H
hoping4more
Guest
This is long, complicated and ongoing issue with my wife and me, I’ll try to be concise. She became catholic at the age of 12. I meet her when we were 21, we became married at 22/23 and I converted to Catholicism 8 months later that Easter. I really did not know other Catholics than her family and one of her parents was my sponsor for confirmation. Not to mention we werent the most faithful at that time, wish we grew more in our faith, not that we were particularly bad, just wish we were better, etc.
Anyways, shortly after I joined her parents ‘found’ out about the sex abuse scandels and pretty much convinced her to not go to Mass either. I went along with it more or less thinking it would get resolved after a while (I didn’t realize the time scale of the scadels at the time). At the same time we were poor, in grad school and she was scared to get pregnant and refused to practice NFP. I went along with this for a couple of years. Later we had kids; she wanted to use contraceptives in between kids and not NFP because of the stress of having little kids and not wanting more at the time, etc. At about this time I became much more concerned about our childrens faith (all toddler ages) and took them to church on my own. Still no communion since we weren’t doing NFP, but I took them(still not baptisted).
1 year ago we started trying to have another, I vowed(to myself, not her yet) I would not go back to contraceptives. Unfortunately she was unable to conceive, probably due to still nursing. A few weeks ago all that changed, she was diagnosed with breast cancer at 33. Chemo now, surgery in a few months and radiation, then hormone therapy for at least 5 years. She is basically starting a false menopause now from the chemo, but might still become pregnant if we aren’t careful. When she is own the Tamixfen(hormone treatment) and become pregnant she would have to stop immediately as it can cause birth defects. Obviously we both are devastated not just from the disease but also our plans to have at least another child. I am also concerned how to move forward intimately.
She wouldn’t want to, and the doctor said she cannot use the pill, but she does not trust NFP (not that it has failed us, she just doesn’t trust it), and only wants to use physical contraceptives. I could insist on NFP and she might give in, but then if she got pregnant and with the additional risks for her and the baby, she wouldn’t forgive me and I would be pretty hard on myself. If I insist on celibacy, well I would struggle mightily, and she would see it as grounds for divorce.
There is a lot happening so fast and I don’t know what to do, I am stuck. Thanks all.
Anyways, shortly after I joined her parents ‘found’ out about the sex abuse scandels and pretty much convinced her to not go to Mass either. I went along with it more or less thinking it would get resolved after a while (I didn’t realize the time scale of the scadels at the time). At the same time we were poor, in grad school and she was scared to get pregnant and refused to practice NFP. I went along with this for a couple of years. Later we had kids; she wanted to use contraceptives in between kids and not NFP because of the stress of having little kids and not wanting more at the time, etc. At about this time I became much more concerned about our childrens faith (all toddler ages) and took them to church on my own. Still no communion since we weren’t doing NFP, but I took them(still not baptisted).
1 year ago we started trying to have another, I vowed(to myself, not her yet) I would not go back to contraceptives. Unfortunately she was unable to conceive, probably due to still nursing. A few weeks ago all that changed, she was diagnosed with breast cancer at 33. Chemo now, surgery in a few months and radiation, then hormone therapy for at least 5 years. She is basically starting a false menopause now from the chemo, but might still become pregnant if we aren’t careful. When she is own the Tamixfen(hormone treatment) and become pregnant she would have to stop immediately as it can cause birth defects. Obviously we both are devastated not just from the disease but also our plans to have at least another child. I am also concerned how to move forward intimately.
She wouldn’t want to, and the doctor said she cannot use the pill, but she does not trust NFP (not that it has failed us, she just doesn’t trust it), and only wants to use physical contraceptives. I could insist on NFP and she might give in, but then if she got pregnant and with the additional risks for her and the baby, she wouldn’t forgive me and I would be pretty hard on myself. If I insist on celibacy, well I would struggle mightily, and she would see it as grounds for divorce.
There is a lot happening so fast and I don’t know what to do, I am stuck. Thanks all.
Anyways, she’s not onboard with the Church teaching. So one of them has to switch sides. Abstinence would be the safest option but understandably quite difficult. Perhaps this resource could help: :max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/GettyImages-1293493913-06e7f2a078db4e2bac8b7a0220308430.jpg)