Filling the void in my heart with God

[frenchcatholic]

Hey fellow Christians, I don’t know if this is where I should post this thread, but didn’t find anywhere else appropriate, so here I go.

I’ll start by saying I come from a Catholic family, and though I don’t go to church, I pray often, and where my crucifix every day, even when I sleep, the only time I take it off is to bathe. I’m 26 by the way.

Anyways, recently I have come to the realization that my sinful activities, and there are many (binge drinking alcohol, smoking a pack a day, listening to violent sleazy music, and engaging in sexual sin), are due to a massive empty vacuum in my heart, that I’ve had since I was a young teen.

I didn’t have the most fun childhood and youth, and though I won’t get into details, I felt profoundly empty from a young age, having no love for myself. As a child I would fill this void by getting into trouble and doing dangerous things, and also by praying and trying to fill the void with Jesus, though it didn’t work for me. As I became a teenager I began filling it with alcohol and violent music aswell as started smoking cigarettes because it would temporarily fill it and make me feel ok.

Fast forward to the future and I have a wife and two wonderful children. I got here because I thought it would fill this void, yet I still feel empty and have to constantly stuff myself with music, sinful thoughts, and legal drugs. I think highly of myself for the most part and I love my wife, but I just still feel empty inside.

Point being for the past year I have been attempting to fill this void with God or Jesus or the Holy Spirit and even praying nightly for one month, but it just still isn’t working, I still feel completely empty inside, and yes I do love God and Jesus.

How would I go about filling this void with the Lord/Lord’s love, and preferably without going to church, I love Jesus and all but I just am not the church going type of person.

 

[ClearWater]

Hey fellow Christians, I don’t know if this is where I should post this thread, but didn’t find anywhere else appropriate, so here I go.

I’ll start by saying I come from a Catholic family, and though I don’t go to church, I pray often, and where my crucifix every day, even when I sleep, the only time I take it off is to bathe. I’m 26 by the way.

Anyways, recently I have come to the realization that my sinful activities, and there are many (binge drinking alcohol, smoking a pack a day, listening to violent sleazy music, and engaging in sexual sin), are due to a massive empty vacuum in my heart, that I’ve had since I was a young teen.

I didn’t have the most fun childhood and youth, and though I won’t get into details, I felt profoundly empty from a young age, having no love for myself. As a child I would fill this void by getting into trouble and doing dangerous things, and also by praying and trying to fill the void with Jesus, though it didn’t work for me. As I became a teenager I began filling it with alcohol and violent music aswell as started smoking cigarettes because it would temporarily fill it and make me feel ok.

Fast forward to the future and I have a wife and two wonderful children. I got here because I thought it would fill this void, yet I still feel empty and have to constantly stuff myself with music, sinful thoughts, and legal drugs. I think highly of myself for the most part and I love my wife, but I just still feel empty inside.

Point being for the past year I have been attempting to fill this void with God or Jesus or the Holy Spirit and even praying nightly for one month, but it just still isn’t working, I still feel completely empty inside, and yes I do love God and Jesus.

How would I go about filling this void with the Lord/Lord’s love, and preferably without going to church, I love Jesus and all but I just am not the church going type of person.

Had you ever considered seeing a counselor to talk this out, about the feeling of emptiness, explore that?

I’ve gone to counseling different times in my life for different reasons. I’ve found it helpful on occasion. Once, I had a counselor with 30 years experience, and WOW, was that something! It helped me SO much.

Often, people will come on CAF with different problems, and I’ll often ask if they had at least tried counseling. Well, it can actually sometimes help with emotional matters, especially. Sometimes, we’ve been hurt, and even after the circumstances are long gone, the pain and scars can remain, even a lifetime.

With some people, talking about it with someone who can be empathic, understanding, can be helpful. I don’t think it’s just me who has had that, that many people have found counseling helpful on a range of topics.

There are different issues here. One is the issue of addictions, but often, underneath addictions can be another layer. Sometimes, we turn to addictions for a reason, because something is wrong.

As to filling this void, there are probably many ways…of course, prayer and faith are good ways.

There are other ways. I’ve found volunteering another fulfilling option.

I think, at the core, all of us long for love and affection, respect. When we don’t get these things, currently, or even early in life, it can have a lasting negative impact. Even when we later get love, it is as if …something is wrong.

So, if we have had either abuse or neglect, especially, at some point, it can have an impact like that later in life.

I really believe some people turn to drugs and alcohol as a way of self medicating, to try to minimize the pain of…something. Later, it can become an addiction, but in order to work on this, one needs to get to the bottom of it. One way to do that is through counseling.

