Filled with so much guilt and anger

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PazFeAmor

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I don’t know how to get over these feelings and think that my feelings of guilt will stay with me for the rest of my life. The way that I found out about my father’s death in being notified months after he had passed and how I couldn’t even give him a proper funeral due to his body being so decomposed is really eating me up inside.

I have been trying to get justice for my father but no lawyer wants to take my case and this also makes me feel like I am a failure as a daughter for not even being able to do this at least for my dead father.

Day in and day out I carry this anger inside of me of how my father’s body was tossed aside by hospital workers like so much garbage and forgotten… I can’t believe that such disrespect for the dead is not punishable by law in my state and that I am told over and over that what happened is horrible but that I have no case.

In not being able to have had some closure by being able to touch my dad one last time before burying him leaves me so sick inside… I am told by other family members that I did my duty by at least having a priest says prayers over my fathers remains before his remains were placed in a niche but it gives me no comfort.

I have lost count of how many lawyers I have contacted. One lawyer lead my family on in that he would take our case and then changed his mind. Out of desperation I even contacted some Catholic right to life groups.

I feel horrible.

Please pray for my father’s soul and thanks for letting me vent.
 
I know that you feel angry inside. I know that you feel hate inside and want closure.

Jesus suffered so deeply on the cross and his Blessed Mother couldn’t do a thing but love him and pray.

“Forgive them, for they no not what they do” These were one of the last words Jesus prayed while nailed to the cross.

Child of God, let me tell you, let go of these worldly things. For these things in your life are temporary, and cannot be taken when you leave this earth. Your father’s body is just a transport from this world to the next. His true self lyes in his Spirit who is now in God’s loving hands. Trust in him. Worry no more. Good bye isn’t really goodbye. You will still see him when your time comes.

Pray to Jesus to give you peace in your life. Forgive all whom have hurt you. Live your life as if it were your last days on earth.

God bless all you do in the name of Jesus
 
I have been looking at your website and wondering about those reporters and why you say you put a spin on your story, but well one thing that really bothers me is - did you know that your father was in hospital? If so, did you ever go and visit him? Why for four months you never contacted that hospital?
 
I assume he was Catholic, if so, have masses said for him. Also, for healing in your family.
 
forgiveall said:
I know that you feel angry inside. I know that you feel hate inside and want closure.

Jesus suffered so deeply on the cross and his Blessed Mother couldn’t do a thing but love him and pray.

“Forgive them, for they no not what they do” These were one of the last words Jesus prayed while nailed to the cross.

Child of God, let me tell you, let go of these worldly things. For these things in your life are temporary, and cannot be taken when you leave this earth. Your father’s body is just a transport from this world to the next. His true self lyes in his Spirit who is now in God’s loving hands. Trust in him. Worry no more. Good bye isn’t really goodbye. You will still see him when your time comes.

Pray to Jesus to give you peace in your life. Forgive all whom have hurt you. Live your life as if it were your last days on earth.

God bless all you do in the name of Jesus
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All that you say is true but hard to do… It’s not a matter of forgiving anyone, I am not God to forgive anyone its more the actions towards my father’s body that horrify me. I am praying but the emotions are just so raw.

God bless
 
Danuska said:
I have been looking at your website and wondering about those reporters and why you say you put a spin on your story, but well one thing that really bothers me is - did you know that your father was in hospital? If so, did you ever go and visit him? Why for four months you never contacted that hospital?
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Well, if you had read the link on my paged titled Status: Justice for my Father you would have already seen my updates on the news media that I have contacted. One of the reporters who wrote about my story said that I had called the hospital 1 to 2 days after my father died which would be impossible since I didn’t know that he had had a heart attack until sometime later.

My father and I had a very complicated relationship that I will not speak about here out of respect for the dead. My parents had been separated for some time and since he did not live with us and did not like to talk about his health problems with us (he suffered from diabetes) it was hard to know what was going on with him in his life.

I did not know he was hospitalized and even the landlord/owner of the building where he lived went to the hospital because he heard rumors that he had had a heart attack and was told he was not a patient at this hospital…so if he is not listed as a patient at the hospital where he died how could anyone find him? This is one of the many things that angers me about how the hospital handled the whole situation.

