Fiancé and Annulment

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Marybel

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My boyfriend and I are engaged. We are both Catholics and want to be married at a Catholic Church. I was married to a non-Catholic before, and we didn’t get married in Church, I respected his believe. Fiancé was married before to a Catholic, therefore got married at a Catholic Church, and now is legally divorced.

When we started dating and I didn’t know that he needed to get an annulment for us to get married at Church, I felt in love with him. After a while of us dating he mentioned that he wanted to get re-married, ands said that he was going to get an annulment, time passed and he never requested the annulment until I gave him an ultimatum that I was going to leave him. We got engaged and he submitted paperwork for annulment after the engagement.

I want him to do the right thing. I believe that my first marriage didn’t work, because we didn’t follow Jesus’ teaching. Fiancé and I can’t proceed until his annulment is granted.

I am supposed to be making plans for my wedding, but I am not. I feel very disappointed with our engagement. I don’t feel happy about it. It is always one thing after another with his ex-wife too, I am an emotional roller-coaster.

I don’t want for us to move in together either, without being married. In several instances I wanted to end the relationship due to him still being married by the Church, but he doesn’t want to break up .

When I presented my point of view to his family, I didn’t get any support, they said he wants to have a family, just wait a little longer, his future is with you, go and move together and respect his believe.

But how long should I wait? What about if the annulment is not granted? What are we going to do then?

I don’t think that is it fair, but life is not fair sometimes. Years has passed and I am not getting any younger. I am very in love with him, but I feel that I pushing him to get married, and I don’t like the feeling of it.

Should I walk away from the relationship? Should I stay? How long annulment process takes in 2018? I heard that it is faster now.
 
Woah. See your parish priest about getting married. Then get annullments. You will need to talk about a lack of form case for you and a formal case for him. Annullment times vary by diocese.
 
How long?

In the United States, the average time for a decision is 18 - 24 months.

The thing is, you do realize that there is no guarantee that his first marriage will be found invalid, right?

My advice is to put the relationship in the “friend zone” until such time as the investigation is complete.

Also, have you submitted the paperwork for your attempt at marriage?

Stay firm in your commitment to living a life of virtue. Don’t live together. That will only increase your heartache.

Praying for you!
 
Annullments in our diocese take less than a year if all the paperwork is turned in in a timely manner.
 
Marybel said:
I wanted to end the relationship due to him still being married by the Church, but he doesn’t want to break up .
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It isn’t up to him alone. If you do not want to continue seeing him, you should tell him and call off the engagement.
Marybel said:
But how long should I wait?
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Until the Church declares him free to marry.
Marybel said:
What about if the annulment is not granted?
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Then you cannot marry him.
Marybel said:
What are we going to do then?
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Break it off.
Marybel said:
Should I walk away from the relationship? Should I stay?
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Frankly, I can see many red flags just in your one posting. If it were me I would seriously reconsider marrying this person. Ultimately, we can’t tell you what to do based on a few paragraphs. But right now he is not free to marry. So you shouldn’t be planning a wedding or calling yourself engaged.
Marybel said:
How long annulment process takes in 2018? I heard that it is faster now.
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That depends entirely on the specifics of the case and the diocese. It could be 6 months or it could be 2 years. You will have to ask your tribunal.
 
I agree with @TheLittleLady and @angel12 . Make an appointment with your parish priest to see about the status of your and your “fiancé’s” previous marriages. It is unwise to plan a marriage before knowing whether you both are free to make that commitment.
 
Love wouldn’t be enough for me to stay. There is a lot to be said about having a stable relationship with mutual trust. Not sure that’s what you have but I don’t know the entire story. I hope you find peace.
 
Marybel have you asked a representative from the marriage tribunal about the status of your first marriage too.
You are both going to have to cool your heels and wait. In the eyes of the Church he is married, and you might be too.

I feel for you. I agree with Ike, there are red flags here. A cooling of the heels while this is sorted out will give you time to breathe and think.

There is the possibility an annulment won’t be granted.
 
That probably isn’t that likely to happen. Someone would probably have to be vindictive, motivated, as well as not intimidated by legal process
 
Augustinian said:
That probably isn’t that likely to happen. Someone would probably have to be vindictive, motivated, as well as not intimidated by legal process
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Joe Kennedy’s ex-wife contested it, all the way to the Roman Rota which overturned the finding of nullity. It took 10 or more years to get that decision.
 
Augustinian said:
That probably isn’t that likely to happen. Someone would probably have to be vindictive, motivated, as well as not intimidated by legal process
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You’re missing the point, I think.

It’s not a question of whether the respondent wants to contest the case, it’s a question of whether the respondent has the right to contest the case. Given that they do have the right, by law, therefore the process must respect that right. 😉
 
Marybel said:
I want him to do the right thing.
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Then you’ll need to see whether the Church declares him free to marry, right? And prior to that declaration, you’ll need to wait to see how the decision falls, right? 🤔
 
Thank you all for the responses. Sometimes you know the answer, but it is very hard to take a decision.
 
Indeed. We will pray for you.
This is a cautionary tale for young women: don’t invest your heart until you know the whole story about your boyfriend and family, prior attachments, etc. Trust in God, although I know you are hurting, may you find peace. (and a good husband).
✝️
 
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