Sometimes, people also have other problems…for instance, depression. With depression, a person can have all the ingredients for happiness right there, but be unable to feel any of it, feel a sort of numbness.

With these people, they can often benefit from counseling and/or medication (antidepressant, for instance). Now…each case is different, which is why I recommend talking to a counselor, a psychologist, to see if it’s possible to get at the root of whatever is causing this.

That’s my 2 cents, for whatever it’s worth. Just a thought,… one option among many.

 

[frenchcatholic]

Thanks for the reply ClearWater.

I do have a mental illlness(shcizophrenia) and have been on medication since I was nineteen. I have seen psychologist and psychiatrists. The psychologist was helpful but even for someone who worked with the lower incomes in my country, he was still expensive. As for doctors and psychiatrists, well they are basically just useful for prescribing medication. I don’t really want to see a counselor because I know what the problem stems from, and have talked about it for years to friends and my wife(albeit in large part do to counseling with my old psychologist, who was very good)

But this has only helped me identify my issues, not heal them. That’s why I’m turning to God for healing these days. I’m not a young boy and talking about my issues has made a whole world of difference, but has not cured the issue. Then I thought having a family and people to care for and live for would make me feel whole and happy, but it did not. This is why I’m turning to God, a last resort you can call it.

I appreciate you taking the time to post a response Clearwater, and I will consider your reply nonetheless.

 

[SighGuy]

It is where Christianity gets hard. It is not an approach that you are taking. It is an approach that God is taking. We spend our whole lives fighting to take control, and here, this fight is futile and will never amount to anything.

Start by reading Theology for Beginners, by Frank Sheed. It’s really affordable, and is one of the classics for all Catholics. This should help get you a good base on who God is and who we are.

Then start reading some of the lives of the saints, maybe even at the same time, like The Story of a Soul (or better yet, the Complete Therese of Lisieux, which contains Story and some other things as well)

Catholicism is not a quick-fix. Look at Mother Teresa of Calcutta. Let’s be honest-- do you think you’ll ever attain the holiness that she had? Maybe you will. But we can be honest-- it is unlikely for any of us. And did she not constantly struggle with doubts and the “dark night of the soul”?

It is not going to be without its struggles, but I hope that eventually you can begin to grasp His Divine Mercy.

Don’t apply yourself too much to prayer and devotions. Do a little bit at a time. Too much means that you’re trying to control things again.

Catholicism is not rules that we follow for rules sake, it is rules that we follow because we love Christ. We will love Christ more as we learn about the saints, and as we learn about who He is, like in Theology for Beginners.

Do not underestimate my advice. It would be a fatal mistake in my opinion. We do not truly know who God is, nor will we on Earth, but we come closer as we start doing these things. Try also, Uniformity with the Will of God, by St Alphonsus Liguouri, which is available online.

And never fail to read the Scriptures! Theology for Beginners can turn into an intellectual affair without simultaneously reading the Scriptures or a good life of a Saint.

 

[Justin1972]

There’s some good advise here, I would also add; read the bible, Stick with the new testament for now. Read the gospels twice each focussing on the words that Jesus spoke then go on with the rest. Forget about revelations for now. the rest of the new testament talks about now, things that apply to us now in this age we are living in. When you read the bible with the focus on getting to know Jesus and the Holy Spirit, God will stir the spirit inside of you and meet you in the pages of his word. I have experienced this so I know it’s real. You can have the personal relationship that it talks about.

 

[frenchcatholic]

Thanks for the replies everyone, I have to admit I don’t read the bible much since that month of prayer, and I will keep this thread bookmarked and start reading the new testament.
It’s not that I don’t want to read these other books, I appreciate the advice and really would want to read them, but I just don’t have the attention span for anything but the bible, I don’t know if it’s adhd or something but I’ve read a total of 3 books since I was 14, most of which took me multiple years to finish, I could always read class and college texts, but I flunked any class that required to read actual books, in the past 2 or 3 years I’ve been buying coffee table books and graphic novels to try to improve my reading skills, but it’s an uphill battle.

I do however read news and a 3 or 4 articles online everyday from science to politics to whatever, I do educate myself, I just have a horrible attention.

If you could recommend maybe a website that posts articles or something of the sort, I have no idea.

 

[frenchcatholic]

I have been recommended audio books before, and I’ve found “theology for beginners” audio book downloads, I think I’ll give that a try.

 

[SighGuy]

Awesome! That’s great news. I hope it’s helpful.

 

[josh987654321]

.

My friend, I believe you have forgotten the Passion of Christ.

