Fiance's parents won't attend our Catholic wedding

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c_dufaut

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I am Catholic and my partner was also raised as a Catholic. A few years ago his parents converted to Born again Christians. Both my partner and I have our hearts set on a Catholic wedding, but we have been shocked and obviously upset by the news that they are refusing to attend our church wedding. We really can’t understand this.
Can any one shed some light on a Born Again Christians views to refuse attending a catholic church wedding? Or what we can do/say to help in this situation as it is really upsetting.
 
wow that’s really terrible for you, my protestant grandparents refused to attend my baptism and they had issues with attending a church they consider pagan. They have this crazy belief our church is the stuff of jack chick tracts and that even our joyous occasions like weddings are off limits to them pray that the holy spirit will open their hearts up
 
c_dufaut said:
I am Catholic and my partner was also raised as a Catholic. A few years ago his parents converted to Born again Christians. Both my partner and I have our hearts set on a Catholic wedding, but we have been shocked and obviously upset by the news that they are refusing to attend our church wedding. We really can’t understand this.
Can any one shed some light on a Born Again Christians views to refuse attending a catholic church wedding? Or what we can do/say to help in this situation as it is really upsetting.
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Your parents have exchanged the whole truth for a partial truth, Pray for them!

Remember Jesus said “You will be hated because of me.”

May you both grow in the Catholic faith and stand by its truth.

Offer up your pain and disappointment for your parents.
 
What a truly upsetting situation your in,
I have no answers for your parents, but what I would like to say…
You are starting a new life,grab it with all hands, and if others don’t wish to join you,
It is their lose,
 
As a Catholic who did her best to raise her children Catholic, I told my children that if they married outside the Church, I would not attend–i had attended another baptized-bit-not-raised-Catholic relative’s wedding so the topic came up.

I am sorry that his parents, having raised your fiance right, have turned their backs on the truth and now refuse to attend you wedding. I would respect that decision in the hope that you two and they can maintain cordial relations despite this.
 
As we would be upset if our children married into what we consider a deluded sect, this is how they feel. Seeing things as they now do, and knowing their child is going back to what they falsely abandoned as error, I suppose they feel betrayed and hurt and feel it’s contrary to their integrity to attend and tacitly approve their child being married in that church.
However this herald many sacred events like baptisms and confirmations where they will be absent.

My husband’s parents didn’t attend our wedding and when their son converted they never made any reference nor replied when my husband wrote telling them he was being baptized as Catholic. Nor did they attend our children’s baptisms. They dealt with it by not dealing with it, so it remained a closed off area.

I don’t know how your spouse’s parents will react, but you have to quietly do what you know is right, despite their absence, and regardless of your sorrow. It is a sorrow for them and a sorrow for you both. Hopefully they won’t try to evangelize your husband, you, or any children who follow. If in the future they don’t respect boundaries, you will need to stand by the boundaries. However my husband’s parents never interfered nor evangelized regarding the children’s faith as Catholics. I hope this will be so for you and your future family.

My particular sympathy for your husband in his parents’ hurtful decision.
May God keep you and your husband strong in the Faith, and may God bring healing to the family.
I pray God can touch their hearts in time, if not now.

Perhaps you can ensure there are some beautiful photos of you as a couple in your wedding outfits, in a setting that does not show the Church, but does give them a precious memento of their son’s wedding day. Certainly be kind and respectful, while also carrying on with your intention to marry in the Catholic Church and to live as a good Catholic family. May God strengthen and console you both and make your day wonderful and happy.

In the meantime you could say or write gently that you understand and respect their decision although you are both saddened by it. Perhaps don’t open the way to dialogue at this time by saying much as that could be taken as permission to evangelize you both.
Trust in God, in prayer, and in being kind and respectful, as a way to witness the love of God that dwells in Catholics. In time that witness may bear fruit.

God bless you all, always.
 
Would they consider coming to the reception to share in the joy of the day, even if they won’t attend the wedding itself?

You and your fiance have my prayers. What a very difficult burden to bear.
 
c_dufaut said:
I am Catholic and my partner was also raised as a Catholic. A few years ago his parents converted to Born again Christians. Both my partner and I have our hearts set on a Catholic wedding, but we have been shocked and obviously upset by the news that they are refusing to attend our church wedding. We really can’t understand this.
Can any one shed some light on a Born Again Christians views to refuse attending a catholic church wedding? Or what we can do/say to help in this situation as it is really upsetting.
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I have a cousin who is one of these. From what I have learned from her they believe the Pope is the Devil, hate the RCC and pretty much everything about us.

Now just from what I learned from her, she believes if we don’t turn from our Church we are going to hell and we are not saved.

A very confused Church that is set on one contradiction to another. Pray for them, but begin your new life in the Fullness of the Truth.

Hopefully it is you guys who bring them back to the truth.

For now unfortunately you must choose God and move on.
 
This seems odd. It’s not like their son converted to something they know nothing about-they should be aware of the content of the ceremony (I’m assuming they were married in a catholic ceremony) and understand they wouldn’t be required to receive communion or anything like that. Might it be that they feel a sense of failure that he is still catholic?

Is it possible to have a non-defensive discussion with them about their specific concern? If it is a specific part of the ceremony, or a concern about being seen as compromising their new beliefs, perhaps their is something you can work out. While it might be tempting to debate the accuracy of their concerns, to make progress specifically about attending the wedding you are better off to accept them and try to work with them, without compromising your own beliefs.

If it has to do with feeling like they have failed in “showing him the light” a respectful discussion reminding them that you both believe the teachings of the church, and thus must be married in a catholic ceremony, and that you hope they would make the effort to respect your beliefs even though they no longer share them, should help them realize that theological debates can continue after the wedding, and allow them to call a “cease-fire” and attend 🙂

Good luck.
 
