First Christmas Without a Family!

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Galilea

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This will be my first Christmas without a family, life really has a weird sense of humor and I’m not sure that I really got the joke. I grew up in a “normal” big catholic family, our Christmasses where big, loud, with many people and lots of music. I always LOVED Christmas, there was just something unbelievably magical that I loved about it. As a child I always saw myself having my own big catholic family and celebrate many Christmasses with them. But funny thing, I was not able to have children. That did not take any joy away from me, I just loved life too much and my siblings and cousins had enough babies for me to love, and being an Army wife I was too busy with many other things to ever get upset about it.
My father passed a few years ago and I noticed that my mom and siblings started to stray away from the Lord and the church. Their attitudes started to change, their decisions were sometimes totally outrageous for their adult age, etc. They were doing things that they never dared to do as teens and the worse thing is that they started to gossip, assume or hate on family members and other people. I’m the youngest of the house, so this really took me by storm. I have prayed a lot for them and will continue to. I tried so many times to speak to them, to try and reason with them, to try and understand why they have adopted these horrible behaviors. But it only made them target me now, they now see me as a traitor for not supporting them when they gossip or start issues with family or friends. They have stopped talking to me, because they do not want me to “preach to them”, as they say. I have tried to get my mom, which was once the most loving and kind woman I knew, to help me get them back on the faith. But it has resulted in my own mother disliking me very much also, and seeing me as a traitor as well for not supporting them in their new lifestyle. I am really apalled!!!.. My mom used to despise gossip and family problems, now whenever I speak to her on the phone, I get very nervous and anxious from hearing her speak such nasty things about other family members. The children are also kept from me, they do not allow me to even call them on their birthdays or any special holiday. That is what hurts the most, being that I have none of my own. But truth is that I will never leave the treasures of my spirituality for anyone, even if it hurts as deep as this does. I will not hate or gossip on anyone, just to make my family like me.
So this Christmas I will make it one of prayer and offerings. I did not put up a tree, for it reminds me of the children too much. I only put up my Nativity and I’m joyous about that. So my friends if you get to be with your children and your family this year, please enjoy it, be thankful and take in all that union and family love. Because those that no longer have it, will be having a very different Christmas. I’m still thankful to my Lord for all the blessings that He still allows me to keep.
 
Sometimes being correct is a lonely vigil. It is better to be respected then liked. The loss is theirs. Standing for what is right sometimes will make you unpopular. Look at Jesus, everyone abandoned him except his Mother. No one stood with him. All He had to do was renounce what He believed in. He stood alone.

My family is small, we don’t have any young children anymore, but hoepfully someday soon. But Debbie and I decorate just as much as ever. My son and his gf will come, my nephew and his new wife will be here (i hope she’s still not mad at me by then) and my brother will be here. We have a big tree with lots of lights, and decorations all over the house.

We’ll go to Midnight Mass, and eat a big dinner on Christmas Day. You find a way to Alabama you’re welcome to join us.
 
I am sorry you’re experiencing this. I urge you, as somebody who has had it happen to her, to give yourself some of the joy and not try to be stronger than you are. It is OK, for example, to go to the movies during Christmas, or bake a couple trays of cookies and eat them. God made us human, and being a part of humanity means having a little fun.

I would also cut your mother some slack. It takes people time to grieve, and not everybody grieves at the same speed. A lot depends how long she was married to your father, and how long he was sick and how intense before he died. If he just POP! died, then it is going to take her a lot longer than if he had cancer for years and years, and had everything planned and ready to go.

As much as I don’t want to think it, your sibs could be grieving as well. Yes, pray for them, but also give them time and the benefit of the doubt. I’m not saying run over there, but understand that Dad is gone and things are different for all of you. With time, you will be surprised how things change- not right away, not this year, but maybe in a few years.
 
Dear Galilea,

I will keep you in my prayers and hope that your family will reconcile. I have two brothers and a sister and am the only one who is still a “practicing Catholic.” My Dad also left the church after the sex abuse scandals surfaced. I know family rifts, whether over spiritual decisions, or others can be extremely painful. I will pray for you and your family.

I will be alone this Christmas too so you are not alone. One thought is to volunteer at a local Church serving food for the homeless/needy. That way you won`t feel like the focus is on you being by yourself because you will be doing something good for others and serving Christ at the same time.

I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Sincerely,

Maria1212
 
Thankyou both so very much for your kind words. Yes defending the faith can be surprisingly lonely. But we are called to defend it, even if it hurts.

