Finding a good spiritual director.

[moosears]

I am in desperate need of a good, properly trained spiritual director to assist me in my journey through this life toward the beatific vision. What sort of things should one take into consideration when choosing a guide for the spiritual life? I also live out in the country and with the cost of gasoline these days, I was wondering if it could be done over the internet or by phone. All comments welcome.

 

[PhilotheaZ]

First of all, I highly recommend the book Seeking Spiritual Direction by Father Thomas Dubay: amazon.com/Seeking-Spiritual-Direction-Divine-Within/dp/0892838108/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1217690176&sr=8-1

Until you get the book, here are some things you might look for in a director:

• Solid knowledge of and absolute faithfulness to the teachings of the Church
• A deep prayer life of his own. One of the main duties of a spiritual director is to assist you in your prayer life. If he is not a person of deep prayer, how can he help you?
• Ability to assist you with relationship problems and other personal issues (and the wisdom to know when to refer to other professionals when necessary — there is a difference between a spiritual director and a psychologist)
• I prefer to have a priest as a spiritual director, although this is not an absolute necessity. A priest has special graces for this work by virtue of his ordination, and I like to go to confession to my director (since I am baring my soul to him anyway).

 

[moosears]

Thanks for your prompt response, PhilotheaZ. Excellent points and I intend to gain a copy of Fr.'s book asap. Thanks again and let’s pray for one another.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

PhilotheaZ gave you a good list of things to look for. I would add that after you meet with someone a few times you will be able to evaluate if you can trust this person completely and if you are growing in your spiritual life. Someone can be good and holy but still not be a good director for you.

It’s nice to have a priest for a director because you can also go to confession to him, but don’t necessarily limit yourself that way – priests can be hard to find. And for various reasons someone might prefer a director who is married and/or female.

I can’t quite imagine doing spiritual direction by phone or e-mail. Perhaps if you were already meeting with someone and something came up where you needed to confer, phone or e-mail might be acceptable. But you lose so much between a conversation in person and one by phone or e-mail. Being able to look someone in the eyes or sitting together in silence can also be part of spiritual direction.

 

[Augustine]

I’d add that it’s important that the director is at least very familiar, but preferably lives the same spirituality as yours. For instance, if your spirituality is more of the Carmelite type, a director whose spirituality is of the Jesuit type is not well equipped to follow you in your struggles and challenges. Otherwise, the potential for spiritual growth can be stifled if he cannot guide you along the path that the Lord is calling you.

 

[moosears]

Thank you all for your replies. I prefer to have spiritual direction done in the context of a personal encounter. As you have said, SuscipeMeDomine, this gives the director an opportunity to discern things that cannot possibly be revealed by way of phone or e-mail. Augustine brings up a good point too. Although I am not aware, fully, where my spirituality is leaning at this time. I have been away from Holy Mass and the sacraments for about 3 yrs. and have recently been joined to Rome in full communion. I am still discovering the spirituality that is most suitable to me.

 

[Joannm]

I am reciving spiritual direction via e-mail and phone but that is not my choice…my director has been sent for graduate work in Rome. I can tell you it is not ideal at all. I have found the last two year very difficult. We usually have the opportunity to talk in person the two or three times he has come home. Hopefully in a few months he will complete his disseration and come home for good. I had/have considered getting a temporary director but I have a problem with trust and since I trust this person completely I feel it best to stick with a much less than idea situation for a few more months