Felt uncompfortable by an offer from two good friends

[CuriousInIL]

My thoughts exactly.

Let’s see, they’re inviting you to commit incest within their marriage at a time when you’re smarting from a breakup?

And for your benefit or theirs?

If they were indeed serious about such an invitiation, you gotta seriously question whether or not you want to be friends with these “friends”.

How is this incest?

 

[CarrieH]

I’d keep my distance from these people. That made you uncomfortable for a good reason! A true friend would offer you a cup of tea and a shoulder to cry on, not an invitation to mortal sin. Yikes.

 

[vocatio]

Personally, I think this is someone toying with us. I’m not convinced that Wilma is sincere. There is such a thing as objective truth. People know basic right and wrong. Very few people are this naive. My wife has convinced me of this too.

This has sexual sin written all over it. Nobody makes or keeps friends like this, openly talk about it and actually want to salvage some twisted kind of friendship because they make them feel good. No believable because you’d have to be a serioiusly demented individual to do this. I don’t buy it. I believe this is someones demented way of getting off. Just reading it embarrasses me. It’s rather shameful to see someone not realize the “evil” of this.

Some people fish for animals in the rivers and oceans. Some people fish for money, some people fish for sexual partners to engage in illicit sex. Some people get off smearing their muck over good people mocking their faith. Some people fish for married men or women. There are all kinds of tanted sinful people in the world. This is a large board and because of the nature and tone of the OP, I think its some kind of twisted foreplay. So like I said I’m not convinced this is sencere, though it could be partly true. If I’m wrong, sorry, but look at it from my side…but keep your distance please.

 

[daeve]

Personally, I think this is someone toying with us. I’m not convinced that Wilma is sincere. There is such a thing as objective truth. People know basic right and wrong. Very few people are this naive. My wife has convinced me of this too.

This has sexual sin written all over it. Nobody makes or keeps friends like this, openly talk about it and actually want to salvage some twisted kind of friendship because they make them feel good. No believable because you’d have to be a serioiusly demented individual to do this. I don’t buy it. I believe this is someones demented way of getting off. Just reading it embarrasses me. It’s rather shameful to see someone not realize the “evil” of this.

Some people fish for animals in the rivers and oceans. Some people fish for money, some people fish for sexual partners to engage in illicit sex. Some people get off smearing their muck over good people mocking their faith. Some people fish for married men or women. There are all kinds of tanted sinful people in the world. This is a large board and because of the nature and tone of the OP, I think its some kind of twisted foreplay. So like I said I’m not convinced this is sencere, though it could be partly true. If I’m wrong, sorry, but look at it from my side…but keep your distance please.

There are people who see nothing wrong with any kind of sexual activity between (or among!) consenting adults. There are lots of people like that. They don’t believe it’s a mortal sin at all, not any kind of sin at all, inside or outside of marriage. In many other ways, they can be fine people.

Back in my days on the wicked stage, I knew people both hetero- and homo- sexual who were very free with their affections, so to speak. But they were also nice to me, friendly, dependable, and I was glad to know them. There were people who were of a like mind to me about such things who would also be willing to stab you in the back for another line or a better costume.

I don’t let other people’s peccadillo’s influence my life and I know when to walk away from a discussion and when to comment.

If I was the OP, and having said “Not interested” never hear another word about it, I’d probably stay friends with them. Maybe she’s the good influence they need.

 

[rwoehmke]

If I was the OP, and having said “Not interested” never hear another word about it, I’d probably stay friends with them. Maybe she’s the good influence they need.

Several posters have mentioned the notion that the OP could be a good influence on these friends and I agree. Tell them no thanks that it is absolutely evil and never enter their lives again. Maybe the shock that someone who they consider a friend finds their ideas so totally repulsive she drops out of their lives will cause some second thoughts…

 

[Newbie2]

How is this incest?

Oops. Adulterous was what I meant. My bad.

Thanks for the heads up.