My father passed almost nine years ago, he suffered from C for two years. We had enough time to prepare, we talked about everything with him and with each other. Nothing was left unsaid. We all became very close during this time. But about two years after his death, the meltdown started…You are right about the grieving and cutting my mom slack. I do that, believe me, that is why I continue to call her reguardless that she told me one day that I was no longer important to them. That I had no children, no money, unlike my sisters that have it all. That was very painful, but I continue to pray for them and I trust in the Lord that one day they will convert back into the Love of our Savior.

As a child and being the youngest, they use to all take me to church and nurtured my faith…So when I talk to the Lord, I talk to Him about that. I tell Him that I trust that one day they will return to the faith, because it was them that taught me to pray and Love my Lord and our church. My mom has been sick for months now and after so many tests and dctors they can not understand what is making her so sick. She even has lost the strength of her legs and hands. When I talk to her, I do not recognize her, is as though I’m speking to a totally different human being. The amount of anger and hate that comes out of her mouth, makes me think that it is her spirit that is sick and it reflects on her body. It reminds me of some of the sick people Jesus LIBERATED. For me, the loving woman that raised me is in there trapped by this uninvited guest. But the problem is that when the priest went to the house to confess her, he left so mad and annoyed wih her, that he has refused to come back and continue to see her 🤷 .
But I will continue to pray, because I know, that I know, that the Lord has heard me…and I believe that if I can want something good for them, then that means that the Lord wanted it first. Because all goodness comes from Him first. I believe in that order of things!..God is first, He is Love and all goodness, so when we feel or want something good, that is genuinely good…it means that God wanted it first, then he inspires us to want it. Because there is no way that something genuinely good can come from us first. So with that belief I pray and wait everyday, that the Lord wants their conversion first, then He inspires me to want it also.

I’m just reaching out here, because it helps to just let it off my chest and find new strength and love to continue to pray and hold strong to my faith…and maybe others can offer some prayers and help me a bit…Thankyou
 
Galilea said:
This will be my first Christmas without a family, life really has a weird sense of humor and I’m not sure that I really got the joke. I grew up in a “normal” big catholic family, our Christmasses where big, loud, with many people and lots of music. I always LOVED Christmas, there was just something unbelievably magical that I loved about it. As a child I always saw myself having my own big catholic family and celebrate many Christmasses with them. But funny thing, I was not able to have children. That did not take any joy away from me, I just loved life too much and my siblings and cousins had enough babies for me to love, and being an Army wife I was too busy with many other things to ever get upset about it.
My father passed a few years ago and I noticed that my mom and siblings started to stray away from the Lord and the church. Their attitudes started to change, their decisions were sometimes totally outrageous for their adult age, etc. They were doing things that they never dared to do as teens and the worse thing is that they started to gossip, assume or hate on family members and other people. I’m the youngest of the house, so this really took me by storm. I have prayed a lot for them and will continue to. I tried so many times to speak to them, to try and reason with them, to try and understand why they have adopted these horrible behaviors. But it only made them target me now, they now see me as a traitor for not supporting them when they gossip or start issues with family or friends. They have stopped talking to me, because they do not want me to “preach to them”, as they say. I have tried to get my mom, which was once the most loving and kind woman I knew, to help me get them back on the faith. But it has resulted in my own mother disliking me very much also, and seeing me as a traitor as well for not supporting them in their new lifestyle. I am really apalled!!!.. My mom used to despise gossip and family problems, now whenever I speak to her on the phone, I get very nervous and anxious from hearing her speak such nasty things about other family members. The children are also kept from me, they do not allow me to even call them on their birthdays or any special holiday. That is what hurts the most, being that I have none of my own. But truth is that I will never leave the treasures of my spirituality for anyone, even if it hurts as deep as this does. I will not hate or gossip on anyone, just to make my family like me.
So this Christmas I will make it one of prayer and offerings. I did not put up a tree, for it reminds me of the children too much. I only put up my Nativity and I’m joyous about that. So my friends if you get to be with your children and your family this year, please enjoy it, be thankful and take in all that union and family love. Because those that no longer have it, will be having a very different Christmas. I’m still thankful to my Lord for all the blessings that He still allows me to keep.
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I wish I could have you to my house for Christmas!!:console:
 
Dear Galilea,
Sounds like your Dad was the cornerstone to your family…I think you are your father’s daughter as your faith is very very strong…GOOD. I think your right ,and the best thing to do is pray for your family. Don’t let this make you sad , enjoy going to a beautiful Midnight Mass with the candles and carols, most of all the Holy Spirit…Call your Mom on Christmas Morn and tell her that you went and were filled with a profound peace…Maybe, you will now inspire her back in the right direction…May God heap blessings upon you this Christmas and heal the family you so obviously love…If they only know how blessed, no, truly blessed they are to have you praying for them…In Jesus Name, Amen…Warmly, LynneMarie
 
Nine years is a lot bigger than a few years. “A few” is three, plausibly stretched to four. Still and all, you never know.

