Finding a Spiritual Director

[sejoga]

Hello all. New to the forum here.

I joined specifically because I’ve really fallen away from my practice of the faith, and in large part because I fell into a pattern of sinfulness and immoral behavior that I haven’t really wanted to confront spiritually.

I’ve actually been seeing a secular therapist because I’ve been struggling with life difficulties generally, and the experience has helped me to see that I would benefit greatly (I think) from a similar sort of spiritual direction in my practice of the faith.

I’ve long had a tendency to try to behave “super religious” for brief periods of time where I become very actively prayerful and go to confession a lot, followed by extreme periods of dryness and apathy. (In fact, my therapist has pointed out a lot of my life’s behaviors are “bulimic”… vacillating between binges and then self-denial, in a way that’s unhealthy generally. This is true of my religious practice as well.)

A lot of my problem has been that once I went off to college, I felt isolated from the faith community I had always known and I haven’t really felt “at home” with other Catholics and parishes and religious groups the way I did when I was young. Now that I’m officially closer to thirty than I am to twenty, though, I realize I need to “grow up” and find that sort of “spiritual home” that I’ve been missing and I think spiritual direction would be a good step for me. My single biggest problem has always been that I don’t use the Church to build relationships with other people… I just try to go in and do the bare minimum of compliance with the Church at large, then I try to handle my spiritual life privately and alone. I think I really need the human connection in there in order to grow from where I’m at, though.

So, to bring my rambling to a bit of a close, I wondered if anyone has any experience or advice about finding a good spiritual director? I’m relocating to a new city soon, so I really won’t know even where to look or who to ask, but I’m also thinking that this new phase of my life would be an opportune time to get a fresh start in my spiritual life as well.

How should I search for a director? Who are good sorts of people to ask? What should I realistically expect? What should I be concerned about? Answers to any of these questions, as well as any other comments or advice, will be very welcome!

And I ask for your prayers as well. Thanks!

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

Spiritual direction isn’t a form of therapy on par with seeing a therapist. If you’re not even a faithful regular practicing Catholic, before seeking spiritual direction, you need to make a good honest effort to be a faithful practicing Catholic.

Good spiritual directors are limited, and thus, are very selective of whom they agree to be ones spiritual director.

 

[Phil_Marinus]

Hello all. New to the forum here.

I joined specifically because I’ve really fallen away from my practice of the faith, and in large part because I fell into a pattern of sinfulness and immoral behavior that I haven’t really wanted to confront spiritually.

I’ve actually been seeing a secular therapist because I’ve been struggling with life difficulties generally, and the experience has helped me to see that I would benefit greatly (I think) from a similar sort of spiritual direction in my practice of the faith.

I’ve long had a tendency to try to behave “super religious” for brief periods of time where I become very actively prayerful and go to confession a lot, followed by extreme periods of dryness and apathy. (In fact, my therapist has pointed out a lot of my life’s behaviors are “bulimic”… vacillating between binges and then self-denial, in a way that’s unhealthy generally. This is true of my religious practice as well.)

A lot of my problem has been that once I went off to college, I felt isolated from the faith community I had always known and I haven’t really felt “at home” with other Catholics and parishes and religious groups the way I did when I was young. Now that I’m officially closer to thirty than I am to twenty, though, I realize I need to “grow up” and find that sort of “spiritual home” that I’ve been missing and I think spiritual direction would be a good step for me. My single biggest problem has always been that I don’t use the Church to build relationships with other people… I just try to go in and do the bare minimum of compliance with the Church at large, then I try to handle my spiritual life privately and alone. I think I really need the human connection in there in order to grow from where I’m at, though.

So, to bring my rambling to a bit of a close, I wondered if anyone has any experience or advice about finding a good spiritual director? I’m relocating to a new city soon, so I really won’t know even where to look or who to ask, but I’m also thinking that this new phase of my life would be an opportune time to get a fresh start in my spiritual life as well.