 

[Seabee4681]

I would NOT stick around. DEFINITELY don’t imbibe in alcohol around these people. That’s just asking for trouble!

 

[hasikelee]

Hi guys, been away awhile and now need advice on a certain matter.

Okay, a male friend of mine was consoling me on my breakup with my ex and he said he thought I needed to get my mind off things and offered to have three way sex with him and his wife.

At first, I thought he was just joking but then his wife came over and said they often have three way sex, sometimes with two men to give her extra pleasure and sometimes with two women to give the husband extra pleasure.

I felt EXTREMELY UNCOMPFORTABLE and said I had to go to a doctor’s appointment so I could leave the conversation.

I am looking for advice on how to decline their offer but still maintain our friendship as they are GREAT FRIENDS of mine.

If you research that online (carefully, lol) you’ll find that couples who enjoy relationships such as that often prey on depressed or vulnerable people to find partners. I think it has something to do with the masochist style.

In other words, they think you’re ripe for the picking.

 

[vocatio]

daeve,
If you search on CAF you’ll find Fr. Vincent Serpa dealing with a situation where a person was surrounded by his great homosexual friends. In his reply he insisted or just came right out and said, “You need to find new friends”. This is that kind of situation. Stop being so naive. It ebmarrasses me to find people don’t form their conciences within the realm of reality. We are told to stay away from sinful people. Noting new under the sun. Now if you’re in the business of tampering with sin then you’re not doing right. It’s really that simple but yes we could get into the deep discussion.

This person is obviously in a weakened state and not thinking rationally or just pulling our leg. Word chioces. And a Catholic that is so far gone that they don’t know objective truth? Bazaar. However, this is the place to learn.

I know about the stage types, I have an aunt that was in the USO and now won’t touch the stage finding out many of the ways of that world to be quite sinful. This person is just playing with fire and needs to find new REAL friends that won’t take advantage of her. I’m still not convinced that this is real. If it is, she is one sick puppy in need of serious catechesis. We don’t know the entire story. Could the boyfriend have left because this woman has such a darkened conscience to be so willing to overlook the behavior of such people. I was very naive too and understand to some degree. But her word choices are what bother me…
“to bring more pleasure”…rather that something a little more objectionable like so that her husband could do it with 2 women… Thinking about it just brings the gut feeling that I’m right on this. I trust my gut feeling over anyone that thinks having friends so openly corrupt is okay. Sorry but no cigar for you.

Go pray a year of Rosaries, say the divine liturgy, sit through a year of RCIA, read your bible at least 5 times and come back with that answer. I’m praying for you too as I do all Catholics and those seeking truth.

Sorry if I sound offensive, but someone has to stand up for the weak and vulnerable. That is the kind of **** that caused my spiritual director to make a pass on me, the bishop to ignore so that it would go away and me to end up running for my life trying to hang on to a broken faith to save my soul. Pull your head out of your duffle bag and see what’s happening around you for ignoring objective truth. I guess you’ll tell me that there are many paths that lead to heaven next ? We are to preach the gospel always by our example. One example is to avoid vulgarity or people living a vulgar life like this trying to recruit like many sexual preditors do. We should also protect ourselves.

Wilma, if you are really telling the truth, then sweety, get as far away from these people as you can get. Just trust me on this and PM Fr. Vincent Serpa with this issue if you are sincere. Get back to church and follow the teachings of your faith. I assume you’re Catholic since you’re on here. If so, go to confession and get right with God. Talk to your pastor about this. Don’t look for a liberal priest or something knucklehead like that. That will only make things worse. Seek Christ.

PAX Christi tecum.

Praying for you.

 

[WilmaORTEGA]

I thought about this and was feeling that these two were using me, just waiting to pounce on me for their sexual satisfaction and was thinking that I was not gonna be friends with them anymore but then after just reading the responses here, thinking that maybe I should try to get them to see the error of their ways, that they might be able to turn around their ways.

I am not sure what to do in that regard but I assure you all that I will not partake in any three way sexual hanky panky and that I will remain strong.

