First bad experience at confession

[aaadrionna]

I am deeply sorry for your encounter. It seems that you have a terribly priest. I would suggest going to a different church.

 

[promethius]

Hello everyone,

First post here although I’ve browsed through the forum for a long time. I just wanted your opinions on what happened to me today.

I am in college, 21 years old, have been a Catholic since birth. I have always followed my religion and although I had started to doubt my faith in God during my first year of college, my faith has grown stronger ever since.

To make a long story short, I, just like many (and from experience, I should say “most”) young men/boys have had a problem with pornography/masturbation. Even those whom I know are very religious have problems with this. A little over a year ago I finally quit the addiction of masturbation, and quit looking at pornography almost 1.5 years ago. I have gone to confession every few months and each time I received the sacrament I left feeling better and changed my life for the better as well.

Today, however, was different. I went into the confessional and the priest right off the bat asked me to come around the wall and sit in front of him. I’m not afraid and quite confident so I had no problem sitting down in front of him, even though this would be my first face-to-face confession. When I listed my sins, the priest asked me to list the worst one.

He spent about 2 minutes trying to get me to list a specific sin, even though I didn’t think it was the worst one. Again, avoiding details to make this story short, basically what he did was yell (at some points screaming to the point where I was afraid he would get physical) at me for 10 minutes about how I was a pornography addict and was on the verge of becoming psychotic. Whenever I tried to say something, even one word, he would get angrier and yell more and get closer to my face.

Now, please understand, the only reason I listed pornography as a sin is not because I go out of my way to look at it, but sometimes, when you browse the internet, a picture pops up or an animated .gif file that depicts pornography. I close the internet window as soon as I realize what it is, and that is that. But in any case, I decided to be safer than sorry and I listed it as a sin when I went to confession. And the priest yells at me for being a porn addict and even says that I am not to come back to confession for at least a year because there is no way that I can end this addiction in less than a year. Again, I couldn’t even explain this to him because he wouldn’t let me speak.

I have never had sexual relations, haven’t masturbated in over a year, and haven’t tried to look at porn for over 1.5 years. I have worked hard to drop those addictions and constantly work at bettering myself and getting closer to God. Today’s confession has made me quite depressed and I don’t feel like I got much out of it, but I understand that priests are human and God knows what He is doing to help me.

So, even though this doesn’t sound like an abbreviated story and has many missing details, what are your opinions on this situation? Was the priest right to act like this? Is this normal? Or should I take what he said with a grain of salt? I think the biggest thing that worries me is that he said not to go to confession for at least a year. Thanks everyone in advance and God bless!

This is highly irregular… and this is one of the RARE times that I will say report this to the diocese IMMEDIATELY. There is no priest who should be DISCOURAGING people from well and faithfully attending the sacraments, and such an attitude is highly dangerous to any laity who might come in contact with it.

The abusive behavior in the confessional would be bad enough… but THAT advice, not to return to the sacraments for at least a year, is DANGEROUS.

 

[Leon_Bloy]

Do not allow this to upset you. You did the right thing in going to confession, and please stay right on track. I have no idea why the priest acted the way he did - but remember, the priest is only a man like you who stands in the place of Christ. It is Christ who awaits you in the confessional, who absolves you, using the hand of the priest who stands in his place, who loves you and wants you to stay right on track with your progress in holiness. Praise be to God that you are growing in your spiritual life!

I would chalk it up to a priest having a bad day - who may well, for all we know, have been reacting to some poor confessions he heard lately. Priests understand that with habitual sin some people can become “automatic” about confession or get presumptuous about God’s mercy. But certainly it does not sound like you are doing that.

Keep up the good work, just figure this guy misread you and was probably reacting to some bad experiences he may have had with other penitents lately, and it came out on your head, unfortunately, and seek out a different priest next time if you can.

 

[Leon_Bloy]

If you think this is likely to happen to other people, you might consider telling the bishop’s office. But be careful with that…

Also, I wanted to echo the others in saying that what he said about avoiding confession for a year is certainly not sound advice!!

 

[BettyBoop416]

Remember priests are human too…he could have been having a bad day.

