Finding a Spiritual Advisor

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I’ve been wanting to have a spiritual advisor for a long time. I feel like my faith at age 26 is still sort of stalled in the adolescent phase and I really want to take it to the next level. I was wondering if anyone who has one can tell me how you went about finding one. Did you just call up your parish and ask if one of the priests was available to be a spiritual advisor? Did you ask a priest directly that you already knew fairly well? I don’t really know my parish priests personally but they both seem like they would be excellent advisors.

Do you think most parish priests are too busy to be a spiritual advisor? Part of me feels kind of bad asking because I know they are very busy already. I think there are also nuns and laypeople who are spirtual advisors. Anyone have one of those? How did you go about finding them? What are the advantages or disadvantages of having a nun or layperson as opposed to a priest?

How often do you meet with your spiritual advisor and for how long? I was thinking I would like to meet with them about once a month or so. Has having a spiritual advisor helped you significantly with your spiritual life? Thanks!
 
Hi there,

You will find some helpful advice here:

sdiworld.org/find_a_spiritual_director.html

It very much depends on what you are looking for. If you are looking for a spiritual director, someone to accompany you in your faith, and encourage you to grow in your relationship with God, then this may be the way to go.

Your local priest may be helpful - but not all are trained in direction, or have the time to give an hour a month. There are those who offer this kind of service full time and may be better able to accommodate you.

I would suggest having a look at the spiritual direction international webpage. Also, you might want to see if there is a Jesuit or Benedictine community near to where you live, since both these groups have long traditions of spiritual direction. Even if not able to help themselves, they will be able to recommend someone locally.

I see a spiritual director (a laywoman) monthly, for around an hour. It is wonderful. I think lay/nun/priest is less important than whether you ‘click’ with someone - whether you feel safe talking to them, and whether they seem to understand what you’re trying to communicate. A good director will always meet you the first time and then encourage you to go away and see if it feels right to you. You will then contact them if you want to continue. I would also be wary of a director who ‘tells’ you what to do in the decisions of your life (they may advise on prayer) - the purpose is to help you grow in maturity and awareness of God, to be better equipped to live your life in faith, not to produce a dependency relationship.

Hope that’s some help.
 
Contact your local diocese and ask them if they have a listing of spiritual directors. One thing of importance, you have to find the right director for you. Your personalities, your time schedule, the distance of traveling etc…may not click but keep praying on it. It took me three spiritual directors before I found one that really suited my needs. The other two were fine holy people however, due to differences in our work schedules, time allowed to commit to it etc…we didn’t click. But now I have one, and when I come back home, my spouse says to me…you look differently, more relaxed, more at peace and more focused, you must have met with your spiritual director. With all things, pray first, last and all the hours in between. It is the best thing, I have ever done. I have grown in my faith, learned to discern my direction in life, also made peace with my quick temper and more than that, I have grown closer in my love and hunger to grow closer to God.
 
At different stage of life we need different focus on spiritual direction.

You have to first access your own need and seek a spiritual director accordingly. I would think about my major needs and focus on those points first.

Do you need someone to help your prayer life?
Do you need someone to help overcome certain weakness?
Do you need someone to help sort out problems?
Do you need someone to help discern important issues?
Do you need someone to challenge you in your daily walk with the Lord?
Do you need someone to help enhance your spirituality?
Do you need someone to help strive for holiness?
The needs could be all the above, but which ones are the most pressing needs? Keep your needs in mind when searching for potential SD.

A good book “Seeking Spiritual Direction – How to Grow the Divine Life Within” by Fr. Dubay could be helpful.

Personality match is very important. I personally prefer a priest as my SD. Pray about it and God will lead you. That’s how I found mine - I can see how God led me to my current SD.
 
