Female led relationships

[Gabriel7Kane]

hello all,

i was just wondering if it is ok for a woman to be the “head of the household”?
basically if it would be ok for a man to submit to his wife or even take her name? for instance could someone marry a woman with plans to be a househusband who would take his wife’s surname and submit to her?

any answers would be appreciated.

 

[Nelka]

I would never want to submit to my wife and my wife hasn’t submitted to me either.

It is normally feminists who want a man to behave like this.

My sister however has connected our surname and her husband’s surname but I think that is because she wanted a double barrelled surname.

People are different.

When my cousin had her divorce she didn’t want to keep her married surname nor did she want to go back to her maiden name so she chose our Nan’s maiden name as it is a nice surname and she wants to be different.

You sit down with him and have a chat.

 

[AnnArbor]

It is normally feminists who want a man to behave like this.

The feminists I know, both men and women, would never expect this. They expect marriage to be a partnership, not an arrangement in which one person is “in charge.”

 

[DarkLight]

The feminists I know, both men and women, would never expect this. They expect marriage to be a partnership, not an arrangement in which one person is “in charge.”

OTOH, I know several men who can’t conceive of a relationship without having someone in charge. So if it’s not the man, it must be the woman.

 

[Miss_Felicity]

If BOTH parties in the marriage agree to this freely and nobody is coerced, I don’t think there is a moral problem. I’m sure there are people who do this but I would hazard a guess that people who make this decision keep it private as would people who have any number of other arrangements about how the inner workings of their marriage will play out.

 

[Isca]

It depends on the personalities of the woman and the man, surely? In some marriages, the woman is the more confident, assertive person of the two and the man likes having someone organise things and make arrangements for him. In other relationships, the woman is the more laid-back party and so the man “takes charge” for them both. I can’t see that there’s anything wrong with either scenario.

What isn’t fine is when the man or the woman want to make decisions in the relationship, but are brow-beaten into accepting the view of the other party every time.

 

[RPRPsych]

hello all,

i was just wondering if it is ok for a woman to be the “head of the household”?
basically if it would be ok for a man to submit to his wife or even take her name? for instance could someone marry a woman with plans to be a househusband who would take his wife’s surname and submit to her?

any answers would be appreciated.

I think such a relationship would contravene traditional Catholic teaching (and Scripture) on the nature of marriage, but that’s just me. And in the real world, such things do occur, though they don’t always work out too well.

 

[marymary1975]

As to the surnames, I have to say that I don’t understand why in the US (I am not originally from the US) anyone male or female would have to change their surname for the wife/husband’s surname when they get married to me the surname change has zero to do with religion and is more from what I’ve seen a US thing.

 

[Pax2u]

As long as both people are happy with the arrangement, I don’t see a problem. My own parents had a similar situation…my mom had better leadership skills than my dad. She took care of all the finances, most of the discipline of children, made most decisions. My dad was very happy to go to work each day and follow her lead in other things. Mom was always very considerate of Dad, and never spoke to him or of him in a demeaning way. They had a long and loving marriage–it worked for their personalities, strengths and weaknesses.

 

[Book_Worm]

I think such a relationship would contravene traditional Catholic teaching (and Scripture) on the nature of marriage, but that’s just me. And in the real world, such things do occur, though they don’t always work out too well.

More traditional relationships often don’t work out too well either.

I see nothing wrong in following the nature and talents God gave us. It would seem to me to be a sin for a woman to waste her intelligence and leadership abilities to “defer” to a man whose gifts are in other areas.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

hello all,

i was just wondering if it is ok for a woman to be the “head of the household”?
basically if it would be ok for a man to submit to his wife or even take her name? for instance could someone marry a woman with plans to be a househusband who would take his wife’s surname and submit to her?

any answers would be appreciated.

“head of household”?

My wife is the sole breadwinner in my family. She works, I homeschool 4 kids ranging in age from 8 to 1.
She took my last name and I never would have dated her if she was of the feminist mind that did not want to do that. I worked while she finished college.

In some ways we are flipped in our roles. But in some ways we are very traditional.

