Femininity

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blue_skies_1

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I was just thinking about what it means to be a woman in the modern world. I don’t so much mean questions about whether to work outside the home or be a ‘full time mother’ as I’m not at that stage yet… I just mean, things like behaviour, what it feels like to be truly feminine, what’s authentic femininity? I don’t really understand the concept! The best I have come up with is trying to be more like our Blessed Mother - gentle, nurturing, accepting etc. But we women can also be strong, go-getters who achieve all kinds of things etc, can’t we? (I don’t mean that to contrast with ‘weak’ female behaviour as both are strengths in different ways).

Sometimes I feel confused about how I am meant to be. I enjoy being the typical girlie girl but at the same time I don’t want to feel as if I’m playing a role rather than being myself. Some women seem to be more ‘naturals’ at it than me too (if that makes sense) and I rather admire that quality as I’m rather shy and awkward and don’t come across the way I would perhaps like to. I also think real femininity is very attractive so I would love to feel more so 🙂 Not that I’m boyish in any way!

Goodness, this is turning into such a ramble. Perhaps my problem is that I lack self-confidence at times, that sense of being comfortable in your own skin, as well as not quite knowing what true femininity is. What makes you women feel womanly? Is it being with your husbands/ boyfriends? Dancing? Painting your nails?! Any suggestions for how I can feel like a more feminine and confident woman?
 
Warning: Rambling ahead! 😊

I have always enjoyed being a girl. I am not particularly “girly” in some respects, though. I despise shopping; I have NO taste in clothes; and I have kept the same hairstyle for years.

However, I cook and bake; I CAN sew, but I mostly just use that for family mending. I am a stay-at-home-mother of five, and I home-school.

My hobbies are mostly “guy” hobbies. I play RPGs. I have even written up and programmed mods for CRPGs. 🤷 Not a girly thing to do. I have loved fantasy and science-fiction since I was little, and I can out-geek most of our geeky guy friends.

I like studying, and my interests include Shakespeare (did my Master’s on him), most anything medieval, and Catholicism, of course!

I do all of these things from the perspective of being a woman. My views on things are influenced by that. I do not worry about being a “go-getter.” I have puzzled my co-workers in the past because I have an advanced degree; I am confident; and I am bright. However, I follow my husband’s lead; I quit my job for my children’s sake; and I do not consider myself to be “wasting my talents” in caring for my children. I try to model myself after Our Lady, and in more mundane ways, just to be “a lady.”

I find that when I am dressed up to go out with my husband, I feel feminine, in an attractive way. When I am nursing my baby, I feel feminine in a maternal way. When I am washing dishes, I feel feminine, too! 👍 Seriously, I am the queen of the household, and what is more feminine than being a queen?
😃

Sorry for the rambles.
 
For me, to be womanly means to be nurturing, supportive, and teaching; to be manly means to be exemplar, leading, and protective. And of course this includes motherhood and fatherhood. All else, though, is up for anyone and everyone: games, sports, clothing, farming, sewing, school, whatever, they’re not gender related. To be a human being means to be a lover of God.
 
Eucharisted said:
For me, to be womanly means to be nurturing, supportive, and teaching; to be manly means to be exemplar, leading, and protective.
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I think we’re various mixtures of these things at different times of life (of day for that matter) because things are never that simple in the modern world.
 
I think being feminine, for me, is mostly embracing my nature as a woman, starting with the biology of being the one who carries a child in my womb, and ending with living out the mission that flows from that (and fruitful marriage): To nurture and care for my children. I also feel particularly feminine when participating in the Catholic church, since woman represents the Church and man represents Christ.

I rarely feel like I am feminine when compared to other devout Catholic women. I don’t wear makeup, I feel uncomfortable in dresses, and I love working with computers and doing martial arts. I do also enjoy singing and cooking, but these things don’t seem particularly feminine to me. I love kids and craftsy stuff, but those didn’t really show to others much until I became a mom. I have a mix of traditionally feminine and masculine virtues, and a mix of their faults as well. I also work in a traditionally male field (computer science). Pretty close to 50/50 overall, so I’m fairly “masculine” in my temperament, for a woman. I don’t think of myself as masculine, though - at least, not since carrying and nursing twins!