And I will most definitely not consume alcohol with them.

I want to thank you all for your responses and support and for those who question if this thread is legit, I must admit that I am susceptible to becoming friends with questionable people when I have problems, I am currently trying to address that within myself.

 

[Mayo]

These people are trying to lead you to Hell wheather thay know it or not and no friendship is worth that. I would advise you to keep away from them and if they pursue you tell them you are not that type of person and you do not do that . What they are doing is very dangerous in todays world . because of the lifestyle they live they could have Aids.
Start going to Sunday Mass and freequent Confession;. Like the other person said pray to our Blessed Mother.

Here are some prayers you can say.

Most Sacret Heart Of Jesus I place all my trust in you. Say it often.
My Lord and My God.
O God be mercifull to me a Sinner…
Jesus of Nazareth King of The Jews keep and defend me from dying an unholy and unprepared death. Say this at night before you go to sleep also as you are saying it make the sign I N R I on your Forehead.
May the Heart of Jesus in the Most Blessed Sacrament be praised adored and glorafied at every moment in all the Tabernacels in the world even till thr end of time Amen.

Go to a Catholic shop and get the prayer The Chaplet of Devine Mercy.

I will pray for you.

Mayo

 

[porthos11]

Let me tell you something. They are NOT “great friends.”

For your own sake, drop this “friendship” at once.

 

[Mirdath]

It almost seems that out of everybody who’s posted in this thread, daeve and I are the only two who can’t read the minds of everyone in the world. The rest of you, share your secrets! …Please?

 

[vocatio]

It almost seems that out of everybody who’s posted in this thread, daeve and I are the only two who can’t read the minds of everyone in the world. The rest of you, share your secrets! …Please?

Correction on my last post. I mean say the Divine Office or the Liturgy of the Hours. Obvious only a priest can say the mass or the divine liturgy. Oops…

Hmmmm…reading minds…is that what you think we’re doing…very interesting. It’s called trying to answer the universal call to holiness…maybe…just maybe we’re trying to live Christlike lives. So many people are led astray by the efforts of those who refuse to accept the existence of God…

The answer to the OP is simple…only she really doesn’t want to listen to good advice…that’s probably why she’s in the mess she’s in now. Friends don’t ask friends to have sex unless they are corrupt in spirit…especially if they are asking you to join in on a trio and married on top of that. Hanging around is playing with sin… And people like this are wanting you to toy with sin to justify their life styles. I’m disappointed that someone with a well known reputation doesn’t appear to give the advice. I’m sorry but I guess all that seminary and scriptural study isn’t doing me any good convincing you to change by making a change in friends. I’m begining to think there is a trio taking place on this board with 3 leaning towards the same goal… If you haven’t been to church in a while or just pop in once in a while…you’re not ready to be a good example to anyone. Get you’re own life right first…then if the Holy Spirit guides you to a more serious ministry in setting good example you can answer that call. But so far the judgement exhibit so far is one of extreme immaturity and a serious lack of a well formed conscience.

I’m thouroughly … well bad vibes from this… I’ll leave it alone.

Lord have mercy on me a sinner. PAX

 

[Mirdath]

Hmmmm…reading minds…is that what you think we’re doing…very interesting. It’s called trying to answer the universal call to holiness…maybe…just maybe we’re trying to live Christlike lives. So many people are led astray by the efforts of those who refuse to accept the existence of God…

Your idea of holiness is to run away from anything that might not be holy, no matter its possible intent? You follow the Christ by refusing to associate with the kind of people he ate and drank with, loved and taught and protected?

What an odd form of ‘Christianity’ you practice.

 

[blessedtoo]

Your idea of holiness is to run away from anything that might not be holy, no matter its possible intent? You follow the Christ by refusing to associate with the kind of people he ate and drank with, loved and taught and protected?

What an odd form of ‘Christianity’ you practice.