Give yourself some fun, and ENJOY being a Child of God. 🙂
 
Thankyou all, how loving and charitable you all are. God bless you. But I have to make clear that I did not have children, because I do have a husband. It is just that comming from such a big and close family, it is hard to not be surrounded by their love and all the children during Christmas.
My husband lost his dad as a little boy and his mom removed him from her home at the age of 8, because her new boyfriend did not like him. So he jumped from house to house until he was old enough to join the military. So his relationship with them is very distant and just cordial. They are not practicing christians, we pray for them also.
It will be different, but we will still celebrate our Lord and all the blessings that we still have and are very greatful for. I’m sure I’ll grow up a lot more and learn a lot more, for all this ony makes me want to be closer to my God. We no longer live near our military friends, for my husband retired, but being away from all the noise will most likely help us to pay more attention to all spiritual things that come with the season…Growing up is probabbly what my lesson is…To love the Lord my God above ALL things. To depend on Him alone…To grow and detach…Not stop loving, just detaching from the emotions, distractions and the noise.
 
Galilea - you are in my prayers. My Christmas traditions are different now because of converting to Catholicism. Midnight Mass is something I positively never miss and because of that, my non-Catholic family has to work our events around our schedule. They are normally pretty flexible, though, because they know that it’s important to us. It saddens me to see families fall apart.

I wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas and I hope you are filled with joy and peace.
 
Midnight Mass the best Christmas gift!!!..Thankyou and Merry Christmas to you too.

The more days that pass and the more I pray, the more peace and joy I feel. It will all be OK, because it is all in my Lord’s hands.
 
Oh you bring tears to my eyes! :*( I am deeply sorry you are going through this…I have been without my family for many Christmasses…Mostly was during my marriage since my family and ex didn’t get along…It was very difficult to have to choose your husband whom manipulates you vs your mother whom manipulates you!!! BUT I love my family even though I had an intense child hood…And Christmas without family is lonely but yes there can be some fun to it even though…

I pray that you are able to reconcile with your family soon. Taking this challenge of keeping the faith is very brave of you and something wonderful! Perhaps right now they are unable to understand because everyone deals with loss differently, perhaps they are just charading for your mother, until she heals, just to make her happy?! Who knows…But keep praying for them, may GOD bless them this Christmas and you as well because even though you are far away the memories are what helps make Christmas even better…Even though I am without my family I will bring old times up to my children and they will laugh and I will laugh and try to make it the best ever.

Why don’t you call them up and see if you could visit them? The next time someone wants to talk something bad about someone, your mother or someone else, just let them know that you appreciate their confidence in whatever they wish to tell you but that you wish to speak about something else…Then let them know you love them and miss them and see how things go?

I do hope you have a wonderful Christmas…God bless…
 
My dear Galilea. It has been so long since I have talked with you. I strayed from my faith and the forum for a few months and I am desperately trying to make a comeback. I live in Philadelphia now (from Florida) and Joe’s pancreatic cancer and chemo treatments are still sometimes almost bringing me to my end; now, with a foreclosure, a bankruptcy and my 84 year old mom living with us…I don’t even want a tree up. I drive by the lights of the big houses and see the pretty wreaths on the windows but is that what it is about? My nativity is going to be displayed tomorrow and the Babe will be there on Christmas morning. That’s all I want for Christmas. I have family…yet I have none…it is hard to explain and mentally I think I am just in a daze. Your God and Your Friends here at the Forum are your family. We love eyou and always will. You have given so much–especially to me when I have been so low. My gift to you is all the love and kindness and grace that my heart can possibly give. I love you always. You are so wonderful to everyone…and are loved by all. Your dear sister in Christ, Diane
 
There are some wonderful, warm and loving people on here. I find it quite amazing.
You know, Christmas without a family need not be a miserable desultory affair; with just a slight change of perspective it can be a beautiful day still. I’ve spent the past 5 years celebrating Christmas completely on my own on a remote island in the North Atlantic and I wouldnt have missed it for the world.