My husband has a lot of traditionally “feminine” virtues, but I don’t think they make him seem girly - more like gentle-manly. Of course, that may be partly due to the 6’1" height and stretch marks on his arms from his whopping big muscles . . . hard to call that “girly”, no matter how patient and compassionate someone is 😉
 
blue_skies said:
I was just thinking about what it means to be a woman in the modern world.
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It means the whole world.
But we women can also be strong, go-getters who achieve all kinds of things etc, can’t we? (I don’t mean that to contrast with ‘weak’ female behaviour as both are strengths in different ways).
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Being a go-getter is overrated. Getting the job done is what counts.
I also think real femininity is very attractive
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You’ve no idea. 😃

Err. Right. Disappears into the male part of the forest
 
The Living His Life Abundantly ministry with Johnette Benkovic has developed a ministry called Women of Grace that focuses on authentic Catholic feminity. The website is www.womenofgrace.com . It is a wonderful resource on what it means to be a Catholic woman in today’s society and in the Church.

Peace,
Linda
 
I feel most feminine when I…
  • create something, especially food.
  • am generous. I don’t have children to nurture yet, but when I share chocolates with my coworkers, I feel maternal and feminine.
  • help people. I enjoy teaching and showing people how to do things. Even when I do things like give my boyfriend’s parents money, I feel it is feminine and nurturing rather than masculine and breadwinning. (They live in a third-world country, by the way.)
  • have my period. 🤷 Usually it’s not a positive feeling - it’s like, huh, I’m a woman, and I’m still not having children.
However, that said, I’m not a particularly feminine woman. I do martial arts. I’m assertive and can be outspoken (I associate femininity with being demure). I’m adventurous. I make four times as much money as my boyfriend does. I’m a teacher, which is a feminine pursuit, but I’ve told my boss in no uncertain terms that I do not want any elementary-level students, which are typically “women’s” classes. I’m well-educated and read academic books for fun. I almost never wear makeup.

I don’t know. I used to feel distinctly unfeminine. Now I don’t. I think for me, it was meeting my boyfriend that made the difference. For years, I felt unfeminine and didn’t date, which reinforced that feeling. Then, when I met him, he made me feel that I could be exactly who I was, and I’d still be all woman to him. He is definitely the man in our relationship, and there’s no denying it, even if he paints his nails more often than I do! :eek:
 
I associate the feminine with being rather like a tigress: ferocious if you mess with my kids.
Along with that goes nurturing, welcoming (hospitality), creative, as in creating meals or a welcoming atmosphere in one’s home. My role models are Mother Theresa and Our Lady. Both of them were quiet, obedient, got important things accomplished while remaining mild and trusting in God. (I have a long way to go, but hopefully am heading in the right direction!)
 
physically: with nail color, feminine clothes and hair, with simple make up. Feminity as in the particular you have to explore the mother’s task.
 
This might be of interest to you. It’s a link to “Women of Grace”. Women of Grace is “dedicated to helping women discover their feminine genius by encouraging and affirming them in their dignity as daughters of God.” And was founded by Johnette Benkovic. You might know her, if you watch EWTN. Hope this helps. God bless.

lhla.org/
 
mark_a said:
When I ask my wife if I have any clean underwear and she asks “I don’t know, have you washed any underwear?”
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:rotfl: Awwwwwwww Mark, come on now… “real men” DO laundry. 😉

Thanks for the laugh. 👍
 
I have no concept of being feminine. I don’t even know where to begin to answer about anything that makes me feel that way. I enjoy helping others and making my spouse welcome when he comes home, but I attribute that to my personal tendencies, and not a concept like feminine. I am fairly obedient and defer to others in most things, but that is just me. I am also very “lighthearted” or, on the other end of it, “dizzy”. I don’t think it comes across in my writing, though. These are things perhaps associated with females for whatever reason. It would be really hard to mistake me for a guy, based on my personality and actions in real life, no matter how I dressed or looked. It is something I take for granted when I come on line, since I am sooooo used to being taken a certain way by people in real life. People take me completely differently here, no doubt because they aren’t looking at me and haven’t got me all categorized.