She earns the money, plays the career game. She is a respected scientist and is scholastically superior to me.

I lead the house. All financial decisions go through me. I lead spiritually, I lead with school decisions for the children.

In the fall, no debate, football is on TV. Family Vacations are planned because of a game I may want to see. Outdoor activities are guided by me, from camping to hunting and sporting events.

With discipline, I am the lead.

In the bedroom, I am the lead.

My wife makes amazing sacrifices. She has an amazing ability and loves her job. But, she loves her family even more.

My wife is not a feminist. Nor am I some beaten down male. My wife is soft, pretty, emotional, and very fragile.

I am manly, I hunt, fish, shoot, compete, and pass gas.

My wife needs to feel taken care of, she needs to feel safe, she needs to be held.

I need to feel in charge, and looked to for big decisions.

This has failed only once. Which is why we live in the midwest now.

But, It works for us. And works well. My kids are amazing, my marriage is unsinkable, my happiness is something I wake up with, and my wife is at my side, facing the world, ready to do God’s will and battle the world.

 

[Petaro]

Horses for courses. In a true partnership you know each others strengths and weaknesses. My wife is fantastic with figures so she does our taxes each year. I remember being so thankful at the fifth year of our marriage that I wouldn’t fear a tax audit as my old ways were now a collated and organised clear composition instead of the shoe box.
I on the other hand, am respected for my financial acumen and my wife leaves all financial decisions of asset management to me.
I am colour blind, so my wife makes all decisions about the house and decorations.
We make all decisions about our son together.
If there comes a time when we cannot agree after respectful and loving discussion,(a lot of nagging), I make the decision as head of the household, and my wife grissles about it until it turns out to be the best one.Then she accepts it and tells her mother it was her idea.

If, however, I am wrong, than she nags me about it until it turns out wrong, than she shuts up and makes the best of a bad situation. She does this because she knows I am only human and makes mistakes, but that the decision, rightly or wrongly, was made out of love for her and our child.Then she never mentions it to her mother as it is none of her business.

There has to be a circuit breaker. All decisions of a loving husband has to be determined by what is best for his wife and family. If she loves and respects him, she will accept these circuit breaker decisions. But it remains a partnership as we all live with the decisions made.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I think such a relationship would contravene traditional Catholic teaching (and Scripture) on the nature of marriage, but that’s just me. And in the real world, such things do occur, though they don’t always work out too well.

We run in some pretty traditionalist circles. We would love to see more of the latin Mass, we see the problems with the way some people have “modernized” the faith. We have friends that are SSPX. And yes, they raise an eyebrow at our situation. But I find if I steer the conversation to “modernists”, post vatican II troubles, or children’s clothing in the malls, or homosexual takeover of our world, they tend to chase bigger fish to fry than my stay at home dad situation. The homeschool aspect helps too. But I still get “are you looking for work” “Did you get laid off” Or “are you going back to school” Sometimes even from my mom.

The answer is no. I am done working. I quit 8 years ago. I had a good job, it was nice, I am not going back.

I think they are just jealous. I “retired” at 30.

One of the things that drives me nuts though is the traditionalists homeschool groups. Those moms see me and honestly are quite inappropriate. They literally flock to me. I hate it. It puts me in difficult positions. I am there for my children, not to gab with the “girlfriends” and hear about how they wish their husband could be more like me. I had to stop going.

 

[Xantippe]

If the husband’s name was “Hitler” (or similar), I think it would be quite a relief to take the wife’s name.

 

[MarcoPolo]

What do you mean “submit to her”?
Not sure what that means?

I’m not sure what the OP means, but in Catholic theology, the wife’s “submission” is emblematic of the Church’s relationship to Christ. In other words, the man, as figure of Christ, “submits himself/dies to himself” for his bride. The wife, in turn, submits to receiving this love. In modernist lingo, people too often think of “submit” as some sort of slave-master relationship where the submitter just takes “orders.” That is explicitly condemned in papal documents, such as Pope Leo’s Arcanum. In other words, unless both parties are doing their proper submission to one another, as it says in Ephesians:*Eph. 5:21 Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.*then the balancing act collapses. That’s why both the modernist-feminist attitude of “I’m not submitting to anyone!” or the chauvinist attitude of “She better do what she’s told” are failed attitudes.

