Figured out something big

[Irish_Eyes_826]

I feel like God revealed some great knowledge to me last night. I was meeting with my university’s Christian Living Community group and we were talking about what we need to focus on in our future relationship with God. I felt something in my heart reminding me “perfect love drives out all fear.”
I realized that for years I have feared being loved so much by someone who I continually turn away from. I was afraid of imperfectly accepting that love, so I wanted to drive it away completely.
I also gained great insight into what God must have felt when I was lapsed/an atheist. I wavered from the faith beginning when I was twelve. I was an atheist when I was around 16-17. I stopped believing in God when my brother became very sick. I watched him suffer and wither away until he was very close to dying. I love my brother unconditionally, though not as perfectly as God loves me. I have realized that God watched me spiritually suffer and wither away until I was almost spiritually dead. And the pain I felt as my brother went through his sickness is just like the pain God feels when someone leaves Him.
I feel so hopeful now. I now that I still have the tendency to wander from God, but I feel like I understand my relationship with God so much better. I know that I need to stop fearing about the future, my family, school, etc. I need to trust that God’s perfect love will guide me through any obstacle and that I don’t need to be afraid.
I just wanted to share this! God bless everyone else on their spiritual journeys!

 

[Veronica97]

Thank you for sharing, Irish Eyes. God sometimes does give us glimpses into what He feels for us. I’ve been worried about my teenage son lately and praying for his conversion. And sometimes it just hits me that THIS is how God felt when I went through a defiant period in my young adulthood, and I wanted to do MY will no matter what the consequences. I see how I spit in the face of Christ and how much I made Him suffer on the cross. Now I have a small share in God’s pain as I see my own child turning away from God and becoming lost. I don’t know if you pray the Rosary or not, but it has helped me to pray for the fruits of the mysteries: faith, hope, charity, Love of God, etc. I still have a long way to go but I no longer worry about the future (wonder about it–but not worry) b/c I know that no matter what happens to me on this Earth, I can endure it with God’s help b/c this life is SO SHORT in comparison to eternity!! Just pray for this, Irish Eyes. ASK God to help you trust Him. Ask Him to help you see the world in a new way. Slowly but surely you will.

 

[prodigalson2011]

Thank you so much for sharing this, Irish Eyes. This spoke to me on so many levels. It almost felt like you were talking about me at some points, particularly the turning away from another’s love and the realization of how God must have felt watching me self destruct for so long!
After understanding just how deep and abiding His love is, it’s no surprise that when I did finally turn to Him, He rushed to my aid!

 

[Irish_Eyes_826]

Thanks, both of you, for sharing!

“Sometimes the only way the good Lord can get into some hearts is to break them.”

ProdigalSon, this is such a good signature, so applicable. I remember a year and three days ago, I just returned from my Marist Encounter retreat. I was forced to go by my high school. I didn’t want to because I was just so far from God at the time and so afraid for my brother. It was an amazing experience. Not a miracle cure, but I’d say the turning point of my faith. A few days after returning home, I found out that my brother was responding to treatments. I realized that for all this time I thought God was absent, He was actually there being strong when we couldn’t be. I still don’t know why my brother got sick and I don’t believe God did it to teach us anything. But I do think his illness helped me to see what really matters in life. I think that was step one of returning to God. I floundered a bit between then and now. But I think God started step two last night :heaven:.

 

[indy2878]

Yes, I understand your story. God gave us free will. Sometimes, God allows people to make mistakes and be in the “dark” so that he can show people how wonderful and pleasing the radiating warmth of his light is against the dark background.

Even when we turn our back against God, God’s love is ALWAYS shining on you 24/7! Sometimes the amusements of the world can overshadow this light and prevent one to see it. I applaud you for turning your eyes towards God’s light!