Finding a catholic spouse young adult

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Bluesfan19

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I’m a 26 year old Catholic man who has had troubles finding a spouse. I know and desire in my heart that the Lord has placed with me that I will be married but I just haven’t met anyone. My Parish consist of the majority of people over 40 to 80. I never see anyone my age that is a woman. I see many young women under 18 but not near my age. I also I’m involved with lectoring in my Parish. Every month I go to Catholic young adult groups that are once a month meetings looking to meet new people and Branch out but I always get friend-zoned after meeting girls. Even on catholicmatch I can’t get any dates at least. Not enough people respond. I don’t know what to do. I do go to weekly adoration and pray daily to meet my future spouse but I’m not sure how. Does anyone have any suggestions?
 
Bluesfan19 said:
Does anyone have any suggestions?
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I can suggest Ave Maria Singles as I think in general they have a more marriage-minded subscriber.

Online dating can be difficult, whether Catholic Match, Ave, or something else. I was on Ave for three years when I met my now husband.

I met about 7 men over 2 years that I corresponded with— met 4 of them in person but after a few meetings we went separate ways (all were long distance)— before meeting my now husband who I dated (long distance) for 2 years before marrying.

My husband OTOH was also on Ave Maria for about 3 years before he met me. He wrote to a number of women and I was the only one who wrote back. I think he was about to give up when he wrote to me. I only popped up on Ave because I’d deactivated my profile for a few months and then turned it back on so I happened to show up in a recently joined search. For whatever reason I never showed up in his searches before that, even though we’d both been on the site for about the same amount of time.

Even in online dating it isn’t easy or quick or guaranteed. It takes patience and persistence.

It will happen when it happens. My husband and I were much older than you are now when we met. We’ve been married 13 years this year.
 
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I’m gonna just sit on my porch…
 
You might consider pursuing some of those friendships. After all, marriage must begin with friendship. Maybe a group from your young adult groups could go to an event: a dinner out, roller skating, hiking, something fun.
Friends have friends. God has a plan.
I met my husband after 17 years as a single parent, after I gave up on the whole idea and told Jesus he was my spouse. So you never know.
 
When you do find a girl you are interested in at a young Catholic event ask her out! If you see a girl you are interested in every week that is a little different because you have a bit more time but once a month? Not a lot of time so try to ask them out asap. No putting it off for months. Have you asked out any of the girls that you say “friendzoned” you? Or did not not ask any of them out, you became their friend and they show no romantic interest in you so you assume that you are “friendzoned”?

How many women have you messaged on Catholicmatch? I probably messaged somewhere between 500 and 1000 women on Catholic match over 3 1/2 active years on there. I met 7 women out of the dozens I corresponded with but I only got about one or two responses for every 20 women i messaged and it came in waves and dry spells. Sometimes I went months without any woman being interested but then suddenly I was talking to two interested women. And lots of times women can initially be interested but then lose interest later. They will get asked out in real life or get a message from a guy they like better then you and brush you aside. And that if fine and to be expected and accepted. It took 3 1/2 active years and several dates with the wrong women before I met my current girlfriend on Catholicmatch and we have been together for a year and 3 months. It can take time. Are you sure you are giving it a fair chance? Not many people walk away from online dating with their spouse after only a short amount of time. Some will never but it is a tool that is smart to utilize if you can afford to use it.

Sorry to say this but 26 still leaves you plenty of time to find a wife. I am 33 and still not married but God willing I will be next year. And I prayed and prayed and cried and pleaded with God for years. Your time will come if you do not give up. Most people end up finding someone eventually. Keep trying is the best advice I can give you.
 
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Seconding pursuing friendships.
Even being open for a wife, she should still be your friend and share your interests. So socialising, pursuing shared hobbies with friends of either gender opens the fields for friends, cousins, roommates and so on of those friendzoning friends.
 
Thanks (name removed by moderator) and everyone else for the (name removed by moderator)ut. I really appreciate it. It can be discouraging sometimes looking and being let down. And its hard waiting for God’s time. Thanks again!
 
Oh, like THAT helps :roll_eyes:

This is how that “kicking the can down the road” advice will play out. He’ll end up in his fifties and sixties being told the same thing over and over, meanwhile he will be watching people in his own age group welcoming grandchildren. Assuming he doesn’t develop prostate problems that affect his fertility, here are his choices: accept someone his own age that is beyond childbearing years; if he wants to have children he will be looked upon as a “creep” for pursuing women still young enough to bear children; if he does have prostate problems, he will be tempted to do something immoral to have a child. People will ask him “What’s wrong with you” and "Why did you wait so long " (he should start practicing the answer “Because I actually listened to the IDIOTIC advice people gave me and let them manipulate and ‘guilt’ me into thinking I was a bad little boy for not trusting in God”).

And notice the meme is from Catholic MOMMY blogs - the OP is a MALE, and it is the role of males to pursue. Please stop trying to turn healthy young males into old ladies.