Sacred Heart of Jesus Image - (St Margaret-Mary Alacoque)

http://s7.postimg.org/4jx43bm1n/Christ_7.jpg

Jesus to St Margaret-Mary Alacoque -

**"Behold this Heart which has loved men so much that it has spared nothing, even to exhausting **(Crucifixion) and consuming itself (Last Supper, Eucharist) in order to testify to them it’s love."
Jesus to Catalina:

I Have Given My Life for You - loveandmercy.org/Eng-IHG-Reg.pdf

**4) I wish to speak to you again about My Passion because when I do so, I want to spread in your hearts feelings of union with Me, of compassion… to show you My Love…

1. How I wish that mankind would cultivate greater devotion to My Passion!..
2. My Passion is a compendium of Holy Love and supernatural Wisdom itself. Everything can be found during My hours of the Passion: every evil in the world transformed into good for eternity, and all the supernatural goodness of present mankind, united to the promise of the good that they may attain if they die protected by My Passion.
3. I assure you that those who meditate on My sorrowful Passion will derive many Graces, because it is a treasure chest of infinitely enormous benefits. By the same token, those who have paid no attention or have forgotten My sufferings will always find emptiness and spiritual poverty.
4. My sufferings will always be the Glory of My Father and My Glory, as well as the greatest demonstration of the Spirit of Love for you on earth…
5. My Passion contains everything that you need today and tomorrow and it works marvellous miracles on all those who forget the world and themselves, in order to think of Me.**

Jesus to Catalina:

The Passion - loveandmercy.org/Eng-TP-Reg.pdf

**"Contemplate My wounds and see if there is anyone who has suffered as much as I, to show their love…

"Contemplate for a moment these bloodstained hands and feet… This naked body, covered with wounds, with urine, and blood. Dirty… This head punctured by sharp thorns, soaked in sweat, full of dust, and covered in Blood…

"Contemplate your Jesus, hanging on the Cross, without being able to make the slightest movement… naked, without fame, without honor, without liberty…

"Contemplate Me in the image of the Christ that weeps and bleeds. There and in this way the world has Me**

http://s24.postimg.org/s91lh9u91/Crucifixion.jpg
Jesus to Catalina:

The Passion - loveandmercy.org/Eng-TP-Reg.pdf

**1) …Look at Me, My beloved ones. Letting Myself be led with the meekness of a lamb to the terrible torture of the scourging. On My Body, already covered with blows and overwhelmed with fatigue, the executioners cruelly discharge terrible lashes with braided rope, with rods. They punish Me so violently that there was no part of Me which was not prey to the most terrible pain… The blows and the kicks caused Me countless wounds… The rods tore away pieces of My skin and flesh. Blood flowed from all My limbs. Time after time I fell because of the pain caused by the blows to My manliness. My Body was in such a state that I resembled a monster more than a man. The features of My face had lost their shape; it was all swollen.

1. The thought of so many souls, who would later be inspired to follow My footsteps, consumed Me with Love.**

Jesus to Catalina:

The Passion - loveandmercy.org/Eng-TP-Reg.pdf

**5) The fatigue that I feel is so great and the Cross so heavy that halfway along the path, I fall from weakness. See how those inhuman men lift Me up in the most brutal manner. One grabs My arm, another pulls My clothes that are stuck to My wounds, tearing them open again… This one grabs Me by the neck, another by the hair; others discharge dreadful blows to My whole Body, with their fists, and even with their feet. The Cross falls upon Me and with its weight causes new wounds. My face is scraped by the stones in the road and the blood which runs down My face sticks to My eyes that are almost closed because of the blows they have received. The dust and the mud mingle with the blood and I am turned into the most repugnant of objects.

1. My Father sends Angels to help support Me so that My Body does not lose consciousness when it falls, so that the battle may not be won before its time and all My souls are lost.
2. I walk over the stones that destroy My feet. I stumble and fall time and time again. I look at both sides of the road, searching for the slightest look of love, of surrender, of union with My pain, but… I do not see anyone.
3. My children, you who follow in My footsteps, do not let go of your cross no matter how heavy it seems to you. Do it for Me because by carrying your cross, you will help Me carry Mine, and on the difficult path, you will find My Mother and the holy souls who will give you encouragement and comfort.**

Jesus to Catalina:

I Have Given My Life for You - loveandmercy.org/Eng-IHG-Reg.pdf

**To redeem all of mankind, a child’s cry, a moan, a single tear of Mine would have been enough… Would you have understood My Love in the same way? If with so many great proofs you still take so long to accept it, what would have caused you to believe in My Love, if I had limited Myself to what seemed paltry? …

It is because of all this that you must believe in Love, principally, in My Love …

Only by going beyond the limit of “what is necessary” would many eyes be opened to My Love.**

