Fetishism

[MySavioursLove]

J+M+J

Hello everyone.

I have a question about a close friend of mine who says he suffers from a condition known as “fetishism”. Before he mentioned this to me I had no idea such a condition even existed. It is still very new to me and I am still trying my best to look information up on it.
After doing some research though, I found out what it generally seems to be; “the sexual arousal a person receives from a physical object, or from a specific situation”. I do admit, I am still confused about the whole thing and what causes it. Even more so now, since I know the general idea of what this is, I’m concerned about how “bad” this may actually be in the sinful way. I am trying to look up Catholic information and answers related to fetishism, but with no luck really.

To anyone here who knows about fetishism; is it considered wrong? Is it something sinful? I’m concerned since him and I are just starting out in a relationship. I’m concerned as to whether or not this will affect us or if it is wrong of me to understand to the point of accepting it all? He doesn’t seem all that concerned, but it does concern me. I really want this relationship to start off on the pure and chaste foot. He told me about past events where he did give in to some things and it makes me really uncomfortable to know that. However, he does say now how he has control over it and is praying hard for a change.
Yet… I don’t quite understand when about 2 years ago, (being just friends at the time), he told me that he used his fetishism in a fantasy way with me. After reading about fetishism and what one does with their attraction, it horrified me. I’m so uncomfortable to even be around him at times now. I want to be Christian towards him, but I don’t want to go along with something that may be considered wrong.

I do plan on asking a Priest about all this too, but thought I would start here for some extra advice.

Thank you for your time.
God bless you.

 

[PatrickSebast]

Well obviously lusting after you or anyone else in any capacity was wrong of this person, otherwise it really depends on their particular oddity. For instance some people find feet attractive for whatever reason, and there isn’t really anything morally or spiritually wrong with that it is just a physical attraction to something different than our cultures standard body part attractions. The church doesn’t have a lot of rules about sexuality besides it needing to be open to life and in no way degrading to either of the people involved.

Also I don’t think it is really appropriate for this person to reveal to others that they were the object of their fantasy since all that is really doing is leading into potential occasions for sin.

 

[brotherjoe]

In the first place I will assume that you are a woman

If you are just starting out in a relationship I am inclined to think it would be much better for him to discuss this with a priest or other spiritual advisor. Fetishes vary greatly - some I think can be integrated healthily into marital intimacy, others are essentially disordered and may need therapy.

 

[OrangeOwl]

I generally agree with everything that has been said.

Personally, I wouldn’t get too worked up over it and I would give him a chance. A fetish, at its worst (depending on what exact fetish we’re talking about), is just another form of sexual deviation like homosexuality. Like homosexuality, it’s something he was just born with and is just his cross to bear in this life. But unlike homosexuality, it seems like he is also capable of having a relationship that is sanctioned in the eyes of the Church.

I suppose in extreme circumstances, where the fetish makes it difficult for him to cope in life, he might need therapy. But that doesn’t seem to be the case at all, since you said that he has control over it and he didn’t seem concerned.

To answer your question directly: Having a fetish is not sinful. However, acting on that fetish might be sinful, depending on what exactly the fetish is and depending on the surrounding circumstances. Acting on it outside of marriage would always be sinful.

Frankly, I’m impressed that he talked to you about it. It probably means he really trusts you and that he doesn’t want to mislead you or have you in for a “surprise” later on down the road.

 

[MySavioursLove]

@ PatrickSebast: Yes, I can easily see your point and completely agree. That’s why it made me so uncomfortable. We did take a day to talk about this and he told me he did use it but not for a pleasure sense. He said he wanted to see if he really “loved me”. I still don’t understand and view it as wrong in any sense. I told him he should never use it in any way. That he should fight it off just like any of us would a usual temptation.

@ brotherjoe: Yes, I am a women.
I will definitely take your advice on that and suggest that to him as well. I did mention to him that he still needs to confess the past events, so he will already bring this to a priest in confession.

@ OrangeOwl: Thank you a lot for your reply. To all of what you said, I do completely agree with and feel good on. You put me more at rest, and honestly, I don’t feel I should walk out on him just yet.

This is all still very new to me and I guess part of me is just really concerned that he has this cross to bear. I’m hoping it never gets to a point where therapy is needed.
He explained to me that his condition is one of size difference; basically seeing a girl being giant or shrunk. Something like Alice in Wonderland. Would that be considered a fetish then?
Also, he did ask me not to tell anyone of this, however, I think he mainly referred to my family/friends. I really needed to talk to someone about it though, to feel a bit more at peace.

Thanks again for the advice and thoughts. I’ll keep them in mind. I ask that you keep him in your prayers.
Gob bless.