OP, here is my advice:

If you can get to a National Singles Conference, please do so. One of the things I learned regarding “friend-zoning” is that when you find someone you are interested in dating, be upfront when you ask her out that you are asking her on a DATE.
 
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Additionally, learn the following apologetics in case the young adult groups preach heresy:
  1. If people say you have to be happy alone before you can be married, point out that God stated in Genesis that it is not good for the man to be alone.
  2. Jesus Himself preached that not everyone can handle the teaching of the eunuchs for the kingdom.
  3. St. Paul stated that even though it is better to be single, if being single leads to sin, one should marry (provided he/she is eligible).
  4. If people at the young adult groups ask about advice regarding dating non-Catholics or divorced people, ask publicly “what’s wrong with Catholics who are eligible to be married”. (In fact, I’m going to respond to the thread about the Catholic-atheist relationship with precisely this sentiment).
  5. You may also be asked “Are you sure marriage is your vocation”? If you’ve determined you cannot handle lifelong celibacy, simply tell them “If I could handle lifelong celibacy, I’d be wearing a collar by now”. Memorize this phrase.
  6. If you are criticized by the leadership (be it lay or clergy) for looking for a wife, point out that if people can’t find spouses in the Catholic Church, they often will look elsewhere, which may be why we are losing so many people AND THEIR ENVELOPES. Memorize the emphasis on “AND THEIR ENVELOPES” since that is what often get$ the attention of the leader$hip the$e day$.
  7. Finally, make sure your personal life is in order. Have a job or be on a career path if you are in school. Don’t have any addictions. Don’t expect a practicing Catholic woman if you don’t practice the faith yourself. Don’t expect a virgin if you are not one. Take care of yourself physically; hit the gym. Also, I suggest you take up boxing or MMA if you find yourself in competition with non-Catholic sexual gluttons who will try to poach any potential Catholic spouses you are interested in so you can challenge them to a spar.
 
True, but we do have to help ourselves.
God can and likely will point us in the direction, but a person has to take steps.

God helps those who help themselves.
I think his list is pretty good.
Work on yourself and you will be much more attractive to potential mates.
 
Maybe you could post some more information about yourself. Your upbringing, family, whether you are a cradle catholic or a convert. Schooling, job / career. Goals for the future. Your thoughts about marriage and your faith.

You might also just post here regularly on a variety of topics and get to know the regulars. Many people have met this way.
 
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Listen I hate to be that guy, but the friendzone is a cop-out. As dear friend of mine told me who “friendzoned” me told me, “You blaming the friendzone is how you end up their. It is the same thing as the nice guy fallacy.” While I will agree with people here that being upfront is a good thing, I know lots of people who married their best friend. That’s important you need to not just find them attractive. You need to enjoy everything about them. OK everything might be a bit much. Just relax and trust in God. I know it stinks and as a single guy I know it sucks hang in their.
 
Norseman82 said:
Also, I suggest you take up boxing or MMA if you find yourself in competition with non-Catholic sexual gluttons who will try to poach any potential Catholic spouses you are interested in so you can challenge them to a spar.
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Wait a minute. The Catholic version of dating/courting involves sparing? 😱
 
Bluesfan19 said:
I’m a 26 year old Catholic man who has had troubles finding a spouse. I know and desire in my heart that the Lord has placed with me that I will be married but I just haven’t met anyone. My Parish consist of the majority of people over 40 to 80. I never see anyone my age that is a woman. I see many young women under 18 but not near my age. I also I’m involved with lectoring in my Parish. Every month I go to Catholic young adult groups that are once a month meetings looking to meet new people and Branch out but I always get friend-zoned after meeting girls. Even on catholicmatch I can’t get any dates at least. Not enough people respond. I don’t know what to do. I do go to weekly adoration and pray daily to meet my future spouse but I’m not sure how. Does anyone have any suggestions?
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What exactly do you mean by friendzoned, because if your Catholic you can’t have sex until married or be sexual. All you can do is get to know each other by dates or hanging out and maybe make out. You have to be up front that you are looking for marriage and if they aren’t looking for marriage then don’t waste your time or money hanging out with them!! I’m a single 30 year old female and have the problem of no single guys my age in church, that’s because they’re all out having sex and doing non Catholic stuff. Being a single young adult Catholic is really, really, super hard, but don’t give up hope in finding someone and don’t waste too much time looking either. Busy yourself with other things, enjoy the time you have single because when you get married you won’t have much of your own time!!
 
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Well friendzone has nothing to do with sex and well there is a whole part of the emotional side of it. I mean if they aren’t open to dating then how are they open to marring you? I also spend a whole different amount of time and energy on a girlfriend than I do a friend.
 
Norseman82 said:
If people say you have to be happy alone before you can be married, point out that God stated in Genesis that it is not good for the man to be alone.
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I totally agree. I never get why people say you need to happy alone first. I doubt any of my married friends were 100% happy by themselves before they got married. Happy enough, I suppose, but most likely overall happier now.
 
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