Finding god after religious abuse

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Bekamom

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I just wanto give some background and ask a question. I was raised in a non denominational christian cult. It almost destroyed my family and left me with deep deep wounds. I became pagan to get away from the pain but there was always something missing in my heart so I left that path. recently I have moved states and have had several signs and calling directing me towards catholicsm. The main problem I have now is that everytime I go into a church I am flooded with the pain from the past and have anxiety attacks and always leave in tears. I have read the catechism and pray everyday according to the catholic faith and feel god with me. I am afraid to speak with a priest or go to mass for fear that the same anxiety will over take me. It scares every part of me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
 
Oh, wow. How terribly sad. I’m so sorry you went through such suffering. Is any of your family still in the cult, or are they all out?
Now I’m guessing when you are praying on your own, you aren’t scared?
I wonder if you were to contact a priest who councels people with anxiety and if he’d work with you outside of church until you got over your fear of a church surrounding?
I wish I knew how to go about it…it just seems so sad, your desire is there, but you are anxious. Ha. My problem’s in the reverse. I don’t see a god, but I am still looking.

I hope someone can help you:0)
 
Bekamom said:
I just wanto give some background and ask a question. I was raised in a non denominational christian cult. It almost destroyed my family and left me with deep deep wounds. I became pagan to get away from the pain but there was always something missing in my heart so I left that path. recently I have moved states and have had several signs and calling directing me towards catholicsm. The main problem I have now is that everytime I go into a church I am flooded with the pain from the past and have anxiety attacks and always leave in tears. I have read the catechism and pray everyday according to the catholic faith and feel god with me. I am afraid to speak with a priest or go to mass for fear that the same anxiety will over take me. It scares every part of me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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It sounds to me as if you are being “harrased” spiritually speaking when you go to church and are “attacked”… God would never do that to you. Think about this, could it not be the enemy of your soul trying to discourage you from coming to Him who can free you from your troubled past. Do not be afraid to speak with the priest, he will pray with you and help you. It is a lie to believe otherwise. Fear does not come from God. In 1 John it says that “Perfect love cast out fear”…God is Perfect love and He will drive out fear. (1 John 4:18) I will pray for you!
In Him,
mlz:highprayer::crossrc:
 
Bekamom said:
I just wanto give some background and ask a question. I was raised in a non denominational christian cult. It almost destroyed my family and left me with deep deep wounds. I became pagan to get away from the pain but there was always something missing in my heart so I left that path. recently I have moved states and have had several signs and calling directing me towards catholicsm. The main problem I have now is that everytime I go into a church I am flooded with the pain from the past and have anxiety attacks and always leave in tears. I have read the catechism and pray everyday according to the catholic faith and feel god with me. I am afraid to speak with a priest or go to mass for fear that the same anxiety will over take me. It scares every part of me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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You aren’t alone in experiencing these things, I assure you. I would suggest two things.

First, have you noticed a particular priest who you think you might talk to? Someone who seems kind and wise?

Second, if you’re praying every day in a Catholic fashion, are you familiar with the Memorare? It’s a beautiful prayer asking Mary to intercede for us and help us with something, and goes like this:

“Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thine intercession was left unaided. Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O virgin of virgins, my mother. To thee I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petition, but in thy mercy hear and answer me. Amen.”

Beautiful and flowery language, and the gist of it is “Mother, I’m your child. I want to do what’s right, but I need your help. Help me.” And she will. Believe me, she will. That you aren’t Catholic yet has no bearing on her being your mother. She is your mother, she loves you, and she’s delighted that you want to become Catholic.

Second, when the anxiety attacks come, try asking Jesus (using His name) for help. If the attacks are demonic in nature, the name of Jesus will help you hang on. It may not make everything perfectly fine right then, but it will give you a lifeline. Even just “Jesus, help me” should be helpful.

Finally, talk to a priest. He’ll be able to help you the most. I’m not from New Mexico and have no contacts there, so I can’t give you a specific recommendation about which priest. (Perhaps someone here can chime in.) But find one you’re comfortable with, and he’ll help you. I would also bet that a lot of the anxiety will subside after you clear that first hurdle and talk to him.

:hugs: 🙂 You can do this!
 
All good information for you.

Along with prayer, I’d suggest stopping in or calling the parish office to setup an appointment with your local priest. A few (very few) bad apples over the many years has given those who hate the Catholic Church ammunition to shoot at the Church through some of the media outlets. I have loved the faith my whole life and can feel comfortable telling you that I’m not a ‘bible thumper’ or over the top religious and blind to what is going on around me. I’m not here to convince you of anything, except that you’ll probably do yourself a lot of good by having that meetings.

Also, there are great resources out there for you on catholic.com, usccb.org, etc. Take advantage of them, but it would probably do you a world of good to talk with someone locally. Do you have any good and "faithful’ Catholic friends? If so, reach out to them.