 

[Deana83]

Submit? I don’t even like the sound of that word, makes me think of a cowering dog being screamed at as it runs down the hall with it’s tail between it’s legs. I think as long as both parties have mutual respect for each other and have a basic understanding of each other’s strengths and weaknesses it can be worked out. I don’t believe in a one size fit’s all mentality when it comes to marriage. Individuality has to come into play somewhere; my husband is good with figures and I’m better at everything else

 

[PietroPaolo]

hello all,

i was just wondering if it is ok for a woman to be the “head of the household”?
basically if it would be ok for a man to submit to his wife or even take her name? for instance could someone marry a woman with plans to be a househusband who would take his wife’s surname and submit to her?

any answers would be appreciated.

No. Men and women are not interchangeable, we don’t simply play “roles” we are husbands and wives. A man can no more be a wife than he can be pregnant. The man, not the woman, in a marriage is, unpopular as this might be, called to be the Head of the family. The woman is called to be the heart. The woman is called to submission to her husband, the husband is called to servant-leadership to his wife. These roles are established by God and cannot be switched by the fancy of man.

All that being said, who stays home and who works to earn an income is accidental (in the sense of non-essential) to headship. A woman can be the primary earner for a family, while the husband stays home, but the husband cannot abrogate his God given role as head of the household. He will be, as the wife will not, held accountable for the spiritual welfare of his family on the last day.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Horses for courses. In a true partnership you know each others strengths and weaknesses. My wife is fantastic with figures so she does our taxes each year. I remember being so thankful at the fifth year of our marriage that I wouldn’t fear a tax audit as my old ways were now a collated and organised clear composition instead of the shoe box.
I on the other hand, am respected for my financial acumen and my wife leaves all financial decisions of asset management to me.
I am colour blind, so my wife makes all decisions about the house and decorations.
We make all decisions about our son together.
If there comes a time when we cannot agree after respectful and loving discussion,(a lot of nagging), I make the decision as head of the household, and my wife grissles about it until it turns out to be the best one.Then she accepts it and tells her mother it was her idea.

If, however, I am wrong, than she nags me about it until it turns out wrong, than she shuts up and makes the best of a bad situation. She does this because she knows I am only human and makes mistakes, but that the decision, rightly or wrongly, was made out of love for her and our child.Then she never mentions it to her mother as it is none of her business.

There has to be a circuit breaker. All decisions of a loving husband has to be determined by what is best for his wife and family. If she loves and respects him, she will accept these circuit breaker decisions. But it remains a partnership as we all live with the decisions made.

My wife has made 5 decisions that were “head of the household” decisions.

1. A dog. I hate it. It refuses to die.
2. Land. We bought land and doubled our money in a year.
3. Our first house.
4. Our trip to Italy.
5. Our move to this horrible place. And a career change. She is no longer allowed to make decisions ever. Or at least until we are somewhere that does not smell like this.

3 out of 5 successes ain’t bad. Though like I said, she is suspended until further notice.

She named 3 of our four children. I named the most recent. Benedict. I am now suspended from naming children in her mind.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

No. Men and women are not interchangeable, we don’t simply play “roles” we are husbands and wives. A man can no more be a wife than he can be pregnant. The man, not the woman, in a marriage is, unpopular as this might be, called to be the Head of the family. The woman is called to be the heart. The woman is called to submission to her husband, the husband is called to servant-leadership to his wife. These roles are established by God and cannot be switched by the fancy of man.

All that being said, who stays home and who works to earn an income is accidental (in the sense of non-essential) to headship. A woman can be the primary earner for a family, while the husband stays home, but the husband cannot abrogate his God given role as head of the household. He will be, as the wife will not, held accountable for the spiritual welfare of his family on the last day.

THIS!

I could not have said it better or more clear myself. I am going to save this and draw from it when talking about this in the future. Thanks.

 

[PietroPaolo]

… I named the most recent. Benedict. I am now suspended from naming children in her mind.

:clapping: Great name!