Jesus to St. Faustina -

**Remember My Passion, and if you do not believe My words, at least believe My wounds. **(Diray, 379)

Please continue to next post -

 

[josh987654321]

Jesus to Catalina:

The Holy Mass - loveandmercy.org/Eng-HM-Reg.pdf

The Last Supper was the moment of the greatest intimacy with My own. During that hour of love I instituted what in the eyes of mankind might be the greatest madness, to make Myself a prisoner of Love. I instituted the Eucharist. I wanted to remain with you until the end of time because My Love could not bear that you, whom I loved more than My Life, be left orphans…

Jesus to Catalina:

The Passion - loveandmercy.org/Eng-TP-Reg.pdf

**11) For love of souls, I remain a prisoner in the Holy Eucharist, so that in their sorrow and grief they are being consoled by the most tender of Hearts, by the best of Fathers, by the most loyal friend. But that Love, which is consumed for the good of mankind, is not going to be returned.

1. I live amongst sinners to be their salvation and their life, their doctor and medicine; yet they, in return, in spite of their sick nature, distance themselves from Me. They offend Me and scorn Me.
2. My children, poor sinners! Do not distance yourselves from Me. I wait for you night and day at the Tabernacle. I will not reproach you for your crimes; I will not throw your sins in your face. What I will do is to wash you with the Blood of My wounds. Do not be afraid; come to Me. You do not know how much I love you.
3. And you, dear souls, why are you cold and indifferent to My love? I know you have to attend to the needs of your family, your home, and of the world that constantly demands of you. But, can it be that you do not have a moment to come and give Me proof of your love and gratitude? Do not allow yourselves to be carried away by so many useless worries; reserve a moment of your time to visit the Prisoner of Love. If your body is sick, can you not find a few minutes to seek the Doctor who must cure you? Come to He who can restore strength and health of the soul. Give alms of love to this Divine Beggar, who calls you, wants you, and waits for you.**

Jesus to Catalina:

The Passion - loveandmercy.org/Eng-TP-Reg.pdf

**6) …there are souls, and not few, who, moved by their desire for salvation but above all, by the love inspired in them by the vision of what I have suffered for them, decide to follow Me on the path to Calvary. They embrace the perfect life and give themselves to My service, not to help Me carry just a part of the Cross but all of it. Their only desire is to give Me rest and to console Me. For that purpose, they volunteer for everything that My Will asks of them, searching for how they can please Me. They do not think about the merits or the reward that awaits them, or the tiredness or the suffering that will result for them. The only thing that they have in mind is the love that they can show Me, and the comfort they give Me…

1. If My Cross is presented as an illness, if it is hidden under a job contrary to their inclinations and of little agreement with their abilities, if it comes accompanied by the thoughtlessness of people surround them, they accept it with total submission.
2. Oh! These are the souls that truly carry My Cross; they adore it. They make use of it for obtaining My Glory with no interest or payment other than My love. They are the ones that consider Me and glorify Me.
3. If you do not see the result of your sufferings, of your self-denial, or if you see it later, be certain that they have not been in vain and fruitless but, on the contrary, the fruit will be abundant.
4. The soul who truly loves, does not keep count of how much it has suffered or labored, nor does it expect this or that reward, but it seeks only that which it believes glorifies its God… For Him it spares neither labors nor weariness. It does not become agitated or restless, far from it, for it does not lose its peace if it finds itself thwarted or humiliated, because the only motive for its actions is love, and love abandons the consequences and the results. Therein lies the purpose of souls who do not seek rewards. The only thing that they hope for is My Glory, My comfort, My rest, and, for that reason they have taken My Cross and all the weight that My Will desires to place upon them.
5. My children, call Me by My name, for Jesus means everything. I will wash your feet, those feet that have trodden a slippery path and are now wounded by the blows against the rocks. I will wipe away your tears, cure you, kiss you, and you will remain healthy and know no other path but the one that leads you to Me.
6. We are now at Calvary! The mob is excited because the dreadful moment is near… Exhausted by fatigue, I can hardly walk. My feet bleed because of the stones on the way… Three times I have fallen along the way: once to give sinners used to sinning the strength to convert; another to give encouragement to souls who fall because of being frail and to souls who are blinded by sadness and restlessness, encouraging them to rise and embark with courage upon the path of virtue; and the third time, to help souls depart from sin at the hour of their death.**

Please continue to next post -

 

[josh987654321]

http://s28.postimg.org/6bvy5pai5/Prodigal_Son.jpg
Jesus to Catalina:

The Great Crusade of Love - loveandmercy.org/Eng-CL-Reg.pdf

I would like to be presented like the prodigal son’s father who, aged by the pain of his son’s absence, keeps watch from a window with a small light of hope for the return of his beloved son. I live among all of you in the air you breathe, the water you drink, and the bread you eat, with all the grandiose work of creation that never ceases. In this manner I am among you all, alive, real, with the perpetual sacrifice of the Cross and the glory of the resurrection in each Eucharist.