Good luck and Cheers,

Crash001
 
Buy a cheap rosary and then google how to recite it. It crushes anxiety and the enemy of God. I also recommend you find a traditional mass by means of my signature. Greater influx of grace.
 
Bekamom said:
I just wanto give some background and ask a question. I was raised in a non denominational christian cult. It almost destroyed my family and left me with deep deep wounds. I became pagan to get away from the pain but there was always something missing in my heart so I left that path. recently I have moved states and have had several signs and calling directing me towards catholicsm. The main problem I have now is that everytime I go into a church I am flooded with the pain from the past and have anxiety attacks and always leave in tears. I have read the catechism and pray everyday according to the catholic faith and feel god with me. I am afraid to speak with a priest or go to mass for fear that the same anxiety will over take me. It scares every part of me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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Right, it’s a sign that in the Church of Jesus Christ you will have your wounds exposed and then healed.

Grow up, act like an adult, and do what your better part is telling you to do.
 
Thank you for all your heart warming advice. to answer some questions no, nobody is left in the cult. It has been officially disbanned when my parents left they and a few others got together and took the cult apart. It has been a very hard road with lots of therapy… but they just can’t understand what its like. my father took all this pain to his death and I don’t want the same. The lord brought our beautiful adopted son into my husband and my life and I want better for him. I don’t want him to ever feel as though faith was torn from him. My sister is protestant and my brother buhddist, my mother says she still believes in god but cannot go near a church. They have all made peace with their choices and I am happy for them. However I am still searching and I hope that I will find peace in catholicsm.
 
Bekamom said:
However I am still searching and I hope that I will find peace in catholicsm.
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The peace of knowing the true Christianity, embracing it and living it is unsurpassed. Living in the fullness of what Christ intended is wonderful (not perfect, mind you). I look forward to the day when you post about your conversion! Welcome in advance! In the meantime, welcome to the site.
 
I called and made an appointment to speak with a priest and have begun reading a book on healing spiritual abuse. I had a ton of anxiety last night but I did pray the rosary and it did help calm me down. Thanks all
 
Is it possible that you could see a counselor or therapist about your anxiety?

And good luck on your journey. I hope that Catholicism helps you to heal. You’re headed in the right direction.
 
I have been to see many many therapists in my time most of them tell me to pull away from any church or religion. but I dont feel that is right. I am gonna try counseling with a priest and see if a different view of religion with regard to my healing will help. most counslers are either not allowed to speak about god to you or simply wont. They have helped me forgive my parents and understand things about what happened to me but can’t help me with my relationship with god and a deep longing to be closer to him
 
I just wanted you all to know that that this Sunday I will be attending mass with a young friend of mine and would like you all to pray for me
 
I will certainly keep you in my prayers, and may your Guardian Angel be with you,
 
Bekamom said:
Thank you for all your heart warming advice. to answer some questions no, nobody is left in the cult. It has been officially disbanned when my parents left they and a few others got together and took the cult apart. It has been a very hard road with lots of therapy… but they just can’t understand what its like. my father took all this pain to his death and I don’t want the same. The lord brought our beautiful adopted son into my husband and my life and I want better for him. I don’t want him to ever feel as though faith was torn from him. My sister is protestant and my brother buhddist, my mother says she still believes in god but cannot go near a church. They have all made peace with their choices and I am happy for them. However I am still searching and I hope that I will find peace in catholicsm.
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I don’t know of a better thing to do than pray the Rosary. Mary will help lead you to her son. Don’t force yourself to be in a church just allow God’s time and love heal your soul.
 
I second HelenRose’s comment and advice to you, Bekamom.

You will be in my Mass intentions this Sunday and will ask our Lord Jesus thru the Blessed Virgin Mother to guide you in the next rosary I pray.

May you have peace and blessings.
 
Try praying these last two verses of the hymn “Breastplate of St. Patrick” before you enter the door of a church. The rest of the verses can be found by googling the name of the hymn. Know that Jesus will honor your petition and be your shield against evil.🙂

Christ be with me, Christ within me,
Christ behind me, Christ before me,
Christ beside me, Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me.
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,
Christ in hearts of all that love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.

I bind unto myself the Name,
The strong Name of the Trinity,
By invocation of the same,
The Three in One and One in Three.
By Whom all nature hath creation,
Eternal Father, Spirit, Word:
Praise to the Lord of my salvation,
Salvation is of Christ the Lord.
 
God bless you, Bekamom. You are doing the right thing, seeking Our Lord.
You have my prayers.
 
one other though when those painic attacks start i say a prayer to ST Michael the archangel.

Saint Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle.
Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray;
and do Thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host -
by the Divine Power of God -
cast into hell, satan and all the evil spirits,
who roam throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls.

Amen.

that is his job to fight satans attacks for us.
 
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