Felt hurt at Mass

[KCT]

Before I became a Catholic (when I was in RCIA), I took up the gifts on two occasions when asked (once I politely declined, as I was trying to concentrate on the Mass). I told the EM that I wasn’t a Catholic yet and she smiled and said ‘all the more reason for you to be involved’, or words to that effect! .

Off topic, but I’ve heard 2 priests say that it’s not appropriate for non Catholics to bring up the gifts. They are offering gifts they cannot yet receive.

 

[robwar]

I know you need not be in the state of grace to bring up the gifts…but I feel like a jerk, on display with the gifts and then slinking off into the corner & not receiving Communion. :imsorry:

One should never do something they are not comfortable with. Be at peace about your decision.

 

[robwar]

I have been asked to bring the gifts up twice…once in my parish in Canada, and once here in the UK. Both times, I was not only not Catholic yet (like the poster above), but I wasn’t even contemplating RCIA! I was simply a Protestant wife attending Mass with my Catholic husband. The priests at these parishes knew this at the time, so I don’t think there was any issue.

So if a Protestant is able to bring the gifts up, then I would imagine it’s allowable for a Catholic to do so, even if they are not in a state to receive Communion.

You could have been asked due to your husband being asked and the priests didn’t want you to be put in a position of sitting off. It probably was done to be inclusive to you. I’ve seen 1st communicants bring up the gifts with their parents as part of their training. It was the Church recognizing that you are married to him and as a married couple, one unit. It’s not the fact that Protestants can bring up the gifts at a whim, it was a recognition of your marriage to a Catholic.

 

[JerrySeibert]

My son ushers with me and he has been told many times. To him at twelve years old he finds it an honor to be asked to do anything at church. Once for an evening celebration the scheduled servers did not show up and I got to serve mass for the first time in about twenty years. James, my son got got to carry the towel when father washed his hands. That one moment seemed to make his entire year.
Its unfortunate you felt the way you did or the perception they gave you is unfortunate. But really is it that big of a deal?

 

[SuperLuigi]

Sometimes my wife and I attend Mass at the local cathedral because the hours are better for us. We believe that serving a part of the liturgy (I think that’s the term I’m wanting) shouldn’t be done casually, there should be preparation because you’re serving the Church and God.

So we’ve been asked a few times to bring up the gifts to the priest for Mass, which we did once (without really knowing what to do). The other times we’ve felt uncomfortable with what to do and more importantly, not prepared (due to sin and not doing any preparation), so we’ve declined. Plus, we’re members at a different parish, so of I’m not mistaken, it should be done by people representing the community of that parish.

The last time we did this we felt like we were being pressured and once we declined, I felt like we were treated with a cold response.

Don’t we reserve the right to decline this for these reasons?

We were hurt and annoyed a bit too.

I understand the feeling, but I am going to ask you and your wife to be the bigger people here and do try and let this go.

It sounds like whoever asked you to do this was not being very professional at best and downright rude at worst.

Yes, you have a right to refuse participating in that part of the Mass.

 

[27lw]

Just out of curiosity, do the gifts have to be brought up? I believe our former priest just had everything up on the altar the whole time? Or, is it possible the ushers / collection basket people could do this? Also, I’m curious what happens in the EF Mass, they never seem to have the laity trudging around all the time.

 

[Della]

Sometimes my wife and I attend Mass at the local cathedral because the hours are better for us. We believe that serving a part of the liturgy (I think that’s the term I’m wanting) shouldn’t be done casually, there should be preparation because you’re serving the Church and God.

So we’ve been asked a few times to bring up the gifts to the priest for Mass, which we did once (without really knowing what to do). The other times we’ve felt uncomfortable with what to do and more importantly, not prepared (due to sin and not doing any preparation), so we’ve declined. Plus, we’re members at a different parish, so of I’m not mistaken, it should be done by people representing the community of that parish.

The last time we did this we felt like we were being pressured and once we declined, I felt like we were treated with a cold response.

Don’t we reserve the right to decline this for these reasons?

We were hurt and annoyed a bit too.

As others have stated you need not do anything at Mass or elsewhere you do not wish to do, and you owe no one any explanations. I would like to address the reaction you feel you received when you said no. It may have had nothing to do with you at all. The person may simply have been annoyed because s/he’d have to find another couple/family to carry up the gifts–a perfectly human reaction not meant as a comment about you not wishing to do it. Please don’t read into others reactions things that may not be there, nor judge Catholics in general–if you are tempted to do so. Remember, the devil wishes to get you all upset over nothing so that you will not be disposed for Mass.

Little things like this can play havoc with people’s perceptions of the Church, the devil knows this. Even if the person meant to make you feel badly, let it go and forgive knowing that we all have been unkind from time to time. Unfortunately, it’s part of our fallen state as human beings. I’ve had priests treat me badly, and knowingly do so, but even priests are not the Church as a whole and they are human too, with faults just like the rest of us. For your own peace of mind, forget about it and give it to God as a suffering so that some benefit to you and others might be gained through it.