Jesus to Catalina:

The Passion - loveandmercy.org/Eng-TP-Reg.pdf

I want to teach sinners that because they have sinned, they should not distance themselves from Me thinking that they no longer have recourse and that they will never be loved as before they sinned. Poor souls! These are not the feelings of a God who has shed all His Blood for you. Come to Me all of you and fear not, because I love you. I will cleanse you with My Blood and you will be as white as snow. I will drown your sins in the water of My Mercy and nothing will be able to snatch from My Heart the Love that I have for you.

Divine Mercy Image - St. Faustina

http://s8.postimg.org/422f1cyxh/Christ_9.jpg

Jesus to St. Faustina -

"My daughter, know that My Heart is mercy itself. From this sea of mercy, graces flow out upon the whole world. No soul that has approached Me has ever gone away unconsoled. All misery gets buried in the depths of My mercy, and every saving and sanctifying grace flows from this fountain…" (Diary, 1777).

"My Heart overflows with great mercy for souls, and especially for poor sinners. If only they could understand that I am the best of Fathers to them and that it is for them that the Blood and Water flowed from My Heart as from a fount overflowing with mercy. For them I dwell in the tabernacle as King of Mercy. I desire to bestow My graces upon souls, but they do not want to accept them. You, at least, come to Me as often as possible and take these graces they do not want to accept. In this way you will console My Heart. Oh, how indifferent are souls to so much goodness, to so many proofs of love! My heart drinks only of the ingratitude and forgetfulness of souls living in the world. They have time for everything, but they have no time to come to Me for graces." (Diary, 367).

"My mercy is greater than your sins and those of the entire world. Who can measure the extent of my goodness? For you I descended from heaven to earth; for you I allowed myself to be nailed to the cross; for you I let my Sacred Heart be pierced with a lance, thus opening wide the source of mercy for you. Come, then, with trust to draw graces from this fountain. I never reject a contrite heart." (Diary, 1485).

"Tell sinful souls not to be afraid to approach Me; speak to them of My great mercy" (Diary, 1396).

**“Come and confide in your God, who is love and mercy…My child, listen to the voice of your merciful Father” **(Diary, 1486).
Jesus to Catalina:

The Great Crusade of Mercy - loveandmercy.org/Eng-CM-Reg.pdf

**I want to talk to you about My Mercy; I want to teach you Mercy; I want you to preach My Mercy. But in order to speak of it, you need to feel love because a person who does not love, cannot know Mercy.

1. If you love, it is because I loved you first; just as I am Love. Whoever knows how to love remains in Me and I in him. My Father did not send Me as an offering for you to love Me, but because My Father is Love and I am one with My Father. Therefore, understand that nothing is sweeter than love, for it proceeds from the One who is the Creator of everything.
2. And so, if you want to be merciful to your fellow human being, first you have to love and be compassionate to that person and if you want to receive Mercy, you must let yourself be loved. Mercy is the chain that unites with love, for one cannot love without being merciful. Understand that My love is without measure, it does not feel burdensome, nor does it value effort, it is simply given. You, on the other hand, are weak in love and imperfect in virtue; you are in need of My strength and of My comfort.**

Jesus to Catalina:

The Great Crusade of Mercy - loveandmercy.org/Eng-CM-Reg.pdf

11) Mercy is love, My child. It is union with God and union with God is the certitude of victory and an everlasting abundance of virtues. Mercy is the unquestionable proof of love for Me.

I would also like to very much encourage you to read this short booklet I’ve quoted a bit out of here - loveandmercy.org/Eng-TP-Reg.pdf

God Bless you

Thank you for reading
Josh

 

[frenchcatholic]

Thanks for all the great advice everyone, and thanks for the inspirational words Josh, I read all of it(just so you know).

I haven’t gotten around to that audio book yet, because I hadn’t had the money to buy it, and because I don’t have a lot of spare time. However, just taking that step in my faith to post on this forum and chat with you all has helped very much.

In the days since I posted I have been looking into catholic advice on abuse and the such, and my attention was caught on a couple youtube videos (interviewing priests, and clips of sermons and the such) regarding forgiveness.

I have been watching them over many times for the past two nights and trying to forgive all those I seen have done me wrong. Just ten minutes ago I prayed for the blessing and well-being of people I had not dared to since I was eight.

Immediately after I was done, I felt this massive weight, so profoundly spiritual it felt material, lifted off my shoulders, it was as if I literally had a massive boulder that was my grudge taken off my back, I feel great.