I really get a kick out of people (especially non-Christians) who claim that Christ “ate and drank and partied” with sinners. It’s as though they think our Lord “hung out” with unrepentent sinners just for kicks. He certainly taught sinners but did not remain among them, dining and boozing, for an extended stay. He made His point, called them to repentence, and often told them to follow Him. I suppose the OP could do this as well, but to remain friends with folks that clearly do not share the same values and morals would be foolish. We are told to shake the dust from our shoes also, a rarely quoted passage that obviously doesn’t fit well into some agendas.

I also find it amusing that folks are always drawing the parallel between ourselves and the Lord. Isn’t it possible that we should be drawing the parallel between ourselves and the sinners He came to save?

 

[LittleOne1]

Hey Wilma,
I can see that you are struggling because it’s hard when you consider these people to be friends and helpful in the past. Unfortunately, my sense is that besides this issue, these friends have other issues that would also put you in harms way… drinking, or “potential” blind dates, bad concerts. Their lives may revolve around these dubious things and although they may not rpess you on such a ridiculous offer that you mentioned in your first post, be sure they could drag you into some other deal you may regret later. There are plenty of people on here who are talking to you as a true friend, and it is these type of people to surround yourself with. this other couple has much to work on and I am afraid that being vulnerable as you are now, your mission is not necessarily to stick with them in hopes they change, but find people with true support to help build you up! Maybe a new relationship will blossom and that relationship can be a witness to holiness these people need.

I thought about this and was feeling that these two were using me, just waiting to pounce on me for their sexual satisfaction and was thinking that I was not gonna be friends with them anymore but then after just reading the responses here, thinking that maybe I should try to get them to see the error of their ways, that they might be able to turn around their ways.

I am not sure what to do in that regard but I assure you all that I will not partake in any three way sexual hanky panky and that I will remain strong.

And I will most definitely not consume alcohol with them.

I want to thank you all for your responses and support and for those who question if this thread is legit, I must admit that I am susceptible to becoming friends with questionable people when I have problems, I am currently trying to address that within myself.

 

[hasikelee]

I thought about this and was feeling that these two were using me, just waiting to pounce on me for their sexual satisfaction and was thinking that I was not gonna be friends with them anymore but then after just reading the responses here, thinking that maybe I should try to get them to see the error of their ways, that they might be able to turn around their ways.

I am not sure what to do in that regard but I assure you all that I will not partake in any three way sexual hanky panky and that I will remain strong.

And I will most definitely not consume alcohol with them.

I want to thank you all for your responses and support and for those who question if this thread is legit, I must admit that I am susceptible to becoming friends with questionable people when I have problems, I am currently trying to address that within myself.

Perhaps the thing you could do that would have the most effect without being mean or violent, is to show surprise.

We really live in a world where everything is muted. Sometimes a look of complete astonishment and a “whaaaat???” is enough to knock people out of their secretive, quiet world and back into reality.

It doesn’t have to be derogatory or rude, in fact it works better when it’s not. Just complete shock and maybe even a laugh.

 

[porthos11]

Your idea of holiness is to run away from anything that might not be holy, no matter its possible intent? You follow the Christ by refusing to associate with the kind of people he ate and drank with, loved and taught and protected?

What an odd form of ‘Christianity’ you practice.

No. We practice genuine Christianity, that same one that takes Jesus’ words seriously:

GO AND SIN NO MORE!

We do not practice watered-down, “tolerant”, and PC Christianity, but one that gets us persecuted and mocked, just as Jesus said.

A little reading about the “sinners” Jesus ate and drank with will reveal that he NEVER “tolerated” their sin. They all reformed their lives, and sinned no more. We call a spade a spade, and a sin a sin, no more no less.

THAT’s how we can “read minds.”

 

[Newbie2]

It almost seems that out of everybody who’s posted in this thread, daeve and I are the only two who can’t read the minds of everyone in the world. The rest of you, share your secrets! …Please?

It’s not reading minds, it’s being able to see the writing on the wall.