Feelings of unworthiness

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Flambeau

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Howdy All,

I’ve been a long time lurker on both the forums and reader of the CA articles, but I just joined today. I certainly believe God is active in our lives, but have always cast a skeptical eye at someone who says they’ve been “called to do something”. I’m not sure why yet, but for some reason today, I felt called to join this website.

Why this website? I don’t know. I’ve got a great group of Catholic friends from my local parish, my father’s a Catholic Deacon, it would seem I have a great network of people to lean on, but here I am.

I’m in a major spiritual trough. I’ve struggled with addictions in my late teens and early 20’s only to finally beat them back with my prayer life, attending reconciliation regularly, and praying the rosary, going on the ACTS retreat 5 years ago really lit the fire in my prayer life and brought me back to full active participation in the Catholic Church, where I’d been a wall flower during college. Unfortunately, I’m back in my old habits. I feel so bad, so unworthy, so evil, the best word I can think of is so BASE.

I can’t stand myself right now, I’ve betrayed my wife and daughter, and that’s something I’m going to have to live with for the rest of my life. I hate the sins I commit, yet I feel compelled to do them, and I fantasize about them. I love our Lord and His Blessed Mother so much, yet I can’t imagine the pain and the shame they feel when they look at me, yet I’m taught that it can’t be so, I don’t believe it anymore. I haven’t gone to Reconciliation for two years (when the first small leaks started appearing before the dam burst) as I don’t trust that I’m fully sorry what I’m doing. How can I when I keep fantasizing about doing them?

I’m really lost right now, today is my 31st birthday and I’ve never felt so alone or out of control. My entire life I’ve excelled at everything I’ve done and I’m now the poster child for the man who has everything who has nothing.

Please pray for me.
 
I will pray for you to overcome your temptations and remember that in our weaknesses He is strong. :signofcross:
 
Happy birthday to youuuuuu,
Happy birthday to youuuuuu,
Happy birthday, dear Flambeau,
Happy birthday to you!

All I know is our Lord doesn’t expect us to be perfect—he expects us to keep trying, and trying, and trying, and trying.
 
Flambeau,

God created you and He loves you!

May our Lord Jesus Christ guide you to all the help you need, spiritually and emotionally.

Do not despair…the Lord desires to help you out of this!

Mary, Seat of Wisdom…Pray for us!
 
I’m sorry you’re going through such a rough patch. I think you know that our Lord is calling you back, asking you to go to reconciliation and to get back on the path to Him. I hope you will heed His call.

I struggle with sin- I’m really not a good person at my most basic, and even though I want to be the reality I’m just not. But I have found that the Lord pours out His Grace into me and helps to change me at my most basic level, if I am diligent in asking for it. I have been praying the Rosary daily, and have also begun adding the Divine Mercy Chaplet and praying the 3 o’Clock hour. The Rosary has been bringing me closer to our Lord, but it was the Divine Mercy Chaplet that has been helping me more to control my attraction to sin. I see them both as important tools to help me to become more the person God wants me to be.

Perhaps something like that would help you.

I am adding you to my prayers.

Dee
 
Remember that God loves you, no.matter what, and every day is a new day. We are meant to be imperfect so we can live and learn and grow.

Your sentence about having everything and yet nothing shows your true heart! If you are truly sorry, go to confession and give everything to God. If you are honest and truly sorry then you can be sure that you will be forgiven. Please, be open and honest and complete in your confession - I promise that the priest has heard worse.

Sometimes old habits are hard to break. Take it one day at a time with God and prayer as your constant companion. It won’t be easy but He will be with you all the way.

Forgive yourself and start tomorrow anew. I promise that God never puts something before us that we cannot conquer but that bit about conquering is not usually easy. Remember, God cares about your intent and effort and He knows that, sometimes, change is slow.

Faith, trust and prayer are my three answers to anything I face. I suspect that ypu may be tackling some old habits and issues that are hard to escape nut remember that EVERYTHING is possible with God.