I had my first meeting with mine this evening. I called my parish priest a month ago and he pointed me to a local Redemptorist priest. The meeting was just a: Where are you, what brought you here, where do you want to go with your spiritual life.
 
sdeco said:
I’ve been wanting to have a spiritual advisor for a long time. I feel like my faith at age 26 is still sort of stalled in the adolescent phase and I really want to take it to the next level. I was wondering if anyone who has one can tell me how you went about finding one. Did you just call up your parish and ask if one of the priests was available to be a spiritual advisor? Did you ask a priest directly that you already knew fairly well? I don’t really know my parish priests personally but they both seem like they would be excellent advisors.

Do you think most parish priests are too busy to be a spiritual advisor? Part of me feels kind of bad asking because I know they are very busy already. I think there are also nuns and laypeople who are spirtual advisors. Anyone have one of those? How did you go about finding them? What are the advantages or disadvantages of having a nun or layperson as opposed to a priest?

How often do you meet with your spiritual advisor and for how long? I was thinking I would like to meet with them about once a month or so. Has having a spiritual advisor helped you significantly with your spiritual life? Thanks!
Click to expand...
You might be able to find someone good and that would be nice, but when it comes right down to it you pretty much have to learn from God yourself if you really want to grow.
 
I went to a nun for a while. I think our main problem was we didn’t click. I have not tried to find a new SD yet. However, I called a local Jesuit community and they had a list. Retreat centers and religious communities seem to usually offer SD.
I am just a little older then you and I know what you are saying. I actually feel that my bigger problem is that the people around me still expect me to be some silly teenager. Groups I work with don’t seem to value my (name removed by moderator)ut as much as people who are older. I know with age comes wisdom, but there are some intelligent and ‘on fire’ people in their 20’s and 30’s. It helps me handle my faith in a more ‘mature’ manner when people realize that we want to be held to higher standards. But, back to topic…I think SD can be a wonderful thing. The nun I worked with was great, just not a good click. Lay people or deacons can be nice because they can be married…this seems to help some people talk about relationships. Priests are wonderful because they can also be your confessor, however, they are very busy.
 
I agree with calling your deacon, if there’s one at your parish. 🙂
 
Seeker100 said:
You might be able to find someone good and that would be nice, but when it comes right down to it you pretty much have to learn from God yourself if you really want to grow.
Click to expand...
Dear Friend - What I like about your thought here is that you demonstrate a great deal of personal responsibility. The challenge is one of perspective. “Blind Spots” are blind spots because we cannot see them. Without the help of someone objectively working with us to understand our sin tendencies, our progress in virtue etc, we are not likely to have an accurate perspective and could very well lead ourselves confidently to hell.

As well, serious Catholics have a constant desire to delve deeper into their relationship with Christ through prayer and virtue. Almost without exception (even with the Saints) they require the perspective of someone who has already overcome particular sins or imperfections or someone who has effectively achieved certain spiritual disciplines or levels of prayer and union with Christ.

The bottom line, there is no place in scripture or tradition that encourages people to make it without their fellow travelers in the faith…
 
My Archdiocese has a lay Spiritual Direction Certification program and maintains a list of directors. I have not used their program however. Check with your Diocese.

My SD is my ex Pastor. His order has moved him to a different church however we still talk via phone or sometimes in person.

My suggestion is to pray often for this. God will bring someone into your life.

Mike
 
Squirrelmonkey said:
I had my first meeting with mine this evening. I called my parish priest a month ago and he pointed me to a local Redemptorist priest. The meeting was just a: Where are you, what brought you here, where do you want to go with your spiritual life.
Click to expand...
Dear SM - so - what is the next step, did he tell you what the follow-up would be? Just curious.
 
sdeco said:
I’ve been wanting to have a spiritual advisor for a long time. I feel like my faith at age 26 is still sort of stalled in the adolescent phase and I really want to take it to the next level. I was wondering if anyone who has one can tell me how you went about finding one. Did you just call up your parish and ask if one of the priests was available to be a spiritual advisor? Did you ask a priest directly that you already knew fairly well? I don’t really know my parish priests personally but they both seem like they would be excellent advisors.

Do you think most parish priests are too busy to be a spiritual advisor? Part of me feels kind of bad asking because I know they are very busy already. I think there are also nuns and laypeople who are spirtual advisors. Anyone have one of those? How did you go about finding them? What are the advantages or disadvantages of having a nun or layperson as opposed to a priest?

