Finding a good relationship

[GodsPrincess]

I am reviving this thread because … 5 or so months on… I am still in the same situation I was in back then!! Only, someone gained interest in me from my church who … let’s just say, makes me highly uncomfortable. He is not a bad person, in fact he is quite lovely, but he is SO much older than me… He would easily be around my Dad’s age and it makes me uncomfortable. He has presented me with gifts, and offers to attend church and other things with him.

I have recently heard that he has been taking another woman from church to lunch and stuff though, so I am almost sure that he has lost interest in me… I can only hope!!!

WHY IS IT SO HARD TO FIND A NICE CATHOLIC GUY!??? (Who btw isn’t more than 20 yrs older than I am?? lol)

Is anyone else still in this same situation!?

 

[homewardangel]

Don’t feel alone. I am in the same situation. I understand how frustrating it can be.

I don’t understand why I can’t, I try not to believe that its me. I hate to think that there’s something wrong with me - but I would gladly fix something if it were something fixable (i.e. don’t talk too much, change my style, lose weight, gain weight, ect…)

I don’t know. I would be open to any suggestions. I honestly feel like I have problems for a couple of reasons:

1 - I am not looking for just anyone to hang out with or jump in the sack with. I do have some standards. I think by having standards I cut out 80 to 90% of the population!!!

2 - I live in a relatively rural area. So my number of opportunities are fairly small to begin with…then I narrow my choices down by wanting a catholic - who actually goes to church.

Hang in there

Terry

 

[GodsPrincess]

Terry! Those two problems that you encounter are the same problems I encounter! I am also from a rural area where there is less choice and mostly the elderly surrounding us!

 

[Sierrah]

Have you ever thought about starting up your own group. God helps those who help themselves. I’d run the idea by your parish priest and see what he says.

 

[GodsPrincess]

We have very, very little make up of young adults at our parish. For instance, I have never ever met any male under the age of 40, or over the age of 18 who has not attended without duress. lol.

And yes, I am aware that God helps those who help themselves, but sometimes it’s actually an impossibility to find someone when you are in limited circumstances. Rural = a country area, and generally country towns have a make up of elderly which is exactly who the parishioners are – mostly over the age of 50, or 40-somethings married couples.

If I had the interest, and the capacity to do so, I would have began “networking” or forming a bible group or some type of social group, long ago! =)

 

[FanChan]

I was in the same situation with dating. I used to live in a big city, but once I graduated high school and decided not to go to college, we picked up and moved out of the rat race, to a nice, quiet, empty mining/college town. The Catholic community is really strong here, don’t get me wrong, but without having gone to school here, having a bum knee that doesn’t let me do sports, and with all of the activities going on at the church being made up of the older people, there really wasn’t any chance of me meeting someone my own age - and if I did meet someone at a restaurant or at the mall, chances are he was a university student and lived on the other side of the country

However, I’ve always been very active on the internet. I went to a small elementry/middle school and didn’t make any great friends that lived nearby there, so the only way I could really interact with people my own age was to go online. High school was a bit different, but still, I was the tomboy and little-sister type. Every guy I liked saw me as their little sister What a headache. So I kept up my interest with net friends, even tried to have a few relationships, but they always fell through - and fell through hard, at that…lots of crying with some of those break-ups

Once we moved here, and I realized that my vocation was to be a wife and mother, I realized I couldn’t just sit around and wait for my guy to come along anymore, so I started using singles sites. At first, before I learned that there were sites just for Catholics, I used a few generic - and free to a point - sites, one of which was singlesnet.com.

My dad was wary about it at first, but after I went on my first couple of dates with a decent guy, he seemed to lighten up a bit, especially when he saw how happy it made me to finally be dating (I honestly didn’t date at all before I turned 19). So, he heard about catholicsingles.com on the radio and bought me a month’s subscription as a present. While I talked to a few nice guys, just about all of them were quite a distance away, and one of them was a complete jerk - he was basically a Fundamentalist in Catholic skin…

Then I learned about avemariasingles.com. This site really caters to its members. Not only is there only a one-time fee of something like $130 (Which equals about a year’s subscription to any other singles site), but they offer retreats and vacations and cruises and things for their members. They cost, of course, but they’re actually providing an opportunity for members who don’t live near each other to come and meet in a safe, faith-filled environment. Their retreats usually consist of talks on marriage and dating by famous speakers, time for adoration, then plenty of time left over for meeting and getting to know some people.