As one who works in our parish office, I am all too aware that priests are “human too,” and that they are not immune from the occasional bad day. But to unload on someone in the confessional? There is absolutely no excuse for that. If I was in the OP’s shoes, I would have expressed my hope that Father’s day gets better and then excused myself.

 

[opus101]

.

Today, however, was different. I went into the confessional and the priest right off the bat asked me to come around the wall and sit in front of him. I’m not afraid and quite confident so I had no problem sitting down in front of him, even though this would be my first face-to-face confession. … Whenever I tried to say something, even one word, he would get angrier and yell more and get closer to my face… And the priest yells at me… says that I am not to come back to confession for at least a year … he wouldn’t let me speak…

Was the priest right to act like this? I think the biggest thing that worries me is that he said not to go to confession for at least a year. Thanks everyone in advance and God bless!

The priest was NOT right to act like that. He abused the sacrament ( in all of the extracts above that I took from your post). You need to find a GOOD priest, go to confession and report what happened to you. Tell the first priest ( the one who did these bad things)that, although you will obey him in not confessing to him anymore, that you would like to tell him something under the seal of confession, namely, that you reported him for abuse of the sacrament.

You have struggled valiantly with your problem, and have succeeded (through God’s grace) to avoid this sin possibly much more than others have. It is a rampant problem in our culture, and iit’s highly unlikely that this priest hears these things from you only. The only way that this sin can be overcome is through the sacrament of reconciliation, so, the priest was WAY off base telling you not to come back for a year! What does he expect to hear in the confessional? A list of all the good things you’ve done since your last confession?

If you have the courage, instead of just reporting him to a good priest during confession, report this to your Bishop. At the very least, this priest abused your right to an anonymous confession. At worst, he practically (if not in reality) broke the seal of confession by raising his voice so much that others might have been able to hear what the topic was.

 

[opus101]

I’d recommend you try and find another priest for confession. Based on the description given the priest acted in a very “unprofessional” and inappropriate manner. Unfortunately this kind of behavior is sometimes the byproduct of near guaranteed job security, I normally try to see things through the eyes of the priest in the posts on this forum but in this case I can’t even imagine any circumstances that would justify such behavior.

 

[Kennywood]

Most campuses have a campus ministry/. Newman Center for student use. Maybe that would be a good place to check out for your needs?

 

[Carolus_Martell]

Yikes that is a bad experience…I wouldn’t go back to him after that.

 

[marcella_1981]

Go to Confession as often as you can…Remember priests are human too…he could have been having a bad day.

Sorry, but that isn’t an excuse I’m afraid. It isn’t how I would expect a priest to behave in any situation, and I would expect that most priests would agree with me.

 

[Luvtosew]

Sorry for your bad experience. I would of walked out as I refuse to do a face to face
confession, and then to get yelled at , well I would not return to him. Find a different
priest. God Bless.

 

[fred_conty]

So sorry to hear about your painful experience. From this, you now know what Jesus went thru when he was reviled, spit upon, slapped, and mocked tho He was innocent of any crime. Offer this to him in reparation for those still doing this to him when they make bad communions. He would greatly bless and love you for that and you will profit from it as well. It can be a stepping stone forward in the spiritual life. Our dear saviour uses all events, bad and good, for our benefit. And you can especially gain from the ones you are innocent of, those are the most important to offer to him. You had a blessing in disguise. And as a sign of your trust in Jesus’ love, ask Jesus to bless the priest.

Just a caring thought.

 

[HelenRose]

If I had to get my list of sins “under control” I would never go to confession.

I struggle with the same basket of sins all the time. My priest is kind and encourages me to keep trying.

Go to a different priest and keep going until you find one that can give you help and support in your spiritual life.

 

[vsedriver]

I’d suggest you call and make an appointment to speak with Fr in his office. It is possible that you misunderstood some of what he said as you were embarrassed and agitated.

BTW - I am a heavy internet user, have been both in my line of work and personally. I have never had “accidental porn” pop up. I hear of that happening from posters in other forums as well and it always amazes me.

I’m a heavy internet user too and always thought that was a myth till it happened to me once. Can’t even remember what I was searching for but this site came up and it was foul and I couldn’t seem to get it to go away. I had to shut the computer off and reboot.

So yeah, it can happen.