Fell Into Sin Again - Scrupulosity

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scrupulousrvrt

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I had pretty tough week (and it’s gonna get harder). I crashed from my scrupulosity and gave in to sin because the moral uncertainty (yes i’ve read some of the Catechism & the Baltimore Catechism, thank you Vico) was killing me. I bypassed the Internet filter and looked up smut just so I could confess it and be certain that I was in a state of grace. I can’t wait two weeks in between Spiritual Direction meetings (lack of Patience & Prudence). I’ve been to Confession 3 times last week! I lasted 3 days from Scrupulosity!
I have a good mind to park my rear end in the seat and tell Father “Tell me what to do, I’m absolutely insane!”. This Scrupulosity has robbed me of my Joy and Peace!
Any advice to:

Practice Prudence/Chastity/Temperance regarding the computer, or any program that can remotely filter junk from the internet that’s free and doesn’t use the router?
Practice Patience/Prudence in between Confessions and Spiritual Direction meetings?
I really don’t want to throw out my Computer, so there’s got to be some way I can use it without sinning (I was doing good before I snapped).
 
Get a spiritual director and he offline.
There’s no magic pull. A good Catholic therapist…and prayer.
Will pray for you. I’m sorry you’re going through this. You have to master your impulse to give on to the scruples. You have to come to believe that this is not of God, nor does God want you to live this way.
You have to believe in His mercy.
 
Saint Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil, may God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do you, O’ Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God thrust into Hell Satan and all the other evil spirits who prowl about the world for the ruin of souls.

Amen.

†

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

†

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

†
 
scrupulousrvrt said:
I had pretty tough week (and it’s gonna get harder). I crashed from my scrupulosity and gave in to sin because the moral uncertainty (yes i’ve read some of the Catechism & the Baltimore Catechism, thank you Vico) was killing me. I bypassed the Internet filter and looked up smut just so I could confess it and be certain that I was in a state of grace. I can’t wait two weeks in between Spiritual Direction meetings (lack of Patience & Prudence). I’ve been to Confession 3 times last week! I lasted 3 days from Scrupulosity!
I have a good mind to park my rear end in the seat and tell Father “Tell me what to do, I’m absolutely insane!”. This Scrupulosity has robbed me of my Joy and Peace!
Any advice to:

Practice Prudence/Chastity/Temperance regarding the computer, or any program that can remotely filter junk from the internet that’s free and doesn’t use the router?
Practice Patience/Prudence in between Confessions and Spiritual Direction meetings?
I really don’t want to throw out my Computer, so there’s got to be some way I can use it without sinning (I was doing good before I snapped).
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Get yourself to the diocese and ask for a good priest to help you.

My friend, the human will is so weak and God Himself as our creator and father knows how we react to the modern media (smut being #1 in charge of it). He knows our wills, He knows our infirmities and undesired emotion. Go to confession. If you forget anything to confess, God knows that and it is no fault of yours. If you omit anything unintentionally, He also knows just as well it isn’t your fault. Find some peace and worry not.

Jeremiah 1:8 says “be not afraid because of them: for I am with thee to deliver thee, saith the Lord.” In like manner, God knows your heart as it stands right now. God knows your heart! Your mind! Your intent! Your choices! You are so sorry for what you’ve done, you needn’t worry. What you need is the sacrament of confession, His blessed absolution. The grace He grants us.

You could download programmes such as Net Nanny which blocks porn & smut from your computer, but even then. The desire exists, and that takes spiritual exercise and patience with the latter to block out, which is why the need of a spiritual director is important.

As someone who has struggled with scrupulosity in the past, I will keep you in my prayers and hope that you find some peace and quiet in the Lord.
 
LoyalViews said:
Get yourself to the diocese and ask for a good priest to help you.QUOTE]
I do have a regular confessor, the trouble is every time I go to confess I get paranoid about future sin or if I really was contrite or -if St. Louis De Montfort is correct-
I won’t be forgiven by God and any sin I commit will just make my punishment worse.

On a side note, it almost seems like Scrupulosity is a sort of Cross to carry in reparation for sinning from a lax conscience before I came back to the Church. Just a thought.
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What did St. Louis de Montfort say? Also, have you heard of scrupulous anonymous?

Here’s their link: scrupulousanonymous.org/resources/sa-pdf-archive/

You said you sinned to go to confession and receive absolution. The problem here is that the spiritual life is less of counting sins the way a clerk counts coins in a register, but more of a relationship with God. If you scrupulous (you are) and in a state of doubt of whether you are in a state of grace, thus not sure whether or not to go to Communion worthily, the normal advice is make a quick act of contrition and receive Holy Communion.

I think St Alphonsus said that you should make getting rid of scrupulosity your 1st priority.

Read what another scrupulous person asked Fr Vincent Serpa about scrupulosity and being forgiven:
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=1021300
 
St. Louis de Montfort said in a speech that there are a certain number of Sins beyond which god will forgive no more. I heard somewhere on this forum that this speech was used to frighten and inspire people to repentance. You can only imagine what someone with Scrupulosity would think.

I have read ‘Understanding Scrupulosity’ by Fr. Thomas Santa. Great book!
 
My Priest told me “these things are not Mortal Sin for you” and to just “if these compulsions/obsession come into your mind, just let them go”. I’m afraid of committing a Mortal Sin when I don’t even want to do such. I know that sounds irrational, but how irrational is being afraid to use my middle finger on my keyboard for fear of a blasphemous thought appearing? or even (excuse me) farting/using the toilet and such thoughts appear? How do you ingore such thoughts?
 
scrupulousrvrt said:
My Priest told me “these things are not Mortal Sin for you” and to just “if these compulsions/obsession come into your mind, just let them go”. I’m afraid of committing a Mortal Sin when I don’t even want to do such. I know that sounds irrational, but how irrational is being afraid to use my middle finger on my keyboard for fear of a blasphemous thought appearing? or even (excuse me) farting/using the toilet and such thoughts appear? How do you ingore such thoughts?
Click to expand...
Obey. Obey. Obey.

If you have a trusted confessor, you make his conscience yours because your own is defective.

If he said “these things are not mortal sin for you”, then they are not mortal sin. Period. End of story, full stop. You do not disbelieve him, and you do whatever the living daylights he tells you. Nothing we can say here can be better advice than that. These paranoid thoughts about not being contrite (you are), tell your confessor and again, BELIEVE HIM!

You cannot live like this. Eventually, you must make decisions and just take the risk. Your confessor is there to guide you through this. But until you trust him and obey him, you will never get better.

Let it go. You are to obey him, no matter what.

And stick your middle finger out on your keyboard.
 
St Louis de Montfort talked about something within theology, that a few other saints talked about these number of mortal sins beyond which God pardons no more. You must ask your confessor about the meaning behind it, before doing your own research.

If you don’t then you’ll assume that you’ve reached that number of mortal sins, then despair on your salvation! That happened to me…not fun at all

I can promise you that the number of mortal sins you’ve committed since you’ve gotten scrupulous is much lower than you think, since it requires full knowledge/reflection and sufficient (full) consent of the will.
 
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