Female masturbation

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Hello,
If you find out your wife masturbates during the fertile times of the NFP, what can you tell her?

Kind regards,
D.
 
When the time is right - remind her she is breaking your marriage vows by having an extra-marital affair…with herself.
 
Interesting.

I thought the root of the masturbation problem is with the “spilling of the seed”–as per that line or two in the bible?

She’s definitely not spilling seed.
And she’s not preventing procreation.
And it is “permitted” that a wife “complete” sex without intercourse, right?

So…interesting.

But it sounds like she was doing it without you, and without you knowing…and that is the issue?
Really? Please show me where your answer is within the teachings of the Catholic Church. The marital embrace is about unity and procreation - this is not a man’s issue and is about more than spilling seed. Masturbation whether a man or a women is not following God’s plan for sexual expression of a committed and martial love…
 
Hello,
If you find out your wife masturbates during the fertile times of the NFP, what can you tell her?

Kind regards,
D.
Remeber here too that with masterbation moral culpability is an issue. She definately needs to talk to a priest. There’s is something wrong somewhere. Maybe stress. Sometimes that can do it.

Bill
 
Interesting.

I thought the root of the masturbation problem is with the “spilling of the seed”–as per that line or two in the bible?

She’s definitely not spilling seed.
And she’s not preventing procreation.
And it is “permitted” that a wife “complete” sex without intercourse, right?

So…interesting.

But it sounds like she was doing it without you, and without you knowing…and that is the issue?
What we know, we know through and beyond Sacred Scripture.
Sacred Tradition and Sacred Scripture, then, are bound closely together, and communicate one with the other. For both of them, flowing out from the same divine well-spring, come together in some fashion to form one thing, and move towards the same goal …] As a result the Church, to whom the transmission and interpretation of Revelation is entrusted, "does not derive her certainty about all revealed truths from the holy Scriptures alone. Both Scripture and Tradition must be accepted and honored with equal sentiments of devotion and reverence.
The sixth commandment forbids lust per se as an intrinsic evil:
2351 Lust is disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.
2352 By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. “Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action.” “The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose.” For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of “the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved.”
Lust desecrates chastity and betrays the holiness of the Sacrament of Matrimony. It is grave matter and almost always mortal sin (though if it is a serious vice, further discernment must be done by the confessor). Mention that by doing so she may be in a state of mortal sin without even being aware of this, thus receiving the Lord without the proper disposition.
 
Why are some trying to find excusing oneself from the sin of masturbating? Masturbating is indulging in sexual pleasure without any love towards God’s plan and one’s partner. It is self indulgence and as such it is a sin.
 
Its important that both people in a marriage feel that their sexual needs are being met through each other. I think you should sit down with your wife and talk to her about that.

1 Corinthians 7:5
(New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition)
5 Do not deprive one another except perhaps by agreement for a set time, to devote yourselves to prayer, and then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Hebrews 13:4
4 Let marriage be held in honor by all, and let the marriage bed be kept undefiled; for God will judge fornicators and adulterers.
 
Interesting.

I thought the root of the masturbation problem is with the “spilling of the seed”–as per that line or two in the bible?

She’s definitely not spilling seed.
And she’s not preventing procreation.
Actually, by bringing a lot of blood and oxygen into the area, she is very likely increasing her fertility and chance of becoming pregnant. I don’t believe the Church approves, however.
 
What if she is not Catholic, but still a Christian?
Is she practicing some religion or just a generalized believer? If she is practicing, find out what her denomination says. If not, you can only share how you feel about it.
 
Why are some trying to find excusing oneself from the sin of masturbating? Masturbating is indulging in sexual pleasure without any love towards God’s plan and one’s partner. It is self indulgence and as such it is a sin.
One person described S I N as an acronym for Self Indulgent Nonsense!🙂
 
What if she is not Catholic, but still a Christian?
I did not realize at first you were the original poster 🙂 Long post follows 🤷

It truly makes no difference. Christ established a Church of which He is head and which He guides with the light of the Holy Spirit. In the past, Christians professed their belief in “unam, sanctam, catholicam et apostolicam Ecclesiam” (one holy, catholic, and apostolic Church) and the Gospels clearly say:
I speak as to wise men; you judge what I say. The chalice of benediction, which we bless, is it not the communion of the blood of Christ ? And the bread, which we break, is it not the partaking of the body of the Lord ? For we, being many, are one bread, one body, all that partake of one bread. …] And [Christ] is the head of the body, the church.
At later points in history, major communities separated themselves from full communion with the Church. Centuries of Sacred Tradition were distorted or denied, and the Sacred Scripture was deprived of some parts and re-interpreted. However, the Catholic Church has preserved the fullness of the divine revelation. What She teaches about lust is the most perfect teaching, rooted on life and love and holiness.

If she is a Christian who is not yet in full communion with the Church, she should - as all should - learn more about the sacred tradition in order to understand why Holy Church teaches what she teaches and why it is gravely erroneous to teach otherwise. We don’t follow the Church as blind slaves who ignore what the master wants, but as friends of Christ who know what the Father wants from us.

I have great love and respect for all my brothers in Christ, regardless of whether or not they are yet in full communion with the Church. I simply have learned and understood - as one who had walked away from the Church and has been lead back by the Good Shepherd - what the Church is and has been, and that without the Church there would be no Christianity.

