Female altar servers.

[apricot_yogurt]

My 13 year old dd is an altar server at our parish. I am starting to feel uneasy about it, espescially as I see how boys are less willing to serve when girls are on the altar. I am thinking of not allowing her to serve anymore. Am I being unreasonable do you think?

 

[oneGODoneCHURCH]

My 13 year old dd is an altar server at our parish. I am starting to feel uneasy about it, espescially as I see how boys are less willing to serve when girls are on the altar. I am thinking of not allowing her to serve anymore. Am I being unreasonable do you think?

No you are not being unreasonable.

 

[Redratfish]

My 13 year old dd is an altar server at our parish. I am starting to feel uneasy about it, espescially as I see how boys are less willing to serve when girls are on the altar. I am thinking of not allowing her to serve anymore. Am I being unreasonable do you think?

As an altar server myself (I’m a guy), I see nothing wrong with it. Why is there a problem? I find it hard to believe that boys are less willing to serve simply because a girl is there too. I’ve served at numerous parishes, and that has never happened. Perhaps the boys just don’t want to serve?

Without explaining why you are uneasy, I think you are being unreasonable. Just because shes a girl, she can’t altar serve? Give me a break. Priests, I agree with. Women should not be priests. Altar servers are not a problem imo:shrug:

 

[choy]

i agree
altar serving is a lay ministry and while boys are preferred, it should be open to girls where the Bishop allows it and the necessity arises (there are not enough boys willing to serve)

 

[RobNY]

My 13 year old dd is an altar server at our parish. I am starting to feel uneasy about it, espescially as I see how boys are less willing to serve when girls are on the altar. I am thinking of not allowing her to serve anymore. Am I being unreasonable do you think?

Be very gentle if this is your path. Sometimes people feel that an injustice is being done to them when something like this happens.

Have you ever discussed this with her? Perhaps there is a gentle way you can do this. Without ‘forcing’ her out, perhaps you can express your concerns and tell her that you’ll support her if she decides not to altar serve any more.

Perhaps consider involving her in another service to replace the service which she is losing.

-Rob

 

[SonCatcher]

My 13 year old dd is an altar server at our parish. I am starting to feel uneasy about it, espescially as I see how boys are less willing to serve when girls are on the altar. I am thinking of not allowing her to serve anymore. Am I being unreasonable do you think?

Unreasonable? Perhaps.

Whether boys serve is between them (individually) and God. I suspect if you removed your daughter, they would just have one less server in your parish and perhaps no server at the Mass she serves at.

Instead of pulling her back, maybe you can ask her what she thinks about serving God in general and try to help her discern her life in a larger sense. She might discover her vocation (not necessarily religious life) through the discussion.

Who knows? You might even find out that after she started she felt it wasn’t quite right and that she’s only continuing because she feels obligated (wishful thinking on your part, I’m sure ).

 

[Rence]

My 13 year old dd is an altar server at our parish. I am starting to feel uneasy about it, espescially as I see how boys are less willing to serve when girls are on the altar. I am thinking of not allowing her to serve anymore. Am I being unreasonable do you think?

Yes, IMOHO, you’re being unreasonable, because you allowed her to be an altar server and she’s doing it now; and you’re blaming her very presence for the lack of boy altar servers and penalizing her for the lack of boy altar servers. IMOHO, you shouldn’t have let her in the first place, if you feel that she does not fit the job and that the job doesn’t fit her.

As far as I know, female altar servers are allowed, and you already gave her permission. It doesn’t make sense to me to take that away from her like that.

But she’s your daughter, and you’re the parent. But you asked what “we” think. I think you should let her continue being an altar server. If the boys want to serve, they will. She doesn’t have the plague, it’s not about her that they aren’t participating.

 

[Cristiano]

My 13 year old dd is an altar server at our parish. I am starting to feel uneasy about it, espescially as I see how boys are less willing to serve when girls are on the altar. I am thinking of not allowing her to serve anymore. Am I being unreasonable do you think?

