Finding God

[lefty22]

I’ve posted on this before, and I hate to keep repeating myself, but nothing seems to be changing, so I thought I’d seek out some more advice. I’m 16, supposed to be making Confirmation this year, and my relationship with God is practically nonexistent anymore. I’m plagued with intense self-hate, intrusive thoughts, and fierce anger at God (and, for that matter, at just about everyone else). I’ve been struggling in my relationship with Him for over a year now, but it just keeps getting worse. I’ve talked to a few people about it, but no one seems to understand where all this is coming from, and I don’t understand it myself. My life has had its rocky points lately, but it’s nothing completely awful, nothing that I can’t deal with. I’ve come so close to giving up and last week didn’t pray almost all week. I feel so incredibly alone, like no one understands me and like there is no one I can trust. As much as I’m ashamed to say it, I’m so miserable that I sometimes want to kill myself. I know that God should be the one I go to, but I can’t trust Him and I don’t really truly understand His love and forgiveness. People tell me about it, but I can’t honestly believe in it and I don’t know how to make myself believe. Please help me! I’m really desperate and scared, and I miss God so much, but I just can’t break down the wall and come back to Him. Thanks.

~Lefty22

 

[Suelizbe]

Lefty22
I do understand how you feel. What you are going through is like being in a pit with no way out, you see no options, it’s dark, and know one understands – not even GOD… is that close? In your case, a teenager I presume, it must be unbearable!! Lack of HOPE and TRUST in God is like hell on earth. But you must hold on to the FACT that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. No matter what your feeling tell you, ( and keep in mind that feeling are fickle) feeling can change --dozens of times a day. Do NOT rely on them !!

This is depression - very aptly named. My husband could tell there was something wrong, he thought, wrongly that it had something to do with him, no matter how much I told him that was not the case. Finially I went for help, was given some pills by a pysch,
( that does NOT mean you need pills) and after I felt better - could see beyond the “pit” AND made a very good confession. That part is VERY important!

It was a very long difficult struggle, BUT there was one small part of this puzzle that held me – that tiny memory that God is GOOD ! and even Jesus went through more than any of us will ever imagine ( and depression can pull up some VERY horrible images !!

Find a good confessor, read the bible, send you angel out to find help, ask ( no cry to) the Holy Spirit, he can take it. Continue in this walk and you will bear much fruit. I hope this gets to you. You are in my prayers, Lefty22, and I will check back in a few days. God’s blessing on you