Female near 40 wants a child but doesnt have a man

[justlookingny]

Are there any women out there that feel like me…you want to have a child but the right man has yet to come into your life? I have seriously considered adoption but do not feel justice to a child to be reared by a single parent. I have thought of the idea of a ‘sperm bank’ but can’t morally consider it. I understand in god’s time…and if it is his will. However, I have wanted nothing more than to be a mother some day…How do I find true acceptance that his will may be to remain alone and without a husband or child? Can anyone relate or assist me in this struggle?

 

[SMHW]

I’m sorry for what you are going through.

But don’t assume you will never marry. My sister recently got married for the first time at age 41. (Sadly she probably will never have children due to medical problems, including scarring in her fallopian tubes but the possibility exists. She most likely would have had the same problem in her 20s.)

But even if you never marry you can still play a roll in the lives of nieces, nephews, and the children of friends.

Adoption may still be an avenue for you to pursue. I don’t think single persons should adopt babies or very young children, (with the exception of relatives or a pre-existing relationship.) But I do think single persons may be called to adopt older children.

 

[Pinkyyy]

Hi there,

I am so sorry you are going through this, however I want to point out that there are so many children in foster care who NEED a parent to love them. Many young children need someone and I think it sounds like you would be a loving and great parent to one of them - even probably more so than many couples who adopt. You definately could do justice to a child who needs someone and who is in a limbo kind of state in foster care. Pray about it and if you want, go for it. Good luck.

 

[justlookingny]

Thank you guys for posting on here. I love to hear others perceptions, maybe even words of encouragement. I would love to consider foster parenting, and maybe should look into same. I just don’t feel I have the resources to truly adequately provide for a child independently. Life is hard to get through economically so this is another challenge to face in regard to my situation. All I know is I was waiting on god to bring someone into my life…and I’m at the point where I need help accepting the fact that he might not have that plan for me. Struggling with faith seems to be a difficulty do to this. Thank you for your prayers!

 

[Sierrah]

Are there any women out there that feel like me…you want to have a child but the right man has yet to come into your life? I have seriously considered adoption but do not feel justice to a child to be reared by a single parent. I have thought of the idea of a ‘sperm bank’ but can’t morally consider it. I understand in god’s time…and if it is his will. However, I have wanted nothing more than to be a mother some day…How do I find true acceptance that his will may be to remain alone and without a husband or child? Can anyone relate or assist me in this struggle?

Wouldn’t it be better for a child to have one parent then no parents or any hope of a family life? How is single parent adoption immoral? Giving a child a home and family how is that terrible. Not every family is a perfect Norman Rockwell portrait. I was lucky to have 2 loving parents and agree that the two parent family is the ideal but this isn’t an ideal world. I hope to someday adopt…with or without a man in my life. Frankly from the quality of guys I keep running into the without is more likely but regardless I can’t see it as immoral to give a home to a child who needs love when I’ve got plenty to give.

 

[Appleby]

Odds are pretty good that you will remain alone for the duration; you are already too old for most adoption lists, and most men your age or older have already been married at least once and already have non-custodial children to support. (However, if you want to help them pay child support, and perhaps be a part-time stepmother to their kids, some of them will jump at the chance.)

How do you resign yourself to this state of affairs? Let me know when you figure it out. I have been in this status for 20 years and have not resigned myself to it yet…save to the fact that I am where I am and it’s better to make the best of it and get on with my life. Volunteer work at a shelter or a job at a daycare centre might fill the void; or you can check out the foster grandparents’ program in your city – I had a foster grandson for 10 years and enjoyed that experience very much. Otherwise, I would advise you to focus on things you can achieve rather than droop around about the things you can’t. I wanted to be an astronaut when I was younger. I could have moped all my life long because I will never even go into space; but whether you get what you want or not, life goes on.

 

[GhostMan]

Do not discount foster care. How would it not be better for a child from a broken home, with emotional or physical abuse patterns to be in a loving, God-Centered home than warehoused somewhere?

With foster care, you can select the age of the child, even the sex and race if you choose. You would receive the love of a child and you would be breaking a cycle. Many of the children in Foster care are products of parents who were in bad foster care themselves.

It is an amazingly fulfilling work - trust me.

 

[Appleby]

A foster child can be removed from your care with no warning at all, and no matter what you may try to assure that child about the future, it is highly likely that the child will be slammed back into the situation that foster care was meant to alleviate, under the guise of Reuniting Families and that whatever you have accomplished will not only be negated, but will cause the child to stop believing that anything good can come from foster care, no matter what she may hear.

 

[juliasmith]

I had a very good friend who benefited from a ‘foster care -adoption’ set-up. He spent three years in foster care with a couple that were friends with my parents. They eventually adopted him as their own son. Once that adoption takes place, no one can take that child from you…unless you are abusive, neglectful, etc. You sound much too conscientious to allow that to happen.

I also have a friend who found her mate through eHarmony.com. I know, sounds silly, but she is very happy now. And she is no longer single.

You do not have to accept being single or childless.

I’ll be praying for you.

 

[moen]

My heart goes out to you, and I’m with the posters who say you don’t have to accept your seeming “lot” in life. I have a wonderful Catholic friend, single, who adopted from China…and has provided a wonderful home (not easy tho!) for her. I remember wanting children more than marriage or anything in life. It took over 10 yrs and 12 doctors to figure out the problem…but I didn’t give up----because if I had (some doctors shouldn’t be doctors!) my uterine problem may have killed me. All that to say------do what you can do, all that you can do, leaving no stone unturned…then if all signs point to “no” then you can move on. You don’t want to say in 10 years “I wish I would have done this or that!” Until then you’ve got time: 40 is NOT OLD! Don’t you believe it. You sound like you have a lot of life in you and love to give…go for it!!