How should I search for a director? Who are good sorts of people to ask? What should I realistically expect? What should I be concerned about? Answers to any of these questions, as well as any other comments or advice, will be very welcome!

And I ask for your prayers as well. Thanks!

There is a book commonly available and easily Accessible..... 
it has the best religious directer you will ever find anywhere.

   It's the bible.... open it at a random page and read a few passages every day...

come to this site when you can and get into asking and answering random questions..

get into debates… partake in conversations… if you seek you will find, just need to look.

if you gamble, then dont hang around gamblers… if you want to be closer to your faith, then hang around people that already have faith…
go for it and enjoy... because that's what god wants you to do.

 

[sejoga]

Spiritual direction isn’t a form of therapy on par with seeing a therapist. If you’re not even a faithful regular practicing Catholic, before seeking spiritual direction, you need to make a good honest effort to be a faithful practicing Catholic.

Good spiritual directors are limited, and thus, are very selective of whom they agree to be ones spiritual director.

I didn’t say I wasn’t a faithful practicing Catholic. When I said I had fallen away from my practice of the faith, I meant that I had fallen away from the appropriate standards of the faith and I would like to return to them. I pray regularly and attend mass. I read the Bible and I’ve been working through “An Introduction to the Devout Life,” but I haven’t been receiving communion or participating fully in the sacraments because I know I’m not worthy.

It’s very disheartening to me that the first response to my good faith request was dismissive of everything I asked for help with. This is precisely why I’m terrified to reach out to find my place in the Church… because every time I do, I’m greeted with the answer that I’m supposed to already be holy before I can ask for help on the road to holiness.

I’m as worthy of a good spiritual director as any other person seeking salvation, am I not? Your comment was very hurtful to me.

 

[Oneofthewomen]

The best place to start is with your Pastor. Ask him for some names or if he is willing/able.
If you are moving, check out the diocese you will be in, and see if they may have a list of people who offer spiritual direction, or at least point you in the right direction. If there is a parish staffed by Jesuits in your area, you might have luck contacting them. Also, if there is a monastary or retreat house nearby, contact them.

Spiritual direction is a wonderful gift, and I believe is something that everyone can benefit from. And from what you say, it sounds like this would be a wonderful addition to your spiritual journey.

Please do not be dicouraged! Have faith & pray. God will bring the right director to you! And remember, it does not have to be a priest. It can help, especially if you want to be able to confess also, but a deacons and lay people also offer spiritual direction. My SD right now is a deacon, and although it has been an adjustment, since I had to find a new confessor, I am very pleased with how our relationship is progressing.

Peace be with you on your journey!

 

[Jeanne_S]

I just finished reading a book titled"Navigating the Interior Life" spiritual direction and the journey to God.Author,Dan Burke.This might be a good starting point for you.I found this book to be very informative.If nothng else,it will help you to discern if you are ready for a spiritual director.

 

[UpUpAndAway]

From what you say, it does sound to me that you could benefit from some spiritual direction. It may give order and consistency to your practice of the faith.

The book Seeking Spiritual Direction: How to Grow the Divine Life Within by Fr. Thomas Dubay S.M. maybe helpful for you in determining what to expect from spiritual direction, what to look for in a spiritual director, and whether or not a given spiritual director is a good fit for you.

What others have said about actually finding a spiritual director—talking to your pastor or contacting the diocesan offices, monasteries or retreat houses—is probably the way to go and I have nothing to add in that regard. I didn’t go looking for mine, a priest and the only spiritual director I have ever had. After we had known each other for about three months, he suddenly declared himself my spiritual director and has been guiding me since. I doubt it happens this way for most people.

 

[catlady43]

I would also highly recommend the book Navigating the Interior Life by Daniel Burke.

Best wishes to you!

Leslie

 

[Dutch_H]

I didn’t say I wasn’t a faithful practicing Catholic. When I said I had fallen away from my practice of the faith, I meant that I had fallen away from the appropriate standards of the faith and I would like to return to them. I pray regularly and attend mass. I read the Bible and I’ve been working through “An Introduction to the Devout Life,” but I haven’t been receiving communion or participating fully in the sacraments because I know I’m not worthy.

