Finding a good relationship

[Abraxsis]

Why is it so hard to find a good relationship?
(rhetorical question)

Does the Church have some kind of meet up where you can meet others that have the same values as you or are you stuck to filter through everything on your own. I would like to eventually get married and have children someday, but all my relationships have been for the wrong reasons and they never work out. I know that a good relationoship should be with a Christ centered life but Ive never really had one. They have been physical relationships not spiritual.

 

[homewardangel]

Its funny, when I come to these type of forums - my on line life - I hear people who say these types of things…but in my real life its next to impossible to have a discussion on this topic. Except maybe with some married people. I don’t know even 1 single person who would be interested in this discussion. People want to get together for many different reasons, but not for the reasons that I need

you’re not the only one who feels that way

Terry

by the way - I am single and frustrated

 

[StephanieC]

It’s good that you’ve come to this realization now, as a single person.

Like you, I came to the same realization about the emptiness of my prior relationships. So I swore off all dating for a few years, got my priorities straight, came back to the Church & was confirmed. I figured it couldn’t hurt to be proactive and maximize the # of channels open to finding a spouse, so in addition to getting active in my parish, I joined www.avemariasingles.com.
Nine months later, my (now) husband contacted me.

Do a search here for “online dating” or “singles websites” and a ton of threads will come up for you to read about other forum members’ opinions about various sites & experiences.

Keep the bar set high; be bold in your prayers, be firm in your faith & God will answer your prayers as He knows is best for you!

 

[duskyjewel]

I know where I live there is a program called Multi Parish Singles, where they do have regular meetings for single people interested in meeting each other in a Catholic setting.

That’s no guarantee they’ll share your values, but it’s a good start. Perhaps ask at your parish or diocese office if there is a program like this. If there isn’t maybe you can help get one started!

 

[skooche]

Most diocese have young adult and single Catholics groups that meet for fellowship and prayer.

You may also want to check out your area for Theology On Tap discussions. These are very low-key and low-pressure, and at the few meetings I’ve been to I’ve always walked away with at least one new friend.

I met my current boyfriend through various mutual friends. We’re both musicians, and very spiritual people. I was a bit worried about the relationship at first, because he wasn’t Catholic. But now he attends Mass with me at least once a week and intends on completing RCIA classes later this fall!

 

[I_A]

Abraxis, if you consider yourself a “Gnostic Christian” I, as a Catholic, wouldn’t want to date you or advise a sibling of mine date you. By titling yourself as such you make it apparent we don’t share the same values.

The root cause of all relationship issues in my opinion is this: sin. Because of sin, the chance that the other may hurt us, we must guard ourselves. Because of sin we hurt others. Because of original sin we can’t escape this.

Edit: No offense meant, I’m just pointing out if your values are rooted in “Gnostic Christianity” which aren’t compatible with Christianity and are rooted in fundamentally different views of the origin of man, the nature of God, our destiny, and how we should live our lives.

 

[hasikelee]

Have you taken a good hard look at your life and your lifestyle?

Anything need work? A facelift? A change?

Maybe focusing on yourself for awhile will help out in the long run.

 

[Abraxsis]

Well I am a confirmed Roman Catholic.

The thing is though, I have always had questions about the faith, some of which were gnawing at me. I was too afraid to bring them up to a priest because I didnt want to be excommunicated or something. Being here I am safe to get my questions answered and I think they have been. So I guess what Im saying is that Im not entirely sure that Gnosticism is for me and I’ll leave it at that. I’ll find my own way with that.

Its the ethics I am looking for. Thats what is so difficult to find. The heretical things you hear about I never did. It was only in thought.

 

[ljprevo]

I found my wife at www.catholicsingles.com

 

[duskyjewel]

Well I am a confirmed Roman Catholic.

The thing is though, I have always had questions about the faith, some of which were gnawing at me. I was too afraid to bring them up to a priest because I didnt want to be excommunicated or something.

As a confirmed Roman Catholic, you should know that you can ask questions and have doubts without being excommunicated. I’m sorry, but I just find that ridiculous, that you would actually think that was a real risk. If they haven’t excommunicated John Kerry, the entire Cuomo and Kennedy clans, or Rudolph Giuliani, whose public stances and lifestyles are clearly in violation of Church teaching, they’re going to excommunicate some anonymous Catholic who has some honest questions and doubts? The PP has a point, though, that by calling yourself a Gnostic Christian, you are putting yourself outside the Catholic Church. And any Catholic should think long and hard before dating you if they really want to have a Catholic relationship, and eventually a Catholic home, with you.

