’t mean you can’t serve God in other ways. Think about what else you enjoy doing and pray about it. Ask God to help you serve Him. But a couple of things to think about: IF you were still pursuing a career in dance, would you be seeking God as much as you are now? Or would that be your consuming passion rather than loving Jesus? Maybe God doesn’t want you to find your talent just yet. Maybe He doesn’t want you to be tempted to seek a talent for your own success/pride rather than to serve Him. I’m not saying these things are true, because I do not know you. But whatever the reasons are, they are for your own good at this time. Seek to serve God by doing His will in each moment of each day–by following His commandments, loving Him, and loving others. Do that, and the rest will unfold in due time.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Wow, hon. I wish I could put my arms around you and give you a big (gentle) hug right now.

:console:

Of course you are sad. This is a huge dream that has come to an end. It is normal and natural to grieve when our dreams end, even if we ourselves choose another path. And you did not choose this path. So you feel robbed of your almost lifelong dream.

My advice is to allow yourself time to grieve. It’s probably hard to do while at college, if you are in a dorm room there are always people around, so crying might draw too much attention. You need time and space where no one will soothe you before you really cry it out. Not to say all of the pain will be gone, even with a major crying session, but it’s like lancing an infection - the pain does improve after a while. It might take several of these sessions until you start to feel a little better.

Do you have an adoration chapel? You could go there and pour out your disappointment and sadness to Jesus. He is ready to comfort you. And He might just tell you where to go from here.

By the way, that choir director should be fired for making fun of you. That is a really jerky thing to do.

I am SURE that there are many other things you are good at, it’s just that you’ve put so much time and energy into your dancing that you haven’t thought of them much along the way. People with talent tend to have more than just one thing they can do. Trust me, I see it in my son.

Here’s another hug.

:console::grouphug:

If you feel sad all of the time, and can’t manage to do your normal routines, please go to the school psychologist or counselor and see if you might be depressed. Taking anti depressants as soon as possible, if you are depressed, helps ensure you won’t have to take them long-term.

 

[Kelfa28]

When I was your age, I wanted to be a professional dancer too. My mom was and she was a ballet teacher. Naturally, I was expected to follow in her footsteps.

I was a good dancer too, modern and almost exclusively ballet. I did go to college and wished to become a dance major. Biggest mistake of my life. I also ended up with a back injury that gave me an excuse to stop. I miss dance and a part of me wished I went about things differently but I moved on with my life.

I ended up branching out and finding other passions in my life. I started working as an EMT and became a paramedic for quite some time. I’m in nursing school currently and getting married and have a LO.

Dancing is wonderful but it’s not practical. I think that it’s more of a hobby or an activity. Same a professional sports, precious few make it as a professional dancer. What’s worse is their is an age shelf-life for dancers…if you don’t get injured yet.

You obviously have talents. You are also so, so young and have so much time to figure out what you want to do with your life.

 

[petitfleur]

I don’t have a lot of time to tell the whole story but my DH grew up in the UK and was passionate about soccer, but was not quite good enough to be professional. He quit at 15 and didn’t even go to his own kids games until my oldest was in third grade. Fast forward he started his own soccer club. You never know where it will lead you.
Another thing that makes me feel better is to try to be useful and helpful to the people around me. I also recommend the prayer intention forum, start a thread for yourself, and offer prayers and encouragement to the others.

 

[EasterJoy]

Ouch…I hope the pain doesn’t give you too much trouble now. Chronic pain can make optimism very difficult to manage.

When I have felt like you are describing (and I have), it helps me to look at other people who can do less than I can or who are guilty of worse than I am guilty of, and to remember that I would never ever tell them that they are worthless, because I don’t think they are. I know they are not, and I believe that to the bottom of my heart. Sometimes, it is easier to see our own intrinsic worth by seeing the intrinsic worth of others.

At the point at which we are forced to admit our own intrinsic worth, we can see that what we are dealing with is a thwarted desire to achieve and contribute. That can be the sin of pride, but not necessarily so. It is legitimate, especially at your age, to feel some anxiety about finding a way to contribute and to enjoy our own abilities by using them. That anxiety, though, is more easily addressed when we don’t confuse it with a basic lack of worth. It is understandable to want to lick our wounds when we fail, that is OK, but a feeling of worthlessness is a deep hole to crawl out of, while a desire to achieve is a spur.