Hugs to you and your family!
 
Praying to the Holy Spirit to give you guidance, direction, strength, fortitude & wisdom in your time of need.
 
I appreciate the prayers everyone. I am going to try to go to adoration this week in preparation for reconciliation next week. I have felt so lost for so long, but I feel a literal hunger to be reconciled with God, and I can feel him pulling at me. My only consolation is that he knows me perfectly, he knows my heart, he knows my weaknesses and my torment. We have such an amazing God.
 
I think most of us are pretty base, Flambeau. We just might have different sins and most people hide them anyway. Have you read of St. Maximillian Kolbe? He’s the patron saint for those who struggle with addiction. Ask your guardian angel too. Ill say a prayer for you now…for peace and healing.
 
And happy birthday! I’ll also pray for your wife and daughter. My husband is an addict, so I know how it goes. They’ll forgive you before you forgive yourself. Just remember to be humble and don’t lie to your wife.
 
Happy Birthday! 🍰

Prayers for you and your family~

Christ Jesus, I acknowledge You King of the universe. All that has been created has been made for You. Make full use of Your rights over me. I renew the promises I made in Baptism, when I renounced Satan and all his pomp and works, and I promise to live a good life and to do all in my power to procure the triumph of the rights of God and Your Church. Divine Heart of Jesus, I offer You my efforts in order to obtain that all hearts may acknowledge Your Sacred Royalty, and that thus the Kingdom of Your peace may be established throughout the universe.
Amen.
 
Have you talked with a doctor about possible Depression? That may be part of where your feelings of unworthiness are coming from. I know I have struggled with depression for most of my life. (Since the age of 7 and I’m 52 now.) There is help for it, along with whatever else may be behind this. Also, maybe a talk with your priest, and getting into some supportive group of others who are struggling with the same sort of issues. Of course, you would have to make sure that group time isn’t just gripe time. There needs to be someone to lead the group and focus on things that would help things get better.

I really believe that you can pull through this. My prayers are with you, praying that one day you’ll see the silver lining in the clouds that God has put into your life. I still struggle with that one myself. Anyway, before I bore you completely, know my prayers join yours for healing and help.
 
Christy_Beth said:
Have you talked with a doctor about possible Depression? That may be part of where your feelings of unworthiness are coming from. I know I have struggled with depression for most of my life. (Since the age of 7 and I’m 52 now.) There is help for it, along with whatever else may be behind this. Also, maybe a talk with your priest, and getting into some supportive group of others who are struggling with the same sort of issues. Of course, you would have to make sure that group time isn’t just gripe time. There needs to be someone to lead the group and focus on things that would help things get better.

I really believe that you can pull through this. My prayers are with you, praying that one day you’ll see the silver lining in the clouds that God has put into your life. I still struggle with that one myself. Anyway, before I bore you completely, know my prayers join yours for healing and help.
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I really appreciate your post, I’m sorry I’m just now answering, I didn’t get the notification of your post! I am in a much better spot now than when I wrote my original post and have tentative hope that I might actually be on the right path towards living a Christ-centered life (as well as I possibly can). I went to mass yesterday, and the Gospel reading and Homily by the Fr spoke to me, really RESONATED in me. I received Communion on Sunday (I WILL attend reconciliation on Sunday, and the priest said given that it made since to take the Body and Blood for the grace they provide), and for the first time in a while I feel hopeful. I’ve got a meeting at church tonight as I’m in charge of the logistics for the upcoming Men’s Acts Retreat, and I plan on spending some time in our perpetual Eucharistic adoration chapel afterwards. I KNOW the Father loves me, there’s nothing my daughter could ever do to make me not love her, and I KNOW my heavenly father loves me infinite times more than I’m capable of loving my daughter. He has seen my entire life, and he knows where I end up, and I have hope that even in what may be my darkest hour, he has already seen my victory.

God Bless Everyone, I appreciate your prayers so much.
 