 

[UnumCorpus]

Off topic, but I’ve heard 2 priests say that it’s not appropriate for non Catholics to bring up the gifts. They are offering gifts they cannot yet receive.

Is this rule specified in the Catechism? Or is this more of an unspoken thing? A Catholic who is not in a state of grace may still offer the gifts, even though they cannot yet receive them. But I don’t think a Catholic has to be in a state of grace to do the offertory.

You could have been asked due to your husband being asked and the priests didn’t want you to be put in a position of sitting off. It probably was done to be inclusive to you. I’ve seen 1st communicants bring up the gifts with their parents as part of their training. It was the Church recognizing that you are married to him and as a married couple, one unit. It’s not the fact that Protestants can bring up the gifts at a whim, it was a recognition of your marriage to a Catholic.

Yes, this could be. I hadn’t thought of that. It’s funny though…my husband used to be one of the people who had to ask others to bring up the gifts, and he apparently was never told to inquire whether they were Catholic or not. Apparently in some parishes, they will look for people who are new to do this. If someone is new or visiting a parish, then I would assume there is a higher chance of them not being Catholic.

If someone does have to be Catholic (or married to someone who is Catholic) in order to offer the gifts, then maybe the person asking should inquire whether or not they are Catholic. I just had no idea this was a rule.

 

[robwar]

Is this rule specified in the Catechism? Or is this more of an unspoken thing? A Catholic who is not in a state of grace may still offer the gifts, even though they cannot yet receive them. But I don’t think a Catholic has to be in a state of grace to do the offertory.

Yes, this could be. I hadn’t thought of that. It’s funny though…my husband used to be one of the people who had to ask others to bring up the gifts, and he apparently was never told to inquire whether they were Catholic or not. Apparently in some parishes, they will look for people who are new to do this. If someone is new or visiting a parish, then I would assume there is a higher chance of them not being Catholic.

If someone does have to be Catholic (or married to someone who is Catholic) in order to offer the gifts, then maybe the person asking should inquire whether or not they are Catholic. I just had no idea this was a rule.

I’m not totally sure of the exact rules in this matter. I would hope someone that has studied the liturgy and has more of an expertise in GIRM would answer. I bet there is more of a leeway given to priests and sacristans on who is asked or even found and like you said people usually don’t ask if one is Catholic or even in good standing (state of grace) with the church. I’m sure with your husband participating in the parish himself, the priest thought it would be appropriate to include you as a spouse and supporter of your husband and I think that is where there is leeway in this comes in. Like I’ve posted, I’ve seen 1st communicants bring up the gifts in preparation, I’ve seen those finishing RCIA bring up the gifts. I am not an expert in this but I would wager that there is latitude here.

 

[KCT]

Is this rule specified in the Catechism? Or is this more of an unspoken thing? A Catholic who is not in a state of grace may still offer the gifts, even though they cannot yet receive them. But I don’t think a Catholic has to be in a state of grace to do the offertory.

I doubt it. I think it’s an opinion, or perhaps a suggested practice.

And yes, the Catholic bringing up the gifts could be in a state of mortal sin. We don’t know. They are at least potentially able to receive, where a non Catholic is not.

 

[UnumCorpus]

I’m not totally sure of the exact rules in this matter. I would hope someone that has studied the liturgy and has more of an expertise in GIRM would answer. I bet there is more of a leeway given to priests and sacristans on who is asked or even found and like you said people usually don’t ask if one is Catholic or even in good standing (state of grace) with the church. I’m sure with your husband participating in the parish himself, the priest thought it would be appropriate to include you as a spouse and supporter of your husband and I think that is where there is leeway in this comes in. Like I’ve posted, I’ve seen 1st communicants bring up the gifts in preparation, I’ve seen those finishing RCIA bring up the gifts. I am not an expert in this but I would wager that there is latitude here.

Thank you for the explanation, robwar. This makes sense to me. Though sometimes I wonder how many times a visiting Protestant has been asked to bring up the gifts, especially in those parishes where they target new people to do this. For that matter, a Protestant will go up to receive the Eucharist if no one tells them otherwise. I had a couple of Protestant friends who have made this error in the past.

As mentioned before, the problem is that there is no explicit direction about this during the Mass. So unless their Catholic friend or family member tells them otherwise, the Protestant visitor will take up the gifts and/or receive the Eucharist illicitly since they are more used to the idea of an open communion. The first time I came to Mass, I would have likely received the Eucharist if my Catholic godmother had not told me otherwise. I’m very glad she enlightened me on that!

I doubt it. I think it’s an opinion, or perhaps a suggested practice.

And yes, the Catholic bringing up the gifts could be in a state of mortal sin. We don’t know. They are at least potentially able to receive, where a non Catholic is not.

I understand…the idea that a Catholic may potentially receive the gifts makes sense. Thank you for clarifying.