God bless
 
Pani_Rose said:
I assume he was Catholic, if so, have masses said for him. Also, for healing in your family.
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I found many Catholic religious objects in his home after I was told that he had died and this brought me some comfort since growing up as a child I never saw him go to church or have any kind of a spiritual life.

I have already started having masses said for my father and my family is praying for his soul as well.

God bless
 
Dear friend in Christ, I can understand a little of your horror and distress and pray that you will find closure and peace. I don’t know that peace comes from making others pay or whatever, but I’m pleased that you have the comfort of knowing that your Dad, kept evidence of faith in God, and dear Friend, that you have been having Masses said for his soul.
You are not a failure as a daughter in others lack of response as you have no control over others’ decisions. You are not responsible for their refusals. In praying and having Masses for his soul you are doing what your Dad most needs now, prayers for his eternal happiness. Whatever may have been difficult when your Dad was alive, now he understands all, repents all, forgives all, and loves you more deeply than anyone can on earth.
I hope to meet you in heaven some day, and see your face radiant with happiness, along with your Dad’s.

Bless you,

Trishie, from Brisbane, Australia

“Do not let your heart be troubled by the sad spectacle of human injustice, even this has its value in the face of all else. And it is from this that one day you will see the justice of God rising with unfailing triumph.” (Saint Pio) “The longer the trial to which God subjects you, the greater the goodness in comforting you during the time of trial and in the exultation after the combat.” “The most beautiful credo is that which comes from your lips in darkness, in sacrifice, in pain, in the supreme effort of an unbending will for good. It is this which, like a stroke of lightening, penetrates the darkness of the soul; it is this which in the flash of the tempest lifts you and leads you to God.” (Saint Padre Pio) “By kindliness and loyalty, atonement is made for sin.” [Proverbs 16:6] “Gladness of heart gives life…console your heart, chase sorrow far away: for sorrow has been the ruin of many…and worry brings premature old age.” [Ecclesiasticus 30 22-24]
 
forgiveall said:
What do you want to happen if you can take this to court?
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I want for the emergency room staff who were negligent to be fired and punished by law…I want those who were in charge of contacting the next of kin and didn’t do their job to also be fired/punished by the law and for the hospital to undergo an investigation by the state.

I don’t want for this to happen to any other family. They left my father in the morgue for over 4 months and at least had his name and could have easily checked to see if he had previously been a patient at the hospital (which he was) before the two security personnel had stolen my dead father’s valuables.

The way the laws are set up in my state there is no way of holding the hospital employee’s responsible for what happened with my dead father’s body and so I am trying to see if there is a lawyer willing to make a case against the employee’s themselves.

I writing a way too long reply, sorry. Thank you for asking.

God bless
 
Trishie said:
Dear friend in Christ, I can understand a little of your horror and distress and pray that you will find closure and peace. I don’t know that peace comes from making others pay
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I mean pay in the eyes of the law and for there to be justice for what they did. In no way do I mean by pay for any harm to come to them physically, emotionally…etc. How they just tossed my father aside for months like an afterthought is what is most distressing to me. The hospital has not even apologized to our family for what happened and instead thought that reimbursing the money stolen from my dead father to our family was a better idea. :mad:

I appreciate your kind words but I think you misunderstood what I wrote. I just want for the right thing to be done so no other family has to go through such a horrible tragedy at this hospital again.

Many people in my family have also said that I am doing the right thing for my father by having masses said for him and not to feel like a failure as a daughter but I am the one that has to live with this and not having had any final closure with my father just makes it worse. I try to think about how I will see him again in the next life through God’s mercy but the comfort of this doesn’t last long.

Thanks again.

God bless
 
PazFeAmor- I think it is important to know that anger is a natural stage in the grieving process. Anger is a secondary emotion that comes from fear, hurt, or frustration… You might be feeling some of all of that. You have a right to feel anger, I know even God is okay with that. I imagine you feel like you have no control. The guilt your are feeling might be pushing you too… Guilt is also another natural stage in the grieving process. I am thinking that maybe since you had such a complicated relationship with your father your guilt is more intense then some can even imagine. I know you are angry with the ER, and I don’t doubt that their actions are wrong, it is unfortunate sometimes the law is what it is. That doesn’t mean it has to stay that way. We didn’t always have Megan’s Law, or Jessica’s Law, or in California Lacy’s Law… Things happened that inspired change. I hope you get what you need and the Grace of God is with you.
 