I am the father of an altar boy and I have not noticed that in our parish the boys have any issue serving next to the girls. I think that boys should have the precedence over girls in the opportunity to serve because of the original intent of this kind of service. Having said that, I never noticed a case where the presence of a female server took a “serving spot” away from a boy. Boys should also realize that altar serving, as in the case of priesthood, is a privilege and not a right. My bottom line is that I think that you are putting someone’s else issues on your daughter shoulders, it is not fair to her but it could be the right thing to do. Before making your decision talk to her and to the pastor too.

 

[BeeCatholic]

My daughter was painfully shy, so when she told us shortly before she made her First Communion that she wanted to be an altar server, I couldn’t believe it. She has now been a server for 4 years and really shines at it. She was server of the year 2 years ago, has many of the young children looking up to her, and has really come out of her shell. If I were to tell her that she had to quit it would break her heart and her spirit.
I have noticed that the servers who are the “meanest” are the older high school boys, and they are mean to everyone younger than them, boy or girl. And I can say that because my 11 year old son also gets picked on by them.
Please, ask your daughter why she serves and if she wants to quit before making any decisions.

 

[tncritter]

I am a 63 year old female and am an altar server at daily mass, funerals and any other time I am needed. Have found that not only do young boys not want to serve but older men as well. I agree that priests should be male but if women wish to serve it should be okay. I feel very honored to be able to serve at the table of our Lord. God Bless

 

[jrsmith]

I will see to it that my daughters do not become altar servers. Male only altar servers is a longstanding tradition of the church going back a millenia…why change a good and well established tradition?

Change for the sake of change only breeds confusion and rebellion.

I do believe it opens the door for questions regarding the ordination of women, because it reduces the importance of males at the altar…(and important things like male and female roles)…you can now have women doing basically everything but celebrating the mass…it’s only one small step to move to an all-female altar area.

one other thing I was thinking about is the importance of single-gender groups (think boy scouts or girl guides)…if the altar area is male only it can provide an area where young boys can develop a kind of “club” atmosphere that would make them more eager to participate in the liturgy…rather than thinking that helping out at mass is something for the “girls” to do.

 

[Sailor_Kenshin]

My 13 year old dd is an altar server at our parish. I am starting to feel uneasy about it, espescially as I see how boys are less willing to serve when girls are on the altar. I am thinking of not allowing her to serve anymore. Am I being unreasonable do you think?

No.

 

[paperwight]

I will see to it that my daughters do not become altar servers. .

The problem (as for the OP as well) is that any girl can easily point out that the Church allows girl servers.

If you come the heavy parent, you run the risk of the perceived injustice causing a bitter backlash, either against you or against church-going itself. Do you really want a row every Sunday?

 

[cheese_sdc]

My 13 year old dd is an altar server at our parish. I am starting to feel uneasy about it, espescially as I see how boys are less willing to serve when girls are on the altar. I am thinking of not allowing her to serve anymore. Am I being unreasonable do you think?

Yes. If your daughter wants to serve, let her.

 

[Adeodatus]

My 13 year old dd is an altar server at our parish. I am starting to feel uneasy about it, espescially as I see how boys are less willing to serve when girls are on the altar. I am thinking of not allowing her to serve anymore. Am I being unreasonable do you think?

No, you’re not being unreasonable. To forbid her would be a good thing.

Obviously, she will probably bristle at your decision. This is inevitable because you made a mistake in the first place. Kids usually hate parental mistakes! Perhaps you can think of a way to make it up to her.

 

[Portrait]

I will see to it that my daughters do not become altar servers. Male only altar servers is a longstanding tradition of the church going back a millenia…why change a good and well established tradition?

Change for the sake of change only breeds confusion and rebellion.

