Fighting and quarreling with a relative

[LotusCarsLtd]

Here’s the run-down: I have been living with a relative who is emotionally abusive. Last night we were arguing as a result of the way he was treating me and I started getting upset and defiant because of it.

It finally ended-up with him hitting me and me instantly reaching behind me, grabbing his wrists, and wrestling with him while also hitting him once. I was filled with rage and felt like “standing up for myself” because I am, frankly, tired of being treated like this; previous attempts to talk to him haven’t been successful (at least not from what I can see…can’t see inside his heart of course). In retrospect I shouldn’t have done this but I’m wondering if the sin is serious enough to be mortal. I feel like I may have known what I was doing. We argued again later and when I felt as though he was going to hit me again I “stood up to him” and stared him down.

Yes he is my relative but I felt the hitting and how he was treating me was not appropriate 1) because I am an adult (i.e. “not a child, so don’t spank me…”), even if I am living with him and 2) because the emotional abuse is NEVER justifiable.

Your thoughts? I realize in hindsight this should never have happened.

 

[VetA]

Here’s the run-down: I have been living with a relative who is emotionally abusive. Last night we were arguing as a result of the way he was treating me and I started getting upset and defiant because of it.

It finally ended-up with him hitting me and me instantly reaching behind me, grabbing his wrists, and wrestling with him while also hitting him once. I was filled with rage and felt like “standing up for myself” because I am, frankly, tired of being treated like this; previous attempts to talk to him haven’t been successful (at least not from what I can see…can’t see inside his heart of course). In retrospect I shouldn’t have done this but I’m wondering if the sin is serious enough to be mortal. I feel like I may have known what I was doing. We argued again later and when I felt as though he was going to hit me again I “stood up to him” and stared him down.

Yes he is my relative but I felt the hitting and how he was treating me was not appropriate 1) because I am an adult (i.e. “not a child, so don’t spank me…”), even if I am living with him and 2) because the emotional abuse is NEVER justifiable.

Your thoughts? I realize in hindsight this should never have happened.

if he hit you and you were defending your self there was no sin (to my knowledge)

 

[Catholic1954]

You have every right to defend yourself. What steps are you taking to move out?

 

[GratefulFred]

You have every right to be secure in your person. If you don’t feel safe, move out. Yet I know that that is easier said than done. But you need to prepare for that eventuality.

Meanwhile do what you can to try to not push his hot buttons. This too is hard to do because no one likes being ignored and will demand attention.

It may be very hard, but do try to stay calm when trying to communicate. So many times, things go bad when BOTH are yelling. Calm does not mean shutting up totally. Calm is letting the other talk until he wants to stop and then calmly rephrasing what he said to indicate you understand him. And then calmly stating your view. Yea, I know calm is hard.

Seek counseling. First for yourself, later for him. A priest with a Marriage and Family Counselling Certificate (MFCC). Or the civilian with MFCC. Most places have a sliding scale of cost depending on your ability pay. Your parish priet can make a referral. Your local County Social Services Office could also connect you.

BUT your situation will not be resolved without professional help. It may be hard to start but once you take that first step the rest seems easier even though it may take some time to resolve.

PRAY. God will help. Short prayers are good. “Lord, Help Me.”