Thanks for so kindly giving me the reason you want legal action. I understand you don’t want this to happen to any other family.
And of course you’re grieving, and grieving many things, I think, your poor girl. Because you are grieving, comfort would evaporate like that at times.
Is there any way other than legal recourse to get the hospital and other hospitals to improve and change their procedures so that other families are spared? I just wish you are able to find a way that doesn’t wear you out and also put you in debt, and consume so much of your energy. I’m not American so don’t know what potentially helpful resources are available or creatively pursuable. Perhaps someone knows some answers for you.

My heart goes out to you. Remembering you in my prayers and Masses.
Trishie
 
Dear Child of God,

You’re so filled with anger and guilt that you seem to have lost your way. Those emotions have caused you to lose sight of the truth in the matter. You stated:

“How they just tossed my father aside for months like an afterthought is what is most distressing to me.”

As I mentioned before you Father is no longer in that body. He no longer suffers any longer. The body is no longer needed. Your Father is now in the hands of our Heavenly Father.

I really think that you should see a grief counseler, as some one has mentioned before your anger and guilt is causing so many emotions to run through your life that it is consuming you.

God Bless all you do in the name of Jesus
 
AmyS said:
PazFeAmor- I think it is important to know that anger is a natural stage in the grieving process. Anger is a secondary emotion that comes from fear, hurt, or frustration… You might be feeling some of all of that. You have a right to feel anger, I know even God is okay with that. I imagine you feel like you have no control. The guilt your are feeling might be pushing you too… Guilt is also another natural stage in the grieving process. I am thinking that maybe since you had such a complicated relationship with your father your guilt is more intense then some can even imagine. I know you are angry with the ER, and I don’t doubt that their actions are wrong, it is unfortunate sometimes the law is what it is. That doesn’t mean it has to stay that way. We didn’t always have Megan’s Law, or Jessica’s Law, or in California Lacy’s Law… Things happened that inspired change. I hope you get what you need and the Grace of God is with you.
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All of what you have said is true…I don’t know when these feelings will ever end but all of these emotions are helping me maintain the energy to try to find some justice for what happened to my father’s body. And it’s true that Megan’s Law wasn’t always in existence…perhaps in my pushing to get justice for my father I may stumble across a way to get the laws changed concerning hospital’s being held responsible for cases that are similar to my father’s.

Thank you for your wisdom.

God bless
 
Trishie said:
Thanks for so kindly giving me the reason you want legal action. I understand you don’t want this to happen to any other family.
And of course you’re grieving, and grieving many things, I think, your poor girl. Because you are grieving, comfort would evaporate like that at times.
Is there any way other than legal recourse to get the hospital and other hospitals to improve and change their procedures so that other families are spared? I just wish you are able to find a way that doesn’t wear you out and also put you in debt, and consume so much of your energy. I’m not American so don’t know what potentially helpful resources are available or creatively pursuable. Perhaps someone knows some answers for you.

My heart goes out to you. Remembering you in my prayers and Masses.
Trishie
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I have not found a way under the law for the hospital to be held responsible and so I am trying to find a lawyer who will switch the focus so that I can make a case against the staff responsible for the negligence as individuals. God willing, I pray to be able to find a lawyer who will accept my case.

Yes, court costs are very expensive but there are many lawyers who accept cases on a contigency basis where they don’t charge anything unless damages have been collected in a settlement and then they get a percentage of the damages. I am not looking to collect anything and just want those responsible for the negligence to be punished by law.

Thank you for your prayers. God bless.
 
forgiveall said:
Dear Child of God,

You’re so filled with anger and guilt that you seem to have lost your way. Those emotions have caused you to lose sight of the truth in the matter. You stated:

“How they just tossed my father aside for months like an afterthought is what is most distressing to me.”