Lord please hear our prayers that c_dufaut’s parents-in-law will be gracious and allow love of their son to prevail.
Please convert them back to the Catholic faith.
 
Often it seems that there is no worse anti-Catholic than an ex-Catholic converted to some “born again, just me and Jesus and my bible” mentality. IMO, there could hardly be a worse position to be in regarding one’s eternal destiny than an ex-Catholic.

I think that 1 John 2:19 has some applicability and it is not likely the parents will ever return to Christ and His Church.

Probably the best solution for any family harmony is just be okay with them not attending the Wedding and when meeting them try not to get into religious debates…although if they begin it, defend the faith.
 
Dorothy said:
Remember Jesus said “You will be hated because of me.”

.
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Remember, that goes both ways, I know a few Pentecostals, so I know how they are hated by many people for what they believe, so its not just the Catholics in this regard…we are ALL christians though.
 
SuscipeMeDomine said:
Would they consider coming to the reception to share in the joy of the day, even if they won’t attend the wedding itself?

You and your fiance have my prayers. What a very difficult burden to bear.
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Invite the Priest 😃
 
c_dufaut said:
I am Catholic and my partner was also raised as a Catholic. A few years ago his parents converted to Born again Christians. Both my partner and I have our hearts set on a Catholic wedding, but we have been shocked and obviously upset by the news that they are refusing to attend our church wedding. We really can’t understand this.
Can any one shed some light on a Born Again Christians views to refuse attending a catholic church wedding? Or what we can do/say to help in this situation as it is really upsetting.
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FWIW: My wife is Evangelical (a variety of BAC); her peeps didn’t view Catholics as Christian–different situation, but I feel for you…anyway…

Here’s what I would suggest.

Take them out to lunch or such.

Ask them why they have indicated that they may not attend (note: this is intentional; give them an ‘out’–don’t pin them into a corner, where they will have to swallow their pride to back peddle).

Listen to what they have to say. Patiently. Don’t bother trying to convince them otherwise–that is, don’t seek to convert, or proselytize or such–not at this point. Simply seek to understand them–from them–from ‘the horse’s mouth’.

Here’s why I suggest this–you force them to look you in the eye, as they explain themselves; be attentive–sincerely attentive—listen, and process what they are communicating to you. Do not react, other than to communicate that you are listening, and have listened to them.

AFTER you have heard them out, here’s what you communicate to them (regardless of how harsh or insulting their words may be):

We’d like you to attend our wedding. And we think you may regret not attending, if you insist on not attending. We expect to have children in the future. If you do not attend your wedding, I will be forced to explain to them, your conspicuous absence from the ceremony in which their parents committed to one another, before God.

…and it may cause strain on our relationship (that is, their r’ship with their own son, and you), and it may impair your relationship from your grandchildren, perhaps even your ability to have one with them.

(or words to that effect).

Just a suggestion.

FWIW.
 
c_dufaut said:
I am Catholic and my partner was also raised as a Catholic. A few years ago his parents converted to Born again Christians. Both my partner and I have our hearts set on a Catholic wedding, but we have been shocked and obviously upset by the news that they are refusing to attend our church wedding. We really can’t understand this.

Can any one shed some light on a Born Again Christians views to refuse attending a catholic church wedding? Or what we can do/say to help in this situation as it is really upsetting.
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Many “Bible Christians” are convinced that Catholics are not Christians. A good book on the subject is “Catholicism and Fundamentalism” by Karl Keating, founder of Catholic Answers which hosts this forum. You will need this book as a reference for years to come.

Have your wedding. Enjoy the day. Continue to pray and love them and in so doing, you will heap burning coals upon their heads. In time, they may realize that they were wrong, but don’t expect any sudden miracles.

One suggestion comes to mind: ask them if they would like to read one of the readings during the mass. How many Bible Christians will pass up the opportunity to read the word of God to a bunch of unsaved Catholics? Show them which verse you have chosen for them and see what they say. If they still decline, so be it; at least you tried.
 
I second the suggestion of the book “Catholicism and Fundamentalism” by Karl Keating.

It is a great resource to have to understand where some non-Catholics are coming from, and why.

And it explains how you should respond to their misunderstandings.
 
c_dufaut said:
I am Catholic and my partner was also raised as a Catholic. A few years ago his parents converted to Born again Christians. Both my partner and I have our hearts set on a Catholic wedding, but we have been shocked and obviously upset by the news that they are refusing to attend our church wedding. We really can’t understand this.
Can any one shed some light on a Born Again Christians views to refuse attending a catholic church wedding? Or what we can do/say to help in this situation as it is really upsetting.
Click to expand...
My wife and I are in the same situation, shunned by her parents. Don’t underestimate the power of prayer. To be worthy of what you ask you must have confidence that God will heal the covenant of family. Also we must be aware of our part in miracles, they will know you are Christians by your love… let them know you are praying to Jesus to soften their hearts and follow his ways. My wife, my sons, and I will say a rosary you two and the ‘parents.’

If you have a ‘Lighthouse Catholic Media tower’ at church pick up a few CDs they never fail to inspire and help deepen your Catholic faith. Remember that before their ‘religion’ was even conceived Jesus gave us his Catholic Church (nearly 2000 years ago) and says that even the gates of hell cannot stand against it. how can anyone think that anything contrived of man 2000 years after the death of our Lord can be anything but a weak facsimile of the original. Beware of the imitators. They may have a few gripes about our Church but as Matthew Kelly says there is no such thing as a perfect Church and if there is join it … it won’t be perfect anymore.
 
Change your wedding Catholics are stupid and arrogant change your wedding your parents in laws and smarter then you Catholics are awful
 
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