I am going to continue including them in prayer and pray nightly from now on.

Thanks for all the help(and ill try to get around to those books)!

 

[frenchcatholic]

On a further note, the void I spoke of is filled with love, as I am quitting smoking and caffeine as well as not going to drink alcohol anymore, partly(i beleive) because I forgave, and am learning more to forgive. Partly because of the realization that follows.

I realize that drugs are the product of the devil, due to the fact that I use to use them in order to have zen moments looking at the stars, or ar the light of the sunrise or sunset, or evening sky. I realize thus I was using them in order to have a relationship with God and the Holy Spirit.

In reality they were infringing on my relationship with God, and that I was dependent on them for that relationship, and that it was a ploy by the devil to make me believe I needed them to feel close to God, while he, very cleverly, took me away from God in the drugs absence.

So in essence I’m cleaning up to get closer to Jesus.

 

[josh987654321]

Thanks for all the great advice everyone, and thanks for the inspirational words Josh, I read all of it(just so you know).

It was my pleasure.

Immediately after I was done, I felt this massive weight, so profoundly spiritual it felt material, lifted off my shoulders, it was as if I literally had a massive boulder that was my grudge taken off my back, I feel great.

“He who knows how to forgive prepares for himself many graces from God. As often as I look upon the cross, so often will I forgive with all my heart.” - St Faustina

7 “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy. - Matthew 5:7

No words in the history of mankind have ever borne as much fruit as those words from the Cross of Christ, from the truly innocent, so unjustly tortured, that kills all hate instantly, “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.” At that moment, the man condemned on the right of Christ changed in an instant and became the very first saint, also known as ‘The good thief’ who stole paradise.

I am going to continue including them in prayer and pray nightly from now on.

The prayer that I pray is “In the name of Jesus, I forgive you and wish you peace.” I was reading some writings in which Jesus said regarding this prayer for our enemies, if it comes from the heart and that if the person merits peace, that he/she will obtain it and benefit greatly from it, and if the person is not capable of opening up to peace, than that prayer will return to your heart.

Thanks for all the help(and ill try to get around to those books)!

May I ask, have you read the Gospels before, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John?

On a further note, the void I spoke of is filled with love, as I am quitting smoking and caffeine as well as not going to drink alcohol anymore, partly(i beleive) because I forgave, and am learning more to forgive. Partly because of the realization that follows.

I’m not surprised, as St. Faustina said, “He who knows how to forgive prepares for himself many graces from God.”

I realize that drugs are the product of the devil, due to the fact that I use to use them in order to have zen moments looking at the stars, or ar the light of the sunrise or sunset, or evening sky. I realize thus I was using them in order to have a relationship with God and the Holy Spirit.

In reality they were infringing on my relationship with God, and that I was dependent on them for that relationship, and that it was a ploy by the devil to make me believe I needed them to feel close to God, while he, very cleverly, took me away from God in the drugs absence.

So in essence I’m cleaning up to get closer to Jesus.

God Bless you

Thank you for reading
Josh

 

[josh987654321]

Paraphrased from the book 'The Seven Riddles of Life' by Bishop Fulton J. Sheen:

The First Riddle: Hate

“Father, forgive them, they know not what they do.”

The first of life’s riddles is why there should be anger, hate, and persecution in a world made by love. The answer given most often is that men still bear within themselves the traces of their animal origin, and that to preserve one’s life, one must seek an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.

Calvary’s answer to this riddle is quite different. It reveals that hate comes from evil men who cannot stand the reproach of goodness because it makes demands upon them that they are unwilling to accept. The more intense the evil, the greater the fear of goodness. That is why supreme Goodness is nailed to a cross. Most of that crowd on Calvary expected the divine Savior to curse and blaspheme as all other condemned men had done. And if there was ever anyone who had a right to protest against injustice it was He whom the wife of a Roman judge had called “the just man.”
Gospel of Luke:

Jesus Sentenced to Death

13 Pilate then called together the chief priests and the rulers and the people, 14 and said to them, “You brought me this man as one who was perverting the people; and after examining him before you, behold, I did not find this man guilty of any of your charges against him; 15 neither did Herod, for he sent him back to us. Behold, nothing deserving death has been done by him; 16 I will therefore chastise him and release him.”