Maybe you could think of it as a “Dark Night”. Kind of Purgatory on Earth. I did one; it seems like heck for a long time, but after 13 years it let go and was transformed in my case; others’ miles may vary. Dark night is preferable to just plain open-ended depression or something; as long as you have “hope” you can keep moving forward, even in times of low faith. Love will keep you alive and will show you the way, especially under the safe cover of the ‘darkness’ which offers security btw rather than being “scary” because here we’re talking about the soul here not the eyes and body.

Dark Night of the Soul, at EWTN
 
I’m really lost right now, today is my 31st birthday and I’ve never felt so alone or out of control.
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Life is pain, my friend.
I can tell you, these feelings of unhappiness and helplessness are a common occurence. They come, they make you suffer… and then they go away.
Do not give up. Do not try too hard to fight, also. Just focus on the present problems, and do your best to not repat the same mistakes again and again.

I wish you good luck.
 
I spent some time in Eucharistic adoration last night, and wow, I really need to do this more often. Everything seems so simple when you’re there, in the front row, in front of ________. I use the blank because that’s how I feel at the moment when I sit in front of the literal Body of Christ. I’m just sit in awe of the enormity of the object I’m sitting in front of. I’m practically speechless. Everything melts away, all my worries, all my fears, my troubles; I’m literally feet away from the GREAT I AM, the sum of all things Good, the font of truth and the greatest truth the universe has ever known. I can only imagine that’s just a mere shadow of what it’s like to gaze upon the face of God in his holy presence in heaven. When I was a kid I used to think that praising God’s name for eternity in heaven would get boring, and that I’d rather play basketball and video games all day in heaven instead, but when I sit in the presence of the body of our Savior, I’ve never been more envious of those that have entered the Kingdom in His friendship. I can truly understand the nature of purgatory as that of being able to comprehend the sheer enormity of the Glory of God, but not being able to participate in it until cleansed.

God Bless you All.
 
I’m glad you are feeling so much better. I’ve been doing a holy hour every week. Of course, I’m not totally alone with God, there’s one other person there at the same time. But I still sense the awesomeness of God. I also get that feeling while taking holy communion. All of God is now in me, in His fullness and His faithfulness. I have so much gratitude at that time. He died, and rose again, so that I could live. Of course, there are those days of drudgery. But they are starting to pale in comparison to what God has done. I don’t doubt that I’ll still have dark days, but I now know the hope that these too shall pass.
 
Dear, Flambeau.

As Fr. Lorenzo Scupoli said in his classic, “Spiritual Combat”, God allows one to sin more or less grievously in proportion to his pride. In particular, one of the lasting traits of pride that can wreck a spiritual life which has been cultivated for some time: misplaced trust in oneself.

It seems to me that your beating yourself up for falling so gravely is a mark of pride. For, if you distrusted your own resources to resist the temptation to sin and put your trust in Our Lord, the One Who called you closer to Him and equipped you with the graces to answer His invitation, you should not be surprised at all. After all, we reach however close to Him thanks to His graces and none of our efforts, except to surrender to Him.

Without doing an injustice to this classic, the root of this crisis is thinking that what one does is what gives one worth. In a way, in the impulse to do things for God in the blossoming of one’s spiritual life, one may forget that such things must be done out of love.

God, Who we know loves us, does not need our actions, but He cherishes our love very much. Get yourself up, dust off the dirt and go to confession, even knowing that you will be back, the next day if the case be, but do not fail to resort to His Mercy.

Finally, remember, He loved you before you existed, that how you came to be. He loves you even in your sin and is ready to forgive you.
 
Hello brothers and sisters,

I made a confession this morning to a wonderful and very compassionate Catholic priests and am in a state of grace for the first time in 2 years! With this spiritual armor of a clean soul I feel like it’ll be much easier to war against temptation in the future.

God bless you all and thanks for the prayers.
 
You are very welcome. And never forget that we are here for each other. Anytime you need our prayers or other support (moral support mostly), we are here. And if there is ever a time when you see someone else struggling, give them what help you can.
 
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