But I don’t do anything girly at all. I detest shopping, I disliked fawning over guys as a teen, I don’t wear makeup, etc. I did learn how to read a romance novel, but that was more to please my mother than any drive on my part. I am passionate for the truth, for answers. That is my thing. It was so even when I was young, but there were no answers anywhere, it seemed back then. And now that I’m older, even if I find answers, I tend to forget them…
 
Pug said:
I have no concept of being feminine. I don’t even know where to begin to answer about anything that makes me feel that way. I enjoy helping others and making my spouse welcome when he comes home, but I attribute that to my personal tendencies, and not a concept like feminine. I am fairly obedient and defer to others in most things, but that is just me. I am also very “lighthearted” or, on the other end of it, “dizzy”. I don’t think it comes across in my writing, though. These are things perhaps associated with females for whatever reason. It would be really hard to mistake me for a guy, based on my personality and actions in real life, no matter how I dressed or looked. It is something I take for granted when I come on line, since I am sooooo used to being taken a certain way by people in real life. People take me completely differently here, no doubt because they aren’t looking at me and haven’t got me all categorized.

But I don’t do anything girly at all. I detest shopping, I disliked fawning over guys as a teen, I don’t wear makeup, etc. I did learn how to read a romance novel, but that was more to please my mother than any drive on my part. I am passionate for the truth, for answers. That is my thing. It was so even when I was young, but there were no answers anywhere, it seemed back then. And now that I’m older, even if I find answers, I tend to forget them…
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Just like in Proverbs 31:10-31 Ode to a Capable Wife
" A capable wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
…"

Proverbs 31: 10-31
 
“Your feminine heart has been created with the greatest of all possiable dignities-as a reflection of God’s own heart.” This quote was taken out of a book called Your Captivating Heart, a condensed version of the book entitled Captivating, by Stasi Eldredge. This is a fantastic book that was given to me this past year by my very best friend. Before handing it to me he let it be known… She is not Catholic, but there are some very great things in there… I consumed the book. If you are looking for a motherly, how do I take care of children book, then this isn’t the one… but if you are looking for a book that barrels right into the very heart and core of a woman and shows her how worthy she is…then I perscribe reading it. There are three major desires of a woman’s heart: to be romanced, to be part of someones adventure, and to be beautiful. Going through our femimine lives, we must guard our hearts. Too often feelings of jealousy, negativity, and nummerous other feelings can rise up within is. Women were created to emotional creatures, that’s what makes us such wonderful mothers and caregivers. We must guard our hearts against the poisons that seek to destroy that meaning of womanhood that is so deeply embedded into our nature. Ladies, our desires are good! They speak of the life that we are meant for!!! There is good news… God want to be our romance (he has been wooing us since we were little girls), he has shared the greatest love story in the history of the world with us (and daily invites us to join him), and he created us to be the very crowning glory of creation (that’s true beauty!!!)…
 
I feel womanly by acting like the person I am and going by what suits me.

I am a Catholic woman, which means I am to be kind to others, modest, and walk with integrity, as well as follow the commands and precepts of my Faith. At my job, this means I keep a professional and polite attitude, even when others are rude to me. At school, this means I give it the best of my ability and defend the teachings of my faith when they are shot down by authority figures. In my home, it means being an example to my roommates, not just in my faith practice, but in my behavior.

I don’t know how that answers your question, if at all. But I don’t really focus on myself as “womanly”. I am an athletic woman, a Catholic woman, an academic woman, and a professional woman. I never stop being a woman, regardless of the makeup I’m wearing or whether or not I have a husband or boyfriend. I am just as much a woman when I am studying upper level economics or running seven miles as I am when I’m playing with kids or cooking up some risotto. I guess that’s how I see it.
 
Eucharisted said:
For me, to be womanly means to be nurturing, supportive, and teaching; to be manly means to be exemplar, leading, and protective. And of course this includes motherhood and fatherhood. All else, though, is up for anyone and everyone: games, sports, clothing, farming, sewing, school, whatever, they’re not gender related. To be a human being means to be a lover of God.
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Nah. If a woman wasn’t exemplar, leading, and protective (especially of those weaker than her) I would question her femininity. People who try to be feminine miss the point. The point is that God created us male and female, and any woman who follows God’s will for her is exceedingly feminine. There is a reason why the Blessed Virgin is so admired for being feminine. She was the MOST feminine woman ever, because she was the holiest.
 
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