18 But they all cried out together, “Away with this man, and release to us Barab′bas”— 19 a man who had been thrown into prison for an insurrection started in the city, and for murder. 20 Pilate addressed them once more, desiring to release Jesus; 21 but they shouted out, “Crucify, crucify him!” 22 A third time he said to them, “Why, what evil has he done? I have found in him no crime deserving death; I will therefore chastise him and release him.” 23 But they were urgent, demanding with loud cries that he should be crucified. And their voices prevailed. 24 So Pilate gave sentence that their demand should be granted. 25 He released the man who had been thrown into prison for insurrection and murder, whom they asked for; but Jesus he delivered up to their will.
Jesus to Catalina:

The Stations of the Cross - loveandmercy.org/Eng-SOC-Reg.pdf

**Crowned with thorns and covered with a purple mantle, the soldiers presented Me again to Pilate. Not finding a crime that he could punish Me for, Pilate was looking for a way to set Me free. In the pitiable condition that I was in, Pilate showed Me to the mob. He proposed to give Me liberty and condemn Barrabas, a famous thief and murderer. The people shouted back: “Crucify Him and set Barrabas free!”

Souls who love Me, see how they have compared Me to a criminal. How they have lowered Me more than the worst criminal. Meditate for a moment upon the unspeakable martyrdom of My Heart: My Heart degraded beneath the heart of Barrabas. I am the most despised of men, and I am being condemned to death like an infamous criminal. Pilate has pronounced sentence. My little children, consider attentively how My Heart suffered…**

And yet at that moment when a tree of His own creation turned against his own creation turned against Him and became a cross, when the iron of His Earth reacted against Him and became nails, when roses rebelled against Him and became thorns, at that second when a sickle and a hammer combined to cut down the weeds on Calvary’s hill to erect a gallows and drive nails through hands to render impotent the blessings of love incarnate , He, like a tree which bathes in perfume the ax which kills it, lets fall from His lips for the Earth’s first hearing and answer to the riddle of hate and anger: “Father, forgive them, they know not what they do.”

Behind these words was a lifetime of teaching as to why we should forgive those who hate us. First, because God has forgiven us greater sins than our enemies have ever committed against us. The man who thinks he has no need of pardon is apt to be the most unforgiving of men. Only the merciful will ever receive mercy. Only the forgiven will ever be forgiven.

And the second reason for forgiving is to prevent the multiplication of hate, which is a seed and grows like a weed. If a number of men are standing in a line and the first slaps the cheek of the second, and the second the third, the only way to stop hate would be for one man in that crowd to turn his other cheek. By doing so he would say, “If I hate you, I add my quota to the sum total of the world’s hate. This I refuse to do. I will kill your hate. I will drive it even from the face of the Earth. And I will do it by loving you.”

The real test, then, of the Christian is not how much he loves his friends (for do not the heathens do this? Matthew 5:43-48) but, rather, how much he loves his enemies.

But God shows his love for us in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

We love because He first loved us. 1 John 4:19

God cannot write on the pages of a heart when they are covered with the scribbling of hate. But he can write straight even with crooked lines on the blank page of he who loves. For by putting love where we do not find it, then everyone becomes lovable.

Please continue to next post -

 

[josh987654321]

I believe the Crucifix you wear around your neck is a very good thing, as St Thomas Aquinas said “On the cross, we find the example of every virtue.”

Everything can be found during the hours of His passion, every evil in the world transformed into good for eternity.

“Love Him totally, He who totally surrendered Himself for your love.” St Clare of Assisi

I would also like to encourage you to visit your local Catholic Church when you get the chance and simply walk in throughout the day some time and simply sit in one of the empty pews and allow His real presence in the Holy Eucharist to warm your very heart, to guide and console you. He is always waiting there for us.

God Bless you

Thank you for reading
Josh

 

[frenchcatholic]

Thanks for the words Josh, I haven’t read your newest post in complete yet(all the quotes). But I’ll answer your questions.

Yes I have read the gosples, in Sunday school, then in Catholic elementary, then also in highschool on my own, then recently when I first became mentally ill and needed guidance. Whether I can say I have sat down over the course a a few weeks or months and read the gosples in their entirety just like that, I don’t know. And although I don’t get much time to myself and read the bible very often since my son was born, I have read the old and new testament much after my diagnosis, albeit not in full.

Just so you know my favorite story is about the sloth in Proverbs 6. I actually went to the point of buying a rosary (not extremely expensive) with a case and having Proverbs 6:6 engraved on it.

 

[josh987654321]

Thanks for the words Josh

No worries.

Yes I have read the gospels, in Sunday school, then in Catholic elementary, then also in high school on my own, then recently when I first became mentally ill and needed guidance. Whether I can say I have sat down over the course of a few weeks or months and read the gospels in their entirety just like that, I don’t know. And although I don’t get much time to myself and read the bible very often since my son was born, I have read the old and new testament much after my diagnosis, albeit not in full.