It’s very disheartening to me that the first response to my good faith request was dismissive of everything I asked for help with. This is precisely why I’m terrified to reach out to find my place in the Church… because every time I do, I’m greeted with the answer that I’m supposed to already be holy before I can ask for help on the road to holiness.

I’m as worthy of a good spiritual director as any other person seeking salvation, am I not? Your comment was very hurtful to me.

Blessings. I think his response came across wrong as I read it too and thought it was a little harsh. Speak to your local Priest. They will help. Will pray for you. Keep fighting the good fight. There is no hope but Christ. God Bless.

 

[Onedayatatime]

Hello all. New to the forum here.

I joined specifically because I’ve really fallen away from my practice of the faith, and in large part because I fell into a pattern of sinfulness and immoral behavior that I haven’t really wanted to confront spiritually.

I’ve actually been seeing a secular therapist because I’ve been struggling with life difficulties generally, and the experience has helped me to see that I would benefit greatly (I think) from a similar sort of spiritual direction in my practice of the faith.

I’ve long had a tendency to try to behave “super religious” for brief periods of time where I become very actively prayerful and go to confession a lot, followed by extreme periods of dryness and apathy. (In fact, my therapist has pointed out a lot of my life’s behaviors are “bulimic”… vacillating between binges and then self-denial, in a way that’s unhealthy generally. This is true of my religious practice as well.)

A lot of my problem has been that once I went off to college, I felt isolated from the faith community I had always known and I haven’t really felt “at home” with other Catholics and parishes and religious groups the way I did when I was young. Now that I’m officially closer to thirty than I am to twenty, though, I realize I need to “grow up” and find that sort of “spiritual home” that I’ve been missing and I think spiritual direction would be a good step for me. My single biggest problem has always been that I don’t use the Church to build relationships with other people… I just try to go in and do the bare minimum of compliance with the Church at large, then I try to handle my spiritual life privately and alone. I think I really need the human connection in there in order to grow from where I’m at, though.

So, to bring my rambling to a bit of a close, I wondered if anyone has any experience or advice about finding a good spiritual director? I’m relocating to a new city soon, so I really won’t know even where to look or who to ask, but I’m also thinking that this new phase of my life would be an opportune time to get a fresh start in my spiritual life as well.

How should I search for a director? Who are good sorts of people to ask? What should I realistically expect? What should I be concerned about? Answers to any of these questions, as well as any other comments or advice, will be very welcome!

And I ask for your prayers as well. Thanks!

Not all Pastors offer spiritual direction, but they should know of one in your parish. If you can’t find one that way, I would recommend trying Spiritual Directors International.

Here you should be able to find (using their location search feature) a Director in your area.

I think you are on the right road trying to find someone who you can talk to about your prayer life.

 

[genie79]

Dear sejoga,

Thanks be to God that the Lord is drawing you closer to Him day by day, and that you are making the effort to seek Him! Do not be discouraged or disheartened, comments typed out can come across differently to how the writer intended it too sometimes, we can never know for sure

Good spiritual directors are not easy to find in my opinion, and even your local parish priest may not be able to give any recommendations, who knows. It all depends on your diocese, the priests around etc.

I think - the most important thing of all to start off with, is to ensure that you are striving to stay close to Jesus & Mary, by having daily quiet time with God, trying to live a daily plan of life which includes the prayer time, some spiritual reading (those books recommended above are great), the rosary etc. and attending Sunday Mass as a bare minimum.

Don’t be freaked out if the above seems too much for you, start with what you feel you are able to handle, and be reliable for doing it. e.g. - if you currently don’t have a daily prayer schedule - then maybe start with 5 minutes a day of quiet time prayer. If you currently don’t go to weekday Mass - then start with one mid-week Mass. If you don’t currently pray the rosary daily, then start with praying 1 decade a day - or turning the radio off whilst driving and praying the rosary instead during that time.