First of all, look for ways to keep enjoying dance. You can’t dance yourself, perhaps, or not at the level you once could, but it is still your passion. Look into that. You may also be able to help out at a senior center with body movement classes. You understand what it is like to have lost your former ability, so you may be uniquely able to communicate how to get around aches and pains but still get the enjoyment and some measure of fitness from using one’s abilities, even when those are limited. You may also be able to teach young people with various ability challenges, for the same reasons, because you have two things: love for dance and compassion for the problem of not being able to dance as some would say dance “ought” to be done.

Secondly, tell that choir director to either cut out the snide comments or else have the guts to privately ask you to quit the choir, but for crying out loud to learn some sensitivity towards the feelings of others. If the nasty comments keep coming, take the problem to your pastor. Your choir director may be presuming on your good-natured grace in how you take these comments, but there is no excuse for treating a parishioner like that. If you think you should not stick up for yourself, think about this: you cannot be the only person who gets this treatment, and if you are, you will have a successor. Nip that behavior in the bud.

Let us say that the choir director asks you to quit the choir. You can still be a Eucharistic minister. You can be a lector. You can help with coffee and doughnuts. You can be active in the high school youth group or volunteer with the middle school youth group. I love singing, but I’m not in the choir, either, because I’m not quite at that “choir” level. I still sing every Sunday. If you don’t have people like that surrounding you every Sunday, then you have some pretty weak congregational singing! There need to be some singers in the congregation, too!

As for the guitar and other things that you are “not good at”, remember that it took some time and effort to reach your level of attainment in dance. You will not find another artistic outlet at which you will perform at that level very quickly. IOW, you may be selling short how much hard work and dedication it took to get where you were in dance. You are still capable of that same level of hard work,* if *you give yourself room to be a beginner all over again.

What if you can’t, though? That doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the arts. I play piano. I don’t know if I could attain a level of performance worthy of to be a “performer” if I worked hard enough, and I don’t think I’ll ever know, because I don’t have that kind of time any more. I do have enough time to play well enough to please myself privately, and that is worth the time I do have. Consider that it is OK to engage in artistic endeavors for your own pleasure, even when your “achievement level” isn’t at a point where you would find it pleasurable to engage in your art publicly. That may free you up to find something you enjoy doing. Most musicians and artists in this world “perform” at that level, not at the level of the professionals. That level of performance still has value, because it brings joy into life.

Mostly, though, remember that although joys come from God, we weren’t given this life only to enjoy it. Rather, we were given this life in order to learn to love. Remember what St. Paul said in 1 Corinthians 13 about how useless any marvelous accomplishment is, if it is not done in love. Love is what makes us shine before God. The rest is just an expression of it. That is the thing to keep in mind.

We were made not to achieve, but to know, love, and serve God. Your talent is God’s gift to you; your generosity of heart, although it also depends on God’s grace, is how you give back to God. When we start beating ourselves up about not being “good enough”, that is a good touch-stone to go back to. If we fail at generosity of heart, we are only a confessional visit away from starting over again!

 

[Robertanthony]

Honey, you are not worthless because you can no longer dance! God gave you the gift of dance, but He wouldn’t let it be taken away from you without GOOD reason. You may not know what those reasons are yet, but God sees your whole life ahead of you, while you can’t. Please do not say you have no talents! I have a sister who says that, but I simply cannot believe it–she just hasn’t found it yet! Perhaps it would be best if you did not sing in the choir under the circumstances. But that doesn’t mean you can’t serve God in other ways. Think about what else you enjoy doing and pray about it. Ask God to help you serve Him. But a couple of things to think about: IF you were still pursuing a career in dance, would you be seeking God as much as you are now? Or would that be your consuming passion rather than loving Jesus? Maybe God doesn’t want you to find your talent just yet. Maybe He doesn’t want you to be tempted to seek a talent for your own success/pride rather than to serve Him. I’m not saying these things are true, because I do not know you. But whatever the reasons are, they are for your own good at this time. Seek to serve God by doing His will in each moment of each day–by following His commandments, loving Him, and loving others. Do that, and the rest will unfold in due time.

OR accidents happen and God didn’t prevent it because he’s not there 24/7 to keep us all cozy. It’s either a fallen world or it isn’t. From personal experience, I’d say it is. To OP. I never had a talent taken away from me because I’m average or below average in everything I tried, but if you’re not going to be a prfessional dancer, isn’t there some way you could use that talent as a teacher/choreographer? And BTW, your choir director is a jerk.

 

[Winter_Warlock]

Lovedance4ever,

I am so sorry to hear your story. But you should never feel worthless, I am sure that you have many qualities that anyone would be very proud to possess. I for one cannot dance, play any instrument, or even carry a tune. As for that director making comments about your singing, don’t give a rats-butt what he says. As you point out you are there to praise and worship God not what some moron thinks.