 

[Abraxsis]

As a confirmed Roman Catholic, you should know that you can ask questions and have doubts without being excommunicated. I’m sorry, but I just find that ridiculous, that you would actually think that was a real risk. If they haven’t excommunicated John Kerry, the entire Cuomo and Kennedy clans, or Rudolph Giuliani, whose public stances and lifestyles are clearly in violation of Church teaching, they’re going to excommunicate some anonymous Catholic who has some honest questions and doubts? The PP has a point, though, that by calling yourself a Gnostic Christian, you are putting yourself outside the Catholic Church. And any Catholic should think long and hard before dating you if they really want to have a Catholic relationship, and eventually a Catholic home, with you.

Well Im sorry you feel that way but I honestly was not comfortable talking with my clergy about it. I dont find that ridiculous because those things happen from time to time. Maybe it wasnt so much the excommunicated thing I was worried about, more like what everyone else in the community would think.

Perhaps if I brought it up in confession…

 

[I_A]

Gnosticism is very bizarre. There are many denominations of gnosticism but they have the same basic principles: evil is necessary for existence. (It has it’s corollaries like men are corrupted spirits or variants thereof.) At its core is also the effectiveness of magic rituals and discovering of hidden knowledge (thus gnosis.) Key to it is the existence of multiple, nine is often the number I hear most often, gods emanating from what would best be described as the great unknown. Its extreme hatred of sex and the body is really bizzare.

Its a parasitical religion that assimilates figures and people (like Jesus) putting their words in his mouth. If you want a primary source read The Gospel of Thomas (a document written by a gnostic at a latter date wrote it under his name, not uncommon at the time.)
Gospel of Thomas 114:

114 Simon Peter said to them, “Make Mary leave us, for females don’t deserve life.”
2 Jesus said, “Look, I will guide her to make her male, so that she too may become a living spirit resembling you males. 3For every female who makes herself male will enter the domain of Heaven.”

For just a brief description of their cosmology:
Catholic Encyclopedia:

Gnosticism is thinly disguised Pantheism. In the beginning was the Depth; the Fulness of Being; the Not-Being God; the First Father, the Monad, the Man; the First Source, the unknown God (Bythos pleroma, ouk on theos, propator, monas, anthropos, proarche, hagnostos theos), or by whatever other name it might be called. This undefined infinite Something, though it might be addressed by the title of the Good God, was not a personal Being, but, like Tad of Brahma of the Hindus, the “Great Unknown” of modern thought. The Unknown God, however, was in the beginning pure spirituality; matter as yet was not.

This source of all being causes to emanate (proballei) from itself a number of pure spirit forces. In the different systems these emanations are differently named, classified, and described, but the emanation theory itself is common too all forms of Gnosticism. In the Basilidian Gnosis they are called sonships (uiotetes), in Valentinianism they form antithetic pairs or “syzygies” (syzygoi); Depth and Silence produce Mind and Truth; these produce Reason and Life, these again Man and State (ekklesia). According to Marcus, they are numbers and sounds.

These are the primary roots of the Æons. With bewildering fertility hierarchies of Æons are thus produced, sometimes to the number of thirty. These Æons belong to the purely ideal, noumenal, intelligible, or supersensible world; they are immaterial, they are hypostatic ideas. Together with the source from which they emanate they form the pleroma.

The transition from the immaterial to the material, from the noumenal to the sensible, is brought about by a flaw, or a passion, or a sin, in one of the Æons. …

The ultimate end of all Gnosis is metanoia, or repentance, the undoing of the sin of material existence and the return to the Pleroma.

newadvent.org/cathen/06592a.htm

If you wish to call yourself gnostic, be sure you believe what gnostics believe. The wikipedia article is also pretty good about the different varieties of it.

Edit: I’m not trying to be harsh, I’m just saying be careful about what you believe, test it with reason and truth. One of the beauties of Catholicism is the Truth.

 

[johntkd]

Why is it so hard to find a good relationship?
(rhetorical question)

Does the Church have some kind of meet up where you can meet others that have the same values as you or are you stuck to filter through everything on your own. I would like to eventually get married and have children someday, but all my relationships have been for the wrong reasons and they never work out. I know that a good relationoship should be with a Christ centered life but Ive never really had one. They have been physical relationships not spiritual.

Good question I lowered my expected values and the dang filter still seems clogged or the line going to it is not sure which,
right now I would settle for someone breathing and female to try and start a relationship with oh and over 18 and under 55

still not easy to come by, could be my double ugliness, ( got hit with an ugly stick a few hundred too many times and a 1977 olds delta 88 4 door lol…)

Good luck to you though I have given up at my age now
John.