How often do you meet with your spiritual advisor and for how long? I was thinking I would like to meet with them about once a month or so. Has having a spiritual advisor helped you significantly with your spiritual life? Thanks!
Click to expand...
It’s essential to your faith to have a good one. I will pray for you in the process of finding one. Pray for me as well, I need a new one for the last three years now. Mine moved away, and I have felt a hole ever since. Saint Faustina speaks on the importance of such a thing.
 
It must be nice to have a spiritual director. I’ve mainly had spiritual direction on retreats otherwise it’s been dry. At this point in my life (I’m 58), I’ve given up on the possibility. Basically, I’m tired of looking and getting no results.
 
Micki said:
It must be nice to have a spiritual director. I’ve mainly had spiritual direction on retreats otherwise it’s been dry. At this point in my life (I’m 58), I’ve given up on the possibility. Basically, I’m tired of looking and getting no results.
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Dear Micki - I am sorry to hear you have given up. If you don’t mind me asking out of sincere interest - where have you looked?
 
I had been involved with a retreat center a few years ago, but the Sister in charge was not orthodox. Since then I have had very few if any leads. Maybe I should be more aggressive.
 
I struggled with this for years, as every good director I found retired or moved away. in joining the Benedictine Oblates I have a ready source for spiritual direction inbuilt to the program, so this or any secular order is something you may wish to consider for that reason
 
sdeco said:
I’ve been wanting to have a spiritual advisor for a long time. I feel like my faith at age 26 is still sort of stalled in the adolescent phase and I really want to take it to the next level. I was wondering if anyone who has one can tell me how you went about finding one. Did you just call up your parish and ask if one of the priests was available to be a spiritual advisor? Did you ask a priest directly that you already knew fairly well? I don’t really know my parish priests personally but they both seem like they would be excellent advisors.

Do you think most parish priests are too busy to be a spiritual advisor? Part of me feels kind of bad asking because I know they are very busy already. I think there are also nuns and laypeople who are spirtual advisors. Anyone have one of those? How did you go about finding them? What are the advantages or disadvantages of having a nun or layperson as opposed to a priest?

How often do you meet with your spiritual advisor and for how long? I was thinking I would like to meet with them about once a month or so. Has having a spiritual advisor helped you significantly with your spiritual life? Thanks!
Click to expand...
This is a question that I have also wanted to ask, but just didn’t know how to word it. I think that frequent Confession helps, but I also think that having a Spiritual Advisor would help me more. as for the question presented on the original thread, Do you think that an average Parish Priest is too busy to be a Spiritual Director? Yes. P.S. Eddy, Thanks for posting that link, I will give it a whirl and see if I can find some help there.
 
Saint_wannabe said:
This is a question that I have also wanted to ask, but just didn’t know how to word it. I think that frequent Confession helps, but I also think that having a Spiritual Advisor would help me more. as for the question presented on the original thread, Do you think that an average Parish Priest is too busy to be a Spiritual Director? Yes. P.S. Eddy, Thanks for posting that link, I will give it a whirl and see if I can find some help there.
Click to expand...
Parish Priests are often very busy. However, I know a few who were more than willing to help those who were seriously seeking Christ. If you are called to this quest - don’t give up…

Here are two posts on how to approach a busy priest…

rcspiritualdirection.com/blog/2009/12/22/concern-about-seeking-out-and-approaching-a-spiritual-director-part-i-facing-the-challenge

rcspiritualdirection.com/blog/2009/12/29/concern-about-seeking-out-and-approaching-a-spiritual-director-part-ii-getting-the-the-first-meeting-set-up
 
puzzleannie said:
I struggled with this for years, as every good director I found retired or moved away. in joining the Benedictine Oblates I have a ready source for spiritual direction inbuilt to the program, so this or any secular order is something you may wish to consider for that reason
Click to expand...
I’ll consider any possibility but that’s not the issue–it’s availability. No such options are available in my area.
 
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