This year, in stark contrast, I’m to spend it with no less than 17 members of my extended family. We are the original dysfunctional family and I’m sorely tempted just to slope off into the wilderness and return when it’s all over and they’ve all gone home!
 
I think you are my new Christmas heroine…thank you for your strength and your faithfulness to TRUTH.
 
iluvmybabies said:
Oh you bring tears to my eyes! :*( I am deeply sorry you are going through this…I have been without my family for many Christmasses…Mostly was during my marriage since my family and ex didn’t get along…It was very difficult to have to choose your husband whom manipulates you vs your mother whom manipulates you!!! BUT I love my family even though I had an intense child hood…And Christmas without family is lonely but yes there can be some fun to it even though…

I pray that you are able to reconcile with your family soon. Taking this challenge of keeping the faith is very brave of you and something wonderful! Perhaps right now they are unable to understand because everyone deals with loss differently, perhaps they are just charading for your mother, until she heals, just to make her happy?! Who knows…But keep praying for them, may GOD bless them this Christmas and you as well because even though you are far away the memories are what helps make Christmas even better…Even though I am without my family I will bring old times up to my children and they will laugh and I will laugh and try to make it the best ever.

Why don’t you call them up and see if you could visit them? The next time someone wants to talk something bad about someone, your mother or someone else, just let them know that you appreciate their confidence in whatever they wish to tell you but that you wish to speak about something else…Then let them know you love them and miss them and see how things go?

I do hope you have a wonderful Christmas…God bless…
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Thankyou you are kind and generous. The Lord has given me peace and I’ve just let it all go into His hands. Time is a great healer!!!..My mom is the only one that will pick up the phone sometimes when I call. So I will still send out the Cristmas cards as always. But I have found my peace by the Grace of God.
 
onwillowbay said:
My dear Galilea. It has been so long since I have talked with you. I strayed from my faith and the forum for a few months and I am desperately trying to make a comeback. I live in Philadelphia now (from Florida) and Joe’s pancreatic cancer and chemo treatments are still sometimes almost bringing me to my end; now, with a foreclosure, a bankruptcy and my 84 year old mom living with us…I don’t even want a tree up. I drive by the lights of the big houses and see the pretty wreaths on the windows but is that what it is about? My nativity is going to be displayed tomorrow and the Babe will be there on Christmas morning. That’s all I want for Christmas. I have family…yet I have none…it is hard to explain and mentally I think I am just in a daze. Your God and Your Friends here at the Forum are your family. We love eyou and always will. You have given so much–especially to me when I have been so low. My gift to you is all the love and kindness and grace that my heart can possibly give. I love you always. You are so wonderful to everyone…and are loved by all. Your dear sister in Christ, Diane
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God Bless you my friend!..I PM you
 
Black_Dog said:
There are some wonderful, warm and loving people on here. I find it quite amazing.
You know, Christmas without a family need not be a miserable desultory affair; with just a slight change of perspective it can be a beautiful day still. I’ve spent the past 5 years celebrating Christmas completely on my own on a remote island in the North Atlantic and I wouldnt have missed it for the world.

This year, in stark contrast, I’m to spend it with no less than 17 members of my extended family. We are the original dysfunctional family and I’m sorely tempted just to slope off into the wilderness and return when it’s all over and they’ve all gone home!
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Thank you…you made me laugh!!!..That is probabbly what will happen the next time I do get to spend a holiday with my family. I will probabbly end up wanting to run away 🙂 …Life is funny!!!
God Bless You
 
LSK said:
I think you are my new Christmas heroine…thank you for your strength and your faithfulness to TRUTH.
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You are generous and thankyou. But take my word for it, I’m no heroine!!!..I’m dummer than the Donkey that carried Mary on his back while she was pregnant with Emmanuel. That Donkey was wise and obedient, such a faithful servant to the Lord. For that he earned the gift of being in the cave when Emmanuel was born and then had the privilage to carry The Infant while Mary held Him in her arms.
If one day I can learn to be that wise, obedient and serve the Lord with such love, at least I can be at Donkey status in Heaven some day!!!😉
God Bless You
 
You are so beautiful and you are definitely part of MY family…We aren’t putting up all the glitzy material things for Christmas this year. We are spending it alone too…You will NEVER be alone …but I know how you feel and I’m praying for you daily. This year I am going to think of Christmas as just the glorious day when Jesus was born and try to meditate and read and say prayers of thanksgiving for His birth. And pray for Mary and Joseph…Your last quote about “being dumber than the donkey” was funny…yet the donkey held the Mother of our Lord. I love you my dear friend…Diane
 
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