It is important also - that it’s not a… “go hard out for 1 week, then get burnt out as work or other commitments are neglected”. No. It has to be, as part of a daily routine, whereby all your commitments are attended to as well, from your family, health, sleep, work, study etc. and it’s a habit, a muscle, your will - that is exercised daily in that schedule.

If you start there - then as time goes on, you may increase your daily prayer time, from 5 minutes a day, to 15 minutes a day, then eventually to 30 minutes a day, twice a day. You may increase your one mid-week Mass to 2 mid-week Masses, then eventually to daily Mass. The thing is - when you start giving yourself to the Lord more and more, He will grant you more and more graces to draw closer to Him, and desire Him more and more in prayer time, in the sacraments. And - you will grow in the muscle to seek Him daily, to love Him daily - even in,and especially in the moments of aridity, when it feels like nothing’s coming back from Him. Those moments of dryness are only there to help you grow - such that you’re loving the God of consolations, not loving the consolations of God.

Ask the Lord to guide you in finding a good Spiritual Director. He always answers His children’s prayers - in particularly those prayers that are for the good of His children.

I’ll never forget my own journey - I was seeking a Spiritual Director too - and had no idea where to go. There was a priest at our Cathedral that I thought was a lovely soul, but he was also so busy, I felt bad asking for his time. One day, after a few months of praying about it (casually, not intently, in conversation with our Lord), I said to myself - OK, enough of procrastinating, I just need to ask the priest and he can only say yes or no, no point of feeling guilty about asking for his time.

At that very moment, it was as though a gentle breeze, the Holy Spirit’s voice, spoke to my soul, " just hang on for a moment, don’t rush it just yet". A week later I was at a youth event, and I’d been resisting confession for a while (for some reason), and I felt the prompting to go during that event. The priest I sat down with for confession, was the most amazing priest ever who helped my confession so greatly, and ended up being my spiritual director, without me even having to ask.

The point is - strive with all your faculties, to draw closer to Jesus & Mary, to love the Lord more and more each day. When you fail, or when you don’t do what you intended to do, or forget your prayer time for a few days in row, or when you fall asleep right at the beginning of your rosary in the first decade, do NOT get disheartened or think it’s not worth it, or think what’s the point i can’t/won’t do it etc, instead thank the Lord for reminding you of your nothingness - for as Jesus said, “Apart from me, you can do nothing.”. The Lord sees our efforts too, and takes that into account. Remember, the devil’s tools are discouragement and despair - and in Christ we always have hope!

You are in my prayers.

 

[PatriceA]

Ask your priest. You can call your Diocese as well. Check to see if there are any religious orders near you that offer spiritual direction, OR you might even be interested if any offer pastoral ministry which is more of a therapy option than spiritual direction.

Hang in there, there are various sources you can research and PRAY for God to lead you to a spiritual director that would be most beneficial to you and your situation.

 

[Shelly332]

I didn’t say I wasn’t a faithful practicing Catholic. When I said I had fallen away from my practice of the faith, I meant that I had fallen away from the appropriate standards of the faith and I would like to return to them. I pray regularly and attend mass. I read the Bible and I’ve been working through “An Introduction to the Devout Life,” but I haven’t been receiving communion or participating fully in the sacraments because I know I’m not worthy.

It’s very disheartening to me that the first response to my good faith request was dismissive of everything I asked for help with. This is precisely why I’m terrified to reach out to find my place in the Church… because every time I do, I’m greeted with the answer that I’m supposed to already be holy before I can ask for help on the road to holiness.

I’m as worthy of a good spiritual director as any other person seeking salvation, am I not? Your comment was very hurtful to me.

I was going to ask the same question as yours. How to find a spiritual director. The responses are very dismissing of your question. I will continue my search somewhere else.
I once heard a convert to the Catholic faith say if he had known a Catholic he probably would never have become Catholic. Most Catholics are the worst at getting direction from.
If you want a spiritual director then you want a spiritual director. Not a book, not a tape. A actual person. The rest of you need to just read your books and if someone ask for a good book then you can refer them to something you’ve read.