I never got a whole lot of interest from the catholic sites, though. I was lucky enough to find a very conservative catholic guy on singlesnet.com just before my subscription ran out, and he only lives about four hours away Sometimes you just get lucky.

I can say that those of you who are finding it frustrating to find someone, you might just want to think about discerning a religious life. You never know what could be a sign. I’d made the personal decision that if I wasn’t at the very least in a serious relationship by 25, I’d start looking at becoming a sister. But, then, I have a strong calling to both being wife of Christ and a wife of man Can’t say that that’d be a choice for everyone, but hey, think about it, yeah?

 

[GodsPrincess]

I don’t think a religious vocation is one for me, at all… I have enough trouble staying on the straight and narrow!! lol.

I have considered singles websites, but I don’t really have a lot of confidence in that respect … I’d prefer to meet someone face-to-face cos I can’t really deal with the anticipation of meeting someone from the internet who I’ve been talking to – past experiences have led me to believe that’s not the way for me. I’ve had friends that I have known inside out for years and years by the internet and have met them and turned out to be complete disasters… So I think it’s so hit and miss… but I don’t know…

I am just hoping that I won’t have to stay in this area forever, hopefully I will be out of here before too long and I won’t have to worry about this.

 

[Jeanne_dArc]

I feel like I’m in the same boat, I live in a very rural area, which can be difficult. I don’t necessarily want to go into the whole Catholic internet dating scene. (Although I must admit I know a few people who met on Catholic dating websites. I don’t have anything against them, per say.)

 

[Norseman82]

The bottom line is to put faith and morals first when seeking a spouse.

IWHY IS IT SO HARD TO FIND A NICE CATHOLIC GUY!???

The nice Catholic guys are probably saying the same thing in regards to finding nice Catholic girls!

(Who btw isn’t more than 20 yrs older than I am?? lol)

Well, a lot of the nice Catholic guys who are in that older bracket will fall into a few categories:

1. They spent a good part of the “prime dating years” discerning priesthood, and once they discerned priesthood was not for them, all the decent women their age were already “taken”.
2. Because they are “nice guys”, they are often the ones taken for granted and rejected and never given a chance in favor of the “more exciting bad boy” and so are the ones “left behind”.

 

[GodsPrincess]

Well, I’m not exactly looking to marry tomorrow. I’m just looking to find someone to have company with. Marriage and commitment is the last thing I am looking to jump in to, as I don’t know enough about myself or my own spiritual journey yet… but actually, I guess even making female friends my own age would fall under the same umbrella. I come across Catholics who practise when it suits them and still engage in things that I, even before I reverted, never partook in, such as idle gossip, negative/derogatory judgment, etc – things that I’m always shocked to hear / listen to.

I guess the country town has a lot to do with it because away from home, I have a lot of amazing Catholic friends – but unfortunately it’s harder to not have them around my home environment because it is where I need my support network the most.

 

[chevalier]

The nice Catholic guys are probably saying the same thing in regards to finding nice Catholic girls!

I’d say, “oh yes, everyday,” but then it’d look as though I considered myself nice, which wouldn’t be too modest, so I won’t. All right?

1. They spent a good part of the “prime dating years” discerning priesthood, and once they discerned priesthood was not for them, all the decent women their age were already “taken”.

Ooops.

1. Because they are “nice guys”, they are often the ones taken for granted and rejected and never given a chance in favor of the “more exciting bad boy” and so are the ones “left behind”.

Yup. Then again, some are quite reserved when it comes to giving outward signs of things, you know, so it doesn’t always make the girl know what’s going on. Then again, that might not always be bad.