 

[GodsPrincess]

I’m in my early 20s, and I meet nice guys all the time, but I find it amusing because if I show interest, I am quickly disheartened because in my mind, I’m thinking, “Aww cool, a really nice guy…” and I am soon to find out that he’s looking at me, sizing me up thinking, “Awesome, I’ll score tonight.”

I don’t have a lot of Catholic friends (that I see regularly or that are not online) and the majority of my church congregation is over the age of 50 lol… the only Christian’s I come across are Evangelical protestants who I am sure that if I got together with, we’d be forever trying to convert one another,

I have given up the search. I am really not a huge fan of the internet dating site thing… It costs money, and I’m far too shy to meet someone from the internet. (Which sounds a bit strange)…

Perhaps I am not looking for marriage just yet, but the company of a nice, respectable Catholic guy would be very nice. But sooo hard to come by!

 

[drafdog]

Finding Catholic young adults shouldn’t be that hard. We have always had the CYO (Catholic Youth Organization). Try the young adults’ club at your parish or a neighboring parish. I went to a Catholic university as well as belonging to the young adults’ club. I’ve been married now for almost 36 years.

Matthew

 

[exoflare]

I’m in my early 20s, and I meet nice guys all the time, but I find it amusing because if I show interest, I am quickly disheartened because in my mind, I’m thinking, “Aww cool, a really nice guy…” and I am soon to find out that he’s looking at me, sizing me up thinking, “Awesome, I’ll score tonight.”

Are these Catholic guys that act like this? I don’t even bother with anyone that’s not a serious Catholic. Of course, that’s a big part of why I’m currently stuck in the dating desert right now.

 

[dolphinlove]

Oh the dating game is so much fun… NOT!
At 35 years of age, im sick of it.
I met a guy at my local parish, he was a devout catholic, as i was getting ‘closer’ to him, he disappeared off the face of the earth. I really didnt know anyone else at the parish at the time, now ive made many friends there and im dying to know where he has gone, but i still havent got the courage to ask yet…

It doesnt really faze me to much if i settle down or not, I have God in my life and i love to do different things, so im never really bored.
And if i do find that special someone… bonus!!!

 

[chevalier]

I’m in my early 20s, and I meet nice guys all the time, but I find it amusing because if I show interest, I am quickly disheartened because in my mind, I’m thinking, “Aww cool, a really nice guy…” and I am soon to find out that he’s looking at me, sizing me up thinking, “Awesome, I’ll score tonight.”

Perhaps you’re looking at the wrong guys then? This is not to say he has to pretend you’re ugly, but the look you describe is probably unmistakable for any honest admiration. Well… Maybe try and gather what traits you associate with niceness and see if maybe there is something wrong there?

I don’t have a lot of Catholic friends (that I see regularly or that are not online) and the majority of my church congregation is over the age of 50 lol… the only Christian’s I come across are Evangelical protestants who I am sure that if I got together with, we’d be forever trying to convert one another,

I can so see myself in you. You’re pretty and you have a sense of humour. Okay, okay, sorry. Well, maybe find some new friends through an organised sport or some activity group? Not all sports will have sensible and sensitive (at the same time) guys on the team, but things like mountain climbing and making long routes with a backpack aren’t really made for douchebags who want to score. Then what… chess club? Maybe the guys will be a little bit anti-social, but at least they’ll be smart.

I have given up the search. I am really not a huge fan of the internet dating site thing… It costs money, and I’m far too shy to meet someone from the internet. (Which sounds a bit strange)…

Yeah, I understand that. I don’t really have the feeling any more, but I surely know what you’re talking about. I say, the sooner it moves on to reality, the better. If it drags on as an online relationship, that’s risky. Besides, the Internet knows no geographical boundaries, while local groups are, well, by definition, local, so the guys don’t live too far away.

Perhaps I am not looking for marriage just yet, but the company of a nice, respectable Catholic guy would be very nice.

Aye, that’s what Wiccan and atheist girls say too.

 

[GodsPrincess]

Perhaps you’re looking at the wrong guys then? This is not to say he has to pretend you’re ugly, but the look you describe is probably unmistakable for any honest admiration. Well… Maybe try and gather what traits you associate with niceness and see if maybe there is something wrong there?