You will be able to understand what God has planned for you – even if you cannot see what that plan is now. Hold true to your faith and trust in God, and do not be afraid to try new things, it is true that you may never be an expert in one event but you may also find that the sheer joy in participating is well worth the attempt.

I will pray that you discover Gods plan for you and that you again find joy in life.

Winter

 

[faithfully]

Wow… I could have written this. Although I probably wasn’t as good a dancer as you.

Back injury at 18… done!

I took classes off and on until I had my kids nothing major.

I didn’t find a PT that could deal with my pain until I was 32. He made it vanish in about 3 weeks. Had I known him when I was younger, my days/life would be different.

I do love my children, and they might not have happened. So NOW, I would not trade that. I can’t get through a Nutcracker without balling.

I completely understand. I PHYSICALLY feel what you are talking about. When you body is your instrument it’s tough. Not like you can just save up and buy a new one.

You are not worthless. You are truly a gift from God. But I understand the depression.

Personally, I might look into ways you can stay connected. Either from a hobby point of view, or professionally. I hated teaching. But many love it! What about nutrition? Dancers are in such need of nutritionists that understand their demands. A PT? I was blown away to learn my PT was never a dancer. My eval involved rond de jambes, arabesque etc. WAY beyond what any doctor cared or had the knowledge or skill to do. Could you do choreography? So many ways to go!

I’m almost 41. I’m finally back on the road to body recovery. And you know what? I just might take a class in the next year. It will be mentally very basic. Physically, will probably kill me. I don’t need to be on point or stage. Just a few plies and grand jete’s, ok and hitting a tripple would be fun.

 

[EasterJoy]

OR accidents happen and God didn’t prevent it because he’s not there 24/7 to keep us all cozy. It’s either a fallen world or it isn’t. From personal experience, I’d say it is. To OP. I never had a talent taken away from me because I’m average or below average in everything I tried, but if you’re not going to be a prfessional dancer, isn’t there some way you could use that talent as a teacher/choreographer? And BTW, your choir director is a jerk.

The way I look at it, God does not make bad things happen, but if we are faithful, God has the power to transform the worst thing in the world into the best thing in the world. That’s why our crucifixes have the corpus on them; we are still in the travail, and our sufferings are meant to be transformed as was the suffering of Christ.

After all, when St. Paul wrote “Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am filling up what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ on behalf of his body, which is the church” (Col. 1:24)…what could he have meant? That the sufferings of Christ weren’t good enough? I think it is that we are meant to be willing to be participants in his acceptance of whatever evil dishes up, to be willing to let God “resurrect” a bad situation to his glory.

 

[Veronica97]

Well, I have to say I disagree with Robert Anthony. Yes, it IS a fallen world full of evil. God does allow bad things to happen, but to say that He is not in control or that he is not with us 24/7 is to say that He is not omniscient, omnipresent, and omnipotent. No matter what bad things happen, God will work to turn them into something good. God knew from the beginning of time that you would be born and that you would have great talent as a dancer and then be injured. He holds you in the palm of His hand. Give Him the rest of your life and all your talents, hidden and not hidden and He will bring great things from it. But remember, if we think about the life of Jesus, for 33 years he lived a quiet, simple life as the son of a carpenter and then as a carpenter Himself. He didn’t go to college, he wasn’t famous, he wasn’t rich. But He did the will of the Father everyday, and the Father was immensely pleased by his Son!

 

[Robertanthony]

Well, he would be in control if he wanted to, but how about he relinquishes some of his power, because after all, Satan is the Prince of this world, and from my understanding princes have some power. And just the fact that gravity exists will account for accidents so it’s not like things are always the result of God’s action, angelic, or demonic action. If God chooses not to intervene when someone is beat up, molested, bullied, then he is not in control, unless you want to give “control” a meaning that it doesn’t have. I understand he can turn things around afterwards if he will, but that’s not control.

 

[Lochias]

Well, he would be in control if he wanted to, but how about he relinquishes some of his power, because after all, Satan is the Prince of this world, and from my understanding princes have some power. And just the fact that gravity exists will account for accidents so it’s not like things are always the result of God’s action, angelic, or demonic action. If God chooses not to intervene when someone is beat up, molested, bullied, then he is not in control, unless you want to give “control” a meaning that it doesn’t have. I understand he can turn things around afterwards if he will, but that’s not control.

From where I hail on the intarwebs, taking over a thread like this is called “threadcrapping.” Maybe starting a new thread on this topic in Apologetics would be a better idea?

