Financial problems large family

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Liz9

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We have five, expecting 6th child.
We live in large metropolitan area where we need to stay because of my husband’s job.
We both work and our combined income seems like it should be enough, about $160k before taxes.
But we are drowning financially and don’t own a home.
We should make some major changes but my husband and I cannot communicate and are under so much stress. We’ve tried counseling in the past but it didn’t work.
I’m desperate so I guess that’s why I’m writing this.
I’m losing hope & don’t know what to do & have made so many mistakes. Our whole family life is at risk.
When I say this to my husband he has no pity on me. I guess he resents me for many things.
I try to focus on positive, but we have real problems…
 
I really want your situation to change to better.I remember Christian families in the post Soviet period.Lack of money, unemployment, total impoverishment of the whole country.The same thing is happening now in my country, in the occupied territories, where, above all, military actions and persecution for convictions are taking place,but believers with large families do not lose heart and somehow manage to survive.Remember, when you find it difficult, there are those who are even harder.
 
Thank you! You are so right. There are so many with worse… all my difficulties are self created American problems, I should be thankful for safety. Many don’t have this and I should pray for them!
 
Don’t lose heart. Keep praying & asking for what you need, with gratitude & hope. Things sometimes improve a lot more quickly than you expect. I’ll pray for you.
 
@Liz9
have you both attended any closed retreat?any time, if not,try to consider it, mean while make an Examination of Conscience, sins against the 10 commandments or an abortion? , a truthful and honest confession or a general confession would be nice .Isaiah 1:18 Come now, let us argue it out,says the Lord:though your sins are like scarlet,they shall be like snow;though they are red like crimson,they shall become like wool.19 If you are willing and obedient,you shall eat the good of the land; http://www.usccb.org/prayer-and-wor...entals/penance/examinations-of-conscience.cfm

Hebrews 12:2 looking to Jesus the pioneer and perfecter of our faith, who for the sake of the joy that was set before him endured the cross, disregarding its shame, and has taken his seat at the right hand of the throne of God.

3 Consider him who endured such hostility against himself from sinners,so that you may not grow weary or lose heart. 4 In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5 And you have forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as children—

“My child, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
or lose heart when you are punished by him;
6 for the Lord disciplines those whom he loves,
and chastises every child whom he accepts.”

7 Endure trials for the sake of discipline. God is treating you as children; for what child is there whom a parent does not discipline? 8 If you do not have that discipline in which all children share, then you are illegitimate and not his children. 9 Moreover, we had human parents to discipline us, and we respected them. Should we not be even more willing to be subject to the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share his holiness. 11 Now, discipline always seems painful rather than pleasant at the time, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

12 Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, 13 and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed.

1 Peter 3:1 Wives, in the same way, accept the authority of your husbands, so that, even if some of them do not obey the word, they may be won over without a word by their wives’ conduct, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3 Do not adorn yourselves outwardly by braiding your hair, and by wearing gold ornaments or fine clothing; 4 rather, let your adornment be the inner self with the lasting beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in God’s sight. 5 It was in this way long ago that the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves by accepting the authority of their husbands. 6 Thus Sarah obeyed Abraham and called him lord. You have become her daughters as long as you do what is good and never let fears alarm you.
 
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$160K is excellent income. where did all the debt come from? student loans? needless credit card spending?

maybe some simple lifestyle changes could help?
 
hi KevinK it was not proper for you to say so ,i do understand you didn’t mean any harm,but the Lord would provide for the family, as it is said in,

Isaiah 45 :10 Woe to anyone who says to a father, “What are you begetting?”or to a woman, “With what are you in labor?”11 Thus says the Lord,the Holy One of Israel, and its Maker:
Will you question me about my children,or command me concerning the work of my hands?12 I made the earth,and created humankind upon it;it was my hands that stretched out the heavens and I commanded all their host

2 Maccabees 7: 22 “I do not know how you came into being in my womb. It was not I who gave you life and breath, nor I who set in order the elements within each of you. 23 Therefore the Creator of the world, who shaped the beginning of humankind and devised the origin of all things, will in his mercy give life and breath back to you again, since you now forget yourselves for the sake of his laws.”
 
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Hi Liz, I don’t know if you are familiar with Dave Ramsey at all? He has lots of practical advice for dealing with debt, frugal living, etc. He has a course called “Financial Peace University”. You may be able to find his stuff at a public library near you (free!). He has a great strategy for paying down debt, and which bills to prioritize when you can’t pay all of them. He is a Protestant, and much of his philosophy acknowledges Christian principles. It will give you a kick in the butt to listen to him, but you are not the only one who has gotten into this situation. You and your husband need each other and need to be on the same page. Good luck – you can totally get through this! Many of us have been in similar place.
 