Hahaha, nooo, I’ve only met those particular guys at clubs and bars and you know, normal 23 yr old secular hang outs lol… (Just for the record, I don’t generally hang out in places like that, but there is only so many times I can give the “IM busy” excuse to my very secular friends)

I can so see myself in you. You’re pretty and you have a sense of humour. Okay, okay, sorry.

LOL! And modest, too!

Well, maybe find some new friends through an organised sport or some activity group? Not all sports will have sensible and sensitive (at the same time) guys on the team, but things like mountain climbing and making long routes with a backpack aren’t really made for douchebags who want to score.

LOL. Unfortunately I find most sports to be particularly offensive, and also, I have one lung… I find anything that requires physical endurance too much effort… I have to stop every five minutes to take a breath… Hahaa I’ll be chasing after everyone goin’ “WAIT FOR pant me!!! Guys!!!” hahaha.

Then what… chess club? Maybe the guys will be a little bit anti-social, but at least they’ll be smart.

Can’t have a guy that’s got more brains than me… not that that would EVER be possible, but you know No seriously, part of the problem is that I am originally from “the big smoke” and I am living in the little, little smoke… in fact, … there’s no smoke, the smoke fizzled out… that’s how small this country town is. It’s make up is of old people… hence why there’s no nice young respectable lads around lol. They’re all too busy in the pub. Pubbing it up real nice.

Yeah, I understand that. I don’t really have the feeling any more, but I surely know what you’re talking about. I say, the sooner it moves on to reality, the better. If it drags on as an online relationship, that’s risky. Besides, the Internet knows no geographical boundaries, while local groups are, well, by definition, local, so the guys don’t live too far away.

I have had TOO many strange internet experiences to try out something like that… but who knows, stranger things have happened I guess? I’m doomed to be single forever, only being shown interest by middle aged country blokes in their best flannel wear and smiling at me with their missing teeth… lol!

Nah, I’ll be right… I don’t plan to live here forever.

 

[chevalier]

Hahaha, nooo, I’ve only met those particular guys at clubs and bars and you know, normal 23 yr old secular hang outs lol… (Just for the record, I don’t generally hang out in places like that, but there is only so many times I can give the “IM busy” excuse to my very secular friends)

Hah. Well… I went to a law faculty party in 2002 and that was all I needed to lose interest. Some kept dying until 2003 or something, but then it gave up and accomplished the process. I would actually “die” to take a normal lady friend to a normal dancing, you know, but given that the latter is even harder to find than the former, I’m sort of stuck with various alcoholic consumption with fellow gents. I can’t stand the music in most clubs or pubs here and it all generally feels like substandard entertainment.

LOL! And modest, too!

Yes, let’s not forget modest.

LOL. Unfortunately I find most sports to be particularly offensive, and also, I have one lung… I find anything that requires physical endurance too much effort… I have to stop every five minutes to take a breath… Hahaa I’ll be chasing after everyone goin’ “WAIT FOR pant me!!! Guys!!!” hahaha.

Auch. Feel for you. I have asthma and the last time I tried running 500 metres or something, I tasted my very blood. But I got that bus.

Can’t have a guy that’s got more brains than me… not that that would EVER be possible, but you know

Funny, that’s about how I feel about girls.

No seriously, part of the problem is that I am originally from “the big smoke” and I am living in the little, little smoke… in fact, … there’s no smoke, the smoke fizzled out… that’s how small this country town is. It’s make up is of old people… hence why there’s no nice young respectable lads around lol. They’re all too busy in the pub. Pubbing it up real nice.

Hmm… Here’s the two million inhabited capital city of a Catholic country where 90% people are baptised Catholic and some more %% other Christian. And there are several universities, not counting “higher schools” also able to grant a degree, so hordes of students. And guess what. The “turn your head after chev” effect is as strong as ever, while “sine prole” on the tombstone is also about as likely as ever. Well, maybe just a little less. All environments have their own problems in this regard, it seems, and none are spared. And some people just can’t seem to make it.

I have had TOO many strange internet experiences to try out something like that… but who knows, stranger things have happened I guess?

Feel for you… Been there done that.

I’m doomed to be single forever, only being shown interest by middle aged country blokes in their best flannel wear and smiling at me with their missing teeth… lol!

Feel for you… Not like middle aged men in flannels chase after me, no, contrary even, every single time I go out I end up exchanging smiles and waves and whatnot with a nice girl or two (or five) that I’ve never seen before, but once I actually cast my net on someone I always end up the friend. Some people just find someone, fall for him, and they’re set (for decades of trouble ), regardless of whether they come from a place like yours or a place like mine. Some people… well. Some people don’t.