To the OP: You have my prayers.

 

[joshvanrad]

From where I hail on the intarwebs, taking over a thread like this is called “threadcrapping.” Maybe starting a new thread on this topic in Apologetics would be a better idea?

To the OP: You have my prayers.

I agree. Try to be supportive and if you have questions, comments, or concerns that aren’t directly related to helping this young person through their struggles, try to post them elsewhere. Let’s try to be charitable here.

To lovedance4ever,
God is watching over you and he can things right even when they feel wrong. God draws straight with crooked lines. Keep your head up and know that He is always keeping you safe. I will try to say a prayer or two for you and I wish you the best.

Ite in pace,
Joshua

 

[Robertanthony]

From where I hail on the intarwebs, taking over a thread like this is called “threadcrapping.” Maybe starting a new thread on this topic in Apologetics would be a better idea?

To the OP: You have my prayers.

Well ,taking over a thread is taking over a thread, nobody is interested in knowing about your “creative” way of saying it, just sayin’. “Crapping” ain’t a very nice word to use either, don’t you think? I’m all for support and prayers but not sugar-coating things, that is all.

 

[mandajane]

This could have been my post. Car accident at 15, just after I’d been offered an apprentice position with the corps of the St. Louis Ballet.

I remember the feelings of loss and abandonment after my accident. My family wasn’t very supportive, they didn’t see how dance was anything more than a ‘hobby’ for me. They acted like I had just finished a good book, not that my chosen career had been ripped from me.

So, from one dancer to another, HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS

It does get better. Just because you cannot physically dance anymore, doesn’t mean you’ve lost the knowledge you gained. You’ve also developed good habits of constantly practicing your passion, and a good work ethic.

Go and find another thing you want to be, (I chose fashion designer!) and work on that. When you feel discouraged, or that you’re not very good, remind yourself of your early attempts at dancing, compared with your later attempts. Look back on it as a time of joy, and find out what other doors God has opened for your future.

hugs I’ll be praying for you.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

OP, I just got this book and maybe it will help you discover something that uses some of the same strengths as your dancing did.

Now, Discover Your Strengths

I have lost a vocation I felt born to, that of being a mommy. My sons are almost 21 and 18, I still cannot believe they grew up so quickly! They’ve downsized me right out of my profession! LOL Gotta move on, of course I will always be their mom but not mommy, and it’s not time for grandchildren quite yet. So I would like to start doing something that uses my gifts, only I’m not sure quite what those are or how they translate into another profession.

Anyway, your college also has career counseling and interest testing, I’d wager. Get ahold of the guidance office and find out what they can do for you.

 

[Cat]

I have a daughter who has stage managed for several dance companies, and she had 10 years of ballet growing up. Also, both of my daughters, as well as my husband, figure skate. So I can certainly sympathize with your loss. I would recommend getting some counselling, because this is literally a “death” of part of yourself.

Is it possible for you to teach or coach dance, even if you aren’t able to perform yourself?

A LOT of figure skating coaches can’t begin to do the maneuvers that they teach their students to do! Perhaps at one time waaay back when they were wee children, they could do axels, doubles, triples, spins, spirals, etc. But age (and often child-bearing), injuries, etc. have changed the body, and made quite a few of the maneuvers pretty much out-of-the question. BUT…they can still coach. Coaches like Frank Carroll, Carol Heiss Jenkins, John Nicks, etc. haven’t skated competitively in decades, but they are still coaching champions today.

SO is that possible in dance, too? It would be wonderful if someone like you were to join a studio, or even someday open your own studio. You would be a really good influence on moms who get “tunnel vision” and invest wayyy too much time and money into their child’s “dance career,” even though the child is newly out of diapers!

And you would be a blessing to teenagers who are agonizing over whether they should dance or not.

My daughter’s skating club hired a coach who had spent her entire teenaged years counting on making a certain elite Senior team when she graduated from high school. Well, she didn’t make the team, and she was devastated. But she picked up the pieces of her dream, and tried out for and made a “lesser” team, and loved it! Now she is coaching, and she is such a good, balancing influence on all the skaters who are holding onto dreams that could very easily be gone in an instant due to an injury, or an unforeseen circumstance (e.g., not being good enough to make the team of your dreams).

Another possibility–can you write about dance? Would you be able to write critiques for your local newspaper? Or can you write children’s or teen’s books about dance? Or non-fiction books about dance?

Hopefully there will be some way that you can stay involved with the world of dance.

Best of luck to you.