Finding it hard not to judge a gay friend

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So I really do love this guy and he’s a good friend but he’s also extremely sexual and sometimes it’s hard not to judge or pity him. He sleeps around a lot. . . . I never feel disgusted towards him or try to make him feel ashamed but I do feel pity sometimes. . . . Sometimes I just wanna ask him if he knows how bad it looks for him because he is known for sleeping around a lot or if he really feels okay with himself doing these things. I would never tell him this because he’s really emotional and sensitive but it’s hard to hold it in sometimes.
 
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I don’t see where the judging is supposed to be? From what I see you’re just uncomfortable and you haven’t voiced it out yet.

You could take it slow, I’ve brought up questions about sex to my non religious friends in a casual setting before and challenged them on various things (e.g. Is porn really okay to watch) and while you don’t usually change them, they tend to think back on a lot you said.

You would just have to accept that when you do this, they’re going to insult your stance and you can just gracefully agree to disagree.

For starters you can tell him that you feel uncomfortable talking about friends’ sexual activity and you don’t want to have such conversations with him. Or that you are going ot unfollow him because you don’t want sexually explicit content on your page. It’s a perfectly reasonable request (and keep it consistent, don’t allow your straight friends to talk like that to you too) and while it may not change his behaviour, it makes you more comfortable and it could make him a little more self aware as well.
 
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I don’t think it will do anything because he grew up in a very religious house, our families know each other and I know they taught him about all this.
Ill try telling him i’ll have to unfollow or mute him but idk how he’ll take it.
 
Judging and correcting are two different things.

We are asked to correct others when it is needed. Of course, we should be praying for the person so that the correction will be done in peace, and to the point. It is planting a seed, something they need to do something about. And continue to pray for the person.

Souls are in danger of eternal damnation because others do not pray, fast, and correct them in love.
 
My first advice, do not visit social media outlets that allow pornography!!

Learn to say “TMI” and change the subject, it is not difficult to do.
 
I try to look at this aberration in the same way that i regard brussel sprouts: i would never want to eat them (and find them disgusting) but i don’t look down on those who do.
 
question2 said:
Ill try telling him i’ll have to unfollow or mute him but idk how he’ll take it.
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Unfollow him and say nothing.
You don’t have to explain your reasons. I’ve unfollowed many people. If they have a birthday or something, I can still wish them happy birthday. I can choose when to look at their page, or not at all. No problem. And there shouldn’t be a hassle toward you for making that decision.

He came from a religious family so he knows more than most. Sometimes letting them make their own train wreck is the only way they might consider making a change. Same thing with promiscuity that is not same sex. Some people learn the hard way.

The wisdom of our faith helps us to identify where the mine fields are as we travel along in life. It’s a wonderful free gift to us. It’s our choice to ignore it as well. Tough to watch, I know. I know people are praying like crazy for him too.
 
This seems to have nothing to do with gayness or judging… just with feeling turned off by someone acting overtly sexual in public / on social media. That sort of public display of private sentiments makes lots of people feel uncomfortable. It’s why you hear comments like “get a room.” Somethings are culturally understood to be private. No matter who the sexuality is directed towards.
 
What? You’re not involved with your close friend’s personal life?
 
The problem with that is a lot of these apps are dangerous and a lot of straight men like to trap gay men and beat them when they meet in public, also some of the actually gay men are predatory and dangerous, so he lets his friends know where he is and what the guy looks like in case something happens. We also ask him to let us know when he goes out to do that kind of stuff since we know it’s dangerousz
 
Yikes. I’m gay myself and I’m getting secondhand discomfort from this situation. I really detest hookup culture and this is a perfect case in point because I know many, many people like your friend.

To be honest, sexuality aside, he’s putting himself in really dangerous situations. Maybe like take him aside and tell him that you’re worried about him and that you don’t want to see him hurt or worse, or risk his health. That’s not judgmental, that’s looking out for a friend.

I guess the big question is it his behavior or his sexuality itself that bothers you?
 
question2 said:
So I really do love this guy and he’s a good friend but he’s also extremely sexual and sometimes it’s hard not to judge or pity him. He sleeps around a lot as in multiple times a week with men he doesn’t even know who are usually a lot older than him. Basically every party i’ve been too with him he meets a guy and goes off with him. His twitter is full of him posting male celebrities and models he wants to have sex with and posts gay porn sometimes. I never feel disgusted towards him or try to make him feel ashamed but I do feel pity sometimes and wish that if he’s going to have gay sex anyways he could have more discretion and be safer. Sometimes I just wanna ask him if he knows how bad it looks for him because he is known for sleeping around a lot or if he really feels okay with himself doing these things. I would never tell him this because he’s really emotional and sensitive but it’s hard to hold it in sometimes.
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Good friends are able to have hard conversations, and if they aren’t able, they are not really good friends.

Your prudential judgment of others is not a virtue for it’s own sake.
Does that make sense? Prudential judgment is exercised for the good of the person. And this issue is not simply about wearing offensive clothes or something, it’s about dangerous behavior that affects this person’s welfare.

I have several friends who have told me hard truths over the course of my life, because they really care about me.
 
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It’s not his sexuality I knew he was gay before he came out. He’s just very sexual to the point where I wonder if he even likes sex as much as he acts or it’s just a persona.
 
I would pray pray pray for him - before Christ in the Blessed Sacrament if at all possible. His lifestyle is very dangerous - possibly fatal and it is clear that he has an extremely low opinion of himself. God desires so much better for him.

Pray first. Talk later.
 
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