Even from the scriptural standpoint - just to clarify things - the Lord says:
from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander. These are what defile you.
St. Paul writes:
The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: …] sexual immorality, impurity …] I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is …] and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
Don’t you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin …] will not inherit the kingdom of God.
However, this, er, “literal” interpretation of the Scripture may suffice, but is definitely not what God asks of us - which is why He grants light to the Church. What I mean is that we did not need St. Paul to tell us this: God already said, first in the Law and then personally in Christ, that lust is condemned as adultery itself. The issue here is that we are not supposed to be under the law, but under grace. We are not supposed to be servants who are told not to dwell in illicit sexual pleasure because the master said so, we are supposed to be children of the light who are told that chastity reflects God’s majesty and offers due reverence to the temple of the Holy Spirit, and that to offend chastity and indulge in lust is opposed to life itself, offends God, and is an abuse over a body that is not our own (words of the Scriptures).

Such is the mystery of Holy Communion itself, that is, of the Eucharist and of the Tradition taught for over twenty centuries that the consecrated offerings become true body of our Lord. He who has ears, let him hear:
He broke the bread, gave it to his disciples, and said: Take this, all of you, and eat it; this is my body which will be given up for you.
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery–but I am talking about Christ and the church.
Human sexuality is one of the most wondrous mysteries and something most sacred, thus it is the first and foremost target of Satan. The first thing that our forefathers did when they disobeyed God and lost sanctifying grace was to turn from self-giving love to selfish love, thus desiring with lust one another and, at once, being ashamed of being exposed to the lustful looks of one another, they covered themselves. This is the exact opposite of the love between spouses, who truly become one and have no shame before one another in the holiness of wedlock.

Satan aims to desecrate sexuality, employing our imperfect will towards unbalanced and disordered enjoyment of sexual pleasure. In doing this (and I am now not talking of this specific case, but, in general, to what the world experiences through time) he strikes at the core of the family, for it transforms men and women into objects, it renders Matrimony void of meaning (or at least redefines it on imperfect foundations), and it brings men and women closer to the animal realm rather than closer to the divine nature in which they are supposed to be partaking. He does this for a single purpose: to oppose unity and create division. God is perfect unity: the Trinity is perfect unity, God willed that the spouses became one, Christ unites the humanity with the divinity and the Church with God, willing that they become one as He and the Father are one, in the unity of the Holy Spirit - the Holy Spirit who is Love itself.
 
What if she is not Catholic, but still a Christian?
There was a good answer on the theological thing to say, but if she doesn’t buy it, explain to her that it hurts you and tell her how and why it hurts you. If she doesn’t care that it hurts you and your relationship with her than there are marital problems you two need to get checked out by a marriage counselor.
 
What if she is not Catholic, but still a Christian?
Most Christians know the Scripture “Do not defile the marriage bed.” Masturbation usually involves fantasizing. Fantasizing definitely defiles the marriage bed, it is like bringing someone into the bed with you. Once images are in your head, they don’t leave. It’s a very bad habit and very difficult to change.
 
What if she is not Catholic, but still a Christian?
Sin is sin, no matter what a person’s religion is. Sin is sin, even if the person is atheist!

Sins are not just sins for Catholics! God is not just God for Christians, or only for Catholics! Masturbation is sinful for everyone who does it. It may not be a mortal sin if they really are ignorant of the sinfulness, but that is not easily determined, since so many of us find it really easy to rationalize our actions. Too often we hide from our sinfulness.

And, to the poster who thinks it is only a sin for a man, that is foolishness. While a man can help bring his wife to fulfillment after having participated in the marriage act with her, she cannot just masturbate and think there is nothing wrong with that.
 
Hello,
If you find out your wife masturbates during the fertile times of the NFP, what can you tell her?

Kind regards,
D.
Don’t know, but due know that wife’s/woman’s desire peaks at firtile times in cycle.

Peace,
Bill
 
Most Christians know the Scripture “Do not defile the marriage bed.” Masturbation usually involves fantasizing. Fantasizing definitely defiles the marriage bed, it is like bringing someone into the bed with you. Once images are in your head, they don’t leave. It’s a very bad habit and very difficult to change.
Fantasizing ???
The fact of desiring, of hoping, of wanting, of thinking, of wishing the marital act with her husband or his wife, is not wrong, per se. The intellectual preparation, the romantic preparation, the emotive preparation are not sinful , by nature.

Fantasizing on his wife or on his husband for the next marital act is not immoral per se.
 
Masturbation is a normal and healthy part of sexuality. If you try to make her feel guilty about it she most likely will resent you for it.
 
Masturbation is a normal and healthy part of sexuality. If you try to make her feel guilty about it she most likely will resent you for it.
People have different opinions as to the truth of the above statement. Usually because their understanding of healthy sexuality are wildly different. The fact that he as a spouse feels hurt by her actions ought to be enough to make her reconsider them. whether or not an action is in itself sinful, when you marry you have to take the feelings of your spouse into account on pretty much everything, especially if it is something that they care as deeply about as this. Just because you believe this is perfectly normal and healthy doesn’t mean that the OP should refuse to talk to his wife about how hurt and rejcted this makes him feel.
 
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