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Have you considered talking to your priest about this… I dont know your parish, but our priests are trained in marital matters and know at the very least who to recommend you speak to for financial and perhaps martial mediation. I know that you say your husband has no pity on you, but , and I mean this totally kindly, communication issues are seldom one sided. Usually they come from issues from both parties and it is best to see someone catholic for mediation. I know it is difficult to go and ask for help and advice, especially if you think the problem may be due to your own excesses but that’s just when you need it. You both may also need spiritual advice if you have debt, could it be you need spiritual advice letting go of attachments? On forgiving your husband, him forgiving you…talking to each other, moving past those problems. You forgive first and see what love that brings. Not much is harder than forgiving someone who doesnt ask for it. You just have to want to to start. I don’t know your situation so it’s just a thought (the numbers mean nothing to me, I live in UK and live by myself and have no idea what a family like yours would need to live on so forgive me if that money is barely sufficient.) I am just saying try your priest and asking for help from him and also debt advisers if debt is your issue. God bless you. Will pray for you. May I say also, don’t forget God provides all we need (not necessarily what we want but what we need certainly… they are different sometimes), learn to rely on Him, it is liberating.
 
When I’m facing a big, complicated problem, I find it helpful (as a first step) to sit down and write out on paper everything that’s bothering me.
I just go to town, write down everything, no matter how big or how small small and how silly.

Sometimes solutions occur to me during the act of writing.

Then I take a break, maybe an hour, and come back to what I wrote and then prioritize the problems, biggest to littlest.
Then I figure out an action plan—maybe I need to do my finances better, maybe I have a relationship in trouble, maybe I already know the answer but forgot, maybe I need to buy a book, maybe I know somebody in a similar situation who resolved it well and I can talk to them.

Also, when you’re in a crisis, you need to make sure you’re taking care of yourself—nutritious food, exercise, fresh aid air and sunshine, adequate sleep, and don’t isolate yourself from other people.
 
Hello,

One other person mentioned Dave Ramsey. I second this wholeheartedly. He breaks financial problems down into “baby steps”. He has helped thousands of people become “debt free”. Imagine that, $160K/year and no debt other than a mortgage. It seems like a far fetched and unachievable goal but it is not.

Listen to him a few times and then get his book “Finanacial Peace”. Save a baby emergency fund and then start knocking out your debt snowball. It will take hard work and self control but, if you can follow it, 3-4 years from now you will likely be debt free, have $20K in the bank and in a house.


We all need help in life, we are all little souls. Please take this advice from someone who followed it. There is a light at the end of this tunnel if you have a good plan and are working it. Thousands have done this and are debt free. God bless.
 
i’ve listened to dave ramsey. he has excellent financial advice.

BUT i think he might have an anti-catholic bias

he asks the same question “kevin” does

ramsey: “why have more children if you are in debt?”

well, my parents had 9 children and were deeply in debt

family house was tax liened & foreclosed

but we got by and i am here to tell the tale on CAF

Notre Dame grad, former Naval Officer

not bragging, just saying… 🙂
 
Thank you all for your responses and your prayers! I have listened to Dave Ramsey & tried to share with my husband, but my husband is in deep denial about our problems. He gets angry whenever I bring up finances. There have been so many bad decisions and just need to try to go forward for the good of the family.
 
Another book to try:

“First Kill all the Marriage Counselors”. This has helped me quite a bit. It seems that your improving your marital issues are going to be necessary before you can fix the financial stuff. If you and your husband can get a better handle on your marriage, and be on the same team again, things will get better fast, I think!
 
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Thank you. It looks like an interesting book! I’ve heard of her earlier book, the Surrendered Wife.
 
It’s ok to ask. It’s a valid point. It was not responsible of us to have so many children without the means to provide for them. But they are not the cause of our problems, and are probably the only joy in our life together. So I don’t blame them or using NFP. We would probably have similar issues with only one or two…
 
Thank you for saying its ok to ask. I meant no disrespect but the question is kind of an elephant in the room. You have a great answer. I wish you all the best and pray for you.
 
I think the visceral reaction is due to the fact that it is certainly possible to raise five children on $160 grand a year with proper planning and good communication between the spouses. I’d wager lots of couples would love to have that much to work with! If having a family is your joy, than the children aren’t the “irresponsible choice”, it’s the other choices that are impeding your financial stability that are “irresponsible”, or probably just unwise, since I presume you aren’t intentionally throwing caution to the wind and going out to Red Lobster three times a week.
 
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