I mainly ask, because one of my favorite quotes is when Jesus replied to Satan’s temptations, because I believe it is very ture -

But he answered, “It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God."

Just as the rain falls and waters the plants in order for them to grow, so too, does the word of God water our souls in order for them to grow.

Isaiah 55:10-11

10 “For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and return not thither but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, 11 so shall my word be that goes forth from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and prosper in the thing for which I sent it.

Just so you know my favorite story is about the sloth in Proverbs 6. I actually went to the point of buying a rosary (not extremely expensive) with a case and having Proverbs 6:6 engraved on it.

I hope you don’t mind if I share with you two very powerful prayers that I’ve learned.

How to pray the Rosary (You don’t have to do all 5 decades when you running short on time, I believe simply 1 decade will work wonders).
Jesus to Catalina:

Praying the Rosary - loveandmercy.org/Eng-PR-Reg.pdf

"…with the Rosary in your hands, even though your minds are blank, I will enter the depths of your hearts. You will feel My presence through the love that will be penetrating you…

"Each decade of the Holy Rosary that you repeat, the angels gather and place as an offering at the feet of My Holy Mother.

“When you pray the Rosary for someone, every bead is a drop of My blood and those drops fall on the person for whom it is offered.

"I greatly approve of humble prayer, that is, prayer that is based on your inability to understand and desire what is the right thing, what is pleasing to Me.

Mary to Catalina -

“Pray the Holy Rosary, meditating before each mystery; say it very slowly, so that it will reach My ears like a soft whisper of love. Make Me feel your child-like love with each word you recite; do not say it out of obligation, or to please your brothers and sisters. Do not say it with screams or fanaticism, or in a sensationalistic way. Everything you do with joy, peace, and love, with humble surrender and child-like simplicity, will be received like a soft and refreshing balsam for the wounds of My womb.

How to pray the Chaplet of Divine Mercy

Jesus to St. Faustina -

"Recite the chaplet unceasingly that I have taught you. Whoever recites it will receive great mercy at the hour of death. Priests will recommend it to sinners as their last hope of salvation. Even in the case of the most hardened sinner, if he were to recite this chaplet only once, he would receive grace from My infinite mercy. I desire that the whole world know My infinite mercy. I desire to grant unimaginable graces to those souls that trust in My mercy" (Diary, 687).

"Oh, what great graces I will grant to souls that say this chaplet; the very depths of My tender mercy are stirred for the sake of those who say the chaplet" (Diary, 848).

"At the hour of their death, I defend as My own glory every soul that will say this chaplet; or when others say it for a dying person, the indulgence is the same" (Diary, 811).

I also hope you don’t mind if I share with you some of the books that have helped me greatly and are all completely free.

New Testament and Psalms - RSV
Can be read free online from - biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+1&version=RSV

Catalina’s Writings
Can be read free online from - loveandmercy.org/english-books/

The Dolorous Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ - Anne Catherine Emmerich
Can be read free online from - 2heartsnetwork.org/Dolorous-Passion.pdf (It starts at pg 39)

Diary of Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska
Can be read free online from - liturgicalyear.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/divine-mercy-in-my-soul.pdf

Imitation of Christ - Thomas A Kempis
Can be read free online from - copticplace.com/files/imitation_of_Christ.pdf

I think the funny thing is, the books I haven’t had to pay for (only to get hard copies) have turned out to be the most valuable.

God Bless

Thank you for reading
Josh

 

[frenchcatholic]

Just a little update.

I have been praying and reading the bible a lot these past couple months, and have been begining to understand.

Today I feel the Lord visited me, and that I have begun my journey of healing, of not only my addictive behaviors, but of my mental illness, as well as my heart and mind, and my life.

I understand that God does these things not with some kind of magic wand, but knowledge, and I have come to realize many things.

I understand that all is as the Lord intends it to be, and that I was given this illness as a lesson. Even though I may have had a hard life, it was my choice to fill my heart with sin, I was always prideful in having the darkest of hearts, now I see I was made to pay for it. Life is not a choice of many grey things, it is a choice of good or evil, of rebellion or obedience. I understand this now.

I have not drank in four months, and am quitting smoking today, I am confident I will succeed, because the Lord Jesus Christ has given me the strength I need, through all the knowledge I’ve gained. I see now that God does not cure evil without asking out suffering, which is why he asks us to fast, and I guess you could call quitting addiction a form of fasting, a penance for God to remove your body of this evil.

I feel my life is going to take a new direction, starting today.

 

[InLight247]

Glad to know you are making progress in the Lord. Keep up the good work.
You can also logon this website to do the daily reading and reflection. The meditation is brief and good, easy to follow. May God bless you.

wau.org/meditations/current/