I do believe it opens the door for questions regarding the ordination of women, because it reduces the importance of males at the altar…(and important things like male and female roles)…you can now have women doing basically everything but celebrating the mass…it’s only one small step to move to an all-female altar area.

one other thing I was thinking about is the importance of single-gender groups (think boy scouts or girl guides)…if the altar area is male only it can provide an area where young boys can develop a kind of “club” atmosphere that would make them more eager to participate in the liturgy…rather than thinking that helping out at mass is something for the “girls” to do.

Dear jrsmith,

Cordial greetings.

Although the Church has permitted local bishops and priests the option to allow female altar servers at Mass, I am, nevertheless, inclined to concur with what you say.

Whilst I do not believe that the Church will ever allow the ordination of women priests because Christ has promised to preserve His Church from error, I am concerned that the Church by allowing a greater involvement of women generally (e.g. they can be readers at Mass and extraordinary ministers) is capitulating to the political correctness of the times.

However, given that the Church has authorised female altar servers etc., are the faithful supposed to just meekly accept this without demur and put it down to legitimate ‘development of discipline’ to meet the necessity of the times?

Warmest good wishes,

Portrait

 

[Aggiornamento]

If a guy will not serve because there are female servers, then he is the one with the problem.

 

[teachccd]

No, you’re not being unreasonable. To forbid her would be a good thing.

Obviously, she will probably bristle at your decision. This is inevitable because you made a mistake in the first place. Kids usually hate parental mistakes! Perhaps you can think of a way to make it up to her.

 

[cheese_sdc]

Dear jrsmith,

Cordial greetings.

Although the Church has permitted local bishops and priests the option to allow female altar servers at Mass, I am, nevertheless, inclined to concur with what you say.

Whilst I do not believe that the Church will ever allow the ordination of women priests because Christ has promised to preserve His Church from error, I am concerned that the Church by allowing a greater involvement of women generally (e.g. they can be readers at Mass and extraordinary ministers) is capitulating to the political correctness of the times.

However, given that the Church has authorised female altar servers etc., are the faithful supposed to just meekly accept this without demur and put it down to legitimate ‘development of discipline’ to meet the necessity of the times?

I love it when uber-conservative types do something like this. There are thousands of posts from traditionalists and reactionary types which state “Why won’t people listen to the Church!?” when the subject is woman priests, homosexuality, abortion, birth control, etc, etc, etc. Y’all are quick to jump on the “You must respect the Pope’s authority!” bandwagon… until it’s something you disagree with.

Then… Then you scream “Conscience! Conscience!”.

Welcome to the other side of the fence.

 

[Portrait]

I love it when uber-conservative types do something like this. There are thousands of posts from traditionalists and reactionary types which state “Why won’t people listen to the Church!?” when the subject is woman priests, homosexuality, abortion, birth control, etc, etc, etc. Y’all are quick to jump on the “You must respect the Pope’s authority!” bandwagon… until it’s something you disagree with.

Then… Then you scream “Conscience! Conscience!”.

Welcome to the other side of the fence.

Dear cheese_sdc,

Cordial greetings and thankyou for your response to my post.

As regards the issues that you mention, our Church has authoritatively declared its position on these and they are clearly non-negotiable and irreversible truths which all the faithful must receive and accept if they are to remain faithful. However, do female altar servers etc, fall into this self-same category?

We actually have young ladies (as well as young men) who are altar servers in my parish and they undertake their duties with the utmost solemnity and are extremely confident. They are, I am quite sure, a great asset to our priest. However, be that as it may, has the Church, by permitting these female servers, accommodated itself to the changing roles of women in the wider society, is it kowtowing to political correctness?, or is it merely an issue of pastoral needs?

Since this does not involve a matter of faith and morals, but is rather an issue of discipline, should one accept this as a perfectly legitimate development?

Warmest good wishes,

Portrait

PS Sorry my dear friend but what is an ‘uber- conservative’? Do you not mean an ultra-conservative?