Financial question

[nodito]

Just to better understand, you’re leasing a house right now, right? And your husband’s beef with moving to an apartment is that it will be too small and that only poor people live in apartments? Is there no middle ground? Could you rent a smaller hour or a duplex? Do you have an extra room that you could rent out to someone? Talk with the leasing office about reducing the payment? How much longer do you have left on the lease?

 

[bilop]

Just wanted to give an update… Need an ear tonight.

I reminded my husband tonight that my bankruptcy case went before a trustee again last week… Without my presence requested. My Husband had forgotten, of course. So 5 days later, I informed him of it. The case was dismissed which means I would have to file again in our new state. But it’s no longer a chapter 7. It would have to be a 13 (repayment plan). I told him I wanted to try debt negotiation instead of filing again. That did not sit well. He was against that…,

Then I started going through our expenses (assuming we don’t move out of $$$ lease) and he said so what you are telling me is I need to get a day job? Again he has had sporadic freelance work that has brought in at least 2k/month for couple months but he has no impending jobs. He keeps begging me to hook him up with MY contacts to get meetings for his freelance work.

As soon as I mentioned that I was worried about him not having reliable income., he really started to appear frustrated. He then mentioned that he thought 3 hrs a day for a sitter/child are was going to make it unaffordable for him to go back to work. When I said our son could do after school care… He said “no way he’d freak out!”. Our son is 7…

He eventually digressed and said he would look around. But he really seemed out out.

I can tell you I almost told him I was ready to divorce right then and there…,

I just couldnt believe he would seem so put out that “i” wanted him to work.

I admit I feel like a failure. I can’t provide enough to afford our lease and deal with all of this.

And when I started talking about apartments my son jumped up and said apartments were for poor people and he was not going to live in something do small. That made me sad, because I realized that he is picking up this snotty behavior.

I’m just feeling down tonight. Thanks for letting me vent.

I’d tell him “Damn right you should get a day job!”

There’s no reason he can’t work, and if he makes anything close to what you say he used to make, paying a babysitter in the afternoons would be a breeze.

God Bless

 

[mega1]

Yes this is true. I was able negotiate a one month (3850.00) penalty to get out of our lease that still has 19 months remaining. While he understands my idea of moving to a smaller home…he thinks the penalty is too severe, coupled with moving expenses…

And I set up an appointment for him to see a house yesterday (smaller and 1k less) and he said it was fine…but he didn’t think it was a wise choice. So…I’m at a loss. I feel very confused.

I could stand up and say WE ARE MOVING - but he will be upset at the penalty…he will say the house is too small…dark…whatever. And I’m spending my morning on the phone trying to figure out what to do about my bankruptcy.

He has NOT gone to any of the hearings …he’s only suggested I sue my attorney because he wasn’t able to get it passed through as a chapter 7 which would have wiped my debts away…now we will have to repay or do a debt settlement (which I would prefer and he would not)…

 

[gardenswithkids]

Just wanted to give an update…I can tell you I almost told him I was ready to divorce right then and there…I’m just feeling down tonight. Thanks for letting me vent.

Thank you for the update. You obviously have a lot going on financial that would take me more time than I’d like to spend in order to fully comprehend. But I could see from your posts that you were heading toward divorce–and divorce is NOT likely to put you in a better financial position. It will make things worse. The lawyers would get most of the money and your current husband who has little income might be granted financial support from your present salary. I tried to make this point earlier–it is in your best financial interest to get along with your husband!

I don’t know what all got you into the debt you now have. I don’t know how you came to sign a lease on a house you don’t think you can afford. I don’t know now supportive you really were when your husband quit his job to start a company. I don’t know any of that. I know that you right now have a husband whose start-up business isn’t making much money and who mostly stays home to take care of your son and that the two of you fight a lot, usually about money.

The fighting is not getting you what you want. Divorce will not get you what you want. Prayer, sacrifice, and a lot of hard work might.

 

[Ms_Manners]

And when I started talking about apartments my son jumped up and said apartments were for poor people and he was not going to live in something do small. That made me sad, because I realized that he is picking up this snotty behavior.

This would be a good time to explain some things to your son. Be careful not to say anything to make him put 2 and 2 together and blame his father’s behaviour. I trust you wouldn’t do it intentionally, but kids are smart that way.

But your son should know that your family needs to be careful with money and that you are not doing well right now (you as a family) and that there might be some things you all will not like very much, but that you are doing your best to fix that. Simple language appropriate for his age, but yes, tell him some of it.

I know your son is still a child and this must be very very difficult for you, but he is old enough to know that that’s how it is and he must learn that he will have to do without some things for a while. Don’t feel guilty about it.

When I was little, we were poor for a long time. My parents worked, but the situation in my country was difficult for everyone (widespread unemployment, war, widespread corruption). They did their best to keep it from us, but we knew that there were some things we couldn’t afford or have at the time, some things we couldn’t do or places we couldn’t go and we knew not to cause problems because of it.
My mother told me that it was very painful for her to see that we didn’t ask for things because we knew we couldn’t have them, but I think it was much worse for her, I certainly don’t remember it as something very painful for me, and I certainly don’t blame them.

 

[Ridgerunner]

How ironic this is!

How many times have I heard men complain about their spoiled brat of a wife who won’t work but insists on living beyond their means!

Eventually, the guy calls it quits and leaves. Your husband has exactly zero insight. I’m just thunderstruck about this. Men don’t discuss their marital problems with other men anywhere near the degree to which women do, but they sure do discuss the “profligate wife” who won’t get off her backside to lend a hand. There are even songs written about it; mostly country/western I expect.

For the time being, the Chapter 13 might just be the thing, because it’s an ironclad budget that just won’t allow for new cameras and stuff, and will (unless you live in a more expensive area than I have probably even visited) probably not allow for a rent like what you’re paying. Chapter 13 is “imposed reality”, and frankly, it might just be a relief to you to be able to say “I can’t. The trustee won’t let me.”

And frankly, I doubt your lawyer is to blame. You can’t proceed under Chapter 7 unless you can prove to the court’s satisfaction that you are unable to do a Chapter 13. Apparently it can’t be done in your case.