As I mentioned before you Father is no longer in that body. He no longer suffers any longer. The body is no longer needed. Your Father is now in the hands of our Heavenly Father.

I really think that you should see a grief counseler, as some one has mentioned before your anger and guilt is causing so many emotions to run through your life that it is consuming you.

God Bless all you do in the name of Jesus
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That’s easier said than done. And I have not lost my way to where I have lost faith… I think that if you were to ask others how they would feel if a loved ones body was put away for months in a morgue and forgotten…I am pretty sure that the majority would be horrified and very angry.

I also think you have not taken into account the fact that it has only been alittle over a month since I was informed of my father’s death. There are too many other variables that you are not aware of that I will not get into that doesn’t make my situation so black and white. Unless you have been in a similar situation as mine I think it is 100% human that I feel anger over the fact that there was no respect shown for the dead body of my father.

Thank you for your post.

God bless
 
Do you think your Father would want you to harbor such angry feelings? He is at peace now and I am sure that we will see him again when we die. Yet where can this negative energy take you? It could eat you up spiritually and cause cancer and other nasty illnesses. I believe your anger is a shield for your feelings of regret and guilt. Find some counseling and work through these issues. Your Father forgives you and is on his journey within the will of God. You must do the same. I am sorry for your predicament yet, neither of us can change it. Perhaps the reason for not finding a lawyer is because God has another plan for you. Pray for willingness to learn and live in this plan, and let go of your need to find control because you cannot change what has happened and you are have no control over this incident. Making others pay is not going to give you peace. My advice is to let go of it but do not push that anger down inside of you… get some professional help and get rid of it. It is robbing you of your peace and productivity. You are NOT to blame, even if for whatever reason you did not see your father when he was alive. Do not feel guilty but instead confess your sins and ask God for courage to move on. You probably do not want to hear my words now, but in time, they will come back to you, for it is the best advice I can give you at this time.
 
PazFeAmor said:
That’s easier said than done. And I have not lost my way to where I have lost faith… I think that if you were to ask others how they would feel if a loved ones body was put away for months in a morgue and forgotten…I am pretty sure that the majority would be horrified and very angry.

I also think you have not taken into account the fact that it has only been alittle over a month since I was informed of my father’s death. There are too many other variables that you are not aware of that I will not get into that doesn’t make my situation so black and white. Unless you have been in a similar situation as mine I think it is 100% human that I feel anger over the fact that there was no respect shown for the dead body of my father.

Thank you for your post.

God bless
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I have been in a simular situation as yours. My best friends mother whom was like my mother bled to death while she was in the hospital.

Your right, it is 100% human to feel anger. What I’m trying to tell you is that you need to recognize that anger and not let it consume you.Yes, I think it was morally wrong what they did to your father, but are you truley going to be satisfied in taking these people to court. Do you really think that will bring your father to be at peace?

Or is this all for you, so you can be at peace with your self?

You really, really need to see a grief counsler,

You came on here asking for advise we have given it to you, but still your anger and guilt, as mentioned previously, has caused you to not see the truth.

Read the quote at the bottom of this reply?

I will be praying for you.

God bless all you do in the name of Jesus!
 
Alverno said:
Do you think your Father would want you to harbor such angry feelings? He is at peace now and I am sure that we will see him again when we die. Yet where can this negative energy take you? It could eat you up spiritually and cause cancer and other nasty illnesses. I believe your anger is a shield for your feelings of regret and guilt. Find some counseling and work through these issues. Your Father forgives you and is on his journey within the will of God. You must do the same. I am sorry for your predicament yet, neither of us can change it. Perhaps the reason for not finding a lawyer is because God has another plan for you. Pray for willingness to learn and live in this plan, and let go of your need to find control because you cannot change what has happened and you are have no control over this incident. Making others pay is not going to give you peace. My advice is to let go of it but do not push that anger down inside of you… get some professional help and get rid of it. It is robbing you of your peace and productivity. You are NOT to blame, even if for whatever reason you did not see your father when he was alive. Do not feel guilty but instead confess your sins and ask God for courage to move on. You probably do not want to hear my words now, but in time, they will come back to you, for it is the best advice I can give you at this time.
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