 

[Phil_Marinus]

I think I understand what you mean, sometimes we have issues with our faith,
And more importantly we often have issues with ourselves,
We look for something that once was , faith and sense of church family community,
When we grow up and mature with age we find these feeling we once had are now gone,
You feel isolated because you left for college, , these feeling you have are natural…
Because when we find ourselves in new surroundings and with new people that think differently than ourselves ,we feel isolated, this is when you need to find a new way, like coming to a crossroad, which way to go ? Left or right, or straight ahead, we can’t go back,
So what do we do… It’s a question asked by many. … You are now in charge of your own destiny … How to find what your looking for, you may not find with a priest of spiritual director ,or even with a councelling session … You need to look around in different places,
What your looking for could be as close as a theatre group, or cycling club, astronomy group,
God moves in mysterious ways, the obvious is not always the way to go to find that sense of community your looking for, life has breadcrumbs for you to follow, it’s not always signposted … Good luck…

 

[katiu]

Dearest sejoga,

Your thread is almost a year old. I hope that you have had some sort of success in your quest. As requested, I just said a Hail Mary just for you.

Spiritual directors are a relatively new idea to me. I had never heard of such a thing before listening to Relevant Radio. They mention SD’s all the time, and often suggest that you go ‘find yourself a good spiritual director’ (easier said than done), and ‘ask your pastor’.

Well. How frustrating is that? As much as I admire my pastor, I don’t think that he & I know each other well enough to start such a journey, are sympatico, nor do I believe that he could bear the burden if the hundreds of adults in his parish all asked him to be their spiritual director. Also, he has been waiting for a new posting for a year… is it a good time to start a spiritual partnership?

My current thought… I am going to try and visit a local convent. Either for mass, or for retreat, or just to talk. Or even to offer some volunteer time. Hoping to find a community, and eventually an idividual, that I can develop such a partnership with.

Let us know how you are doing, please?

Many regards,
Kathy H.
smalltown Minnesota

Hello all. New to the forum here.

… (several paragraphs)

So, to bring my rambling to a bit of a close, I wondered if anyone has any experience or advice about finding a good spiritual director? …

How should I search for a director? Who are good sorts of people to ask? What should I realistically expect? What should I be concerned about? Answers to any of these questions, as well as any other comments or advice, will be very welcome!

 

[BluesPicker]

I didn’t say I wasn’t a faithful practicing Catholic. When I said I had fallen away from my practice of the faith, I meant that I had fallen away from the appropriate standards of the faith and I would like to return to them. I pray regularly and attend mass. I read the Bible and I’ve been working through “An Introduction to the Devout Life,” but I haven’t been receiving communion or participating fully in the sacraments because I know I’m not worthy.

It’s very disheartening to me that the first response to my good faith request was dismissive of everything I asked for help with. This is precisely why I’m terrified to reach out to find my place in the Church… because every time I do, I’m greeted with the answer that I’m supposed to already be holy before I can ask for help on the road to holiness.

I’m as worthy of a good spiritual director as any other person seeking salvation, am I not? Your comment was very hurtful to me.

Dear Sejoga,

     I really admire you because getting a good spiritual director is very important l to grow in one's faith.   Your confessor  is one place to ask.  Next  I would  look to a monastery or a convent.   It is essential that you have an orthodox  Catholic person to entrust your spiritual well being.   It is really hard to find a good spiritual director. Many times people ask for help with spiritual matters and  well meaning people  say to  talk to a priest. Yet they can''t seem to find help many times.

   God will send someone to you in this regard but you must be patient.   Study your faith beginning with the Bible, read your catechism,  practice your faith as you do already and pray while looking vigilantly.  'This will help you.   Also if there are prayer groups in your parish join one particularly a Rosary prayer group.

   I would call your Bishop's office and ask about spiritual directors.  You may luck out and even get a retired Bishop.

BP